Personality Cafe banner

1 - 20 of 34 Posts

·
Banned
Joined
·
1,680 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Obviously it depends on the other individuals who make up the group, but lets say you were put in a group where everyone are strangers. You've been given a task/ job/ whatever, to do, how to you behave in such a group dynamic?

You've got the confident/ take-charge 'I'm the leader' alpha male, who others will follow, the natural leader with the suble approach, the go with the flow followers, there's probably more types, and the outsider.

Obviously I'm not basing this thread on scientific research... So...



Me: I have a tendency to lead but in a 'we' sort of way, with a 'let's just get this done' mentality. If other's take charge and I don't agree with them, or if i'm not being listened to I'll switch to the outsider.

What about you other INFPs?

Any interesting 'working in a group/ part of a team' stories?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
616 Posts
What about you other INFPs?
Any interesting 'working in a group/ part of a team' stories?
-----Our communication style tends to be informing rather than directing, which can present some challenges. See Interaction Styles . We also tend to eschew control, which again presents some challenges. http://www.vtwellness.net/assets/self-exam_INFP.pdf . However, we can make excellent leaders when we see a lack of leadership. It's a sort of, "well I guess I'm gonna have to do it or else it ain't gonna get done right," kind of thing.
-----I am an Organizer of a Meetup (platonic, people with common interests, meetings) group for NFs. I'm finding that patience and the ability to handle change are quite important characteristics in leaders. If I am also host, I explain the whole informing style thing, and handle what little conflict there is by explaining what is happening as it is happening. It works. It's just not that seize-the-reins kind of leadership, which essentially treats the other people in the group like dumb animals that need to be steered. I treat the members of the group as equals--cause that's what they are. I guess it's more like being a facilitator than lecturer.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
15,453 Posts
If i don't like where the group is going or what they are doing -- I leave. I can't STAND this "we" mentality, "i'm loyal to the pack", Team Player.....following along with what the leader decides, must do what the group says to keep friends.... Fuggetaboutit. I just don't think I have ever sacrificed *me* for *them*.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,960 Posts
A facilitator is good. Or as I call it, a "host" or a "hostess" kind of attitude. Though I guess depending on the context and the group that you have with you, the style needs to differ. (This is why I often say on here that a person should be in the context that he or she is in etc. Cos the world is so large, and the social context is so vast. There is no one rule fits all.) I cannot use a hostess kind of style of communication say in the board room, or my office meetings but then I can be when I am in front of a group of female friends.

Board room meetings: - factual. timing, courtesy. respect.
Female get togethers: - empathy. listening. supportive. inclusive.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,818 Posts
At school, I feel I'm not too good at groups any larger than about 5. What I tend to do is if I'm not 100% invested in the conversation or if I'm shy of those people is just sit there and listen. Eventually I'll flit to another group, where I also listen, then I'll flit back and then I'll just stand in the middle of a bunch of different groups feeling alone. Then, I tell myself off for moping and try again.

It's either that, or I steal someone from the group conversation... 1on1 for the win!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,818 Posts
Oh and about group leadership - on the occassions that I lead, I find I focus on achieving mutual respect for all members of the group. As long as we all respect eachother's identities and ideas then people leave sessions smiling and saying 'that really clicked'. I find trying to get peoples' attention really hard if they all start talking. And I felt bad about banning phones from meetings for a week. And I kept asking my INFJ friend if she thought I was being too frontal or too dithering all the time.

I think that I and most INFPs would probably find their biggest concern when leading doing a good job for the rest of the group. My worry was always that I was scaring or annoying people. And I think they were bemused by how appreciative I was of their efforts too - people naturally ascribe success to one or two leaders when really all group success should be equally shared if everyone put their back into it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,140 Posts
The groups I have the most experience with as of the last 6 years are ones where I was a facilitator in teaching crisis counseling. Typically I have a group of 6-8 trainees and one co-trainer. The two of us spend around 35 hours over 4 days teaching these 6-8 people how to handle a crisis phone call. It's more than just teaching, it's also supporting the group members and self-disclosing our own feelings. It can get very intense and draining. We deal with all kinds of crises, rape, suicide, death, drugs, financial, housing, sickness, etc. You can bet every one of those group members has direct experience with at least one kind of life crisis and you need to be there to support them when they begin talking about it. Not only do you need to support them, but by supporting them within this group, you are teaching by example to the other group members how to support someone who is feeling highly emotional.

So, when I am a facilitator in this kind of group, I find myself opening up my soul, to its bare bones, trying to soak up all the feelings in the room like a sponge and be able to articulate this. It is a challenge, yes, but it is incredibly powerful and rejuvenating. I knock down my protective walls and take a lot of risks. I vocalize my feelings as the come up and I try to connect with everyone on a feeling level. I am at a heightened sense of empathy, where I can feel how every individual in the room is feeling and I try to vocalize this. I try to point it out. I try to include everyone. I try to bring in people who are sitting on their feelings. I try to make them feel comfortable and safe so that they can open up and see how it feels to be supported by the group. So they can see that talking about their feelings in a safe environment is actually a relief and feels good. By doing this, I am teaching them how to handle a crisis call. We are all strangers at first, just as the people who call are strangers. But you have to be able to connect with them quickly on a feeling level. This is what I try to do with group members and I encourage them to do.

People have told me that I am very grounded in myself and appear comfortable expressing how I feel. I have also been told that I can see into their soul and I always know how people are feeling somehow. :) As dramatic as that sounds, it's all about just being able to show your love for other people. Let people in, and they will let you in. If you tell yourself that you love and care about each person in that group, it comes across that way and you can connect with them better.

Other groups that are not feeling-focused are blah and boring to me. I usually will suggest things but if they get rejected, I don't care that much. I don't put in much effort in being a group player unless it matters to me somehow. I'm happy to follow the leader, if I must. I might feel resentful if the leader is doing something stupid and making everyone else do it, but if it's not a huge important part of my life, I just go along with it. It doesn't really matter.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
2,025 Posts
I have an idea how I'd do but, but I've never led any groups offline (not even informal groups). Other INFPs also have never been leaders? Maybe that's why this type of topic (it's not highly original) never gets many replies?
 
  • Like
Reactions: Geoffrey

·
Registered
Joined
·
252 Posts
Considering that I am an Eagle Scout, and one of the requirements for it is to plan and lead a service project, I do have some leadership experience. I'm not that effective of an authoritarian leader, Most of the time I stand around and observe to make sure nothing is going wrong.

I prefer to lead by example, because it allows people to choose whether to follow me and I'm not fond of bossing people around.

Usually when I am a part of a group I usually have some interesting insight or beliefs that no one else has considered because they are all so similar. (IOW the bible study for college students I am in) However I feel withdrawn from the group if we don't spend some time connecting to each other. (forming)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,522 Posts
Me, it depends on the chemistry of the people & the situation. I don't normally like group/team projects because I always feel forced to be fake to fit in. And if I don't fake it I stand out like a purple clown in a thong with a light saber at a rodeo. If I have to do group stuff I generally just let the alpha types takes over. If there aren't any & everyone's standing around staring at the floor I'll step in & lead. I don't like forcing my decisions on people though so I try to be as diplomatic as I can & draw people into equal ownership of the process. I don't mind being a facilitator. Sometimes I love it but I just can't do the dictator thing. I know some guys love that. In a rare scenario, like a battlefield or violent riot I could go alpha fast if lives depended on me. That's about the only time.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,835 Posts
Generally I'm the outsider. But there have been situations where I knew more than the other people in the group and have been appointed leader. In those situations my general approach is to do as much of the work as possible, as I've learnt from experience not to trust others to get the job done. I give the other group members small jobs to do so that they get the sense that they are involved and contributing and I praise them on the rare occasions that they actually do them.

Now that I think about it, I'm pretty bad leader who looks down on his fellow team members. But I get results (sometimes) and that's all that matters. *Bangs fist on the desk*
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
616 Posts
I saw this and thought that it can be something I did in the past with kids, but it is pretty true when it comes to emotional resilience. Which I think many INFPs have. That Fi control. The issue is not to fret, and let things get chaotic I guess.
https://www.det.nsw.edu.au/proflearn/areas/sld/metaphors/mcwilliamsp_met.html
I really like the duck metaphor. :) !
-----@Bago: What an excellent find! I am going to quote the whole thing since some people might see "duck metaphor" and not click on the link even though you made an excellent find.
~~~~----~~~~----~~~~
I am a classroom teacher. But sometimes, being in a small school, I have the responsibility of running the school when the Principal is absent for various reasons.
When we had to think about a metaphor for leadership, the first thing I thought of was The Duck. My observation of our Principal was that she was so calm in her dealings with staff, students and parents.
I had this vision of a duck.
Calmly, serenely, in the pond, outwardly showing emotional intelligence, underneath paddling towards the right decisions. As I had to deal with small crises: parent issues, student problems, staff personal problems, I could see that I had to show leadership like a mother duck. I had to show that I was emphathetic to problems, but also thinking quickly about how I could solve the problem. Paddling like mad.
It surprises me just how much I need to know about who to contact when I am not sure what to do. So I can't panic. Because people around me are looking for leadership.
So my metaphor remains. The Duck. That's how I still see myself. Because that's what I am still accomplishing. Dealing with problems with calmness, caring and the knowledge that my school respects me for the job I have to do from time to time.
I am so proud of the fact that the staff treat me with respect when I have to make decisions which are often difficult, that the students see me as a leader in the school when the Principal is absent, that I can work efficiently with the office staff. Like a duck. Outwardly efficient, inwardly saying, ok, what do I do.
So I am still a duck. Looking serene on the the top of our pond, but knowing that when I paddle madly I'm sure I know where I am going.
I hope this does not sound frivolous. This is the way I see myself in the leadership role. As I lead the staff and school in my challenge, I feel comfortable.
But it's those every day things that crop up that makes me think about the duck. Don't panic. Think calmly and lead by example.
Source: https://www.det.nsw.edu.au/proflearn/areas/sld/metaphors/mcwilliamsp_met.html
 
  • Like
Reactions: Marimeli and wisdom

·
Registered
Joined
·
42 Posts
In group projects at school, I was kind of just expected to be group leader because people knew me as "the smart girl."

Oh....sure...I am the smart girl. But I'm not very good at getting my own work done. I would get so stressed out because a lot of the time, people would just expect me to do ALL the work.

I'm great at guiding people through the creative process of projects. But I'm definitely not a great organizer and I am not a great speaker. I am the great force BEHIND a project, I'm good at facilitating and explaining what needs to happen. The only way I can command people is if I start acting like a big meanie.

I've had a lot of issues working in groups that weren't picked to my advantage. Any old bunch of people is extremely hard to work with, since I have ideas of what SHOULD be done, and get really frustrated when other people don't meet my expectations for the sake of everyone.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,308 Posts
I do not like groups. If I am forced to function in one I am usually a councillor. I am the person who does the analysis and the thinking. I depend on the leadership to give me that space and if they do not, I do not function well. Its very rare of me to take over.
 

·
MOTM Dec 2012
Joined
·
12,239 Posts
I prefer to lead by example, because it allows people to choose whether to follow me and I'm not fond of bossing people around
This is my philosophy as well.

I always feel too inadequate for some reason when I'm put into a "leadership" role, so I'd rather let people choose.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,356 Posts
I think I'm a terrible leader because I have amazing ideas and flashes of insight, but when it comes to the nuts and bolts and the practical decisions to make those ideas actually happen, i flounder. So I usually work in a group as the "ideas chick" and then the mediator as people decide what idea to go with and how to get it done. I'm good at translating different communication styles--like so and so always immediately points out the flaws in a plan and the other guy gets personally offended and I say, "his critique of the plan shows you he thinks it's worth working on to make better, mr. Other guy. And mr. So and so, maybe you could say what you like about the plan first before immediately crapping on it because Other Guy is pretty sensitive about it and he will be more receptive."

Course I'm a teacher and I get lots of good evaluations, so me saying I'm a horrible leader may be some INFP unwarranted self-criticism...
 
  • Like
Reactions: Geoffrey

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,356 Posts
Also, I was on a project once where two team members were always fighting and I would mediate between them and they both would get mad at me for saying, "look at it from his perspective." they'd be like, "why are you always taking his side???" and didn't want to hear that I was telling the other person the same thing to try to get them to some middle ground. Lol
 
  • Like
Reactions: Geoffrey

·
Banned
Joined
·
875 Posts
...i don't do anything...i distance myself if i am nuetral/dislike the group...if i like the group(i've never been in one...)...i would probably suggest ideas...and try to keep the flow...i would be alone if possible regardless of my feelings toward the humansl when doing creative work/work/school project/whatever....

@Marimeli
...lol...that sounds like me if i like the people....otherwise i side with the person i like...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,356 Posts
@Febe-- heh, I'll tell you that by the end of it I was pretty much ready to kill them both...but not before they saw it from MY perspective!! Muahahahahahahaha!
 
1 - 20 of 34 Posts
Top