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Discussion Starter #1
I've got plenty of wedding ideas, and I'm mainly looking for stories from people who already had their weddings.

What was your theme?

How old were you and your spouse?

How much did you spend?

How many months did you spend planning?

How many guests?

How did you pick the date?

What traditions did you follow and break?

Was there any conflict about having a secular or religious ceremony?

Was there any conflict between parents or in-laws about wedding details?

What was the best part of the wedding?

What was the worst part of the wedding?

How did you decide on who to invite?

Did you invite family members that you were not on speaking terms with?

How much time was there between the civil ceremony and the reception?

What would you change or improve if you could do it over?

Any other advice?

I'll post more questions as they come....thanks!
 

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I was never organized enough to do the organizing myself and I also made that clear when I figured out over 600 people would be attending. Pretty much everyone was invited and there was room for uninvited guests too. It was a great day but it was also great when the day was over and we were ready to undress our costumes............. :)

Are you really excited about organizing the event? Who are you marrying? My wife's an ESFJ.

Following the traditions makes it easier somehow. You just do whatever has always been done. No need to make any decisions (=no chance to procrastinate). Also, if you marry an ESFJ, the decisions are pretty much made before you hear about them. You can count on them telling you where to be and when.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
I was never organized enough to do the organizing myself and I also made that clear when I figured out over 600 people would be attending. Pretty much everyone was invited and there was room for uninvited guests too. It was a great day but it was also great when the day was over and we were ready to undress our costumes............. :)

Are you really excited about organizing the event? Who are you marrying? My wife's an ESFJ.

Following the traditions makes it easier somehow. You just do whatever has always been done. No need to make any decisions (=no chance to procrastinate). Also, if you marry an ESFJ, the decisions are pretty much made before you hear about them. You can count on them telling you where to be and when.
600 people! :crying:

I was planning on having 50 people -- 90% out-of-towners, which makes it uncertain how many people would actually come.

I don't plan on following any traditions. We are both INFPs...
 

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I'm not married, nor was I ever married in the past... But I'll use my imagination to see what would be like in the future for me. :)

What was your theme?
Traditional? I didn't knew weddings had "themes" but okay. XD Nah, I'd like to just have a traditional wedding.

How old were you and your spouse?
N/A

How much did you spend?
N/A

How many months did you spend planning?
Knowing me, I'd probably plan this a year in advance. XD

How many guests?
Both of our parents, so that's 4, my siblings would make up 7 in total, and in combination of other families and friends... I'd say almost 50? >> I'm just guessing...

How did you pick the date?
I'd like for us to get married in the Spring. It's a season of romantic and fuzzy feelings, I think.

What traditions did you follow and break?
I didn't break anything. ^^

Was there any conflict about having a secular or religious ceremony?
Seeing as how I'd marry a guy that I would get along with almost perfectly... I'd say no.

Was there any conflict between parents or in-laws about wedding details?
It happens. :)

What was the best part of the wedding?
The honeymoon. <3

What was the worst part of the wedding?
If our exes dared to crash into our weddings, I'd be a little upset. >>

How did you decide on who to invite?
We had a mature, adult conversation about it over coffee. XD

Did you invite family members that you were not on speaking terms with?
But of course.

How much time was there between the civil ceremony and the reception?
N/A

What would you change or improve if you could do it over?
Nothing at all, I'd make sure things are going smoothly. :3

Any other advice?
Remember that even if there are a few mistakes made in the wedding... To look at it as a funny memory instead of a bad one. Nothing in life can ever be perfect, so learn to laugh! Laughter is essential to any marriages. :D
 

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Good points ForsakenMe. Obviously there's going to be someone with the video camera so you'll get to laugh at yourselves later too.

But yeah if you're both I's, you might not have as many friends as E's, not to mention your neighbours and nannies and the friends of your parents....

I take it that you're going to do the organizing part yourself then? Not all the traditions were so much fun. Imagine an INFP walking to the stage and giving a talk. "One two... yup the microphone works... umm..." I close my eyes and ears when we watch that part of the DVD but I did it and survived :)
 

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600 people?! I don't think I'd make it out in front of everyone before hyperventilating and passing out.

I've technically done the marriage thing, but there was no wedding. I'm quite happy there wasn't one, but anywho, yeah, I've never actually gone so far as to actually entirely plan one in my head, but I can tell you what's been consistent in my head for years if I ever did do the whole wedding thing.

What was your theme?
Theme wouldn't be themed so much as outside in a field near a waterfall or on a beach or something like that with only a few witnesses/guests. I'm not particularly religious, but I am spiritual and so being out and declaring my vows of forever while out in the middle of nature would be a must. If there was a theme, it would most likely be a combination of my heritage and his, whatever that would end up being.

How much did you spend?
Amount spent would be very little - I'd spend most of the money on the reception, and that would be for the DJ and rental and whatnot. The wedding itself would be fairly simple methinks.

How many months did you spend planning?
Amount of time planning would be spent primarily on the reception again - the wedding is about me and my soulmate declaring forever for each other and those we are closest to, the reception is where we celebrate that with everyone.

How many guests?
Wedding would be no more than 20 (fewer I hope) and the reception would be whoever wanted to celebrate with us.

How did you pick the date?
Something that had meaning to both of us - most likely a spring or fall ceremony, either one for different reasons. It would depend on us and what our relationship was like, but I'm actually leaning toward a spring wedding.

What traditions did you follow and break?
Traditions? What traditions? Actually, this would be something that would be very dependent upon my other half and what was important to him and what we determined was important for us.

Was there any conflict about having a secular or religious ceremony?
I doubt there would be, it would just be about whether certain elements were involved or not.

Was there any conflict between parents or in-laws about wedding details?
Oy, this could be getting out onto weird waters. I've no idea, but I hope not!

What was the best part of the wedding?
n/a

What was the worst part of the wedding?
n/a

How did you decide on who to invite?

Only people invited to the wedding itself would be people who were Very Important to us. Everyone else will be coming to the reception, thank you very much.

Did you invite family members that you were not on speaking terms with?

Yeah... probably... yay for awkward silences?

How much time was there between the civil ceremony and the reception?
Up for debate, could be the same day, but most likely would be either a few days or weeks later depending on when family/friends would be able to get into town.

What would you change or improve if you could do it over?
n/a

Any other advice?

Don't do something that you're uncomfortable with and don't insist he do something he's uncomfortable with. Nothing good could come from it. How you plan your wedding is a sign of how your relationship will be - a lot of conflict or heel setting is not a good sign.
 
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I just got married in July! Here's my answers.

What was your theme? Cats. On our invites, the place settings, some other decor, too.

How old were you and your spouse? 30 for both of us.

How much did you spend? Not sure. Our parents chipped in a lot. I don't want to think about how much we spent....

How many months did you spend planning? Probably really started thinking about it 6-7 months before it came.

How many guests? 170

How did you pick the date? We got married July 1 at the Justice of the Peace, because that was my recently deceased grandmother's birthday. We only invited our immediate family to this. Then we had the big reception with 170 guests two days later because that was when the weekend fell.

What traditions did you follow and break? We didn't have a ceremony in which all were invited. We didn't and still don't have rings. I didn't change my name. We didn't give out wedding favors. We didn't do the daddy-daughter dance, or mother-son dance. We didn't have a "bridal party". Most things we didn't do, actually. But what we did instead of having a bridal party was we asked groups of our friends to perform specific songs at the reception. We have about 45 minutes of live music all played by our friends. I even sang a karaoke song (Stand By Your Man). My dad also performed. The groom played some songs with a band and changed the words to my name. We didn't have a DJ, instead we made a very special wedding mix on the mp3 player and hired a sound man (a friend) to make sure it was set up good. The whole thing kinda revolved around music. And it was in a barn. At the justice of the peace, we wrote our own vows.

Was there any conflict about having a secular or religious ceremony? No conflict at all. Our grandmas are both Christian, but we aren't. We allowed them to each give us a special blessing/toast, in which they mentioned God, but we were fine with that. Otherwise, there was no religion and no one objected. At least not to our face.

Was there any conflict between parents or in-laws about wedding details? My mother is a huge traditionalist. She probably caused the most annoyance for me. She would go out and buy things and assume I wanted them. Like, she bought me this garter for the garter toss. she didn't even ask if I was going to do that, she just assumed. There were some other instances like this, too. The groom's mom seemed a little put off that we didn't do wedding favors. I just didn't see the point. Why give people little mementos that they are likely not to want and might even just throw away? Seemed silly to me. Also the grooms mom put in a LOT of work making decorations for us, and we were grateful because everything looked nice, but I think we didn't show enough appreciation. Not that we were rude, but we just didn't care as much as she did about the decorations. She's really into arts & crafts and spent lots of time and money making hundreds of bows and whatnot. Both me and my husband were pretty indifferent to everything, and we tried very hard to seem excited about the bows, but I think she saw through it.I guess if I were to do it over again, I would have asked her to keep the decor to a minimum just so that we wouldn't feel so pressured/guilty about it. She really really cared about it, and honestly, we were much more into the music and seeing people part of it. I'm afraid we might have appeared unappreciative.

What was the best part of the wedding?
Having everyone you care about all in one place at the same time! Nothing beats that!

What was the worst part of the wedding? Feeling anxiety about stupid stuff. Oh and thank-you cards are a bitch. I think they are important, but you feel extremely guilty until you get them all done. It's like the devil on your shoulder until every last one is finished. And believe me, you want them to be heartfelt and nice, so you take your time, and it ends up taking wayyyy tooo long.

How did you decide on who to invite? I made a list. Counted it. It seemed reasonable. Then we asked our parents if we forgot anyone, and they added a few more people. It still seemed reasonable. We didn't really have any issues about who to invite.

Did you invite family members that you were not on speaking terms with? No. Husband nor I don't have anyone like that. thankfully!

How much time was there between the civil ceremony and the reception? almost two days.

What would you change or improve if you could do it over? The timing of the speeches and eating. I think the speeches should have happened while or after we ate as opposed to before. That's about it. Minor shit. Oh and I would explain to the photographer that I wanted more pictures of the guests than I do of me and the groom! I swear, all the pictures I got back were just of me and the groom! I really wanted to have some pictures of the guests, you know, at least one picture of each person, but for some reason they only took pictures of a few guests and then just followed me around the whole time. I was pretty disappointed about that. Also, I had assigned seating, but there were three tables that wouldn't fit in the space and had to go downstairs. I felt incredibly guilty about putting people downstairs. Especially since it was assigned seating, so I had to actually CHOOSE who went down there. That kind of tore me up. So I think my advice on that is, make sure you have a space in which everyone can all sit in the same room so you don't have to appear to have chosen favorites if you do assigned seating.

Any other advice?

Don't make it formal. unless you really really want to. I think people like an informal wedding and reception. they stay longer, have more fun, they smile more, etc. just make it fun!!
yeah weddings! haha :crazy:
 

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I've got plenty of wedding ideas, and I'm mainly looking for stories from people who already had their weddings.

What was your theme?
We didn't really have a theme. We did, however, incorporate our favorite scripture in the design of our invitations and in each of our vows.

How old were you and your spouse?
21 and 23

How much did you spend?
Between my husband and I, my parents, my grandfather, and his parents it was around $30K (not including jewelry or honeymoon). My grandfather would give each granddaughter $15K as a wedding gift to be used on the ceremony/reception.

How many months did you spend planning?
Well, I started when I was 8 so... 156? Just kidding. Our engagement was eleven months long.

How many guests?
Invited 350. About 200 showed.

How did you pick the date?
Our original date was scratched because his sister was due with her first baby a week before the wedding and wouldn't be able to travel. Not wanting to piss off the in-laws, we chose a date that was a month later.

What traditions did you follow and break?
My husband (INFJ) and I are both pretty traditional and I can't specifically remember any traditions that we broke. If I remember, I'll add it.

Was there any conflict about having a secular or religious ceremony?
None.

Was there any conflict between parents or in-laws about wedding details?
No. Our parents didn't meet each other in person until the week of the wedding.

What was the best part of the wedding?
Our entire relationship had being long distance so knowing that we wouldn't ever be apart again was pretty moving.

What was the worst part of the wedding?
My dad being so choked up he couldn't say, "Her mother and I" when asked. Still makes me teary to this day.

How did you decide on who to invite?
Family (and second/third cousins, great aunts, etc. are all considered family), close friends, close co-workers, favorite teachers, neighbors were all invited. Basically we wanted to celebrate with anyone who had made an impact on our lives; they each shaped us in their own unique way and were the reason we were the person the other wanted to spend the rest of their life with!

Did you invite family members that you were not on speaking terms with?
No. They were no longer a part of our lives. (Their choice, not ours.)

How much time was there between the civil ceremony and the reception?
Thirty minutes.

What would you change or improve if you could do it over?
It was 105 the day we got married, so I would probably change the date. (Due to work assignments, that wasn't feasible at that time.)

Any other advice?
-Be comfortable. I had nightmares about tripping on the stairs to the altar. Literally, cold sweat, soaked sheets, all of it. So I wore my old ratty tennis shoes during the ceremony (they couldn't be seen under my gown) and I'm still glad I did.

-Splurge on your photographer and videographer.

-Our rehearsal dinner was so much fun. The guys conspired to all wear Hawaiian shirts and made for some great photo ops. Even our 3 year old ring bearer got in on it. It was cute. We had a very informal lunch buffet after the rehearsal. My husband and his family are from Illinois and I am from Texas so we had the best Tex-Mex restaurant in the area cater the lunch (Tex-Mex doesn't really exist in the Midwest). His family *still* talks about the food and how much they loved it. That evening, the entire wedding party (including their families/dates) went to race go-carts and played laser-tag. The bride's side won each race and the groom's side cleaned up in laser tag. There was nothing quite like shooting your future mother and father-in-law the night before you marry their son. :proud:

-Stick to your guns. I had a very specific idea for how I wanted the flowers to look (one particular rose and *NO* greenery/baby's breath/filler). Both the florist and my mom tried to dissuade me, but I insisted and the bouquets, boutonnieres, and arrangements turned out beautifully.

-This is your and your future husband's day. Enjoy each and every second of it. :proud:
 

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Discussion Starter #10
Thanks for the ideas everybody! If I had to answer my own questions, I'd want my wedding to be like this...


What was your theme?
Rustic - near the woods

How old were you and your spouse?
mid-20s

How much did you spend?
less than $5,000. I hear that people usually spend between $20,000 and $30,000 -- yikes!

How many months did you spend planning?
6 months or less

How many guests?
20-50

How did you pick the date?
not sure yet...

What traditions did you follow and break?
No traditions followed. Civil ceremony at city hall in the afternoon with a couple of witnesses, then celebration in the evening. I don't plan on wearing a white gown with a veil, having a bridal shower, a bachelorette's party, speech-giving, and stuff like that. What I want is something like a family reunion where the main activities include eating and enjoying the company you have.

Was there any conflict about having a secular or religious ceremony?
Hopefully not. I want to have a completely secular wedding.

Was there any conflict between parents or in-laws about wedding details?
If there was, it would be over a clash of cultures

What was the best part of the wedding?
Eating and dancing with the people we love

What was the worst part of the wedding?
(if there was one, then some people who mattered a lot couldn't make it)

How did you decide on who to invite?
The people who affected us the most.

Did you invite family members that you were not on speaking terms with?
I wouldn't want to.

How much time was there between the civil ceremony and the reception?
A few hours?
 

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Discussion Starter #11
I have another question for y'all. Actually, I want your opinions about one of the questions above about who to invite.

I really really really want a small wedding.

And I don't want to invite my parents. They have made my life a living hell, but I still live with them. We don't talk to each other anymore. The thing is, I KNOW they still care about me, but in an emotionally abusive passive-aggressive way. At my graduation ceremony, I remember my dad had a sour face the entire time and kept complaining how bad the ceremony was, compared it to another sibling's graduation, and he did this during the ceremony, on the ride home, and for weeks after that. That's the kind of dad I have. My mom is more quiet.

On my wedding day, I don't want my dad to be sitting at my table of ~15 guests and ignore people with a giant frown, and then later tell my mom and siblings what poor decisions I had made about my wedding, who I chose to marry, etc.

ANOTHER THING, I would feel like a terrible human being for not inviting my parents. For god's sake, my mom still makes me homemade chicken soup when she hears me sneezing and coughing. But she tells my sister to deliver it to me. I don't talk to them on a daily basis. I've talked to my dad (shared words) maybe twice in the last 2 years. I've talked to my mom maybe once a month.

BTW, this is what I'm talking about: Lillian and Leonard Wedding Photography: Jane and Warrick, the wedding

But I know his parents would be disappointed. I get along with them, but I would much rather have a gathering of less than 10 people -- people who really accept us as we are with absolute love. His mom is judgmental towards me, even though she says she likes me.
 

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I never fantasized about my wedding. It all seems like too much trouble. At least any wedding I've been to has been some preacher who really doesn't know the couple droning on and on with some heartless impersonal bible passages. I have no reason to get married, except for financial purposes. The wedding is all for show, and I hate being the center of attention. I'll probably just be signing a license in the court house and a nice weekend out with my husband.

I only have one request of my future husband. I want this cake when we do get married. It is a stipulation, and there will be no marriage without it. :wink:

 

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Discussion Starter #13
I never fantasized about my wedding. It all seems like too much trouble. At least any wedding I've been to has been some preacher who really doesn't know the couple droning on and on with some heartless impersonal bible passages. I have no reason to get married, except for financial purposes. The wedding is all for show, and I hate being the center of attention. I'll probably just be signing a license in the court house and a nice weekend out with my husband.
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I don't plan on having a preacher at my wedding. I plan on having a very good friend serve as an officiator.

And I used to be against marriage too. But I realized there was much more about it than how superficial it seems when we are younger. To be sure, it is superficial the way weddings are more for show these days and celebrate who can "put on" and spend more than everyone else, rather than the celebration of marriage.

But I have seen some good ones done. And for me, it is not only about being able to visit my boyfriend when he is in the hospital because I am officially family, but it is also about celebrating it with the people we love the most -- the people who will stand there and recognize that from this day forward, we are a family. And to have the people who have supported my dreams and crazy ideas and accept me as I am would be a gift unto itself. Traditions are important to me insofar as I can make them personal and meaningful.
 

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Perhaps I need to see more good weddings. The people I've known to get married have weddings because it is expected. My 'wedding' will be a court house date and maybe a small party with 4 or 5 friends, plus the excuse to take off of work and have a nice vacation with my new husband. That is what I romanticize. The wedding seems stressful, expensive, and would be done just to be done rather than out of wanting to celebrate.

I honestly can't think of a reason to publicly announce and celebrate love like that. It seems so... I don't know. I want to say narcissistic, but that isn't quite right. I don't want to imply condescension, but it just isn't for me.

My boyfriend at the moment agrees with me. Although marriage is far off as we've been together for only 3 years, and we are in our earlier 20's so I think we're too young to get involved with the legalities. Our marriage (if we get to that point, and I will be happy to see that we do) will be something personal and meaningful, just not public. :happy:
 
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