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Discussion Starter #1
So I recall thinking a whole whole lot back in middle school and high school.. just about ideas, life, society, myself, etc.. basically I would think a lot when I was unhappy.

But then I realized that thinking about a lot of these things were only methods I would try to use to validate myself and make myself feel better.. but to no avail seeing that nobody really connected with me.. so I only felt worse.

When I realized that thinking really did nothing that made my life any better I kind of stopped.. thinking.. and it really more came down to acting.. and I think that has improved my life phenomenally.

Looking back I found all of my mind dwelling very impractical and insignificant.. I had nothing to gain from it. Nowadays I still do have deep thoughts but.. it is hard to explain.. but they do not dominate my existence.

Anybody else like this? Its hard for me to explain my mentality :/
 

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So I recall thinking a whole whole lot back in middle school and high school.. just about ideas, life, society, myself, etc.. basically I would think a lot when I was unhappy.

But then I realized that thinking about a lot of these things were only methods I would try to use to validate myself and make myself feel better.. but to no avail seeing that nobody really connected with me.. so I only felt worse.

When I realized that thinking really did nothing that made my life any better I kind of stopped.. thinking.. and it really more came down to acting.. and I think that has improved my life phenomenally.

Looking back I found all of my mind dwelling very impractical and insignificant.. I had nothing to gain from it. Nowadays I still do have deep thoughts but.. it is hard to explain.. but they do not dominate my existence.

Anybody else like this? Its hard for me to explain my mentality :/
What if you did find someone that connected to your deeper thoughts?
 
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Im constantly thinking, I can never stop, except this one time when I was trying to go to bed, and I tried really hard, and my mind went absolutely blank, and it was so peaceful. But that's besides the point. Lately I feel that if I can't connect with someone in a deeper way, then I would not be able to sustain a friendship. It's really true for me, I can't be casual friends because then im not totally myself. And the friends I have now always say that I try to start deep conversations randomly, and sometimes they work..sometimes they dont. I appreciate people who can talk for real is all im saying. So you say you've stopped thinking, which I understand because I find that when I dont think about purposes, Im kind of ignorantly happier in a way, and I take things slowly, and I try not to overwhelm myself. Because then I think again. Its just this delicate balance like you said.
 

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Discussion Starter #6
Ahh I think we might have to disregard my whole topic.

Because I just realized I do think all the time.. it is just a lot less... depressing haha. I think I think of solutions more than open ended problems.. I guess I create a lot more closure for issues in my head.

And ThingsIDidWhenIWasDead.. you seem to kind of equate real people with people that talk deeply?

I really wouldn't exactly say that I stop thinking and am ignorant.. I feel like "deep" people place so much emphasis on the deep that they consider everyone not "deep" as not real. I mean.. look at Kerouac and the beatniks, they were deeply grounded on philosophy but they also ran around and did everything.. which was a balance of sorts i think.

"They danced down the streets like dingledodies, and I shambled after as I've been doing all my life after people who interest me, because the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes "Awww!" -On the Road
 

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I started reading on the road...I never finished. The library took it back. and I haven't had the chance. See now I understand what your saying, sometimes I consider everyone around me vapid...but then I have to realize that I dont know whats going on in their lives. I don't know. Its even harder to explain now.
 

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Discussion Starter #9
This whole topic is very hard for me to explain and its likely because I have yet to understand it..

But basically this is how I perceive things in my life:

1. I had a long deep thinking phase. It gave me a false validation of self, and did me little good other than forming my core personal values.

2. I began actively changing my life. I stopped thinking in terms of validating myself. While I did have deep thoughts, they were more towards the future and what I had to do to allow myself to like myself.

3. I changed. There was much more stability in my outlook in my life. Through this stability, I was able to continue to think deeply, but now not about myself, or about what I must do as much.. but I guess exploration of the world. I guess now I think to explore and seek more.

I felt in stage one, I would only acknowledge deep people in real people.. since they faced similar lack of connection.

In stage two, I acknowledged all forms of friendliness, they helped me propel in my change.

In stage three (where I am now), I feel that I acknowledge most everyone, but I like those who place a balance between deep thinking and exploration more.. I suppose those that have reached a similar maturation as me.


I like about the new things I think about now. Makes me happier while the world makes more sense.
 

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So I recall thinking a whole whole lot back in middle school and high school.. just about ideas, life, society, myself, etc.. basically I would think a lot when I was unhappy.

But then I realized that thinking about a lot of these things were only methods I would try to use to validate myself and make myself feel better.. but to no avail seeing that nobody really connected with me.. so I only felt worse.

When I realized that thinking really did nothing that made my life any better I kind of stopped.. thinking.. and it really more came down to acting.. and I think that has improved my life phenomenally.

Looking back I found all of my mind dwelling very impractical and insignificant.. I had nothing to gain from it. Nowadays I still do have deep thoughts but.. it is hard to explain.. but they do not dominate my existence.

Anybody else like this? Its hard for me to explain my mentality :/
That's very interesting, I used to do that a lot too and actually I still do. And I agree with you, although I think it's awesome to think and I love it, it can also be bad. Over thinking and over analyzing can definitely be a downfall. It is great to have deep thoughts but I feel like sometimes it's overwhelming and takes a lot of energy away. I like to sometimes just step back from it all and stop thinking so much, just enjoy 'being', I don't need to look for an answer to everything or think about everything.
 

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So I recall thinking a whole whole lot back in middle school and high school.. just about ideas, life, society, myself, etc.. basically I would think a lot when I was unhappy.

But then I realized that thinking about a lot of these things were only methods I would try to use to validate myself and make myself feel better.. but to no avail seeing that nobody really connected with me.. so I only felt worse.

When I realized that thinking really did nothing that made my life any better I kind of stopped.. thinking.. and it really more came down to acting.. and I think that has improved my life phenomenally.

Looking back I found all of my mind dwelling very impractical and insignificant.. I had nothing to gain from it. Nowadays I still do have deep thoughts but.. it is hard to explain.. but they do not dominate my existence.

Anybody else like this? Its hard for me to explain my mentality :/
Wow I know exactly what you mean. For me, that transition you're talking about (going from being completely caught up in often cold and depressing thoughts to realizing how pointless constant pondering really is) probably began my senior year of high school but didn't quite complete until my freshman year of college. I attribute this change to a couple of things. First, I've become considerably more optimistic in the last year, compared to the incessant pessimism that surrounded me in my high school years. Also, I think the reason you and I and many others similar to us were always thinking in those years is because those are the years in which a person discovers his or her identity. We were (or at least I know I was) exploring different ideas, behaviors, and philosophies in order to find ones that best suited our own preferences. Our characteristics become more defined in this period and we become who we will be for the rest of our lives. That's just one of the reasons adolescence is such an important period in every person's life. Many of the things that we explore in this period are quite depressing and the overall process of figuring out who you are can be extremely difficult on us. Erikson defined the conflict in this part of the lifespan as Identity vs Role Confusion. This couldn't be truer in my opinion.

Lately I feel that if I can't connect with someone in a deeper way, then I would not be able to sustain a friendship. It's really true for me, I can't be casual friends because then im not totally myself. And the friends I have now always say that I try to start deep conversations randomly, and sometimes they work..sometimes they dont. I appreciate people who can talk for real is all im saying. So you say you've stopped thinking, which I understand because I find that when I dont think about purposes, Im kind of ignorantly happier in a way, and I take things slowly, and I try not to overwhelm myself. Because then I think again. Its just this delicate balance like you said.
I know what you mean. But at the same time I realize that all people are different. Usually if I have just a few things in common with them and they don't have any glaring conflicts with what I believe in, I can get along with them just fine.
 

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So I recall thinking a whole whole lot back in middle school and high school.. just about ideas, life, society, myself, etc.. basically I would think a lot when I was unhappy.

But then I realized that thinking about a lot of these things were only methods I would try to use to validate myself and make myself feel better.. but to no avail seeing that nobody really connected with me.. so I only felt worse.

When I realized that thinking really did nothing that made my life any better I kind of stopped.. thinking.. and it really more came down to acting.. and I think that has improved my life phenomenally.

Looking back I found all of my mind dwelling very impractical and insignificant.. I had nothing to gain from it. Nowadays I still do have deep thoughts but.. it is hard to explain.. but they do not dominate my existence.

Anybody else like this? Its hard for me to explain my mentality :/
.... As similar as we are I really do not how your mind works or how you come to your conclusions. I don't really know how to explain it. Your slight difference makes me a little uncomfortable.... which I think is a good thing. Logically your paradigm seems like the better route. But I sometimes question whether or not logic is always the better route. But I've never come across someone like you so I'd love to ask more questions. What exactly makes your existence now better than it was before? Happiness level? Do you feel as though you are closer to truth now? What kind of truth?

Why was your mind dwelling so impractical and insignificant? I like the idea of acting rather than pondering forever.... there must be balance of course.... but when one of them becomes too much then it would probably be wise to look elsewhere. I think your idea that " the reason why i thought was to validate myself and make myself feel better" ....I think that's interesting. I'm questioning whether or not that's what I do. I never really came up with an answer with why I thought.... it has just been what I have always done.....think deeply because I seem to be good at it and no one else does. Many people don't dare think deeply at all.... so it's easy to want to do it for no other reason than .... no ones taking on that responsibility.... to think big picture.

Now I have another question. What kind of happy is your happy? I sense that you are generally happy all the time.... but I feel as though ( not meant to be attack at all... just an observation .... and it's not like I am in the place to claim superiority anyway) but I feel as though your happiness seems to be a kind of .... surface level happiness. And perhaps that's just because I dwell deep all the time...and everything must be down in the depths for me xD but yea. And I don't think that's necessarily bad... I mean you are content and you give off a rather steady aura of somewhat positive energy. I dunno haha.
 

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Now I have another question. What kind of happy is your happy? I sense that you are generally happy all the time.... but I feel as though ( not meant to be attack at all... just an observation .... and it's not like I am in the place to claim superiority anyway) but I feel as though your happiness seems to be a kind of .... surface level happiness. And perhaps that's just because I dwell deep all the time...and everything must be down in the depths for me xD but yea. And I don't think that's necessarily bad... I mean you are content and you give off a rather steady aura of somewhat positive energy. I dunno haha.
Last time I checked, a steady aura of somewhat positive energy is a good habit that leads to inner happiness and content and positive energy in others around you. This is not fake positivity even if it is acting, because just the mere act of sensing that the person is being positive will most likely make you mirror them. Also, try pretending to be happy for 5 minutes. Put on a fake smile for a while and soon it will become real. I wish I knew the link to this study in which researchers put a pencil in people's mouths, forcing them to smile, and had them watch cartoons. Those forced to smile laughed significantly more than others. :wink:

I think he is trying to say he used to perceive the world as a bad place and then "grew out of it." Almost like he stopped being a victim and took responsibility for his own life (the just-doing-it stage).

I think not everyone goes through that really really growing up step that makes you an individual and balances out the INFP personality (accepting reality & accepting responsibility for your life).

BTW: experienced college people, I am only in 10th and I am in the process of the "just-doing-it" stage. Have any tips? I have gone through a long bout of depression and recently picked up a slightly reformed group of compassionate friends, but I still am completely aware of all of the actions I make due to my fear of rejection. I still act extremely negative and harsh towards my parents even though they've been loving and accepting to me my whole life.

tl;dr
Jeez, tmi. Positive INFPs: what was the making actions stage like?
 

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Last time I checked, a steady aura of somewhat positive energy is a good habit that leads to inner happiness and content and positive energy in others around you. This is not fake positivity even if it is acting, because just the mere act of sensing that the person is being positive will most likely make you mirror them. Also, try pretending to be happy for 5 minutes. Put on a fake smile for a while and soon it will become real. I wish I knew the link to this study in which researchers put a pencil in people's mouths, forcing them to smile, and had them watch cartoons. Those forced to smile laughed significantly more than others. :wink:
Yea I remember hearing about that study in psychology. good point. I think I'm just really intrigued by him (I know him in real life). I can't really figure him out and so I guess i was just writing my thoughts down to see if they made any sense.
 

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Discussion Starter #17
Logically your paradigm seems like the better route. But I sometimes question whether or not logic is always the better route. But I've never come across someone like you so I'd love to ask more questions. What exactly makes your existence now better than it was before? Happiness level? Do you feel as though you are closer to truth now? What kind of truth?
My existence is better now because not only does the world make a lot more sense (post high school / large amounts of immature hormonal kids), I simply look at things with a different mentality. Before I would look around me and in my head, I would shit all over the world and society while uplifting myself and validating my own existence as an... "intellectual" (hah). Now I look at everything, I assess all the ideas and everything behind them, and instead of bashing the negative aspects I see what is good about it, and how things can be improved. I see the cup half empty, rather than half full.

As for happiness.. I feel happier by looking at things more optimistically. I think I can be more logical in future projections and decisions too when I'm happy. For truth.. I feel that I have grown substantially in this change in outlook.. I guess you might be able to say I'm a bit closer.. but for all I know you might be able to reach it from the mentalities of both my past and present self. I can only say that I am closer to truth from gained experience.. particularly truth of self and of society.

Why was your mind dwelling so impractical and insignificant? I like the idea of acting rather than pondering forever.... there must be balance of course.... but when one of them becomes too much then it would probably be wise to look elsewhere. I think your idea that " the reason why i thought was to validate myself and make myself feel better" ....I think that's interesting. I'm questioning whether or not that's what I do. I never really came up with an answer with why I thought.... it has just been what I have always done.....think deeply because I seem to be good at it and no one else does. Many people don't dare think deeply at all.... so it's easy to want to do it for no other reason than .... no ones taking on that responsibility.... to think big picture.
My mind dwelling was very impractical when there were big issues in my personal life that I had to resolve. Most of my thinking were ways to make my current (problematic) life seem right. The problem was that there were problems in my life, and by thinking all the time about ways to validate myself, nothing was being solved. A lot of my thinking was pretty insignificant in terms of growth or applicability.. and even now that is the case.. so I just try to connect ideas. Its fine to think deeply and all, and I still do that now.. I just do it very objectively and I try to see its place in my life or the real world. Right now in my life I am in no position to affect the "big picture" so I just worry about the small stuff and the people around me. Thats the action right there.

Now I have another question. What kind of happy is your happy? I sense that you are generally happy all the time.... but I feel as though ( not meant to be attack at all... just an observation .... and it's not like I am in the place to claim superiority anyway) but I feel as though your happiness seems to be a kind of .... surface level happiness. And perhaps that's just because I dwell deep all the time...and everything must be down in the depths for me xD but yea. And I don't think that's necessarily bad... I mean you are content and you give off a rather steady aura of somewhat positive energy. I dunno haha.
I am superficially happy nearly all of the time because I know that things will always work out, perhaps not as well as we'd like, but scenarios are very often.. hopeless. My optimistic outlook just pervades my lifestyle.. that is all. Of course I'm not happy all the time in the inside though, and that is where I need to think a bit and then most definitely act upon it, to make myself happy. My emotional needs really aren't being met much nowadays but our music most definitely helps with that ;)
 

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Discussion Starter #18
I think he is trying to say he used to perceive the world as a bad place and then "grew out of it." Almost like he stopped being a victim and took responsibility for his own life (the just-doing-it stage).

I think not everyone goes through that really really growing up step that makes you an individual and balances out the INFP personality (accepting reality & accepting responsibility for your life).

BTW: experienced college people, I am only in 10th and I am in the process of the "just-doing-it" stage. Have any tips? I have gone through a long bout of depression and recently picked up a slightly reformed group of compassionate friends, but I still am completely aware of all of the actions I make due to my fear of rejection. I still act extremely negative and harsh towards my parents even though they've been loving and accepting to me my whole life.

tl;dr
Jeez, tmi. Positive INFPs: what was the making actions stage like?
Yea I think what you and lonewolf were saying is pretty much what I have attempted to convey.

In terms of making actions stage.. I think its probably pretty subjective for each individual. In my case it kind of happened overnight where I realized how unhappy I was and basically this mentality of changing myself was plastered all inside of my mind. I didn't really think about it anymore once I realized what I wanted.. it was just in my head.. and the change came gradually.

I don't think this is the type of change where you say "I'm going to do well on this next test" and you end up actively thinking about ways to improve, actively setting a study schedule, and actively utilize study tips. Its something like "If I continue to get drunk and hit my kids my wife will leave me" or something extremely serious to that extent.. something where there is NO choice in the matter, and basically you don't think about it, it just happens.

At least that is what happened for me.
 

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I'm going through a major change phase now. I do it every 4-5 years. I wrote about it here:

www.infpblog.com/change/time-for-change/

I think all the time. I figured the important things for myself already: what makes me happy, how to get there. I've had a much longer time to think about those things and take action to see if I was right or wrong about what I thought. Lots and lots of thinking is good. INFPs figure out their values early that way and value-driven behavior is a common denominator between people who are happy.

These days, my deep thoughts are not overreaching like what's the meaning of life (for me, it's to live it) or what does it mean to be happy (feeling you have control over the direction of your life). My deep thoughts are mostly INFP related like: why do some INFPs only need 15 minutes a day to recharge while others need days at a time? Why are some INFPs social and likable while other INFPs don't seem to get along with anyone? What does alone time do exactly in order for an INFP to recharge and how is that alone time/recharging cycle different from the 8 other I types that need alone time to recharge?

Luckily these days, my thought don't get stuck in my head. I write about it. It helps.
 

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So I recall thinking a whole whole lot back in middle school and high school.. just about ideas, life, society, myself, etc.. basically I would think a lot when I was unhappy.

But then I realized that thinking about a lot of these things were only methods I would try to use to validate myself and make myself feel better.. but to no avail seeing that nobody really connected with me.. so I only felt worse.

When I realized that thinking really did nothing that made my life any better I kind of stopped.. thinking.. and it really more came down to acting.. and I think that has improved my life phenomenally.

Looking back I found all of my mind dwelling very impractical and insignificant.. I had nothing to gain from it. Nowadays I still do have deep thoughts but.. it is hard to explain.. but they do not dominate my existence.

Anybody else like this? Its hard for me to explain my mentality :/
Yeah, I know what you mean when you say acting makes you feel better than thinking. Taking active steps to do anything always makes me feel like I'm not wasting my time, and since too much activity tires me out, I just do one or two activities a week. It really helps me feel like I'm not just sitting around thinking about doing things and not doing them and using my ideas to positively impact people's lives.

I disagree with you on the part where you said that the thinking didn't help at all...when I'm unhappy, I like to think deep thoughts about life and existence. Even though I know other people aren't thinking about them and it reminds me of how divided I am from them, it doesn't make me feel worse - it's just a part of who I am, and thinking, even if it never amounts to anything, is a great source of joy for me, especially when people don't understand me. it reminds me that I at least understand myself well enough to know what makes me happy. A lot of people can't say that about themselves. = )
 
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