Hi, I'm a new INFP on this forum, though I've known I'm an INFP for a long time.
I always thought to avoid the forum for I would spend only to many hours online, yet today I must share my feelings and am yearning (desperately
) form some advice!
Perhaps you will recognise my morning struggle and maybe some of you even found a way to deal with it. If so, I'd like to know how.. Ok, here it goes..
I'm a master student at the university and skipped a lot of my courses this year 'cause they were to boring and didn't add anything to my intellectual development. I also skipped an appointment with my promotor two day ago. (Why? Good question.)
Then, next to that I skip all of my classes and extra activity's I paid for aside of my studies.. Today, then, I had to go to work.. But I didn't. I just didn't show up! I've only been there once! Today I'm going out with some friends, but because I don't know what to aspect, I feel like skipping that as well. And what does all this give me? It's making me depressed as hell! And even though I hate my job, I 'm hate it even more when I act like this! I waste all of my days, forgetting that I am actually alive while I spend my non-living time thinking about what the hell is wrong with me and how ashamed I must be.
God I just wanna do something, wanna life, breath life! but I just.. can't, without knowing why. Why do I do this every time again if I know it will bring only a restless mind?
So the bottom line is this: I'm a big failure. If I think about how my future will look like, I break a sweat because I just know (and feel) it can't turn out the right way.. I tried, seriously to make some sort of schedule, to motivate myself, but it never lasts. Yet, knowing myself I know that if there is something that corresponds my idealistic needs, I'll dedicate my whole life to it. But it just seems there's no place for me in the world.
Anyone familiar with this? Or am I just the biggest freak alive?