My thoughts exactly minus the religious part. I never actually planned it. But once I took some time to think it through and if it actually made sense. And it did not. So every time I feel frustrated I point myself at my decision where I thought it through to the end and just continue. And life is getting better. It just takes an awful lot of time to do and notice the results.I have thought seriously of suicide more than once - planning it out, preparing for it. One thing I realized, though, it wasn't my life I wanted to end. It was the pain. That got me to thinking constructively. Solving the problem. I would daydream about what I really wanted to happen. Then I would ask myself WHY I wanted it. I kept asking how and why, and eventually got to the root of the problem. Once I understood the pain I was experiencing, I was much better able to cope with it.
Also, I am a deeply religious person, and I believe my body is a gift from God. How would He feel if I destroyed it? For suicide is simply harming your body in such a way as to make it uninhabitable for your spirit. How would I feel if I gave my special one a precious gift - something I selected carefully that I felt she would truly appreciate - and then she destroyed it?
I have found that all I have been through, as painful as it may have been, has made me stronger, and better able to love, understand, and help other people, which is what I really want to do with my life.