Personality Cafe banner

1 - 20 of 41 Posts

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,624 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
For those who know their core type is 6.. how does that add to your infp perspective?

I've only just considered 6 for a short while now.. I know that I tend to be fairly practical (if I can put it that way). I am very future oriented... I am very hard on myself (6 is associated with the super ego).. I have very deep trust issues... I have very deep issues regarding trusting myself and my own perspective... I have a lot of concerns regarding personal autonomy and doing things on my own... I don't really rely directly on people but I do seek validation for what I think and experience via information (google is my savior) A LOT.

what about the rest of you?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,999 Posts
I would guess that loyalty and being true to one's word would be doubly or exponentially important to a Fi-dom type 6.
 
  • Like
Reactions: susurration

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,624 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I would guess that loyalty and being true to one's word would be doubly or exponentially important to a Fi-dom type 6.
Indeed. I tend to lack the courage to do this a lot of the time, but you bet I feel it when my words and actions don't align with my values. It's going to be different for other six's (I think I might be a 6w7) but I cop it from the voices inside (internal critic) and from fear of being condemned by (who I deem to be) authorities or those I hold in high esteem externally when I do something I know to be wrong. I tend to question my own self a lot, and I don't like putting my foot out of line either (when I agree with external values and procedures that is) so it doesn't feel like anywhere is "safe" from condemnation, really.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,835 Posts
I am a core six. my adventure with the Ennegram,i tested 4. and i read 6s who have been depressed often mistype as a 4(which was true in my case)so here could be more out their. the 6 descirption i do relate alot to them, i am very loyal and trusting of my close friends, and i don't have a problem obeying authority when it's justified. in a backwards kinda way i have the 6 holding onto and idea that i have faith in and give me a sense of reality-in my case it's my philosophical cynicism-by believe nothing is certain i am comfortable with my mind-if the world started makingsense i'd lose my perception of reality.
I like to feel useful, and i am very very 6 when i'm down-i get paranoid and clingy while at the same time"testing"their loyalty.
I'm a phobic six btw
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
4,790 Posts
I have a suspicion that E6, E9, and E2 are more common among INFPs than people want to believe it is. 50% of INFPs being E4s just doesn't add up.

Anyway, I'm a phobic 6w7. It's very complicated to explain how the INFP part of me interacts with the 6w7 part. Some of it is contradictory and some of it fits perfectly. In general, I'm far more "thinky" than, it seems, a lot of INFPs--I'm more tied to rationality and pseudo-logic. I have to know the why and how of something before I can trust/accept it. While a change of plan is fine, you can't just spring it on me with no warning. I'm always thinking, always searching. My intuition doesn't act like it should because I keep doubting it.

Socially is where it really gets confusing. The INFP in me says, "You shouldn't have to change. You are who you are and it's their problem if they can't deal with it." The 6 says, "You should belong to something. You have nothing to contribute to, no one to follow." And this sort of conflict is what I've been dealing with for a while: the desire to make friends and belong to a group, but also the desire to not put myself out there.

The parts that fit? Well, loyality, foremost. Reliablity, honesty. Sixes and INFPs need these things from themselves and others. Always thinking fits, just not quite the way it "should." I can have moments of clarity where anxiety leaves and I truly feel like an INFP--calm, sure, happy, creative. 6w7 are more warm, willing to try new things, much like INFPs.

If you have specific questions, feel free to ask. It's hard to talk about it randomly :tongue:
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
4,790 Posts
By the way, Nova, what makes you consider E6 instead of E4? You thought you were 4w3, if I remember correctly. What would make you more 6w7 over 4w3?
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,624 Posts
Discussion Starter · #8 ·
I have a suspicion that E6, E9, and E2 are more common among INFPs than people want to believe it is. 50% of INFPs being E4s just doesn't add up.

Anyway, I'm a phobic 6w7. It's very complicated to explain how the INFP part of me interacts with the 6w7 part. Some of it is contradictory and some of it fits perfectly. In general, I'm far more "thinky" than, it seems, a lot of INFPs--I'm more tied to rationality and pseudo-logic. I have to know the why and how of something before I can trust/accept it. While a change of plan is fine, you can't just spring it on me with no warning. I'm always thinking, always searching. My intuition doesn't act like it should because I keep doubting it.

Socially is where it really gets confusing. The INFP in me says, "You shouldn't have to change. You are who you are and it's their problem if they can't deal with it." The 6 says, "You should belong to something. You have nothing to contribute to, no one to follow." And this sort of conflict is what I've been dealing with for a while: the desire to make friends and belong to a group, but also the desire to not put myself out there.

The parts that fit? Well, loyality, foremost. Reliablity, honesty. Sixes and INFPs need these things from themselves and others. Always thinking fits, just not quite the way it "should." I can have moments of clarity where anxiety leaves and I truly feel like an INFP--calm, sure, happy, creative. 6w7 are more warm, willing to try new things, much like INFPs.

If you have specific questions, feel free to ask. It's hard to talk about it randomly :tongue:
I think the majority of infps' are nines, then sixes, then to a much lesser extent, fours/fives/ones/rest of the image triad. From what I have seen and experienced from board interactions. So yes, I think you're right.

I relate to a lot of what you say about how your motivations are seemingly conflicted, but complimentary in a way.

I didn't have anything specific in mind, I just wanted to hear some thoughts. Some questions any one might want to address include; how do you interact with your values as an infp six? how do you interact with others? how do you see your place in the world? what have been the positives and negatives of your experiences? how do you introspect?
I can't think of anymore at the moment.

By the way, Nova, what makes you consider E6 instead of E4? You thought you were 4w3, if I remember correctly. What would make you more 6w7 over 4w3?

A very very basic smathering of thoughts, I wont go into detail;

I'm still not sure. I probably am an attention whore after all, I don't know. I've mainly come about this new possibility via external feedback. There are several things about core four that don't really fit with me. I feel defective sure, but I don't hold onto it and let it define me. I don't have an ideal image. I don't hold a strong notion of who I am, as in, an identity. I don't feel exempt or above most things. Overall, I relate more to Karen Horney's "compliant" type than the "withdrawn" one. I have more image and identity concerns in the throws of disintegration, rather than when I am healthy (that is my thought currently, further introspection could put another spanner in the works).

Interestingly though, i've seen sp fours described as "counter fours". There's a degree to which Sp fours can't see their own four qualities and motivations (i.e. they are out of touch with their envy, downplay it, or cover it up). Which is why I wont completely dismiss four without more information and insight.

Thanks for asking, the more I talk about it, the more clarity I seem to glean.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,835 Posts
i agree there should be more E2s,E9s,and E6s. a good way to tell if you six is that 2,9,and 4 and withdrawing types, whereas a 6 is more apt to become Clingy
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,999 Posts
I thought 2 was an in-between type, sort of a "codependent" type in that they focus so much on relationships - after all, you can't be a "Helper" if you've got nobody around to help... o_O Except if you have pets or something.
 
  • Like
Reactions: susurration

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,624 Posts
Discussion Starter · #11 ·
i agree there should be more E2s,E9s,and E6s. a good way to tell if you six is that 2,9,and 4 and withdrawing types, whereas a 6 is more apt to become Clingy
2s and 6s are compliant, 4s are withdrawing. I know a lot of 6s (my father included) who tend to be quite withdrawn. That said in regards to clingyness, I'd say 6s are more willing to align and be 'influenced' by things they somehow agree with or place 'energy' into. I wouldn't call it clingyness. I think nines are fairly apt to be clingy (fear of loss)? I don't know, these are my basic ruminations. These are simplifications of the bigger aspects of Karen Horney's types she discusses in "inner conflcts".

I know that I don't see myself as distinct from others, even when i'm apart from people. I am not clingy in the conventional sense... I have problems with withdrawing physically from people. But these are more avoidant personality concerns...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
752 Posts
...I would have posted on this thread sooner, but I wasn't feeling too confident in my post, but I have noticed that there's a lack of sixes, so I at least want to offer my thoughts.

I don't know TOO much about enneagrams. And I only just recently confirmed that I'm while I'm a mix of phobic and counter phobic, I'm more counter based. That aside, Nova, I can tell you now, from your last recent posts, you feel like a six in my book. I can relate a lot to your last few posts in this thread.

Umm...as an Infp six, I'd say that with my cynicism, I tend to based my decisions on the worst that can happen in a situation...but I know I'm pretty contradictory at times ...but I suppose that's because I have a 5 wing. I suppose it makes me dwell a lot on both sides to a situation even after blindly following one side. I tend to see the world as full of idiots who agree with things just because, and as a result I've felt as if I'm a rebel.

Hope that helps .____. I'll see about posting more when things come to mind.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,624 Posts
Discussion Starter · #13 ·
...I would have posted on this thread sooner, but I wasn't feeling too confident in my post, but I have noticed that there's a lack of sixes, so I at least want to offer my thoughts.

I don't know TOO much about enneagrams. And I only just recently confirmed that I'm while I'm a mix of phobic and counter phobic, I'm more counter based. That aside, Nova, I can tell you now, from your last recent posts, you feel like a six in my book. I can relate a lot to your last few posts in this thread.

Umm...as an Infp six, I'd say that with my cynicism, I tend to based my decisions on the worst that can happen in a situation...but I know I'm pretty contradictory at times ...but I suppose that's because I have a 5 wing. I suppose it makes me dwell a lot on both sides to a situation even after blindly following one side. I tend to see the world as full of idiots who agree with things just because, and as a result I've felt as if I'm a rebel.

Hope that helps .____. I'll see about posting more when things come to mind.
Thanks Roze, you're one of the first sixes I thought of when I was contemplating the infp+6 relation.

I would say all types seem to be counterphobic/phobic and fearful of things in their own ways. But interestingly, though I largely shy away from tackling things that bother me, there are many times where I have been able to block out fear by just doing it. I tend to be hypersensitive though, so anything that involves hurting somebody in any way, I really can't muster the courage to do often times. I would be pretty damn blunt if I were less empathetic and merciful. I have an aversion to negatively impacting on people, regardless of how much I think something may be the right course of action.

I'm fairly contradictory at times too. I'm kind of bipolar in the way I see humanity... I think most people are generally idiots (although i'm no different) yet, I put faith in them (I do not trust though. I have no conception of trust). I tend to be one of those "expect the worst, hope for the best" type people. Emphasis on hope for the best. I try and ignore/block out cynicism D:

Thanks for sharing, I can relate to a lot of the things you mentioned.

~~
Also wondering if any infps' can relate to both the 'withdrawn' and 'compliant' descriptions in this book? (they are only a few pages long) the withdrawn (moving away from people) type is on page 27 and the compliant (moving towards people) type is on page 18. ??

http://www.scribd.com/doc/24795883/Our-Inner-Conflicts-Karen-Horney
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
752 Posts
Thanks Roze, you're one of the first sixes I thought of when I was contemplating the infp+6 relation.

I would say all types seem to be counterphobic/phobic and fearful of things in their own ways. But interestingly, though I largely shy away from tackling things that bother me, there are many times where I have been able to block out fear by just doing it. I tend to be hypersensitive though, so anything that involves hurting somebody in any way, I really can't muster the courage to do often times. I would be pretty damn blunt if I were less empathetic and merciful. I have an aversion to negatively impacting on people, regardless of how much I think something may be the right course of action.

I'm fairly contradictory at times too. I'm kind of bipolar in the way I see humanity... I think most people are generally idiots (although i'm no different) yet, I put faith in them (I do not trust though. I have no conception of trust). I tend to be one of those "expect the worst, hope for the best" type people. Emphasis on hope for the best. I try and ignore/block out cynicism D:

Thanks for sharing, I can relate to a lot of the things you mentioned.

~~
Also wondering if any infps' can relate to both the 'withdrawn' and 'compliant' descriptions in this book? (they are only a few pages long) the withdrawn (moving away from people) type is on page 27 and the compliant (moving towards people) type is on page 18. ??

Our Inner Conflicts - Karen Horney
I'm highy sensitive when it comes to hurting people although I likely won't show it to anyone else. I won't do it out of pure malice, but rather I do it because I care so much about people that I want to see them improve. I want them to let out their emotions, to be able to analyze their thoughts and sometimes helping in a generic fashion can make things worse. I fear the worse and I'll do nearly anything to prevent that...even if I have to put said person on the brink.

I forgot to explain my thoughts on trust, lol. Trust...it's something that's terribly difficult to earn...most of the time. Unless we can naturally click with nearly everything, then I'll always hold off from trusting you and be incredibly wary/cautious; whether or not I show this depends on the person/situation. This is because I have fears of being taken advantage of/used. I have clicked naturally with people and as a result, their some of my closest friends who I can really confide in...I think it's more of a INFP thing than a type thing though. .____.

Also at the moment I'm totally too lazy to read the withdrawn and compliant sections of the book...I did glance over a little of both and I immediately felt a little click with "withdrawn".
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,624 Posts
Discussion Starter · #15 ·
I'm highy sensitive when it comes to hurting people although I likely won't show it to anyone else. I won't do it out of pure malice, but rather I do it because I care so much about people that I want to see them improve. I want them to let out their emotions, to be able to analyze their thoughts and sometimes helping in a generic fashion can make things worse. I fear the worse and I'll do nearly anything to prevent that...even if I have to put said person on the brink.

I forgot to explain my thoughts on trust, lol. Trust...it's something that's terribly difficult to earn...most of the time. Unless we can naturally click with nearly everything, then I'll always hold off from trusting you and be incredibly wary/cautious; whether or not I show this depends on the person/situation. This is because I have fears of being taken advantage of/used. I have clicked naturally with people and as a result, their some of my closest friends who I can really confide in...I think it's more of a INFP thing than a type thing though. .____.

Also at the moment I'm totally too lazy to read the withdrawn and compliant sections of the book...I did glance over a little of both and I immediately felt a little click with "withdrawn".
Your first paragraph describes the way I am with my sisters. I am a little "hard" on them, because I want to be consistent, as they haven't had consistency in authority for some time, and there have arrisen problems regarding this. I am a little too decisive sometimes and probably come off as a dictator who wont say sorry often. It probably seems like I don't care, and am merely enforcing rules and ways of being... when it couldn't be further from the truth. I see an image of them in my head if further damage was done, and I don't want to reach that point. When I care deeply, I act with more urgency, I have to take charge of the situation. It doesn't matter if they hate me, as long as they don't get to the worst potential image in my head of what could happen. I've seen a few sixes be accused of being despotic E1's or E8's, but it's a complete misunderstanding of intentions.
I tend to be more about not overpowering people, or not being seen as threatening though, which i've seen be a 6w7 trait. I definately would not like to be interpreted as being threatening or anything like that. Strong, yes.

How does type 6 and your Ne work in regards to your experiences, thoughts etc? my sister is an enfp 6 and... she is the biggest catastrophiser I know. Her Ne gets incredibly carried away by all the worst things that could possibly happen, and her anxiety becomes paralysing because she's so caught up in Ne, she can't focus on the here and now.

I find that I turn to information, systems, theories, institutions (ahem, science... i've caught myself defending 'science' on a number of occasions) rather than people. I don't know what it means to trust... I trust my father. That's about it. I have walls, and like you, how fast I take my walls down depends on how much we click. I desperately want to take these walls down though. I would like to trust... but I just can't. I'm glad you have some good friends, I feel quite lost when I don't have support, as much as i'd like to say I can live without it (which I do, but I still need people). Even one person means the world.

Interesting that you related to the withdrawn type (correlated with 4,5 and 9). I was thinking 6's might relate to both the compliant and withdrawn types (particularly 6w5s').
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
752 Posts
Your first paragraph describes the way I am with my sisters. I am a little "hard" on them, because I want to be consistent, as they haven't had consistency in authority for some time, and there have arrisen problems regarding this. I am a little too decisive sometimes and probably come off as a dictator who wont say sorry often. It probably seems like I don't care, and am merely enforcing rules and ways of being... when it couldn't be further from the truth. I see an image of them in my head if further damage was done, and I don't want to reach that point. When I care deeply, I act with more urgency, I have to take charge of the situation. It doesn't matter if they hate me, as long as they don't get to the worst potential image in my head of what could happen. I've seen a few sixes be accused of being despotic E1's or E8's, but it's a complete misunderstanding of intentions.
I tend to be more about not overpowering people, or not being seen as threatening though, which i've seen be a 6w7 trait. I definately would not like to be interpreted as being threatening or anything like that. Strong, yes.

How does type 6 and your Ne work in regards to your experiences, thoughts etc? my sister is an enfp 6 and... she is the biggest catastrophiser I know. Her Ne gets incredibly carried away by all the worst things that could possibly happen, and her anxiety becomes paralysing because she's so caught up in Ne, she can't focus on the here and now.

I find that I turn to information, systems, theories, institutions (ahem, science... i've caught myself defending 'science' on a number of occasions) rather than people. I don't know what it means to trust... I trust my father. That's about it. I have walls, and like you, how fast I take my walls down depends on how much we click. I desperately want to take these walls down though. I would like to trust... but I just can't. I'm glad you have some good friends, I feel quite lost when I don't have support, as much as i'd like to say I can live without it (which I do, but I still need people). Even one person means the world.

Interesting that you related to the withdrawn type (correlated with 4,5 and 9). I was thinking 6's might relate to both the compliant and withdrawn types (particularly 6w5s').
Agreed, I can be pretty casual in a situation, but if a friend or someone was in distress about something, or there's some type of drama, I tend to become deadly serious. It's like I try to close off that persons negative emotion, making sure that none of it whatsoever tries to escape and bother that person once more.

My Ne? Hmm...let's say I'm meeting someone for the first time. They'll tell me about themselves, and in my head I'll think about whether they're associated with gangs, violence, drugs, etc. It's like they cite a bunch of different aspects of their life, and I try to connect the dots and see if it leads to something that I might consider to be "bad". (Generally that's if we don't really click. Gotta keep my guard up, lol. ) After that, I try to think about what caused the person to act like that, what influenced them, stuff like that. I think I'm pretty bad when it comes to explaining to my functions D: Wow, a type 6 ENFP seems like such a burden D: I can tell you're probably the "leader" out of your sisters, but I bet even that must seem like a challenge at times, no?

I understand where you're coming from regarding trust. I find myself wanting to trust more, but at the same time, I don't want to fall into a trap. I've been betrayed in the past by someone who I gave nearly all of my trust to, and when I found out about that said person was just using me for years, I started hating that person and myself. Just thinking about it pisses me off. That's when I decided, I can't give my trust around that easily anymore. I don't want to go through that again.

Well, from what I read, I can relate to maybe a fraction of the compliant side, however, I can relate much more to the withdrawn portion.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
4,790 Posts
I suppose it makes me dwell a lot on both sides to a situation even after blindly following one side. I tend to see the world as full of idiots who agree with things just because, and as a result I've felt as if I'm a rebel.
In high school, I acted much like a 6w5, even if I wasn't truly one. The way the other students would be following blindly and not questioning anything kind of pissed me off. I still see the world this way, the majority as people who follow/agree/believe things because it makes them "feel better." But I think this could be an NF thing.

How does type 6 and your Ne work in regards to your experiences, thoughts etc?
I tend to think of about eight different things that could go wrong in a situation. And then I think about what I/we would do if those bad things happened. And then how to avoid them. It's very tiring and usually just makes me feel worse. The thing is, though, about Sixes (moreso phobic, but also counterphobic), is that when a bad thing happens they react brilliantly, especially if there's no time to think about what could go wrong. They're wonderful people to have in a crisis because it's likely they've learned how to deal with and ignore their fear to act regardless of it.

I find that I turn to information, systems, theories, institutions (ahem, science... i've caught myself defending 'science' on a number of occasions) rather than people. I don't know what it means to trust... I trust my father. That's about it. I have walls, and like you, how fast I take my walls down depends on how much we click. I desperately want to take these walls down though. I would like to trust... but I just can't.
I'm this way, too. A lot of my friends don't actually know a lot about me. It's not because I think, "Man, I got to keep this secret about myself." It's simply that I automatically hide parts and avoid talking about myself. And if I do end up talking, it's not really about revealing stuff, the stuff that goes on in my--for lack of a better metaphor--heart or soul. In a normal conversation, it can seem like I'm opening up and telling you so much about myself, but afterwards the other party will realize, "I didn't really learn a damn thing about her."

I tend to be hypersensitive though, so anything that involves hurting somebody in any way, I really can't muster the courage to do often times. I would be pretty damn blunt if I were less empathetic and merciful. I have an aversion to negatively impacting on people, regardless of how much I think something may be the right course of action.
Oh, yes. So much this. I can be thinking in my head, "You're an idiot. Why don't you do this or realize this or just shut up?" Outside, I'll be smiling and nodding and be very comforting. There's been a few times when I've been blunt--a la tough love--but it's only been with two people and those who I know needed it and would realize that I wasn't being mean just to be mean. If that made sense.

Also, I tend to keep my feelings/catastrophizing to myself. I've learned from growing up with my mom (who is also a Six) that if I share certain things, other people will start feeling those, too. Like if I say, "The house could burn down!" because it was a stray thought, then the other will start obsessing about it even when it wasn't on their mind before. I'm very sensitive to this possibility and will always try to avoid it, which looks like to others just being closed off about my emotions (I think, anyway).

I'm fairly contradictory at times too. I'm kind of bipolar in the way I see humanity... I think most people are generally idiots (although i'm no different) yet, I put faith in them (I do not trust though. I have no conception of trust). I tend to be one of those "expect the worst, hope for the best" type people. Emphasis on hope for the best. I try and ignore/block out cynicism
Trying to explain these outlooks to people is hard. But I relate to this paragraph so much.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,624 Posts
Discussion Starter · #19 ·
Agreed, I can be pretty casual in a situation, but if a friend or someone was in distress about something, or there's some type of drama, I tend to become deadly serious. It's like I try to close off that persons negative emotion, making sure that none of it whatsoever tries to escape and bother that person once more.

My Ne? Hmm...let's say I'm meeting someone for the first time. They'll tell me about themselves, and in my head I'll think about whether they're associated with gangs, violence, drugs, etc. It's like they cite a bunch of different aspects of their life, and I try to connect the dots and see if it leads to something that I might consider to be "bad". (Generally that's if we don't really click. Gotta keep my guard up, lol. ) After that, I try to think about what caused the person to act like that, what influenced them, stuff like that. I think I'm pretty bad when it comes to explaining to my functions D: Wow, a type 6 ENFP seems like such a burden D: I can tell you're probably the "leader" out of your sisters, but I bet even that must seem like a challenge at times, no?

I understand where you're coming from regarding trust. I find myself wanting to trust more, but at the same time, I don't want to fall into a trap. I've been betrayed in the past by someone who I gave nearly all of my trust to, and when I found out about that said person was just using me for years, I started hating that person and myself. Just thinking about it pisses me off. That's when I decided, I can't give my trust around that easily anymore. I don't want to go through that again.

Well, from what I read, I can relate to maybe a fraction of the compliant side, however, I can relate much more to the withdrawn portion.
Oh I also turn serious. I become like a bloody psychologist/social worker/cop. It's ridiculous, but I can help it. I feel out of control if I don't exert some control in a "bad" situation.

Oh no you did a good job of how your Ne interacts with 6-ness. I do that too; I try and look between the lines and put the pieces of a person together. You know you've made it in if i'm still talking to you... I don't follow the "keep your friends close and enemies closer" thing. It's more like, "keep friends in, and enemies out" :tongue:

I'm sorry to hear what happened to you, i've never been truly betrayed big time before, but I know when it does happen, it'll probably be a big moment in my life, as I can tell it was for yours, Roze. When I give someone my trust and call them a friend, that's a big deal to me. When I reach out to them even in uncertainty... or when I give them a chance even though there is the potential for hurt... it generally means I really care about these people. A lot of people have tried to get close to me, but it takes a special person for me to really let you in. But once you're there (truly there) I commit, and I let myself be vulnerable.

In high school, I acted much like a 6w5, even if I wasn't truly one. The way the other students would be following blindly and not questioning anything kind of pissed me off. I still see the world this way, the majority as people who follow/agree/believe things because it makes them "feel better." But I think this could be an NF thing.

I tend to think of about eight different things that could go wrong in a situation. And then I think about what I/we would do if those bad things happened. And then how to avoid them. It's very tiring and usually just makes me feel worse. The thing is, though, about Sixes (moreso phobic, but also counterphobic), is that when a bad thing happens they react brilliantly, especially if there's no time to think about what could go wrong. They're wonderful people to have in a crisis because it's likely they've learned how to deal with and ignore their fear to act regardless of it.

I'm this way, too. A lot of my friends don't actually know a lot about me. It's not because I think, "Man, I got to keep this secret about myself." It's simply that I automatically hide parts and avoid talking about myself. And if I do end up talking, it's not really about revealing stuff, the stuff that goes on in my--for lack of a better metaphor--heart or soul. In a normal conversation, it can seem like I'm opening up and telling you so much about myself, but afterwards the other party will realize, "I didn't really learn a damn thing about her."

Oh, yes. So much this. I can be thinking in my head, "You're an idiot. Why don't you do this or realize this or just shut up?" Outside, I'll be smiling and nodding and be very comforting. There's been a few times when I've been blunt--a la tough love--but it's only been with two people and those who I know needed it and would realize that I wasn't being mean just to be mean. If that made sense.

Also, I tend to keep my feelings/catastrophizing to myself. I've learned from growing up with my mom (who is also a Six) that if I share certain things, other people will start feeling those, too. Like if I say, "The house could burn down!" because it was a stray thought, then the other will start obsessing about it even when it wasn't on their mind before. I'm very sensitive to this possibility and will always try to avoid it, which looks like to others just being closed off about my emotions (I think, anyway).

Trying to explain these outlooks to people is hard. But I relate to this paragraph so much.
Oh yes, I tend to be quite "good" in a crisis situation. When it's not about me that is. When it involves other people, i'm eerily calm. I act quickly, decisively. But this is in a situation in real life (offline) though.

I tend to reveal myself only when I feel comfortable around someone. "Heart and soul" stuff, yes indeed. Anyone who I share those things with is much like a secret keeper... I tend to be fairly open upon prying by friends, but it's not the deeper stuff. I think I would only really share this in some kind of intimate relationship (platonic or not).

I think the catastrophising and questioning everything is so integral to my thoughts, I don't even think to disclose them. I live in a family of 3 sixes, so I know what you mean about concerns being contagious. I tend to try to have a calming effect on people with anxieties, even if I have them myself. In helping them stay calm, I also stay calm.

I'm so torn between four and six.
Oh yes, there are several areas where they cross over! but many where they are separate.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
733 Posts
Thank you for pointing me towards 'Our Inner Conflicts', I relate big time to the compliant type. I read it one night and was so disturbed by the truth of it in my life that I had to leave and think about something else. I'm reading it again and know that it explains a lot of the conflicts I've had with myself.

"A need for a partner, his successful manipulation becoming the predominant task."

The fact that I feel I must 'win' a partner does make it seem like I am making her love me, and certainly all of my efforts are directed towards this goal.

"The urge to feel safe (have affection and approval) is so compelling that everything he does is oriented towards its fulfillment."

Yeah, wow. I often feel like a failure because I don't get affection and approval. And behind everything I do is this desire to win this from others.

"He persuades himself that everyone is nice and trustworthy."

This used to be a major problem for me. When I ran into mean people I would want more than anything to like them and for them to like me. I would want to end the conflict between us, be at peace, and they wouldn't. So because I couldn't blame them, I would blame myself, and make it my responsibility that there was a problem. So I would deny myself to try and make things right. With time and difficult experiences I have learned that some people are very selfish and mean, and that nothing I do will make make us friends. So I do feel better realizing that it's their fault, but I still feel horrible that we dislike each other.

"In the presence of aggressive or arrogant persons his sense of his own worthiness shrinks still more."

My former best friend was like this and it took me a long time to realize how much he hurt my self-esteem. Constantly belittling me and denying my thoughts and feelings, I finally saw him for what he was and dumped him. I have never felt better and have less conflicting feelings (like hating him but wanting to be at peace).

"Any rejection is catastrophic for him. If someone fails to return an invitation he may be reasonable about it consciously, but the barometer of his self-esteem drops to zero."

Huge issue with me. I just asked a girl out and she had a boyfriend. To me this used to mean rejection, though this time I felt worthy and confident, even after she said no. But even though I finally feel okay with it consciously, after enough time thinking to myself that I am fine and she likes me, my inner feelings come out and I get scared and hurt. Seems like this rejection thing is going to be with me forever, but hey it's just irrational feelings, doesn't mean they dictate the way I act.

"Self-effacement and "goodness" invite being stepped on and being taken advantage of; dependence upon others makes for exceptional vulnerability, which in turn leads to a feeling of being neglected, rejected, and humiliated whenever the excessive amount of affection or approval demanded is not forthcoming."

This is why I despise people. I love them but hate the evil in them. Plus growing up christian didn't help with the whole avoid aggressiveness thing. I am starting to realize that real goodness and self-sacrifice should be genuine, not a 'should' feeling that makes me angry because I'm denying myself. I hate being so vulnerable and I hate the way most people take advantage of my good intentions. Nowadays I save these feelings for people I can trust.

"Love often appears to him as the only goal worth striving for."

Yup. When I am working on a career or trying to be healthy, what I am really striving towards is winning love.

"Sexual intercourse has the value of constituting proof of being wanted."

For me, having a girlfriend meant that I was wanted. I have realized that the relationships that I want happen much less often than the ones most people want. So now I am not so hard on myself, expecting to meet someone only every couple of years. But before, every day that I didn't have a girlfriend was proof positive that I wasn't wanted, and it was torture. To this day I tell myself that it's normal and doesn't mean anything, but I can't help but feel afraid and insecure that no one likes me. Yet at the same time, I am much less inclined to need someone despite them not being good for me.

All of this stuff has haunted me my entire life. Some of it isn't as intense as it used to be. I have tried to be more assertive, more realistic about others, true to my own feelings of anger and dislike, and perceptive about my false ideas about life. But some of it continues to this day, which is why reading this scared me so much. This is helping me to understand why I feel so conflicted about my anger towards people. Thank you again for this thread, I haven't read the entire paper yet but I know I need to. I don't want to be neurotic anymore (because it will hinder me from winning love and acceptance, doh! There I go again!)
 
1 - 20 of 41 Posts
Top