Personality Cafe banner

1 - 20 of 30 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
139 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I have a huge personal bubble. I like my space and I like strangers to stay in theirs. I also find touch to be a very personal thing and you've got to know me VERY well to get to touch me, even if it's just puttin a hand on my shoulder or what have you. How big is your personal bubble? And how do you keep it un-popped?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
391 Posts
I'm the same way. I can't even stand to get my hair cut. My husband and my special one talk about going for a massage, and the thought just makes my skin crawl. When people get too close, I catch myself backing away. But if I trust you, I'm quite cuddly - to the point that I have to be careful not to annoy you.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,309 Posts
I dont want strangers close to me. I am even awkward with all this creepy social kissing goin on these days.
I am very jealous of my personal space but that also means being extremely reluctant to enter other people's personal space, even in situations when doing so may be necessary to comfort someone.

Of course, with loved ones its an entirely different story. In private I am actually very big on cuddly stuff.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
15,536 Posts
I don't touch people when talking to them and I don't like people touching me when they are talking to me. Keep your stinkin' paws off me you damn dirty apes. <- - -that's for all who think touch is needed when talking to strangers or in regular casual conversations. :shocked:

When I get time I'll do a google search on introvert = needing lots of personal space.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
139 Posts
Discussion Starter · #6 ·
I dont want strangers close to me. I am even awkward with all this creepy social kissing goin on these days.
I am very jealous of my personal space but that also means being extremely reluctant to enter other people's personal space, even in situations when doing so may be necessary to comfort someone.

Of course, with loved ones its an entirely different story. In private I am actually very big on cuddly stuff.
See I'm not awkward about social kissing of public affection. I don't mind seeing it in other couples in public and I don't mind showing it. It just has to be someone i trust touching me.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
420 Posts
People I know well I still like to keep around arms length away, any closer and I am keenly aware. That being said I don't mind hugs or pats on the shoulder. Strangers or people I don't know too well, they need to be at a minimum of arms length. Even at that distance I am keenly aware of them. Albeit after a few wobbly pops I don't mind much at all.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
44 Posts
I do not like people touching me if I do not know them and trust them. Both knowing and trusting someone HAS to be there, or I recoil. Sad thing is, I have someone in my life that I see on a daily basis, but due to past events where they have been in physical contact with me, I no longer trust them and I tense reflexively when they try to show affection in a physical way.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
15,536 Posts
...When I get time I'll do a google search on introvert = needing lots of personal space.
From here, The "Silent Treatment" vs. the Talking Machine: Understanding Introverts and Extroverts
:
"Introverts have a strong sense of personal space. If their space is invaded – even by an offer of a hug – they may pull away. It's not that they aren't affectionate; they are. They simply like to choose who and when someone comes into their space. And it's not only their physical space that they like to protect. They may also complain that someone is looking at them, breathing on them, or talking too much!"
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
150 Posts
I'm definately not touchy-feely, even when I'm upset. I'm much more comfortable communicating my emotions throught speech. I don't understand this modern obsession with kissing someone upon introduction - what's wrong with a handshake? However, I do believe that sometimes actions can speak louder than words. I remember last year when I was hospitalized on my birthday for taking an overdose. I was at rock bottom with no one to talk to. A few days later this nurse came in and didn't know the situation. She remarked that I had a lot of nasty stuff in my blood system and when I explained, my voice quivering with emotion, she came over, without saying a word and gave me the first hug I had in years. Her sincerity moved me to tears. I never saw her again, but I will never forget that beautiful person.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,461 Posts
My personal bubble is some kind of freaky shape that changes depending on whoever's about to break it, for reasons I don't really understand. I don't mind strangers touching me. Sitting on the bus, you can sometimes feel the stranger next to you breathing. I like that, it makes me feel somehow more connected to humanity (as cheesy as that sounds). I don't mind being touched by people I don't know well - to an extent, I find it exciting - but I hate it when people I know well touch me. I hate being touched by most of my family and... pretty much all of my friends. You're only allowed to get up in my grill if I find you interesting and want to be closer to you. It seems the more I know someone, the less exciting they are, the less I want to feel them touching me. For as long as I can remember, the only person I would ever want touching me (in a personal sort of way) would be a love interest. In that case, it doesn't matter how "interesting" they were.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
373 Posts
I love having my hair played with and getting hugs and being close to people I like and trust. It makes me sad when people I'm close to don't like hugs and cuddles, though I understand. It really creeps me out when people I don't know well start touching me, but I assume everyone's that way.

Like, really, does anybody like it when a stranger touches them?

All that said, I don't think it's an introverted thing to have a large personal space bubble. It's just personal preference.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,282 Posts
With me, it is not even conscious decision not to like being touched by a stranger. If someone is too close, I unconsciously move away to create a space, jump to get away from a negative energy person to the point of that person noticing it in my sudden move, and get confused by a noise of strangers talking close to me.
If they accidentally touch me, I unconsciously move away part of body that is touched further from the person that touched me. I cannot even concentrate if I am doing something important and someone from family passes close by. It is different when they cut my hair, I know it is their job, but do not pat me on the back like you are giving me a patronizing treatment or give me a fake kiss on a cheek if you do not mean it.

I am more likely to touch person that I like than to want them to touch me. My kind of support is emotional through words or action oriented, or through deep feelings that are not always spoken about or properly expressed, but are very strong in intensity about their problems, not through touch as much. The people would think I am cold or reserved when I actually suffer profusely about something they are going through. I can feel very much for a person and avoid touching them. If I hug, pat, or kiss someone, it comes from rare but impulsive sudden subconscious feeling of intense love that has to be expressed in touch especially if I am in a good mood. I already love them in my mind and heart so much that I am too emotionally spent due to worrying about them to go further with the touch. If they are miserable and crying and no words could help I proceed with touch. My infj sister is more about touch so when she wants to hug me although I love her I am not always up to it, but I allow hugs and kisses because I know that is her way of showing love and she needs it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
417 Posts
The odd thing is that I frequently crave hugs and physical contact from people, but I generally feel very awkward and such when it does happen, unless it's someone very close to me. It's like I want to touch people, but whenever I do I dislike it. But I would agree with what @Sily pointed out. I like to choose who comes into my space, and usually it's only a select few people. Rough-housing or messing around is one thing, but other types of contact I generally don't like.

That said, in private, with my family and other people very close to me, I'm generally just fine with being touchy-feely. I'm just very selective in who I let in on that. It may sound odd, but my parents and I have a very physical relationship. We're just very close, and so I don't mind the contact.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,801 Posts
Yeah I have this issue.

I've personally put in down to physiological factors ie. an unprocessed adrenal response - basically when we go through threatening circumstances our body goes into fight, flight or freeze and if it isn't allowed to be processed then it stores up making our nervous system hyper stimulated. Which IMO explains the anxiety issues I've had throughout my life.

But then this thread has reminded me that by being an introvert and an HSP, I am also disposed to being hyper senstive to stimuli like touch and others presence.

So those 2 issues combined have probably contributed to me being hyper aware of others presence, how they are moving their body, touch, etc.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,801 Posts
That was a brilliant link, thank you!

It's amazing that without this knowledge of the disposition towards introversion and extroversion how much self-hatred or negative self-image can be cultivated. Throughout most of my life - until I came across MBTI last year - I genuiely thought that there was something fundamentally wrong with me because I was a sensitive introvert. I even got a Job as a security guard to put myself in the 'firing line' in order to 'cure' myself of this problem.

It's sad to think how many teens in our culture probably hate themselves because they are treated like extroverts, and have internalized the belief that extroversion is the ideal disposition.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
356 Posts
I prefer to keep some distance if I can. In public I'm either intently people watching or so zoned out that I don't notice the often awkward expression I get when not paying attention. Both situations where distance is nice. If I can't keep distance, i.e. on the bus, I have my internal bubble as well.
 
1 - 20 of 30 Posts
Top