Heh heh heh. I found the original post and then this one.Seriously, you guys are so confusing. What is your best advice for us INFPs?
Research.Seriously, you guys are so confusing. What is your best advice for us INFPs?
How do you know he is an INTJ? I really don't see his indirectness and topic changes to avoid the situation as something an INTJ would do. We are very direct, and you should directly ask him. If he isn't giving you an answer he probably isn't an INTJ.
Assuming he is an INTJ, then you have to understand that we function in different ways, for different reasons. Communication is key, and you both have to work to maintain a relationship. Don't try to force anything (not INTJ specific, just in general).
Okay guys so basically, I was waiting for someone to respond because it seemed like nobody will! Sorry, my fault ^^ The thing is I know him online only. It seems pretty silly to some but this is how I felt, and he didn't really feel the same. When I told him he kept asking how the relationship would even work out, that he never met me in real life, and asking me how he was supposed to react (he reacted by changing topics the time I told him). When I demanded an answer on what he would say, he had trouble rejecting me. He always found a way of getting out of the conversation. Last time, he apologized for being a bad friend, which was kind of off topic... He always runs away, which is what I expected, but he said he wouldn't block me or unfriend me. He refuses to. But he doesn't want to talk to me either
INTJs (especially when young or inexperienced) are about as skillful at emotions, deciphering social clues, and romance, as an anvil is at flying.Well, when he had a discussion on something, he basically said he was an INTJ, which is how I found out all these personality types and such. He pretty much sounds like an INTJ which is basically why everything is confusing me right now because he's acting so odd and out of his usual character. I've talked to him for three years if that helps? I don't really know. As for anything I wasn't really looking to be his girlfriend, I mean, I already knew I was going to get rejected. I just wanted to see it with my own eyes so I could move on. It's basically my logic which is kind of weird, but I can't really explain it exactly... We literally live 30 minutes away from each other and he's never really suggested the topic and I haven't either, but he said himself he was afraid when I told him I liked him so he ran away. I don't get it, I suppose.
First of all, thanks!INTJs (especially when young or inexperienced) are about as skillful at emotions, deciphering social clues, and romance, as an anvil is at flying.
I don't mean to pry, but how old are each of you? Has *he* dated before? It may be that he is just *flabbergasted* that a real, live, you know, ...GURL (!!)... is expressing interest in him. Add to that the literal, optimize-all-solutions approach of an INTJ, and he might wonder "Gee, aren't you supposed to meet in person and go out on dates before becoming a boyfriend? Wouldn't this be against the rules?"
It depends also on YOUR goals...it might be you need to back off the pressure and suggest just getting to meet and talk "no pressure" to give yourself a chance to grow on him in person. 30 minutes away is shorter than a lot of people commute to work each way every day. Have either of you seen each other's pictures? What topics have you talked about on line? Is he at all interested in arts or psychology or literature or music (which seem to be the INFP favorites, I'm ruling out fashion from the get-go)?
If you're trying to attract him, ask him about his intellectual interests: but you have to be SINCERE. INTJs have world-class BS detectors and we take insincere interest in a topic (even if done as an excuse to get to know us better) as an insult.
Oh, and welcome to PersonalityCafe. Feel free to browse all the different forums, there's a lot here to learn, even besides this thread, I mean. :kitteh:
OK, either he's not interested in you romantically (yet) or he's shy. Perhaps he's even a little gun-shy, if he got hurt during the last relationship or the breakup.First of all, thanks!
I'm 17 and he's 18. He was in a relationship for about two years, and he's actually really well known for his art and atheletic ability... And yeah! He appreciates violin and piano music and basically does all sorts of art. And btw, one time I actually did try to meet up with him, suggesting I meet him somewhere in his city but he completely ignored that and changed topics.
i think you ought to listen to that. i really dislike it when someone changes the terms of my relationship with them, and it takes me forever to adjust to it if i ever do. pushing and pressuring do not improve anyone's changes of that.Yeah, I did but he doesn't even want to talk to me right now. I mean, all he's done is push me away ever since I told him I liked him.
So do you really think there's no other way? Leaving without closure for me is so hard to the point where it's almost impossible, but I'll really try if I have to. I just really don't know what's going on. He refuses to block me, unfriend me, or talk to me and everything is just so messed up... @g_w I'm sorry it won't really work because he won't talk to me!i think you ought to listen to that. i really dislike it when someone changes the terms of my relationship with them, and it takes me forever to adjust to it if i ever do. pushing and pressuring do not improve anyone's changes of that.
it doesn't matter that you don't want to do anything about it, probably. the point is he thought you guys had one kind of feeling for one another, and now he's found out you have a different one. you've just pushed over his ant-farm. now he has to go away and re-think the whole thing. if he's anything like many of us, he's just not going to have anything useful to say until he's had that thinking time - all by himself.
i don't necessarily agree about this. it's exactly how i would have been when i was 18, and even though i'm not a guy it's maybe even easier for me to imagine a guy doing it. forthright takes a while to learn how to do when it's about all the feelings-y stuff, and especially when it seems to be about the feelings of somebody else who might - who knows - melt down or precipitate some kind of scene. basically, it's confrontation, and an emotional kind of confrontation at that.How do you know he is an INTJ? I really don't see his indirectness and topic changes to avoid the situation as something an INTJ would do. We are very direct, and you should directly ask him. If he isn't giving you an answer he probably isn't an INTJ.
So do you really think there's no other way? Leaving without closure for me is so hard to the point where it's almost impossible, but I'll really try if I have to. I just really don't know what's going on.