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I am in an unhealthy state of mind, I'd rather not go into details as to why. I am finding myself to be my own worst enemy. Right now I feel unbalanced. I feel like I have very strong Fi and Si, moderate Ne and a lousy Te. My emotions and past experiences are clouding my common sense to function appropriately and to be happy. I used to be bubbly, very giggly, find humor in everything. I was soft-hearted and endearing.

Now I see the worst in people, I assume they don't like me. I'm not fun to be around and am very serious. I am guilty of saying mean things and fantasizing about revenge (in which I would never act on...I'm not stupid).

My husband's Te is very strong and gives good advice but I don't have the strength or courage to follow through. I feel stuck and alone :( I just hope the problems will go away, but they never do. My hardest lesson is knowing there are things in life out of my control and to just be happy in the present. I do have a lot to be thankful for but I do not have a lot of support (friends) even if I did I hate burdening them with my problems, their solutions are usually "just shake it off" "you are too sensitive" "you are being paranoid".

I'm sick of thinking the worst, sick of worrying. I just want peace of mind preferably without the help of prescription medication.
 

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Im also in the same boat. Hopefully there will be some wiser members who can maybe offer advice on how we can cope with our Te usage. (((hugs))) I feel ya.

Edit: I've been doing some of my own research and have been thinking that it might be worth taking into consideration about developing extroverted intuition. Have a look...

http://personalitycafe.com/infp-forum-idealists/21266-developing-my-ne.html
 

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I wish there was an easy way. I feel like I've developed a lot of Te because my dad is an ENTJ, and I spent my childhood trying to be like him and falling short. I first took an MBTI at twenty five, and it was a load off my shoulders because I realized that this thing called Te wasn't my strong suit and I had strengths in other areas that others don't. I always had an inkling but, it was good seeing it in writing :p I was never terrible at Te, it just seemed to take a lot out of me with no noticable effect on my peers. I use Te as a tool, and as useful as it is, developing it has not made me any more happy. Te is always ruining my party, harshing my buzz.


Anyway, my advice for Te building is to invent a time machine, convince yourself you're a type that you are not, and live your life emulating said type. Your Te won't be perfect, but there is something to faking it until you make it. You can fake it without the time machine, but it's draining, and your peers will see you in practice mode.
 

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I am in an unhealthy state of mind, I'd rather not go into details as to why. I am finding myself to be my own worst enemy. Right now I feel unbalanced. I feel like I have very strong Fi and Si, moderate Ne and a lousy Te. My emotions and past experiences are clouding my common sense to function appropriately and to be happy. I used to be bubbly, very giggly, find humor in everything. I was soft-hearted and endearing.

Now I see the worst in people, I assume they don't like me. I'm not fun to be around and am very serious. I am guilty of saying mean things and fantasizing about revenge (in which I would never act on...I'm not stupid).
You do sound like being Te-gripped, that is, you're judging people (including yourself) to be incompetent. The mean things you say are rather aggressive and competency-judgments? Yup, Te-gripped.

My husband's Te is very strong and gives good advice but I don't have the strength or courage to follow through. I feel stuck and alone :( I just hope the problems will go away, but they never do. My hardest lesson is knowing there are things in life out of my control and to just be happy in the present. I do have a lot to be thankful for but I do not have a lot of support (friends) even if I did I hate burdening them with my problems, their solutions are usually "just shake it off" "you are too sensitive" "you are being paranoid".

I'm sick of thinking the worst, sick of worrying. I just want peace of mind preferably without the help of prescription medication.
We all can develop a bit of Te - but you should know, your use of Te will never be natural for you. You'll never be as good with Te as people with Te auxiliary or Te dominance. That is because in theory as an INFP, Te is your inferior function - the inferior function is like a childish version: you're sensitive to criticism on it and your wielding of it isn't spectacular, or it goes to extremes.

I'm sorry to hear you don't have a lot of support, because that is what you need. You don't need people to tell you to 'shake it off', or that you're too sensitive or paranoid. The very least thing you need is having arguments about it (enraging Te even more).

You need people to listen to you and understand your feelings, and have them tell you that it's perfectly fine to feel that way. Well, you do have us here on the forums :) I hope we can help you in this way. Yes, I am saying it's normal that you're lashing out at people when you're in the inferior grip. But of course, both you and I would like that to stop ^^

I know you said you would like to leave out the details and surely I honor your wishes. But I do want to point out that you'll have to come to understand those things that you've left out, because it's likely that if you don't deal with these things, you'll keep getting Te-gripped.

Here's a lengthy, but good source: http://personalitycafe.com/infp-articles/76770-recognizing-inferior-function-ifps.html (Buy the book if you can! Awesome read!)

Be well ^^

*edit:

The question I've always wondered is, how do I know I'm using Te to my advantage?
The easiest answer is: you're using Te to your advantage if it's fruitful xD

Honestly, I don't know. One of my previous bosses who knows a lot about strategy and marketing says that often, companies are too focused on improving their weaknesses, whereas they should just understand their weaknesses and improve their strengths. I'm sure he's right. The inferior will always be the inferior - the trick is not to try to change it into something that it isn't, but to accept it for what it is and get used to handling it or reduce possible losses that it causes, and focus most of your attention to your strengths.
 

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I could offer some advice that will relieve some of the pressure.

There's a book called The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron. Now whether your an artist or not, it doesn't really matter (we all are anyway). Some of the exercises in this book could benefit just about anyone. In particular there's something called "morning pages." Basically you take a notebook and you write in it. Sounds easy yeah? Kind of like a journal? Well, it's a little different in that you stream your writing--don't plan anything, don't be self-critical, don't think about it, no need for correct grammar/structure, just write two pages about anything (what's on your mind, worries, emotions, you're day, completely random stuff, ANYTHING) Let it all out, no one's gonna see it, you don't even have to look at it ever again. Just do it every single day. (I haven't done it for a year but now that I think of it, it was an immense stress reliever).

The idea is you're forcing the logical side of your brain to shut up (our self-critique is always setting boundaries on our creative side). That side of your brain is always planning, recognizing limitations---basically a lot of things that make us INFPs feel gripped. I believe this is a good exercise for our Ne which tends to shy away when Te rears its ugly head. I read somewhere that we feel best when our Fi and Ne are balanced.

Writing like this seems silly at first, maybe cheesy, pointless, or directionless... but that's the environment our Ne needs to be the most free. The hardest thing to do is to get started and commit.
 

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I haven't really ^^
But I'm sure I've read somewhere that various functions come online as it were throughout your life. At first you will have only your dominant active, then at around 11 the secondary starts up, tertiary in the mid twenties and inferior anywhere between 40 and 60.

I assume that means that they're all still there when you're young, but just some get developed more at certain stages of your life and personal development and that those happen to fall in those age groups? I don't know, as I said, I just read it somewhere but thought it might be of use :)
 

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I don't know a lot about cognitive functions. Is Te built to systematize things? As crazy and abstract as I am, I seem to be pretty good at that. I often feel the urge to help people develop systems that will help them, because often people don't seem to do it as naturally as I do. But they rarely listen to me :tongue: I have a friend and his mind thinks of 1000 ideas at once. Which is a trait I respect, but I always want to slow him down and organise his thoughts so that they are more clear.

But I think I also experience the hyper critical Te. It haunts me sometimes. I think the best way to get rid of it is to be kind to yourself and take a break!
 

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I wish there was an easy way. I feel like I've developed a lot of Te because my dad is an ENTJ, and I spent my childhood trying to be like him and falling short.
My dad is also an ENTJ, though a very conservative one, and he's an asshole. I'm sure his brilliance shines through in his ability to organize and conduct music, research, and teach music classes, but this is a side of him I haven't experienced. He would yell at me and make me cry all throughout my childhood whenever I didn't do well in school. He the the source of almost all my unhappiness as a child--I lived in fear of his disapproval. I look back at him now with resentment, because I think so much of the fear and anxiety he induced in me was completely unnecessary. When I decided I didn't need his approval for anything, my self-esteem improved. To some extent, I've also forgiven him, because he's mellowed over the years and I know he means well, but should I finally be free of him, I won't miss him.

Today he feels embarrassed at me because I wear T-shirts, listen to metal, and have long hair. I feel embarrassed that he feels embarrassed. He feels that he failed with me, because although he tried to shove music down my throat at an early age (he's a music professor himself), my heart was never in it. I hate the fact that he thinks of me as an amorphous blob of play-dough that could have been molded into anything if he'd known better. He cannot really understand that I have a nature and identity that is completely independent of any of his influence at all, and that it blossomed in spite of him and not because of him. He has no understanding of me whatsoever, no ability to look at anything from my point of view. He sees something offensive to his prejudices and automatically assumes the worst, not wanting to know anything else.

Though he understands that the economy is terrible right now and that I'm doing everything I can to establish my own livelihood, it is still a constant source of anxiety for him. As for me, I'll be quite glad when the day arrives when I'll never have to deal with him again. I appreciate his financial support, but can't bring myself to say that I love my father, because I don't think I do.

As for Te, it developed for other reasons, and these pertained to my relationships and personal interests rather than my education. I have always been very spiritual, and I was raised by an INFP mother for whom her religious faith was the most important thing in the world. Naturally, when I first went to online forums about ten years ago, I was a bit disturbed to see that non-belief was more or less the default paradigm of the intellectual world around me, and I tried to debate in some of these threads, but it never ended particularly well, due to a combination of strong Fi and weak Te.

But it encouraged me to learn more about my religion, its history, and the thoughts of the most influential philosophers and theologians. Reading the books on atheism, philosophical argument, and the various counter arguments helped me tremendously to understand my opponents, and refine my views so that they are intricate and well-supported this time. I feel more confident in them than I did before, and I can actually sort of hold on my own in a debate.

However, my Te mostly demands that I memorize important facts and arguments to spout out later, and I need to prepare them in advance. I wouldn't be good at, say publicly debating. My Ne and Fi can instinctively tell me that something is wrong with someone's argument, but I'll have to mull over it for a day or two before my Te can articulate why this is the case.

My evil ex, who was either an INTJ or an INFJ (though a really screwed up example of either), had much more thorough philosophical training. She sometimes mocked me for not being able to hold on my own in a debate, and getting all 'emo' about it.

And sometimes, like an INTP, I can become paralyzed when I am able to see all sides of an issue, and quite cynical when I have deconstructed them all. I'm rather jaded about politics, for example, and I rather suspicious of anyone who is certain that they know what's best for humanity.
 

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Discussion Starter #11
So I took the cognitive traits quiz and my results are puzzling the huge Ni is surprising. It said I was most likely an INFJ, then second an INFP....weird results.
 

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So I took the cognitive traits quiz and my results are puzzling the huge Ni is surprising. It said I was most likely an INFJ, then second an INFP....weird results.
Well, tests are tests. They can be unreliable. Maybe the test that you took and gave you INFP was unreliable. The circumstances under which you took the tests may have had some influence. Who knows. ^^

Going by your cog results, I'd say INFJ is more likely, yeah. The high Si outcome doesn't really fit with that though, would expect it to more like your T's. In the end, cog tests are about how 'developed' your 'use' of a function is, in terms of confidence using it, prevalence, differentiation... The cog test result doesn't always reflect your type in an obvious manner. Your type may still be INFP.
 
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Well, tests are tests. They can be unreliable. Maybe the test that you took and gave you INFP was unreliable. The circumstances under which you took the tests may have had some influence. Who knows. ^^

Going by your cog results, I'd say INFJ is more likely, yeah. The high Si outcome doesn't really fit with that though, would expect it to more like your T's. In the end, cog tests are about how 'developed' your 'use' of a function is, in terms of confidence using it, prevalence, differentiation... The cog test result doesn't always reflect your type in an obvious manner. Your type may still be INFP.
Thank you for your thoughtful insight. I identify with both except I feel like I was more INFP when I was younger and INFJ now. I also take adderall (I don't want to hear how bad it is for me). But the adderall use can bring out your J. Also it brings out paranoia which is Ni-Fi.
 
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