Lemme tell you what. I am in the same situation, but it's the opposite. I'm INTJ and..have a "big fat crush" on an INFP guy..and im hoping to let him know like really soon[ im thinking of scheduling tomorrow or friday].Hey everyone,
I've been lurking this forum forever, but this is my first post as a registered member.
I'm an INFP who borders on ENFP at times, and I've recently been smitten by someone who I think is an INTJ.
My last relationship was with an INTJ, and although that ended horribly (we were both incredibly immature) what initially drew me to this new INTJ is the similarities to my ex. I know that's a bad basis for a relationship, but as we've gotten to know each other better, I've realized that we have much more in common than me and my ex ever had; it's almost like I've stumbled onto the holy grail of people.
Here's where my need for advice comes in.
We've only been on speaking terms for four weeks, but we've already opened up to each other completely. We spent the last three days hanging out with each other almost exclusively, without getting tired of each other or having lulls in interesting conversation (unless we were having comfortable silence). I'll just outline this chronologically, because I think that would make most sense.
We go to school together and live in the same dorm, and Thursday night we decided to camp out in the canyon in the middle of the school. One of our good friends came with, but fell asleep relatively early. We spent the entire night talking to each other, and I could tell that something was bothering the girl I'm interested in. I didn't pressure her to tell me anything, and she eventually opened up, and told me that she identifies as asexual (how typically INTJ!) but that that she wasn't aromantic. I didn't make a big deal out of it, and I could tell she felt reassured. Friday night we hung out and got drunk with a few friends, and I remember I ended up holding hands with her at one point. We ended up in her room to listen to music, so I laid on the floor out of respect; she then told me I could lay in the bed with her. I did, but didn't initiate any contact, again, out of respect. The next day, I woke up terribly hungover and we made breakfast together and spent the day together, studying and then hung we hung out on a roof in the rain for hours and we both had a great time. We spent the entirety of the next day together, and it was filled with furtive glances and extended hand contact whenever we passed a glass or anything like that. We built a rope ladder together (again, what an INTJ thing to do) and spent the day lounging and talking. We made dinner together, and again, there were more hand touches and we were both smiling the entire time. She said things to me like "I love how you love people", and I told her how much I enjoyed being around her, and I noticed that made her really happy. We said good night but kept running into each other, and many times earlier she had been on the brink of saying something before becoming quiet.
Eventually I figured it was as good a time as any to say something, so I did. This is how the conversation went.
Her -You look confused.
Me- I'm not, it's just that...
Her- Just what?
Me- I like you. I like you alot.
Me- I like you alot. I'm going to awkwardly walk away now.
Her- Wait, I'm confused.
Me- I have a big fat crush on you.
Her- Well, you know I don't feel that way, right?
Me- (this is where my avoidance of conflict came out) Yea. I just wanted to have it out in the open, I guess.
Me- Sorry about awkwardness.
Her- It doesn't have to be awkward. Goodnight.
So yea. I've never had chemistry like this with anyone before and this INTJ let her shell down in a matter of weeks only to shoot me down like crazy. This is a fucking long post, but does anyone have any insight on what I should do? I'm playing it cool but I know I'm very close to being devastated on the inside.
I personally think she should've been more sensitive to your feelings.
She's probably just afraid of being emotionally vulnerable. I'd know, I tried to chase away my feelings for this guy for months. It is only NOW that im admitting it.
id say give her time and let her know that no matter what, you'll always be there for her. corny, but it actually works.