@SolarSoul I read through your story and responses from others and here are couple of my thoughts: I don't aim to be harsh in any ways but you might want to just directly ask from her what's behind that sudden change It could often be the most efficient and quickest way instead of speculating what could be behind it. My moto is that if you have to fail, fail fast. As I understand you've been accepted to a circle of people whom she openly talks and I guess an ENFP would rather not talk to you and end relationship than not respond honestly.
As I see, distance makes things more complicated in your case but as she seems to be busy with many different things in her life too, I'd see the distance even as something positive given the circumstances - you both don't have to contribute too much time to each others daily when you don't have that time. But here's something which would make me a little suspicious if I was in similar situation - usually when people complain that they don't have time for X or Y, it's rarely really about lack of time behind their statement. It's often about motivation or priorities as we all have equally 24 hours in a day If I was single and dated a girl who responded "umm I dont have time" instead of stating when she has time for next date, next girl please (as when she had interest, she'd figure out when she wants to date) Of course that applies in the very beginning of dating only.
You asked about if you should be more "mystique" or less open or something like that - nope, you don't. Not every ENFP is of course exactly similar but I'd prefer openness a lot over everything else. About texting or phoning - me and my current SO lived approx hour drive away from each other for more than 4 years before we moved together (mostly met on weekends only) and usually we texted. It gives both more flexibility as you don't know when exactly other party has a good chance to respond (work and other responsibilities schedules might be different for both of you). And I personally couldn't imagine too what good I have to say over a long phone call as it requires synchronous processing of the information
About slowing down and taking time off - that'd be foreign concept to me. As ENFP I'm rather worried when things don't move fast and dynamical way enough
thank you a lot for your response! As another ENFP, it's very helpful to have your point of view, as well.
I see your point in failing fast, if failure is inevitable anyway. And honestly, I more than ever feel like disappointment is going to come. Whilst she used to at least text me every day, it now has come down to every second day, or less.
But then again, dealing with a single mother in her toughest time, I kind of still feel understanding for her not laying the highest priority on a relationship, right now, if ever until her child is much older. And, matter of fact, she at least did justify for each upcoming weekend why she's got no time, whilst also saying she'll have time in March.
So, disenchanted as I feel, I still try to avoid jumping to misguided conclusions or hasty ultimatums, in case she's really just having a tough time. I'll wait until March! If by then there still is no next date in sight, we'll have our conversation, for sure!
To complete the story: On Monday I got a message from her, telling me she doesn't want to call our affiliation a "relationship" (or "anything alike") anymore. Though also stating that it had nothing to do with me, that I am great, but she's just not ready for a relationship. But she would not rule out to ever be able to call it like that, again. Also, she appreciates me a lot as a person, as a "good, dear friend", and she'd be happy if I'd come to visit in March.
At first, despite the dreaded word "friend" I took it as hopeful news, as Llyralen and NIHM emphasized the importance of friendship in a relationship (sexual or not) with someone of the ENFP type, possibly even more so in her position. She likely just felt burdened by the expectations and pressures coming with the word "relationship", or so I thought. But since that day she didn't respond to me at all anymore, even though being "online" more than ever (every day, longer and later in the evenings than ever before). Though this need not necessarily mean that there's another man involved, her renouncing our relationship to then go silent on me whilst texting deep into the night with someone else, does not feel good at all. And then, perhaps it's all about something else, whilst she needs a break from me..
Whatever it means, I do not want to suffer anymore, so I think I'm finally ready to let go of my hopes and attachment to her, as much as it hurts.
@SolarSoul. I’m very sorry. I bet this really hurts. I know this isn’t helpful to hear now, but every breakup helps you later find the right person for you better, makes you more understanding. Heart break, if we don’t give up makes us better deeper more capable people in the end. I know this isn’t what you wanted to hear.