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I think this is my first real, actual crush. Other crushes I had wasn't as strong as this one.

I've liked this guy for 3-4 months. I didn't show it and only 1 or 2 people knew until like a few weeks ago. But since it was the end of school, I don't know what exactly happened, but I heard a rumor that he liked either me or another classmate, so I was in a high that week, only thinking about him and how we would be together if he did like me.
At a grad night, I asked a few people who he liked, and they said it was a classmate that he always talks to. That classmate is the one everyone thinks he likes.

Where we stand for him and me, we don't really talk. Sometimes we do, but it isn't as much as the other girl and we just glance at each other once in a while.

That got to me more than I thought it would (and should! Dear lord...) and for most of the time, I was really sad. More said than I expected. I was almost crying. That's how strong this crush is.

Thanks to a few of my friends (when I decided to open up to everyone about this crush since it is the end of the year), they pushed me and had me tell him I like him. And I did. and I don't know what he thinks about it, but I apologized for making it awkward and that I hoped we could hang in the summer. I think we're just friends now, but I still find myself getting the uneasy stomach feeling whenever I think about him, which is a lot. I'm afraid what he thinks of me now. People keep saying to me, "Oh, there's gonna be even better guys," etc etc. Or "Who cares what he thinks?" Honestly, I do. I don't think I can get over him for a while.

Plus, beforehand I asked him who he liked and he said he didn't know. I think he was lying :\

I feel so confused since these... feelings[?] came to me and are so strong. Does anyone have any advice to this?
 

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There was this girl that had a major crush on me awhile back (IXFJ). It was to the point that she'd almost always be staring at me or looking for me on campus -- sometimes aligning our times so we'd intersect as I walked to a class. This girl was the total package: smart, friendly, personable, and attractive.

Truthfully, I wasn't in the right mindset to date her at the time, I had just gone through a challenging breakup and wanted to fly solo for a bit. This combined with some low self-esteem made me surprised she was interested in me at all, but I also assumed she'd quickly forget about me and move on -- so I ignored her or made basic pleasantries (fake smiles, nods).

In my mind I was back and forth on what I should do, she did seem great, but I also didn't want to drag her down. A few times I swear I could read her mind where she'd say to herself "what's wrong with me?" -- nothing was wrong with her, it was me.

While your situation may not be exactly the same, I just wanted to point out to you that sometimes the people that we're interested in aren't at the right time in their lives to appreciate us. While it may be difficult, try not to take it as a personal reflection of who you are -- he may be going through a lot or just overwhelmed ("I asked him who he liked and he said he didn't know. I think he was lying").

Hopefully things pan out though! I'm rooting for you.
 

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How to deal... god, I don't know. I go all crazy. They may have liked me before I went all crazy... I can not just allow things to just happen in this area... once they do I want out because I don't feel I had sufficient preparation and don't like the person enough... and when they don't like me, I want them to so bad and they are an object of extreme fantasy...
I need to chillax, probably.
In fact, i am dealing with this... now.
My advice would be what I would advice myself, we build things up to mean a lot more in our mind than they do. Liking or crushing is not love, rejection is not a rejection of or total person, a relationship or reciprocal crushes does not = devotion or true love... maybe, like me, if you had gotten this guy you wouldn't have known what to do with him? Try to think of things as a process, practice de-heightening relationships of the kind, having friendships with flirtation with guys you like, hanging out with them, talking to them, maybe more than one guy at once, without having to box it n right away... because things don't work like that, most people don't feel as fast as we do or with the same intensity. The only way to get better at stuff like this is to have some heartbreaks, to maybe break some hearts, to figure out how to be with someone, how to get to that point, how to attract and what attracts you... for me, the reason it's so hard is I don't want o be hurt or cause hurt, and I do idealize such relationships so I feel to settle and just "try" something out is almost immoral and feels gross to me. so of course nothing happens. lower the bar. allow yourself to be hurt. It is way easier said than done. I'm preaching it and I can't do it as of yet.
I don't know if that made sense. Basically, try not to bank all your feelings on relationships that may or may not happen.
 

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I know what you mean. I've been there. Honestly, the best cure is to focus on bettering yourself. Find a new hobby, or rediscover an old one... Do things you love. Think about you. Put him out of your mind if you can, which won't be easy in the beginning. However, as time goes on, you'll find that you wondered why you let it consume you so much in the first place.

Even if he does like you, this is still a good step to take. Recently, I developed a huge crush on this guy and it actually developed into something more, not a relationship yet... Honestly, I'm not really sure what it is, or if it will end up being a relationship or not. But anyway, there was a time period a week or two back when he didn't talk to me for like... three days? And I freaked out, thinking he didn't like me anymore, he didn't think I was worth his time, he must like some other girl now... etc. It was melodramatic, but I couldn't help it. I felt pathetic. But I did exactly what I said above, and now I'm much more stable about the whole thing, which actually heightens the chances of it turning into something more.

Good luck! I really hope things work out in your favor :)
 

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My advice requires tons of self-confidence and inner strength. I think you did an awesome thing by telling him you liked him. The step after that would be to ask him out on a date. I've always thought it sucked that society expects the guy to do the asking most of the time instead of 50/50.

If he said yes, then yay, you get to move on to the next step instead of being in the "just friends" limbo. And if he says, I don't feel that way about you, then you hurt for awhile but it's also a shorter period than the "just friends" limbo. Instant and irrevocable rejection is not easier to get over, but it sure is quicker than prolonged suffering in limbo.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
Thank you so much guys. I guess I did dive my head way too deep into this crush. Just thinking about it...him? makes me feel a little woozy or lightheaded. I guess I do need to get over him, but I think it'll be for quite a while. I hope it's not awkward enough that we can still hang out. The thing I'm hoping for is for him to talk to me about it and I can open up. OH LORD MAKING THE FIRST MOVE... I wasn't really the one to do that. Again, thanks so much! <3
 

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Generally I used to avoid them. If they came near me I would either blush or else just pretend that I felt nothing towards them. Now it doesn't really matter any more. I'm an old married man.
 

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I deal with them by refusing to acknowledge their existence, haha. I know it's not a good thing to do, but once I finally allow myself to think "I have a crush on _____" then it turns into a stupidly obsessive thing that I...don't want to deal with. It's like putting vague feelings into words makes them more real. I dunno.

While in part it is that ever-present fear of rejection, I also just have things I need to sort out first before I want to end up in a relationship. I would be lying if I said that I didn't care about it ever, or that I don't want a relationship at all, because there are definitely days where I really just want someone. But right now, I don't need to get myself tangled up in it. I know I have some issues of my own and that I need to learn how to work through them. Right now, I know that if I found myself in a relationship, it would easily become very unhealthy and selfish for me. I'd be wanting this person to basically validate my existence. And then where would I be if it fell through...? Not to mention that I need to be able to find that worth and validation inside myself. I need to make steps to get my life in order and just be able to...deal with myself. Because I'd expect this relationship to magically fix my problems. I know that it's silly to think that way :p but that is how I would feel.

I just want to work on being the best that I can be so that I can love someone for more selfless reasons. Until I can stand on my own two feet, I'm going to cheerfully deny any crushtastic feelings that I have. :laughing:
 

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I don't know if anyone else can relate to this, but I never really start liking someone until it starts to seem that they like me. Sometimes I guess I get overly paranoid, thinking a guy might like me when really he was just being friendly. Which is bad, because I tend to fall head over heels and start doing highly unrealistic fantasizing before I realize that I was just paranoid and they're really not interested in me at all. But I read somewhere that INFP's don't show love for others unless the person they're interested in shows that they obviously want to be loved by them. Can anyone relate to this?
 

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LOL I had the hugest crush on an ESFJ (he never took the test, but he was OBVIOUSLY an ESFJ.) all throughout seventh and eighth grade. It all begun when I started at a new school, and he gave me all sorts of special attention in seventh grade, seeming as if he was trying to sweep me off my feet. I never told anyone. EVER. At the end of eighth grade, I decided I HAD to let him know how I felt cuz we were about to go off to high school and I feared I'd never see him again. I knew that writing was the most comfortable way to express my feelings, so when the teachers announced that each of us had to write a page to each of our classmates talking about their talents and what you like about them, I thought, "Here's my chance!" Here's what I wrote to him:

"Although most of my memories of my first days as a student at this school have nearly faded over time, I'll always remember you asking me, "How's it going for you here so far? Do you like it here?" As bizarre as it may sound, I really appreciated that. I wasn't used to being the new kid; Until seventh grade, I had gone to the same school since kindergarten, but everyone here (especially you) made sure that I felt I belonged here right away.
You're very well-rounded in sports, school work, and the arts. You're a gifted performer and artist-face it. Most of us aren't willing to admit how awed we are by your incredible drawings, by your performances onstage, as a singer and a guitarist. Is there anything you can't do?
Plus, it's so clear you live every second to your fullest. You have such a great enthusiasm for everything you do. (I love your smile, it's almost contagious.:) You refuse to do less than your best on even the simplest things, and you reach out to everyone."


I know, totally obvious, right? I can't imagine what he was thinking when he read this! In person, he knew me as the girl who always gave brief, curt, answers to his questions, who never smiled back at him, who never looked his way in the hall, who obviously hated him. Meanwhile, the same person just so happened to write him an overly friendly letter, and by the way it sounded, I was without a doubt in LOVE with him. I must have really messed with his brain. Haha. Except, I think in the end, he figured out the truth because he knew I was a shy person.
Looking back on this, I can honestly say that I DO regret it, considering I see him a lot more now than I thought I would. We actually ended up being in the same Latin class! AWKWARD! I also somehow became involved with the film crew for the Freshman football team, where he was one of the STAR players. I had no choice but to feature him a LOT. And then my dad urged me to advance in photography by taking photos at one of his band's gigs. Forced against my will, I was giving him tons of spotlight in our high school media, not to mention tons of high def photos of himself. And he probably feels like he knows the reason behind it all.
 

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I don't know if anyone else can relate to this, but I never really start liking someone until it starts to seem that they like me. Sometimes I guess I get overly paranoid, thinking a guy might like me when really he was just being friendly. Which is bad, because I tend to fall head over heels and start doing highly unrealistic fantasizing before I realize that I was just paranoid and they're really not interested in me at all. Can anyone relate to this?
Man, oh man. A perfect written version of my life . Are you me?!
1285788992535.jpg
 

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I just stare at him from a distance, day dream scenarios that are impossible to happen, and dedicate myself to find out his name and know his interests/information. Hehe.
 

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I try to be grateful for just being able to feel that kind of noble emotions. Love is beautiful, no matter of circumstance. To not look at it like "possible rejection" or overindulge in romantic fantasies. Trying to just enjoy the fact that I'm feeling love for this human being, and that it ultimately doesn't matter at all if she loves me back or not for the validity of my feelings. A crush is actually a great opportunity to learn something about life and yourself. I'm naturally very grateful if the person I'm crushing on, simply let's me be around them. This is of course under ideal circumstances. In reality, I must admit that it is a lot harder than it sounds. It's not so easy keeping your emotions in check when you're having hormones rushing through every vein of your body. (This is actually the reason why it's generally a good idea to avoid indulging in romantic fantasies. As that's just going to fuel you with even more hormones and further complicate things. Something I had to learn the hard way.)

I don't know if anyone else can relate to this, but I never really start liking someone until it starts to seem that they like me. Sometimes I guess I get overly paranoid, thinking a guy might like me when really he was just being friendly. Which is bad, because I tend to fall head over heels and start doing highly unrealistic fantasizing before I realize that I was just paranoid and they're really not interested in me at all. But I read somewhere that INFP's don't show love for others unless the person they're interested in shows that they obviously want to be loved by them. Can anyone relate to this?
Yes, indeed. I guess I'm just not naturally inclined to assume that people may actually love me. It feels far-fetched, unrealistic. Coincidentally the fact that they seem to like me only makes it harder for me. Because I feel like suddenly there's this pressure for me to reciprocate. It pressures me to extrovert. I can no longer deal with my emotions solely as an introverted process. Which as I am an Fi-dom is my natural inclination. In a way I perceive it as an intrusion. As I have to relinquish control over my feelings. It's a great source of anxiety for me. As well as tremendous joy. It's all very complex and confusing. [I must admit I'm a little bit puzzled regarding your use of the term "paranoid", as it carries negative connotations, but I do get what you mean.]

..guess I had more to say regarding this issue than I originally thought.
 

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Ahahaha, yeah "paranoid" was not what I meant. "unrealisticly hopeful" or even "desperate" =p could work I guess...
Sadly... I'm dying for something to happen-- dying to be in a relationship. :( I long to be loved hahaha I sound soooooo sappy.
 

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Wait. That is my suggestion. I wait not for situations specifically, but inspiration and courage. Then you go for it.

Edit: Lets ignore that terrible punctuation and sentence structure. Wtf is with that perspective switch. Hrm...
 
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