INFP requesting ISTP advice
1224
8
I was hoping you guys could help me with something. My father and I always seem to be butting heads about something. It seems like we just can't see eye-to-eye on just about anything, we're just so different in many ways. It's caused us quite a few problems in the past. We both love each other, and I know we both want a better bond, but we really have difficulty making it work.
So here's the jist. I'm an INFP, and he's an ISTP. One of the major disconnects that I have read about with ISTP's is that we share very few common interests. We can usually have great, deep conversations, but sometimes it's like walking in a minefield for both of us. He's very black and white about things, where as I see grey everywhere.
Another issue is that I crave strong emotional bonds, and I find him to be very distant emotionally. Honestly, I barely feel like I know the 'real' him and I'm his son. It hurts when I feel like he won't connect with me emotionally or share his feelings, but I know he doesn't feel things as intensely as I do.
I see him as stubborn, selfish, and cold and he sees me as naive, unrealistic and emotionally unstable. The way our minds work just seem so foreign to each other.
So... my question is this. How can we better relate to one another? Have you ISTP's dealt with INFP's before? What advice can you offer me on how to better understand him so I can see where he's coming from on things? I appreciate your input!
So here's the jist. I'm an INFP, and he's an ISTP. One of the major disconnects that I have read about with ISTP's is that we share very few common interests. We can usually have great, deep conversations, but sometimes it's like walking in a minefield for both of us. He's very black and white about things, where as I see grey everywhere.
Another issue is that I crave strong emotional bonds, and I find him to be very distant emotionally. Honestly, I barely feel like I know the 'real' him and I'm his son. It hurts when I feel like he won't connect with me emotionally or share his feelings, but I know he doesn't feel things as intensely as I do.
I see him as stubborn, selfish, and cold and he sees me as naive, unrealistic and emotionally unstable. The way our minds work just seem so foreign to each other.
So... my question is this. How can we better relate to one another? Have you ISTP's dealt with INFP's before? What advice can you offer me on how to better understand him so I can see where he's coming from on things? I appreciate your input!
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You may not realize it, but your ISTP father does love you.
ISTPs just don't vocalize those feelings, taking them as a given rather than a privilege. To his logical mind, you are his son, ergo there is no need to go out and play catch in the yard (or whatever counts as father-son bonding these days). That alone is enough.
If you want to understand your father better, you need to stop expecting him to communicate on your terms. We express love by doing favors for people, or - heavens forbid - actually seeming to give a shit when they're upset. Not through making them a heart picture out of macaroni and glitter every day.
ISTPs just don't vocalize those feelings, taking them as a given rather than a privilege. To his logical mind, you are his son, ergo there is no need to go out and play catch in the yard (or whatever counts as father-son bonding these days). That alone is enough.
If you want to understand your father better, you need to stop expecting him to communicate on your terms. We express love by doing favors for people, or - heavens forbid - actually seeming to give a shit when they're upset. Not through making them a heart picture out of macaroni and glitter every day.
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