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INFP Men: Do You Want to Get Married?

  • Yes

    Votes: 43 44.8%
  • Maybe

    Votes: 30 31.3%
  • No

    Votes: 23 24.0%
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No, because I already am married.
 
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I don't understand this giving up of freedom. Why would anyone consider marrying someone who wants you to give up freedoms that you don't want to give up? My wife took off to Bulgaria for 2 months early on in our marriage. She was raised money to rebuild an orphanage kitchen or else they'd close the orphanage and kick a hundred kids to the street. She went down there to see the money got spent right and I stayed in the states. My wife hates clubbing. I've gone at least once every week since we've been married. She agrees to come once a year so I can introduce her to people I know.
I really appreciated the things you had to say in your post.

If you were referring to my comments about giving up freedoms, I think you might be looking at it differently than I was. I don't think I would want to marry someone who would restrict me in ways that I need to be free or somehow keep me from doing what I like to do. I didn't mean to portray a married relationship as some kind of shackle, because it really shouldn't be so. I look at it this way. I live alone, and so during my home life, I am accountable to me. This gives me an enormous amount of freedom in how I spend my time. I can choose what to do and when to do it usually without having to consider someone else. When you are married, you agree to take on certain responsibilities and things will become more complex because you do have to consider 2 people. This means that streaks of sitting in front of my computer for hours drinking beer and playing SNES Sim City on an emulator might be limited to some extent. Thank God, I mean, I get to take care of a real person who loves me. I think mainly I was contrasting the responsibilities of a bachelor to that of a married man. The married man needs to take care of the lady and family, and I know that will take work and demand more of my attention.

But I don't mind. I think what I was saying was that given the opportunity to invest in a person so heavily and intimately, that becomes more important to me than my bachelor ways. And I don't necessarily give up freedoms, but exercise new, better, and more rewarding freedoms. But hey, I know it takes work.

But I absolutely agree that marriage is whatever 2 people make it.
 

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I look at it this way. I live alone, and so during my home life, I am accountable to me. This gives me an enormous amount of freedom in how I spend my time. I can choose what to do and when to do it usually without having to consider someone else. When you are married, you agree to take on certain responsibilities and things will become more complex because you do have to consider 2 people. This means that streaks of sitting in front of my computer for hours drinking beer and playing SNES Sim City on an emulator might be limited to some extent. Thank God, I mean, I get to take care of a real person who loves me. I think mainly I was contrasting the responsibilities of a bachelor to that of a married man. The married man needs to take care of the lady and family, and I know that will take work and demand more of my attention.
I think many people feel this way that you can't do what you want whenever you want because you have someone else's feeling to consider. This is true and more so when we have children. Depending on or values, this is a problem and it's a legitimate problem.

However, if growth is about going from one set of problems to a better set of problems, are those problems better than then the ones from living alone? Better is a relative term so it's a different answer for everyone.

The other thing about being able to play games in your underwear to the wee hours of the morning is that doing that activity may be part of your current Creative Self-Expression. Not being able to it any time you want may seem like not being true to yourself.

At a certain point, being true to ourselves become selfish and then we have to decide whether we want to incorporate selflessness as part of who we are.
 

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Extra motivation to be good, yes, being that you are requried to say a vow.

The alternative would be have no sexual relationship for me.
 

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Yeah, I'll never fit the mold of the ideal American Husband: hard-working, bread-winning, beer-chugging, football-watching, dependable, reliable, achiever.

Instead I'm a work-hating, bread-eating, alcohol-dabbling, sports-hating, independent, fickle, dreamer.

Who wants to marry that?
Good point. Probably nobody.
 

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I absolutely want to get married! I am completely enamored with the idea of devoting my life to a woman that I am insanely in love with, to love her and satisfy her completely to the best of my ability.
Marriage is something that is God-given, and I have no empathy for those who break that bond of love and trust.
 

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Yeah, I'll never fit the mold of the ideal American Husband: hard-working, bread-winning, beer-chugging, football-watching, dependable, reliable, achiever.

Instead I'm a work-hating, bread-eating, alcohol-dabbling, sports-hating, independent, fickle, dreamer.

Who wants to marry that?
[/QUOTE
 

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I would if I find the right woman.

This might be my type 4 talking but for a lot of the time I think, I'm not that smart, not that good looking, I have a crap personality, no sense of humour, I'm short, I don't have ambition, no charisma and am not successful do why would a woman would want to be with me in the first place????????? Some other days I think I'm decent. :)
 

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INFP men only, please.

I think some guys voted on the female version of this poll (it's okay, don't feel bad), but I am curious if there's a difference of views between INFP guys and girls.

---

INFP Males Only: Do You Want to Get Married?

Why or why not?
Yeah. I want to get married, but I'm still doing a change in my life to be ready for the future possibilities, for the good of myself and the good of others.
873076
 

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That question has made my brain hurt ever since I first heard it.

What does it mean? I can't parse it.

If it means: do I consider the love, cooperation, and security with which the label 'marriage' is usually associated to be desireable, then the answer is "Yes".

If it means: do I want marriage for itself and it's own sake, in the hope or belief that that would automatically convey all those things to me, then the answer is, 'Hell no! That would be stupid".


I realize that the obvious response to the above is, "Well, of course I meant the first", but if that's so, then why did you ask me if I wanted to be married instead of asking if I wanted love, cooperation, and security?

I don't know . . . . people tell me I think too much, but the truth is that I didn't think at all. The question just punches me in the solar plexus the instant that I hear it. Every time.



Moot point at my age, anyhow. FWIW I did NOT marry, but that's not a recommendation, it's just a random event in ancient history.
 

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Honestly, no.

I sure want to have a girlfriend, and I'd liked her to be the only true one. But not that interested in the concept of marriage.

I never had a relationship and I'm not sure I'll ever get one. I'm 25.

People like me do exist, but they're rare. I'm still a virgin, and it's possible no girl will ever change that. I also never have watched porn. I don't need that, because if I wanted to jerk me off, my fantasies and imagination can never be topped by porn since it's very vivid of myself. Perhaps i'm asexual or demisexual and I have no clue yet, who knows. But i'm not going to say i'll never have sex. If I ever have a girlfriend, and she wants sex, yeah sure. But I don't have a strong desire for sex outside a relationship. Perhaps i'm more conservative on that, than most people.

If i had to bet on it, i think there's an above 50% chance i will never have sex in my entire life. But despite being sort of asexual, i rather have sex than get married lol. Also, i'm not a believer of sex outside marriage is immoral.

In some sense, i also believe in naturism which is: Naturism is a lifestyle of non-sexual nudity, and the cultural movement which advocates for and defends that lifestyle. Both may also be referred to as nudism. Though the two terms are largely interchangeable, nudism emphasizes the practice of nudity, whereas naturism highlights an attitude favoring harmony with nature and respect for the environment, into which that practice is integrated.[1] That said, naturists come from a range of philosophical and cultural backgrounds; there is no single naturist ideology. Naturism may be practiced individually, within a familial or social context, or in public.

I don't like clothing and to be honest, I associate some tight clothes more with sex than pure nudism. Clothing therefore has to be purely aesthetical for me, since I like dresses a lot. But as a male I can't do whatever I want.

I absolutely hate shirts with passion. I hate shoes too. I hate costumes and will never wear one, even if in a highly respected position. But I like dresses lol. I also like skinny jeans, bra's, strings, skirts, common day t-shirts. I also like sport clothes for comfort. I'm neutral towards jackets, sweaters & pants. I also hate socks, because it itches often. I only wear which is accepted for males but make everyone disappear and i would wear a dress for some days just to experience it. I would get tired of it, and probably evolve to a nudist lifestyle, perhaps with some basic clothes if there are many insects or if it's cold.

I often walk barefoot, even in the garden when it snows i walk barefooted in the snow.
 

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Only when the marriage contract favours me LMAO.

Women (especially pretty ones) have waaaaaay too many options and opportunities to simply leave you for someone else in a matter of months and start a whole new fulfilling life without too much of an emotional or financial hassle. For men that's not the case at all, they're left in an abyss and have to go through the whole courting thing again that takes humongous amounts of energy, effort, resources, mental stress, disappointments, etc. Honestly fuck that. It's a mixture of experience and observations.

I was never married but I am never going through that again. The Return-On-Investment is horrible or very high-risk. Maybe that's a sad thought, but also true. So in other words, a woman better prove to me instead she's worth it and can actually commit long-term before i'd marry her. However, seeing that I am not in the position at all to have such a demand (because i'm just one of so many men betting on the same few hot women), it is more likely that I remain single. It's as simple as that. Sorry, but i am not some jock ESTP with endless energy that can deal with all that. Maybe I shouldn't chase the hotties, but unfortunately nature intended for us to like them because of genetics and shit. These are just the simple rules of the game. Pretending otherwise would just be unfair to oneself and to the other. That would result in a serious Fi-conflict.

The other option is to date a guy instead, removing women from the equasion completely. As liberating as that sounds, I don't think I could ever go as far as actually marry a guy as it would not match up with my idealistic romantic views and / or the feelings of ''unity''. Even for me that's a bit too much, no matter how out-of-the-box and free-thinking I try to be. My best bet would be to think that I am just brain-washed by culture / society and have to undo that and be a free spirit ........ or so ........ I mean ..... I would not refuse that if it were a viable option.
It's unfortunate though, the gay dating market is a lot easier / equal. It's like being the ''hot girl'' yourself and having options left and right, but then again you'd have to deal with the social stigma's and pressures of being a gay couple. sigh

ehh ..... the game is lame and the restrictions are lame too .... so I don't want to play.

Single life it is. Maybe I should get cats, or a few INTP and ENTP friends. They'd understand.

Or, maybe the movie-dreamlike-idealism will still happen again some day and all of the above cynicism will be thrown out of the window and left completely irrelevant. Why overthink things when things can just happen overnight without a clear explanation? Convenient right? Ye ... no .... last time that happened it took 10 years. I am only at 5.5 years now. For the moment the maths are still against me.

realism versus dreams .... realism versus dreams .... realism versus dreams ....
also breahte in ... breathe out .... breathe in ... breathe out ....
 

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nicoloco90 said:
The other option is to date a guy instead
You are indeed very open-minded if you consider this option at least as an option.

I don't think I could ever go as far as actually marry a guy as it would not match up with my idealistic romantic views and / or the feelings of ''unity''.
As for the perceived unity, I find that it is strongest in the case of homosexuality; it is hilarious to see supposed competitors pleasurably sharing a bed and doing something that is neither recommended nor rewarded. In contrast, heterosexuality is like being in another country with a stimulating exotic flair. This can change through marriage, of course.

My best bet would be to think that I am just brain-washed by culture
Every ordinary feature film features a mouthwatering young woman who has an average-looking boyfriend; when he’s supposed to look good, he looks like a nutcracker. The reverse case is unimaginable, and the more average the man looks, the more beautiful the woman naturally appears, and to whose beauty the spectator naturally has a claim that must not be disappointed. The women in the advertisements are of course not average women, but they are extremely selected, made up and photoshopped. The token homosexuals in films never have the young age of the most attractive woman in the film, making them unattractive to the male heterosexual eye, and they also live in a marriage-like relationship to counter the accusation of devaluing homosexuality by associating it with promiscuity, thus negating the advantage of male homosexuality of allowing an unregulated sex life.

It's unfortunate though, the gay dating market is a lot easier / equal.
True. Most of the time you get a response even if the other person is not interested, provided that you respect the other person’s preferences.

On the other hand, the likelihood of matching decreases, since in male homosexuality both sides tend to select according to aesthetic criteria; in addition, there is the top/bottom difference, with an oversupply of bottoms. Because of the less stable relationships, which are held together neither by children nor external constraints and therefore have no coercive character, quite a few young and old gays repeatedly give up hope and have to be comforted by their best friend, which is often a woman (“ffaagg [automatic censorship] hag”).

I often forget about the other sex and believe that I have neglected it lately; flower owners who water irregularly must feel the same. But today there are still at least two separate sexual worlds.

but then again you'd have to deal with the social stigma's and pressures of being a gay couple. sigh
In reasonably tolerant Western countries, the disadvantage tends to be that women fear that someone who doesn’t shy away from bisexual behaviour will be less enthusiastic about marriage and its restrictions, or, at worst, will end up coming out as gay and thus leave in order to start a carefree life once again. One could also mention the HIV risk, even if it exists mainly with anal intercourse.

Maybe I should get cats, or a few INTP and ENTP friends. They'd understand.
Absolutely! A single cat has an amazingly invigorating effect on a room, and male INFPs, INTPs and ENTPs can talk peacefully and at length about the remotest things that most other types can only shake their heads at.

Heterosexual Crisis?
 
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