Hello INFP's..It is time for us to get out for a while out of our dark holes no matter how dark, angry, unjustified we feel (I'm still battling a paradox of being in that hole stubbornly and seeing the light) Anyway..
Imagine having a dialogue with the doubtful voices in your head/ facing the doubts and fears in you with more bravery/ in other words facing the highly doubtful side of yourself.
Try fighting that doubtful side as much as you can.
I go first.. (I NEED it)
1. What if your depression is your fault?
I have to take responsibility, move past it more gracefully and not play the blame game while being too resentful. But at the same time, I cannot blame myself entirely and I cannot be hard on myself. Sometimes external factors and other people have effected me more than I expected.
I cannot expect myself to be a shining star that gets what she wants every time in terms of personal needs or be so exceptionally successful in studies all the time, even though a lot of people seem to look up to me. I need an emotional break or else in years to come, I might regret how much I had literally hurt myself.
I can't just be hurt all the time, can I?
I will just need to look for more practical solutions too. My life is mine. If I end up disappointing some people, I cannot possibly try harder than I did! I'm sad though right now about my studies.
2. What if the fact that you still love him and hold on to him is a bad thing?
My second ex knows pretty much everything about me and he has always shown happiness in my presence. It might seem so logically idiotic how I've held onto him for a long time.
But is it really a bad thing? Just because I'm impatient? Why? Just because I'm afraid of looking stupid, is that it?
If I end up marrying him eventually, what if I'll be the happiest person on the planet? Shouldn't that mean something?
Perhaps the fact that I haven't given up shows that I have a capacity to have more faith in love than most people do. Even after all the heartbreaks I went through. Hey, maybe it's not such a bad thing. Maybe, you, doubt, is just imaginary in my head.
3. You hurt your first love a lot, you are meant to hurt men that way. He was patient with you for two whole years through all your storms and yet you treated him like thrash. When you remember how dramatic you were, you feel like that part of you is never truly gone. You cheater, bad tempered possessive clingy partner and heartbreaker
I also fought against my own family and people for him, spent late nights trying to teach him how to be better in English, spent nights crying and praying for our relationship, wanting to marry him eventually. When our path stopped because I let myself get overinfluenced by what my family said and when I chased after meaningless pursuits; when I first realized how broken I had been as a result of all of that, I got so depressed that I started treating other guys badly and started wishing I could throw away my dreams (even at some point, my second ex) in favor that my first love would return. I fell into depression, I couldn't think clearly and I complained to my family so much about it to the point that I almost drove them to madness and I forced them to understand.
I want to move on, isn't that enough?
I am not the person I was before. I love my family and I wish my first love happiness even if it's not with me, I seriously do.
4. Why do you rely on your intuition too much?
That is because I went through too many hard times, made the mistake of not listening to my own heart and thus it is my saving grace. I need to love myself okay.
5. Ha, you were easily brainwashed before. You were humiliated by a person you regarded as a friend. You are so naive. One day whenever you would have a strong opinion about something, suddenly the next day it would change. Your personality can never be fixed and you might never find stability
I am trying to change. Rome was not built in a night.
I want to form a stronger, newer identity being more firm with my opinions and wants after everything that I had gone through. It takes time but I KNOW I WANT THAT.
I will definitely cut some people out of my life with less guilt and no regrets from now on.
6. You still remember the abuse inflicted by others in your past. You are weak and you do not move on easily. There's something wrong with you for thinking about it too much
Oh well these are learning experiences. There may be something wrong with me for thinking about it too much, but there might also be something wrong with them for having abusive, manipulative tendencies don't you think? :wink:
7. One day reality might snap you in the ass and you might find that your dreams, wants are meaningless
I have intuited that I am destined and meant for something greater in my life, and I want to hold on to that feeling. I just need to let go of the fear of growing up and I need to be more practical on my own terms.
I also intuit that love comes to me more easily after I've found myself. But the main reason for me finding myself is that I feel I need to be truer to myself while being the kind, giving individual I have always secretly longed to be.
I know my studies are suffering right now, I know that I often fall into bouts of fear, I know that my personal life seems a bit passive now..But I feel connections, I am moving towards more practical, realistic solutions and I am getting there.
8. There is something wrong with your head, you might be mentally unstable.
Yes, and surprisingly I'm still a writer, and I still can help people. I wonder why. Haha.
9. You are a burden to your best friends and people in your life by spaming their inboxes.
They let me. But other than that, I have been there for them when they had their problems, when their family members had passed away, when they need advice on some of the most personal matters, and I have kept a lot of their secrets. I hope that's enough.
10. You are an unfit, mentally weird, grudge holding, personally backward, scared, fearful, fragile little girl.
Maybe you're wrong. I'm going somewhere.
11. Your next mistakes might make you end up crying too much.
I'm not who I used to be. Can you please remember that?
I am not going to be too stuck in the past, I need to grow.
12. You always instinctively hate being too similar to the majority. There is something wrong with you. Why should you be special?
I just cannot help but get suspicious when things appear too normal and orderly in the social sphere. What? How many times have life surprised you more than you expected? My point exactly.
13. In terms of best friends, you are too reserved and only give your real devotion to a few.
So what's the alternative? Spend too much time with groups of people, engaging in gossip and pretending I'm falling in love with mindless freaks? Sorry.
So honest and raw *breathes a sigh*