[IllBeBach]

When I was in high school, I can tell the most dominant personality type was ESTJs. And that was a huge problem at my school. I tried to get along and be happy with a lot of these people, but I ended up having disappointment, not being accepted and feeling like these people despise me. I am an INFP, and I do tend to live up to the INFPs stereotype that I am lazy, which could be a reason, but when I say I will get something done, I will get it done.

My question here is how have your relationships been with our essential opposite, the ESTJ, in the past? How do you overcome differences? How do you maintain harmonious relationships?

 

[Persephone]

I have a feeling that stereotypical high school boys don't like INFP boys much. They don't exactly represent the aggressive, alpha male concept of virility.

 

[Nasmoe]

I think I knew some people like that and I stayed away from them. They're basically my grandfather, but louder. They intimidated me.

 

[ENTrePenuer]

You don't get along with ESTJ's.

You
a) beat them up
b) get beat up
c) avoid them... and they'll see you out in response.

The counterintuitive answer is to fight them.
An estj will respect you more if you fight them, you might even earn a friend.

 

[BFD31095]

I have a (probably) ESTJ friend at school. We get along just fine, as long as we don't spend too much time together. If we talk every now and then for just some time, its okay, he respects me and I respect him. But more than that and we'll start disagreeing over everything. Its incredible, but we really do have opposite personalities. I like the movies he hate (and the other way around), I like the teachers he hate (and the other way around) and so on. But if we only talk occasionally, everything's fine and friendly.

Just as a curiosity, one of my teachers (who I think might be an ENTP) once said to my ESTJ friend that "thanks to people" like him, "dictatorships exist". Not a nice or subtle thing to say, but it does make sense.

 

[KrystRay]

The counterintuitive answer is to fight them.
An estj will respect you more if you fight them, you might even earn a friend.

This is very true. We respect people who can stand up to us, especially if we are out of line. High school is a difficult place for everyone, so don't worry about it. It won't matter in the real world. I try to be kind and fair to everyone in general until they give me a reason to dislike them. You can be lazy, just not on our time. We totally don't understand Feelers though. Feelings are an invalid excuse for making decisions, so we don't do well with them. I still don't really understand the P's though. I've only recently started discovering other personalities (my mom, my sister, my best friends, and myself are all ESTJ's).

 

[KrystRay]

Just as a curiosity, one of my teachers (who I think might be an ENTP) once said to my ESTJ friend that "thanks to people" like him, "dictatorships exist". Not a nice or subtle thing to say, but it does make sense.

I respect dictators because they get things done! Very organized and good at getting people to follow them. They're just a little misguided on what it is that they accomplish. People follow them blindly and I find that absolutely amazing! I'd take it as a compliment if someone said that to me. World domination would be an awesome thing to accomplish!

 

[IllBeBach]

This is very true. We respect people who can stand up to us, especially if we are out of line. High school is a difficult place for everyone, so don't worry about it. It won't matter in the real world. I try to be kind and fair to everyone in general until they give me a reason to dislike them. You can be lazy, just not on our time. We totally don't understand Feelers though. Feelings are an invalid excuse for making decisions, so we don't do well with them. I still don't really understand the P's though. I've only recently started discovering other personalities (my mom, my sister, my best friends, and myself are all ESTJ's).

Well feelings seem to be more directed towards the right brain, focussing on creativity and understanding abstract ideas, more "out of the box" ideas.

Thinking is more directed towards stronger logic, meaning better mathematics, hypothesis, etc. They are used for different human activities, both of which are required for human survival.

 

[BFD31095]

I respect dictators because they get things done! Very organized and good at getting people to follow them. They're just a little misguided on what it is that they accomplish. People follow them blindly and I find that absolutely amazing! I'd take it as a compliment if someone said that to me. World domination would be an awesome thing to accomplish!

That's why I said it makes sense. My ESTJ friend loves when people do what he tells them to do without questioning. You ESTJ's... You're all the same. :tongue:

 

[ponyjoyride]

Well, I think most of my life I've always tried to avoid unpleasant people (=ESTJ) but you just have to deal with them in so many occasions because 1) it's one of the most common types 2) they're that kind of people who don't know how to keep a low profile so they're just everywhere.

I have to agree that fighting them is the best option. They like people who are as obnoxious and rude as they are. Just act like you're the world's biggest bastard and they'll adore you. Take shit from no one, especially not from them, and they will respect you.

And remember there's no such thing as "harmonious relationship" with an ESTJ.

But that said I actually have some ESTJ friends. I get along with them and we have fun together but there's no way I could show my softer side to them. Just don't whine or cry and be robust.

 

[Seducer of the Homeless]

they may be ESTJ, but i very easily wind them up, on a major level - ESTJs, in general, fucking forget about it, i just sabotage their ESTJ ways and run rings around the fuckers...i just screw with them, they HATE it :happy:

 

[KrystRay]

We just have different preferences. My sister is more cold hearted, but has more friends than I do (apparently I'm very judgemental, which I'm fine with). My mother loves everyone but has even less friends than I do (she's very diplomatic- a perfect politician).

I do not consider myself rude or obnoxious. On the contrary, ESTJ's are very aware of social norms and try to follow them as they see fit. We are controntational if you intrude upon something that we care about, but I would not say rude. But then again, that could be just me...

 

[ponyjoyride]

I do not consider myself rude or obnoxious. On the contrary, ESTJ's are very aware of social norms and try to follow them as they see fit. We are controntational if you intrude upon something that we care about, but I would not say rude. But then again, that could be just me...

Sorry, it's nothing personal. Like I said I have ESTJ friends with whom I enjoy spending time and I'm sure you're a likable person. The rude and obnoxious stereotype is probably caused by my ESTJ boss who told me on my first work day that he thinks women are inferior to men and shouldn't be working but instead sitting home knitting and cooking. So I guess he was just controntational because I intruded upon something that he cared about by trying to earn my own money.

 

[Ehre]

My dad is an ESTJ and I avoid until we blow up at eachother. He's domineering and disapproving, and never listens until I get up in his face. There are better days and there are worse days, but yeah...

I also have an ESTJ -tenatively he has an F and/or a P- friend who is decent to talk to but really easily gets on my nerves. He's incredibly slow on the pick up and no matter how precise my wording is, I have to simplify everything to the most basic of sentences, at times I have to separate each and every word. Thick headed beyond belief, but other than that a decent guy.

 

[KrystRay]

Sorry, it's nothing personal. Like I said I have ESTJ friends with whom I enjoy spending time and I'm sure you're a likable person. The rude and obnoxious stereotype is probably caused by my ESTJ boss who told me on my first work day that he thinks women are inferior to men and shouldn't be working but instead sitting home knitting and cooking. So I guess he was just controntational because I intruded upon something that he cared about by trying to earn my own money.

Sounds like a great HR complaint to me! He isn't allowed to say sexist things like that thanks to all the pro-feminists out there. You should threaten the HR department a little and you won't have to deal with that again.

ESTJ's are very traditional. In his perfect little world, I'm sure he really beleives that. If he's married, I'm sure his wife hates him, unless of course he's bringing home enough money to keep her happy. You can rest assured he's just a miserable person and he isn't going to change. He does need to respect the fact that there ARE women in the workplace and he needs to be sensitive to your presence and your feelings.

 

[alaska]

my sister's fiance is an ESTJ and i love him to death but we've always seemed to bump heads.. He frusterates the hell out of me sometimes when i feel like he just can't be open minded. He's always been predictable and stays on the safe side. He follows rules and gets paranoid when theres no need to (lack of perception)

they may be ESTJ, but i very easily wind them up, on a major level - ESTJs, in general, fucking forget about it, i just sabotage their ESTJ ways and run rings around the fuckers...i just screw with them, they HATE it :happy:

lol i do that to him sometimes too. He has the tendency to say the most obvious things so sometimes when he's telling me what I "should do" I just say the complete opposite and how im not going to. He can't tell that im joking and he'll get worked up and keep going on about how i dont have a choice and how i "have to". My sister will overhear and she realizes that im kidding and tells him to just let it go.

 

[Coccinellidae]

Well... I have never been best friends with them and since I highly avoid conflicts and just try to make harmony around myself I get along with ESTJ normally. Nothing super-fine... but just.... normally. I kind of avoid them though, hard candy for me since their world is full of logic and things that mine is too but is not. Blahh.... ESTJ just don't get me.
And how do you maintain harmonious relationships?
Well... first step is muteness.. haha.. but it's true.

 

[Bote]

I think I was ESTJ between 7-15 or16. From today's perspective and what I did at that age there are a lot of actions, decisions and stereotypes which suit an ESTJ rather than an INFP. I even disliked art and dreamers, and now art and dreaming define who I am more than anything.:mellow:

Atm my two best friends since childhood are ESTJ and we get along quite well, apart from the fact that I don't go with them to large group gatherings like rallies, techno parties, soccer matches and usually this is where we argue. :crazy:

How to maintain friendships with sone you shouldn't normally get along with? Joint experiences, bad times, good times. When 3 guys get into a fist fight with a group of 20 soccer fans of the opposite side and you live through that which just a few bruises, you spend your whole life just talking about that.:laughing:

 

[under skies]

My best friend since age seven is an ESTJ. I've always loved the differences in our personalities; we truly have that yin/yang sort of thing. I think it just took a lot of time and understanding for each of us to learn what to do and not to do around each other.

For example, the same way that I am really emotional, she can have really strong opinions. Whereas I sometimes like to keep my opinions open-ended and discuss them with people I trust, she really doesn't like that. She just likes to say what she thinks and have that be it. Otherwise, she can get really fired up when people disagree with her. I've learned that it's better to just listen to her rant or rave whenever she has a particularly strong opinion about something the same way she's learned to listen patiently to my emotional problems. I realize that she is as passionate about her opinions as I am about my emotions and values.

She sometimes gets annoying because, as someone else mentioned, she will tell me what I "should do" even when it's obvious. I usually laugh it off because I find it a little funny. I try to keep it in mind that she is honestly under the impression she is helping; it's never just to be annoying. Plus, I'm sure a lot of things I do annoy her, as well.

We are very different people, of course, and have both learned to accept that, but I also think it's just a matter of digging for a way to connect with each other. With my friend, it helps if we just find common interests and go from there. Music, television, hobbies, whatever. We actually became friends because we both really liked the same music group, and it worked because we complemented each other's personalities so well.

Oh, it also helps if the ESTJ you're working with is not a total jerk. Some of them do suck, but there are people of all personality types who suck, regardless of type. Beyond that, I don't know how well any of this well help. It all depends on how accepting both of you are of each other in a situation like this.

 

[Seducer of the Homeless]

I think I was ESTJ between 7-15 or16. From today's perspective and what I did at that age there are a lot of actions, decisions and stereotypes which suit an ESTJ rather than an INFP. I even disliked art and dreamers, and now art and dreaming define who I am more than anything.:mellow:

Atm my two best friends since childhood are ESTJ and we get along quite well, apart from the fact that I don't go with them to large group gatherings like rallies, techno parties, soccer matches and usually this is where we argue. :crazy:

How to maintain friendships with sone you shouldn't normally get along with? Joint experiences, bad times, good times. When 3 guys get into a fist fight with a group of 20 soccer fans of the opposite side and you live through that which just a few bruises, you spend your whole life just talking about that.:laughing:

how did this happen then? i am just wondering, because i think i may have been INTJ as a child (i know why, i think).....just curious