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Discussion Starter #1
Hey all,
As a youngster I played soccer. Back then I was self-conscious and imagined everyone else was confident and pretty much painted myself into a corner of nothingness. I played defense (even though I loved running) and tried to stay out of other people's way. They knew the rules, how to be aggressive, and had 'the status' and I didn't want to try messing with that and get stomped on.
Lately, I've been playing again as my more-realized self with friends I feel secure with. Holy shit I'm good at soccer!
I've noticed the same with poker: I have an ability to take in other people's body language on a depth others can't really reach. While everyone is catching up and learning styles, I've already adapted to someone style and *changed my own* to throw them off and think I don't know what's going on. It's this camoflouging aspect that is so fun to me in poker/soccer. I get to use my own awareness of MY body language to make it seem like I don't know the patterns of someone else's body language! (and this doesn't just mean posture, but way of expressing themselves, emotions on the face, who they talk to and how they talk, ect.)
I noticed later on in a social situation with these people I was sensitive to some slight feelings of insecurity I had and that I was annoyed other people might see this in me without me consciously expressing it. Then...I realized, I was probably the only person in that group that looked hard enough to be aware of such slight feelings, and that as long as I loosened up about it and let it roll off of me, I could have the same 'camouflage' in the group as I used in the soccer game. And this isn't because I wanted to hide my feelings from my friends, but because my INFP "authentic meter" seems to assume that others can really tell what's going on with me and can see me hiding it/not talking about it and feel angsty about needing to *tell all* so I don't feel like I'm withholding. I think I've seen the body language of other NFs when they're thinking this: it's like they "reassign" their body language to something other than what they feel because they think other people are noticing everything they do, and they want to be able to *choose* what they're telling others. Or...perhaps this is just being introverted?

It seems, in certain situations, I can just be more sensitive to this stuff and enjoy it, and know it's not my responsibility to catch everyone else up but to use my sensitivity in whatever way that seems best to me.
-Marcus the soccer and poker savante, and now at least slightly less-insecure in certain group situations :p
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