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OKAY so I'm an INFP 17 year old girl. I have been talking with this 18 year old INTP for about a year (since last February). We both really like each other and talk almost every day (We are not dating, and neither of us have ever been in a relationship.). However, he's going off to college soon. I am still going to be in high school. I really don't know what to do, because I know people make new friends and college and many people break up because of long distance stuff and social stuff. There's a chance he might be going to college that is near where I live so that would be really good for me, but then again there is no assurance that he will... I'm just really scared that nothing will happen. I'm really scared that something will happen and it will end. I'm really scared something will happen and I'll be in a relationship with a guy in college.

So now I'm going to give a brief history of our relationship:

**Whenever I say flirting, I am referring to the gentle art of nerd flirting, which is akin to goofy wit and just-so-bad-they're-good puns.

In 2012 we were in drama together. I though he was kinda cute for like a day, then got over it because I was interested in someone else at the time (Unrequited, obviously. :rolleyes: ).

In 2013 we were in drama together again. We would talk a lot before drama in a big group, then get into conversations and arguments about books and such. Slowly, I started to realize I was quite attracted to him, but, being burned before by rushing headlong into my own feelings, I denied it for months. I refused to admit it even though I knew I did like him. So, a small bit of flirting happened in drama from time to time, though I didn't realize it was flirting at the time. Sometimes our eyes would catch, but I dismissed it as him just noticing I was looking at him. At our final drama performance, I had just walked off stage and he said my name and grabbed my arm saying, "You were amazing." It made me blush like crazy (I'm lucky it was dark.).

2014-- After drama had ended, we made eye contact but never really talked. One day I got a Facebook message from him asking what my dad's email was (My dad is the head of our school, and he wanted to send him some link to some thing. I dunno.) Anyway, it was a strange quick conversation and I was really confused. He could've looked it up in our school directory. Now I know it was an excuse to talk to me.

Then a long amount of time went by when we exchanged small words rarely at school. Then our school had a poetry slam and we both performed. He Facebooked me that night asking me what the name of my poem was, saying he liked it and wanted to read it again. It was after that I finally told my friend I had feelings for this guy. She was super surprised and said she had never thought about us together before. Then comes where things get a little more complex.

Every year, our school has a week where we all go on class trips. Well, his class and my class were going to be on the same Amtrak (Them to Philly, us to NYC.). My friend group just so happened to sit across from his friend group. He was sitting next to the window. Then, part way through the trip, I noticed he had switched seats to the one closer to mine. We all were playing Apples to Apples at one point, and I dominated. He always chose mine somehow. This was where I (we) figured out we had very similar senses of humor. Anyway, I started talking to his friends about Pokemon (of which he knows nothing) and he started asking questions about Pokemon as if he was trying to learn. They funny thing about this is that I don't think he asked about it or cared when it was just his friends talking about it. I now see he was just trying to be part of the conversation, which is adorable. When I was on my way back from my class trip, he messaged me the moment I got on Facebook. We talked for an hour about our trips, with bits of nerd flirting thrown in.

A few weeks after that he invited me to his birthday party of Capture the Flag. I brought him a Bilbo ornament as a joke because he said no presents, but I found it too hilarious not to get. He asked for my number for team update purposes. I then volunteered to be 'bait' for the other team to see where they hid their flag.

Anyway, one day I decided to go to a track meet (he runs track) and I saw him there, and he seemed really surprised to see me and then proceeded to be awkward toward me for a while. I ended up working up the courage to sit next to him after a little while and we talked a bit. On FB that night I told him I enjoyed the track meet and wanted to go to more. He started emailing me all the times and schedules he would get for track, and it became a thing for him to ask if I was going.

Then came the Spring Soiree (our school dance/fancy banquet). By some glorious fate we were sat at the same table right next to each other. I later found out his friend helped set up the table placements... Anyhoo, so we talked all through the night, each conversation started with everyone at the table then slowly we'd taper off into our own conversations over and over. Long story short, I heard tell of his best friend telling his girlfriend (MY best friend) that he liked someone sitting at his table. Then he asked me to dance for the free-dance (our dance has assigned dance partners), so that was absolutely thrilling.

Eventually got around that I really wanted to know the true nature of his feelings, and, discluding some of the conversation that came before that, he said:

"It has recently come to my attention that you wish to ascertain my allegiance in the realm of love and whether or not such allegiance belongs to you. So, in an effort to maintain complete honesty between us, I must respond with a hesitant yes. Yes because I like you, hesitant because at these current moments, I am not interested in a girlfriend. Thus, the coin has two sides, though I would very much like to get to know you better and to see you more. There may or may not be a future between us, but it will not be in the immediate."

This BOGGLED MY MIND for ages. But, I agreed, and we went on continuing to get to know each other just as before, with a little more friendliness towards each other. Summer came around and we talked a bit on FB. Not all the time, but whole weeks wouldn't ever go by without talking.

At the end of the summer, a group of us all went swing-dancing together. We had a grand ole time, and he danced with me a lot. At the end of that wonderful night he said goodbye only specifically to me.

Around November, he invited me and a few other people to go to a church bonfire. I was the only one to attend, and we spent the whole night together. A little boy there asked why we were always together, and it was kinda cute, but kinda awkward.

Over Christmas break I was giving him a list of movies he HAD to watch. He needed a movie-cation. I ended up raving about Big Hero 6 and Interstellar. And he texted,

"If you want, since you would like those movies again, we could go, as friends, on New Years Eve or New Years Day. I need someone to go with, and you could bring one of your friends, and I could bring one of mine."
"Think about it. It's an idea."

The thing that boggles me about this is if he just needs someone to go with, and if would bring his friend anyway, why did he ask me? I mean, it's just so incoherent and I can't make sense of it, even now.

Later, I was going to go figure skating with my friend, but she cancelled, so I asked if he would go with me. He said he'd be delighted to. It was so fun. He kept flailing around the ice. I got asked 3 different times if we were together. this was the first time we really hung out alone.

Just a few weeks ago, he asked me in person if I would like to go ice skating with him. We ended up doing dinner and skating and talking for a long time about everything. I guess it was like a date... At the end of the night he started to talk about my eyes and how green they were. He also said that we should go stargazing sometime... It made me melt.

Anyway, you're caught up mostly. Sorry this was probably a tl;dr type of post... Now I just don't know what to do. Part of me thinks it will move further, part of me says, no. he already told you he didn't want a girlfriend. give up.

I guess, in plain, I don't want to invest more of myself emotionally if it's not going to go anywhere. I'm fine with knowing that neither of us are sure where it's going, but I'm not fine with continuing any further if there is no future. HELP?!

I really appreciate any feedback.

OH note: I am currently almost positive the guy in question is an INTP, though there is a slight possibility that he is an INTJ.
 

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If he's told you he doesn't want a girlfriend then I would listen to him. Sounds like he likes you as a friend right now but he doesn't want to close the door to more if that is want he decides he wants. He's comfortable with you, which is a big deal for an INTP (if that is indeed his type). INTPs in general like to keep their options open and he won't commit to someone unless he is sure that is what he wants. College is a time of tremendous growth and change especially for INTPs, odds are that he is unsure of what he wants. It can take an INTP into their 30s to really get a handle on what they want in life and even then they are constantly reevaluating things.
 
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If he's told you he doesn't want a girlfriend then I would listen to him. Sounds like he likes you as a friend right now but he doesn't want to close the door to more if that is want he decides he wants. He's comfortable with you, which is a big deal for an INTP (if that is indeed his type). INTPs in general like to keep their options open and he won't commit to someone unless he is sure that is what he wants. College is a time of tremendous growth and change especially for INTPs, odds are that he is unsure of what he wants. It can take an INTP into their 30s to really get a handle on what they want in life and even then they are constantly reevaluating things.
Well, the fact that INTPs are constantly reevaluating things and thus want to keep their opinions open, sometimes translates to the fact that they may in the future regret having made a decision, exactly because they acquire new informations.

Obviously we can't know what's going on through this guy's mind just from the fact that he is probably an INTP, so he may actually be very convinced he doesn't want a relationship right now. But what i want to say is, there is the chance that he's either wrong, because he himself may be not correct about what he wants (he may actually desire a relationship deep down without realizing it), or maybe he is afraid of consequences so he's just avoiding the first cause.

It's next to impossible to understand what's his state of mind and feelings, thinking about it is just useless. What i suggest the OP to do is, since she is afraid of losing him anyway, why not just try? If you really are good friends, the worst it can happen is a bit of awkwardness for the situation, but this will fade quickly since INTPs usually are easy going and won't care about these things. He'll still be your friend. Probably!

If you choose to act, there are two things you can do. You can either tell him about your feelings and wait a response, or you may just be aggressive and try to kiss him or something like that. I'm telling you this because there is the chance that he will build a defense if you choose to talk to him, which INTPs are very good at doing, while he will be more open in the second case. I'm just giving options anyway, i'm not sure what you should do, but in either case my suggestion is to act.

I'll also add that i'm giving these advices mostly because something similar to your story happened to me in the past, and at the end i discovered i was wrong all along. I should have been more available to having a relationship, because it's not big deal after all. Anyway, please don't take this as evidence that he is wrong too, that may be a very different story. It's just that i've learned not to overthink this kind of things and i suspect he is overthinking it too if he actually is an INTP.
 

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Because college or university is like an INTP heaven on earth.
 

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Well, the fact that INTPs are constantly reevaluating things and thus want to keep their opinions open, sometimes translates to the fact that they may in the future regret having made a decision, exactly because they acquire new informations.
I would agree with that. We make the best decisions we can with the available information we have at the time. The more information we acquire the more likely our decisions will result in desired outcomes. Of course choosing to wait on making a decision is a decision itself and often we end up missing opportunities. Also even with 100% information, there are always elements outside the realm of our control that results in optimal decisions leading to undesirable outcomes.

And you're right it's impossible to know what is on this guy's mind, but then again it never hurts to speculate, which is what we do best after all! The main point I was hinting at was that while he may think X, he probably doesn't know what the hell he wants and even if he does it will most assuredly change repeatedly considering his stage of life.

I would argue that if someone doesn't know who they are and what they value in life, how the hell are they supposed to know what they value in others and who they would want to spend their life with? Of course there is nothing wrong with exploring a relationship's potential assuming both parties don't go into it expecting to live happily ever after.

Why do you say that specifically for intps?
Like @MakuYuen mentioned, college is INTP heaven on earth. Years dedicated to gaining information that your interested in with plenty of time to explore whatever intellectual whims you want often on someone else's dime (parents, government, scholarship, etc.) While everyone goes through growth and change to become their own person in college, INTPs are one of the types that take advantage of this the most because our Ti really goes into overdrive processing all the new experiences and information to start figuring out who we are, what we value, and what we want in life. After college, its the real world full of monetary and social obligations, the bane of all INTPs existence!
 
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College is a time of tremendous growth and change especially for INTPs
Because college or university is like an INTP heaven on earth.
I seriously regret not going to college/uni after high-school. Hopefully it's not too late — but I will be much older than most of my classmates (I'll be 25) when I'm done "upgrading" and get to go to real classes this Fall.

Like @MakuYuen mentioned, college is INTP heaven on earth. Years dedicated to gaining information that your interested in with plenty of time to explore whatever intellectual whims you want often on someone else's dime (parents, government, scholarship, etc.) While everyone goes through growth and change to become their own person in college, INTPs are one of the types that take advantage of this the most because our Ti really goes into overdrive processing all the new experiences and information to start figuring out who we are, what we value, and what we want in life. After college, its the real world full of monetary and social obligations, the bane of all INTPs existence!
People in my province (B.C., Canada) graduate with an average of $30k in student loan debt :| And as far as I hear, unemployment isn't getting any better, so lots of people have trouble getting rid of all that debt for years after. If you're actually going to school for free (either because of your parents or because of scholarships), you're incredibly lucky.

Probably not quite a carefree time where you can just explore whatever you want, however you want. But I guess I'll find out in the Fall.
 

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Waiting for the TLDR summary...
Guy said he likes girl, but is too busy to have a girlfriend. They hang out and girl gets smitten. Wants guy to jump her bones so bad, but he is just being friends. Girl is frustrated because she is horny.
 
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