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Lol....you're going to need to be more specific for starters. What exactly confuses you?
 

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Seriously, you guys are so confusing. What is your best advice for us INFPs?
Heh heh heh. I found the original post and then this one.
Maybe if you didn't double-post in different forums?
(Sheesh, and she calls *us* confusing.) :wink:

Glad to help, if you'll tell us what your goals are?

1) finding INTJs
2) getting one to notice you
3) how to flirt with them
4) how to get one to ask you out
5) how to tell if one is eyeing you for a relationship
6) how to tell their signals in a relationship
7) how to tell if they're interested in a deeper relationship, or getting ready to break up
8) marriage (!!)

Glad to help -- just point us in the right direction and our mighty INTJ lasers will do the rest.
 
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Seriously, you guys are so confusing. What is your best advice for us INFPs?
Research.

Our cognitive functions are: Ni-Te-Fi-Se

If you're trying to understand us internally:

Introverted iNtuiting - (Ni)

INTJ Paradigm

Introverted Intuition (Ni) - Personality Junkie

Getting close to an INTJ means gaining access to their Ni (you're going to have your work cut out for you.)

You need to be more specific otherwise this is difficult to answer without typing paragraph after paragraph. Well there's a rule for you right there, when speaking to an INTJ be very clear, upfront, and detailed. We can pick up on ambiguous meanings and implications with ease but we don't like making assumptions, save us the time of having to probe you for more information.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Okay guys so basically, I was waiting for someone to respond because it seemed like nobody will! Sorry, my fault ^^ The thing is I know him online only. It seems pretty silly to some but this is how I felt, and he didn't really feel the same. When I told him he kept asking how the relationship would even work out, that he never met me in real life, and asking me how he was supposed to react (he reacted by changing topics the time I told him). When I demanded an answer on what he would say, he had trouble rejecting me. He always found a way of getting out of the conversation. Last time, he apologized for being a bad friend, which was kind of off topic... He always runs away, which is what I expected, but he said he wouldn't block me or unfriend me. He refuses to. But he doesn't want to talk to me either
 

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Here is what I think said person is thinking (as I have a good number of INTJ friends; and you haven't given up much detail but here is my impression)

SLOW THE HECK DOWN! This person doesn't know you! And unless you are on a dating site, he probably had no interest in getting a girlfriend. Jus' sayin'. You should also have met in person before saying that you 'like him'.

You demanding an answer is probably pretty draining on said person. He would probably be more apt to talking to you if it was on a different subject, preferably an intellectual one. You will get an answer in time, but it might take a while. And that is okay, as long as you are willing to wait. If you aren't, you are barking up the wrong tree.
 
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I'm sorry.. I know I'm not helping but.. really, how did you want this to work? it goes completely against our logic policy and I can easily see how making such a statement over the net could be.. well.. repelling, with a lack of a better word.
 

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How do you know he is an INTJ? I really don't see his indirectness and topic changes to avoid the situation as something an INTJ would do. We are very direct, and you should directly ask him. If he isn't giving you an answer he probably isn't an INTJ.
Assuming he is an INTJ, then you have to understand that we function in different ways, for different reasons. Communication is key, and you both have to work to maintain a relationship. Don't try to force anything (not INTJ specific, just in general).
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Well, when he had a discussion on something, he basically said he was an INTJ, which is how I found out all these personality types and such. He pretty much sounds like an INTJ which is basically why everything is confusing me right now because he's acting so odd and out of his usual character. I've talked to him for three years if that helps? I don't really know. As for anything I wasn't really looking to be his girlfriend, I mean, I already knew I was going to get rejected. I just wanted to see it with my own eyes so I could move on. It's basically my logic which is kind of weird, but I can't really explain it exactly... We literally live 30 minutes away from each other and he's never really suggested the topic and I haven't either, but he said himself he was afraid when I told him I liked him so he ran away. I don't get it, I suppose.
 

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How do you know he is an INTJ? I really don't see his indirectness and topic changes to avoid the situation as something an INTJ would do. We are very direct, and you should directly ask him. If he isn't giving you an answer he probably isn't an INTJ.
Assuming he is an INTJ, then you have to understand that we function in different ways, for different reasons. Communication is key, and you both have to work to maintain a relationship. Don't try to force anything (not INTJ specific, just in general).
Okay guys so basically, I was waiting for someone to respond because it seemed like nobody will! Sorry, my fault ^^ The thing is I know him online only. It seems pretty silly to some but this is how I felt, and he didn't really feel the same. When I told him he kept asking how the relationship would even work out, that he never met me in real life, and asking me how he was supposed to react (he reacted by changing topics the time I told him). When I demanded an answer on what he would say, he had trouble rejecting me. He always found a way of getting out of the conversation. Last time, he apologized for being a bad friend, which was kind of off topic... He always runs away, which is what I expected, but he said he wouldn't block me or unfriend me. He refuses to. But he doesn't want to talk to me either
Well, when he had a discussion on something, he basically said he was an INTJ, which is how I found out all these personality types and such. He pretty much sounds like an INTJ which is basically why everything is confusing me right now because he's acting so odd and out of his usual character. I've talked to him for three years if that helps? I don't really know. As for anything I wasn't really looking to be his girlfriend, I mean, I already knew I was going to get rejected. I just wanted to see it with my own eyes so I could move on. It's basically my logic which is kind of weird, but I can't really explain it exactly... We literally live 30 minutes away from each other and he's never really suggested the topic and I haven't either, but he said himself he was afraid when I told him I liked him so he ran away. I don't get it, I suppose.
INTJs (especially when young or inexperienced) are about as skillful at emotions, deciphering social clues, and romance, as an anvil is at flying.
I don't mean to pry, but how old are each of you? Has *he* dated before? It may be that he is just *flabbergasted* that a real, live, you know, ...GURL (!!)... is expressing interest in him. Add to that the literal, optimize-all-solutions approach of an INTJ, and he might wonder "Gee, aren't you supposed to meet in person and go out on dates before becoming a boyfriend? Wouldn't this be against the rules?"
It depends also on YOUR goals...it might be you need to back off the pressure and suggest just getting to meet and talk "no pressure" to give yourself a chance to grow on him in person. 30 minutes away is shorter than a lot of people commute to work each way every day. Have either of you seen each other's pictures? What topics have you talked about on line? Is he at all interested in arts or psychology or literature or music (which seem to be the INFP favorites, I'm ruling out fashion from the get-go)?
If you're trying to attract him, ask him about his intellectual interests: but you have to be SINCERE. INTJs have world-class BS detectors and we take insincere interest in a topic (even if done as an excuse to get to know us better) as an insult.

Oh, and welcome to PersonalityCafe. Feel free to browse all the different forums, there's a lot here to learn, even besides this thread, I mean. :kitteh:
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
INTJs (especially when young or inexperienced) are about as skillful at emotions, deciphering social clues, and romance, as an anvil is at flying.
I don't mean to pry, but how old are each of you? Has *he* dated before? It may be that he is just *flabbergasted* that a real, live, you know, ...GURL (!!)... is expressing interest in him. Add to that the literal, optimize-all-solutions approach of an INTJ, and he might wonder "Gee, aren't you supposed to meet in person and go out on dates before becoming a boyfriend? Wouldn't this be against the rules?"
It depends also on YOUR goals...it might be you need to back off the pressure and suggest just getting to meet and talk "no pressure" to give yourself a chance to grow on him in person. 30 minutes away is shorter than a lot of people commute to work each way every day. Have either of you seen each other's pictures? What topics have you talked about on line? Is he at all interested in arts or psychology or literature or music (which seem to be the INFP favorites, I'm ruling out fashion from the get-go)?
If you're trying to attract him, ask him about his intellectual interests: but you have to be SINCERE. INTJs have world-class BS detectors and we take insincere interest in a topic (even if done as an excuse to get to know us better) as an insult.

Oh, and welcome to PersonalityCafe. Feel free to browse all the different forums, there's a lot here to learn, even besides this thread, I mean. :kitteh:
First of all, thanks!
I'm 17 and he's 18. He was in a relationship for about two years, and he's actually really well known for his art and atheletic ability... And yeah! He appreciates violin and piano music and basically does all sorts of art. And btw, one time I actually did try to meet up with him, suggesting I meet him somewhere in his city but he completely ignored that and changed topics.
 

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First of all, thanks!
I'm 17 and he's 18. He was in a relationship for about two years, and he's actually really well known for his art and atheletic ability... And yeah! He appreciates violin and piano music and basically does all sorts of art. And btw, one time I actually did try to meet up with him, suggesting I meet him somewhere in his city but he completely ignored that and changed topics.
OK, either he's not interested in you romantically (yet) or he's shy. Perhaps he's even a little gun-shy, if he got hurt during the last relationship or the breakup.
Now, I hate to ask you this, so please don't get offended. How sure are you that he is *correct* when he types himself as an INTJ?
Most INTJs are not into art, and most are DEFINITELY not into athletics...particularly as teenagers.
I'm not challenging you, or doubting him, but I want to build a safety net...since INTJs are *so* unique, if you treat him the right way for an INTJ, and he really isn't one, you might be shooting yourself in the foot.

But...returning to what we know that we know...if he's into violin and piano music, and does all sorts of art, there's not just one gold mine there, but an entire mountain range of gold mines.
Post him your favorite youtube violin or piano videos (one at a time) and ask if he likes them...then ask *why*.
Ask him to post a piece he likes, and an analysis of it.
Ask him to post artwork he's done -- maybe one he was proud of when he was a kid, one he feels is his best work.
Ask him what media ("mediums") he uses for art: sculpture, painting in oils, watercolor, etc.
Ask his favorite influences, how he practices.
This *might* be a little risky, since most musicians and artists are torn between love of their craft, and the deep personal nature of the expression.
And as a teen, he might not have all the emotional part under control enough to feel safe showing it.
But I can tell you as a 49-year-old married INTJ, music and (for me) literature, not art, are a BIG part of my identity and how I express and define myself.

Just some ideas for you.

Best of luck!

Full disclosure: if you miss with him, there are a LOT of INTJ guys on Personality Cafe who might be in your age range and (who knows?) within driving range of you. [Hint: if you're 17, and considering college, who knows what might happen? :wink:]
 
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Yeah, I did but he doesn't even want to talk to me right now. I mean, all he's done is push me away ever since I told him I liked him.
i think you ought to listen to that. i really dislike it when someone changes the terms of my relationship with them, and it takes me forever to adjust to it if i ever do. pushing and pressuring do not improve anyone's changes of that.

it doesn't matter that you don't want to do anything about it, probably. the point is he thought you guys had one kind of feeling for one another, and now he's found out you have a different one. you've just pushed over his ant-farm. now he has to go away and re-think the whole thing. if he's anything like many of us, he's just not going to have anything useful to say until he's had that thinking time - all by himself.
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
i think you ought to listen to that. i really dislike it when someone changes the terms of my relationship with them, and it takes me forever to adjust to it if i ever do. pushing and pressuring do not improve anyone's changes of that.

it doesn't matter that you don't want to do anything about it, probably. the point is he thought you guys had one kind of feeling for one another, and now he's found out you have a different one. you've just pushed over his ant-farm. now he has to go away and re-think the whole thing. if he's anything like many of us, he's just not going to have anything useful to say until he's had that thinking time - all by himself.
So do you really think there's no other way? Leaving without closure for me is so hard to the point where it's almost impossible, but I'll really try if I have to. I just really don't know what's going on. He refuses to block me, unfriend me, or talk to me and everything is just so messed up... @g_w I'm sorry it won't really work because he won't talk to me!
 

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How do you know he is an INTJ? I really don't see his indirectness and topic changes to avoid the situation as something an INTJ would do. We are very direct, and you should directly ask him. If he isn't giving you an answer he probably isn't an INTJ.
i don't necessarily agree about this. it's exactly how i would have been when i was 18, and even though i'm not a guy it's maybe even easier for me to imagine a guy doing it. forthright takes a while to learn how to do when it's about all the feelings-y stuff, and especially when it seems to be about the feelings of somebody else who might - who knows - melt down or precipitate some kind of scene. basically, it's confrontation, and an emotional kind of confrontation at that.

So do you really think there's no other way? Leaving without closure for me is so hard to the point where it's almost impossible, but I'll really try if I have to. I just really don't know what's going on.


can you isolate for yourself what's most important to you to get out of interaction with him? usually, i find a stress-laden situation much much easier to deal with if i know the other person has come to the table prepared to deal straight with me as well. so if you could identify what's in your own mind clearly enough that you feel confident of being able to transmit it to him, it might help. in particular if you could make that clear as you're trying to contact him now. at the moment he have no idea where it would be 'reasonable' for him to stop his imaginings about what would be involved in a 'discussion' with you. but if you said 'look, i [x] and [y] at this point, and if we could [z] and [q] it would relieve me a lot.' something like that might help because it's finite.

i have some example scenarios from my own infp-to-intj experiences that i might cite to demonstrate what i mean, but i'm under a time gun right now and it will have to wait.
 
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