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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
It occurs to me when I read across forums and messages, that people tend to assume that INFP's are quick to flee from conflicts and confrontations..which make me think...hmmmmm.

I'll relate to you a personal experience.

At the end of my Umrah, when I was at the Jeddah airport with my family (damn it was so crowded at the time and the system wasn't really organized, and internally we were freaking out a little about potentially being late for our flight) I remember a time when my mother was pushed and I yelled at the man in public,''Do you have any manners? Are you Muslim?!''

When I think about it, I do prefer harmony over conflict/confrontation in a lot of cases, yes. But at the same time, if I feel like certain values are disrupted, I would overcome my natural dislike for conflict to defend the values.

No need to say after this,''I don't think you're INFP'' because I've done enough research to know that I am an INFP. I am INFP because I deal a lot with my internal world in my introversion and I live for my values.

And also, I just dislike being confined by typical stereotypes, maybe I just like to fight out of them. I suppose that's the INFP rebellion anti-conformity side of me. Frankly I am sick of people associating INFP's with cowardice or sensitive brokenness. We are more than that. I can stand up for myself just fine.



I'm not being passive aggressive here, just in case anyone misunderstood. I'm speaking generally and clarifying.
 

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I try to avoid conflict and I do dislike confrontations with individuals when I'm surrounded in big gatherings of people. Whenever I talk to an acquaintance or a "not-so-close" friend, I tend to not make eye contact. The eye contact "hindrance" is conflicting for me, since I'm not sure if it deals with personality types or my generation socializes in text, but I'm trying to work on eye contact to solve the conflict. So, whenever I am in a conflict, such as this, I try to face it head-on, until I realize that there is nothing I can do to solve it, then I just avoid it and try to move on.
 

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In the large social gatherings or between two friends, I try to mediate as much as I can. I want to see where they come from even at the cost of biased loyalty. But yeah, if the issues directly concern me I'd feel bad for most of the part. People have told me that I have an annoying habit of taking everything upon my shoulders. Now that I think about it, I realize I do that partially because I know what to expect, and that, in its own weird and twisted way, makes me feel safer. So, dislike confrontations? Yep.

However, I don't always find myself avoiding conflicts. If you mean avoiding by like, running away. As a matter of fact I do the opposite. I come out and talk to that person. Talk, talk and talk. Even to the point they sometimes groan, "Don't do this, please!" (which in turn makes me feel bad :confused:) Win-win situations just can't happen if one avoids problems entirely, leaving the other in "dust", right? I love coming to the terms with the parties. Compromises don't bother me one bit. Like I mentioned beforehand, I want to see where they come from before irrationally jumping to conclusions or making needless mistakes as a result. I've done that enough time to know just how horrible I feel about 'em.

Hmm... I might come back again to ponder about this further.
 

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If it's nothing of a big deal or I can't be bothered I'll avoid it, Usually when I can't be bothered the other person will try to start whatever it is because I ain't exactly avoiding it, I just can't be bothered with it, Seems to tick people off sometimes.

If it is something I'm bothered about I won't hesitate to stand up for myself or for whatever the situation is and the people involved, To be honest it's actually happening really often lately but never lasts long because I hate Subtle messages/effects and just get straight to the point which from there they seem to back off.
I've been quiet snappy with people lately. :mellow: Don't know why.
 

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It isn't until a value of mine is threatened that would make me fume and start acting insane and very ESTJ-like. So, I avoid it until the person tries to question my deeply held values.
 

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Having done group work at university with an INFP, he really went out of his way to be agreeable with everyone.

He'd agree with anything I said - literally everything - seemingly because he didn't want to disagree with me and thus cause conflict. Getting no negative feedback was a concern, because how did I know whether or not I was doing the right thing? There was no feedback and therefore no discussion.
 
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Basically, a value has to be stepped on before I will enter into a conflict with someone. I have to be quite upset, otherwise it's not worth the emotional discomfort of having the argument.

It's not because I'm a coward, though I think a lot of people probably view it that way.
It's because I can't bring myself to hurt someone else, especially if I care about them. They really have to cross the line
before I'll over ride my concern for hurting their feelings.

That's not cowardice, that's just caring too much about other people's feelings. I have a really hard time even saying mean things to my enemies! I think about how those words might echo in their minds for days, weeks or years. How it might affect them. And I'd feel bad if they cried because of something I said or did, no matter if it's true.

People often seen those who "tell it like it is" as strong. And in a way, I can see that. On the other hand, I prefer not to hurt others if at all possible and only when necessary.

I think cruel words can kill a person.

Having said that, I don't have much of a problem telling off obscenely rude strangers -- they somehow become vile "objects" and almost not human at all. For instance, I called the lady behind the counter at the Pyramid attraction a "Stupid Bitch" and didn't feel a bit bad about it. I would've said a lot more if I could've and she's damned lucky there was that glass partician between us, lets just say that.

I also called the taxi driver an idiot the other day; he was just a dickhead who didn't want to take me to my destination because I was a foreigner and he was a lazy bastard who didn't want to go "that far". Which wasn't far at all really. He was just ignorant and lazy and I had to get another taxi in the rain. Jerk.

Nope, don't feel bad about that either.
 

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Having done group work at university with an INFP, he really went out of his way to be agreeable with everyone.

He'd agree with anything I said - literally everything - seemingly because he didn't want to disagree with me and thus cause conflict. Getting no negative feedback was a concern, because how did I know whether or not I was doing the right thing? There was no feedback and therefore no discussion.
If he agreed with what you said, he probably saw your point in it and if he disagreed it wasn't enough to verbalize or he didn't think you would accept what he had to say so he didn't bother.

If you stepped on his toes or values, guarenteed he would not be so accomodating. Don't worry.
 

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I think we avoid unneccesary conflict, but when it comes to something that we believe in or are extremely offendid by, we can show our temperments. I am cool and collected with everyone but my family. There are times when I can't control my temper :frustrating:
 

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I go out of my way to avoid conflict, unless one of my values is at stake. My friend at work has said sometimes she is surprised at some of the things I take up because she can't see why it's important, and she would have let it go. I hate arguments and confrontations though.
 

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I remember a time when my mother was pushed and I yelled at the man in public,''Do you have any manners? Are you Muslim?!''
Why would you drop such an unnecessary line, though? Did the Muslim part need to be added? No, I don't think so. And I don't think I would've admitted to this on a forum after I said that. Very un-INFP like, imo. I've had probably 2 outbursts in my life: both were drunken and nothing came of either, but I never said anything that ridiculous.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Why would you drop such an unnecessary line, though? Did the Muslim part need to be added? No, I don't think so. And I don't think I would've admitted to this on a forum after I said that. Very un-INFP like, imo. I've had probably 2 outbursts in my life: both were drunken and nothing came of either, but I never said anything that ridiculous.
''Very un-INFP like''? :dry:

Yes I had to, because he was pushing her in the crowd and it was at the end of completing a religious ritual-journey.

It wasn't entirely wise to do so, I know. But if you were in that situation at that time, you'd see why it had to be done at one point.
 

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I often wonder if I just agree with things to avoid conflict or if it's simply that I don't have a strong preference on many minor issues. I believe there's a bit from both in my case... I hate confrontation because it fosters distrust and animosity, even if said conflict is resolved. At the same time, when it comes to a question like, "Should we eat at home or out?" I don't have a strong preference and it reeally bothers some people. Also, this:

... what annoys me most is when others construe that as a weakness and tell me to stand up for myself.
As mentioned a billion times before, though, I will react and do whatever necessary to defend myself/someone else if my values are threatened--like when a girl at my high school started yelling at my bisexual friend because my friend had a crush on a guy SHE liked. It took just one slur and I was on her ass right then 'n there, up in her face, telling her to, well, "back the fuck off!"
 
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I avoid conflict and confrontation. But when someone is overwhelmingly rude, hateful, intolerant, ignorant, or unjust to any other living creature...and it's in my presence...then watch out. I will always stand up for my deepest held values. In fact, my adrenaline surges when they are crossed and I can pull a Julia Sugarbaker if need be. But it takes a lot to cross them. Thankfully it hasn't happened too often.
 
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I am timid unless you piss me off. Severely.

It doesn't matter who, however it does matter if I have befriended you before, or like you as an individual.
However, if I don't know you, and you bitch at me, you're going to get torn apart. By bitch, I mean bitch, not stating an intelligent/different opinion on a topic. Just "BITCH" as in being in a bad mood and seeing me as someone they could infect their [email protected]%[email protected]% *frustration*. XD Btw, you are very INFP. :) I was thinking ENFP, but you're pretty introverted in a lot of ways. Just saying, I know you've already decided on INFP. ^^
 

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I absolutely agree. It is not cowardice...we simply do not want to hurt others' feelings, and we do not want to be hurt. We are idealists and want to create harmony. Make love, not war! I recently had to send a scathing letter to an ENFJ who are supposed "givers" but in this case she was a taker, and zapped evey bit of energy out of me whenever we'd get together. I needed to let her know that I thought she had a personality disorder - NPD, because she was covertly and aggressively manipulating and controling each encounter we had, and when confronted...completely unapologetic and remorseless. Didn't care. I was her punching bag to which she hurled subtle insults disguised as friendly support. But I eventually punched back and ended the relationship.
 

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I treat strangers with more courtesy than I do friends.

With a friend, we will clash quite often (friendly), and I have no problems calling them out. Strangers on the other hand, I assume that I don't know them well enough (or simply have enough influence) to push them in any direction, plus I don't see the point.
 
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