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Discussion Starter #1
Hello everyone and thank you in advance for reading this and helping me!

I have an intense connection with an INFJ male with whom I've had a relationship with for more or less a few years now and I met him online. We are still taking it slow in the sense that we haven't made plans to be with each other in real time etc.. His behavior has shifted from being completely infatuated with me in the beginning of our relationship to not really trying in the romance department now. He shows me no affection nor terms of endearment other than "You're enough for me / I want this relationship", but I feel that is his way of holding onto me so he isn't lonely. He tells me that I should get those things from someone else since our relationship is open and he feels that he "can't" give them to me. He doesn't get it from someone else because he doesn't want to and because I shower him with enough. But I want those things from him, not another. It would seem as if he's just settled in us and doesn't have to perform or win me over with lovey-dovey points anymore?

I am in love with him although I don't feel that he's in love with me. However, he has said he loves us as a relationship.

What does an INFP gal like me do in this situation?
 

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entertain the notion of a breakup, and if he's sincere about his feeling then he'll get off his ass and put in more of an effort. Not necessarily a bad thing for an INFJ.
 

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While every relationship is different, and many stop or try less in the romantic department because you are used to each other, I don't believe that anything should ever become stagnant. It's difficult to say what goes through his mind, I'm the opposite and would be like you, I notice changes in others rapidly, especially small ones. I've always felt stronger for each passing day in a relationship, even many years into one. Sadly there are many reasons as to why someone stop, be it because they lose interest, have a personal struggle or something entirely else.

I don't believe in threats or drama, as I'll always prefer sensible communication. While every relationship is constantly evolving, it can sometimes grow to such a halt that you don't even notice the apparent change, but you know it slowly is, perhaps falling apart. Being in tune with your partner is a must for something to stay healthy. While ideally our happiness shouldn't depend on others, when we are in a relationship, it is impossible to not be affected by the action of the one you care about. I wish people were better at expressing themselves or at least making an effort.

You shouldn't ever have to convince someone else to love you or put in more effort, as it should be in their natural drive to do so. That said, sometimes people need a little nudge to wake up and appreciate what they have, although depending on what is going through his mind presently, it can be a completely different challenge to do so.

Truthfully he is lucky to have a partner like you, and to add to what was mentioned above, if he doesn't appreciate or is willing to put in the effort to give you affection and whatever else you may desire, someone else will. I don't know what it is with people these days, but too many great matches end up falling apart, because one part stops putting in effort. This is not something I'm fond of, but I see too often how people either just don't care or lose their passion along the way. While it's nothing new many great matches end up not being together, for various reasons, it is however still sad when it feels it could of been avoided with just a tiny bit of work.

I feel your frustrating/pain, as I've experienced it myself both with friendships and relationships, most recently with an INFP friend. I would never take for granted having a special connection with someone, but if someone isn't in the right place mentally, then it can cause many issues. I don't know what exactly is the issue with your partner, but if you've tried talking to him and he won't give you any satisfying and decent answers, then you need to perhaps approach this situation a bit differently. It's incredibly hard to say which option is the best, as we are all such different beings, that actually only you know best how to handle him.

Sometimes pushing boundaries can be what is needed to shift things somewhat, without either of you have to compromise your values. No matter what, from experience and just general concern, it typically is always a troubling sign when one part starts to change, lose interest or otherwise feel disengaged in the relationship. This doesn't have to be a death sentence, but more like an actual wake up call, I hope he wakes up and understands what he has.
 

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INFJ with INFP husband here.

Are you sure he is an INFJ? I know I am personally very committed to relationships: friends and husband. But that doesn't always mean I talk at length about how I feel ... It may be as simple as explaining to him how you are feeling and what you need - I wish my husband would do that for me many times ... he is more inclined to withdraw and/or expect me to read his mind. I just get feelings from him but not clear what is going on - very confusing for INFJs. It end to assume that if there is a problem it will be brought up for discussion.
 

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Discussion Starter #8
I thank you all for your insightful feedback and appreciate any heartfelt resonance to allow yourselves to express.

It's a very confusing time for me in the sense that he says the ball is always in my court in the direction of our relationship. I don't know any tricks or ways to seduce any motive for him to change nor do I want to do that. I just really don't know what to do other than what I have already done and that has been communicating. Either he's not getting it or he gets it but isn't willing to make the effort to ignite anything between us anymore.

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