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Discussion Starter #1
What's your thoughts on friends and acquaintances?

I ask, because recently I had the luxury of meeting an INFP in the wild. I'd describe the person as very robotic, but the mannerisms are in the form of emotion. This INFP would never let me get to close to her. Instead, she'd be the one to come to me. I had no say in whatever social game she was playing. She isn't doing it for popularity, as she'll sit quietly in the background more often than not. But she's always off in the corner eavesdropping. She's made it a point to be in everyone's social circle. People seem to buy the sweet act. The few times I've played a hand in matters, I've seen something far more cynical.

For what purpose? Am I looking at a Superficial INFP? Is this an isolated incident?

/inquiring ISTP
 
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Our shyness does often come off as being aloof. I can relate to her. I mean, I never tried to be in everyone's social circle, but I was always the one sitting off to the corner, keeping my mouth shut and just listening. I wouldn't say it's a "sweet act". We really do prefer to listen more than talk.

This INFP would never let me get to close to her. Instead, she'd be the one to come to me. I had no say in whatever social game she was playing.
As for this, I don't think I quiet get what you're saying. Can you explain more?
 

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Well yes, it's possible she's "playing a social game" it's a game called "be nice to everyone and make the world a better place".
This is what I'm looking for. What would be an INFP's motivation to do this? I get this strange feeling an INFP would bolt at the first sign of trouble.
 
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This is what I'm looking for. What would be an INFP's motivation to do this? I get this strange feeling an INFP would bolt at the first sign of trouble.
Honestly I do the same thing a lot of the time.
I just sit back and listen and observe everyone.
I think it's easier for us to not have conflict and to not really want
to get in the middle of any trouble so instead of 'bolting' we might just
ignore it or stay away from it which some people might percieve as being two-faced
or an "innocent act"
but really it's just a way of remaining at peace with ourselves.

Except if you are challenging something we are very passionate about
then you'll have an angry INFP on your hands and you'll see a very un-innocent
non sweet side
 

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i'm lucky i've got a good bunch of friend's who don't lie to me or anything, they're all introverts so they get me pretty well.i wish i had an INFP friend IRL we'd have a great time
 
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This description of your INFP - I wonder if that's how I come across to others. Yes, I listen, because I care about people, and I want to know them. I'm too shy to ask people about themselves, unless it's a one-on-one conversation. Then I focus on the other person. I don't think of myself as nosy. I never share anything I know about people with others. I don't like to talk. But I do like to listen. The more I listen to people, the more I understand them, the more I like them - with few exceptions. The more I like a person, the easier it is to work on developing a friendship. And, for me, anyway, developing a friendship is very difficult, and requires a lot more courage than I normally have. Without exception, I know much more about my friends than they know about me. I care more about my friends than they care about me.

Now I'm getting off topic. Don't even remember what the original topic was... :blushed:
 

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This sounds like a typical INFP.... No social game, its just the way we are. I'm sure many times I'm misunderstood because I appear aloof in social circles. But I don't like the spotlight. I'm not uncomfortable sitting in the background and just observing, but I often wonder if it makes others uncomfortable. I know my younger years I know it came off as conceit. ~ About not letting you get close to her... Thats ok. Let her open up a her own pace, if she chooses to do so. We live in a predominantly extroverted world, so I think INFP's are frequently misunderstood. Even being an INFP, I find others like myself enigmatic. As far as being cynical, any personality type is capable of that quality...
 

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I could see how I could come across this way. I have something of an misanthropic streak and critical side, but I understand how socially unacceptable this is so I play the nice game at times...I wouldn't say I ever wanted to learn to play the 'nice' role, but was forced to by the evil pack mentality of girls. I am also deeply interested in people and their nature so I like to observe and participate, but when I participate there is always a bit of that detachment there...It can't ever go away with strangers.
 

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10 fingers 10 friends

that is enough
 

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Back in high school I never belonged in any social groups. I tended to float around, and say hi to different groups. Though I usually stuck around girls I would like and if I really liked her, I would try to join her social group. Doing that made me miserable, and I never realized until now how miserable I was attempting to hang around girls who didn't like me in the first place.
Sorry to have gone off-topic... I needed to get that out... Especially since I just lost someone I thought was a close friend from high school.
 

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My sister is an ISTJ, so I can relate on how ISTJ's think. I know it may seem strange that INFP's have silent power, we're trying to help everyone. We're not going to try to sabotage you unless you hurt our moral structure. I think you are being a little paranoid which is more apparent in ISTJ's.
 

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Strangers. Kept at arms length. Friends described me, when they were strangers, as stoic, serious, rigid, aloof, and practically unreadable. If a stranger isn't put off by my stoicness, and approaches me, I am surprisingly polite and warm, and I try to attend to their needs as best I can, but I never give anything more than that.

Acquaintances. Toward them, I'm warm, I'm polite, I'm modest, I'm attentive when they speak (for the most part). I prefer to listen and blend into the background. They think I'm quiet, shy, nice, but they still might be unsure of who I really am. Everything, from meetings to hangouts, are made on my terms. I will cancel last minute if I'm suddenly not up for it anymore. Acquaintances are allowed past the moat, but they never cross the inner wall.

Friends are allowed inside the inner wall, into the market square. I'm not afraid to be silly or goofy in their presence. These people are usually close to my close friends, and that's how I've met them and have been exposed to them over and over again. This is where I start getting comfortable with initiating physical contact: hugs, pats, horseplay, etc. But they are not allowed inside the castle.

Close friends are allowed inside the castle. I've never known an INFP to have more than three close friends. They know how I feel about practically everything. Serious conversations are had, and I'm very talkative. I goof around. I hug. I disagree. I don't like conflict, but I'm not afraid of having it with these people. They are the rain to my tree. These people stimulate me. They teach me and vice versa. For the most part, they "get me". I am emotional around them, giving them glimpses of the inside of my head and my heart. I have many deep convictions, and though they only see a few of them, they see more than anyone ever will. I choose them wisely and with great care. I have gauged who they are over time, perhaps many years. These people are given top priority. I will cancel other plans if they are suddenly available.
 

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Strangers see me either as cold, emotionally distant, and impolite, or awkward and spacey. It depends on the specific stranger. I'm very submissive, and rather afraid of them.

Acquaintances view me as sweet, yet distant. I really only want to listen, rather than talk about myself. I'm submissive and afraid of them, too.

My friends see a small peek at the real me. I'm usually shy still, but I begin to tell them how I feel, and do not submit as much as before. I still seek their approval, and will do things to get such, but am not afraid of them.

My best friends are seriously the most important thing in my life. If I was asked to give up everything for the sake of my them, I'd more than likely do it, and my friends know that. My friends say that I'm witty, understanding, intelligent, and very kind. But I'll also be argumentative and unafraid to show them disrespect. I can be dominating, and impulsive when it comes to decisions that can affect them, only thinking afterwards.
 

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What's your thoughts on friends and acquaintances?

I'd describe the person as very robotic, but the mannerisms are in the form of emotion.
I've been trying for awhile to find the right words to describe how I appear! (Not to tell others but so I know where I stand) That is exactly what I've been looking for. It's very hard (at least for me) to know how you are seen from the outside when you're stuck in your own dreamland. As to what @Brandon Boykin said (plus a few others) about the whole castle level thing, I believe that is very accurate. But my inner castle sometimes leaks a little. I just deleted a whole paragraph that was one such leak. :p
 

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Perhaps in her mind she is not eavesdropping, but trying to grasp the flow of a conversation, wishing to enter it, but feeling inept. I prefer to dip my hands into multiple social circles as well, for variation and to avoid being Clique'd. I sit in the background and "eavesdrop". This is the best place to listen to an extrovert in his element, to single out a particular voice in the group: someone confident, amiable, who listens as well as he speaks, someone who reserves judgment, someone who can potentially be isolated from the group and spoken to human-to-human. A friend.

Finding such a person, for me, is like creating a point of reference - There! I will direct my persona at this person, even when speaking to another or the whole, all my words and actions will be for his benefit - now I can enter this game, a veritable double dutch of interjecting conversations and wordplay. I don't make friends so much as I seek out people I admire, to console my loneliness and my wish to be understood, that someone might crack my shell. I live for this person, I long for him.

I hope you reserve judgment as well, because this girl could not be as you are suspecting. I consider myself an inauthentic person, an actor in public, full of ulteriors, looking for consolation through closeness and friendship I feel I don't even deserve.
 
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