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The only friendships I've had with INTPs that have worked long term are ones which do not get too close. However, I've found most of them to get close/intense much more quickly than I would with anyone else (and as these have always been men, there's often a romantic tinge to the friendship). It's probably because we can actually talk about the things which interest us. These never end well, though; they don't necessarily end horribly, but they end & usually include some tiff.



One major problem is, these INTPs would never apologize & never admit when they were wrong. They'd always make some excuse instead of owning up to a mistake. This can be a weak spot in me also, but hanging out with them highlighted my compassionate & humble side. They'd also seem very unaware or in denial of their own emotional motivations. Emotional motivations come through loud & clear to an INFP, like nails on a chalkboard, and when someone claims they are objective or unbiased when they are not, it just seems delusional & arrogant. Basically, those tiffs which ended the relationship could have been resolved with a sincere apology & admitting of an irrational moment. I found myself making peace, but I never saw an effort on their part, so I'd cut them out of my life. It's needs to be a two-way street when it comes to compromise.
I almost stopped being friends with my best friend for a similar reason. He NEVER apologizes for his big screwups but often aplogizes for the littlest things that would not and had no chance at offending me. I can tell deep down he cares about me so I keep him around as a friend though and try not to think about how he's hurt me.
 

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All I can say is that the main thing I love about INTPs is that they are uninhibited. Not in emotions, I guess, but in what they find passionate; if the topic comes up, they can go on about it forever and I love it. I find that I usually can be much more myself around INTPs than other types and that I am more comfortable and playful with them. There's no second-guessing their actions and it's quite freeing not having to feel like I need to analyse my conversation with someone in case I said something wrong. I don't really know what it is, I can't put my finger on it - all I know is that it would be nice to have more INTPs in my life, ahaha. :kitteh:
 

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I missed this one.

Do you know how these emotions work? Are there any insightful generalization about these processes?

I've noticed INFPs seem unable to express a it themselves. A very common phrase here is-- you need to 'get it', or you 'just don't get it'. I'm not sure if I 'get it', which likely means I don't. It's like you need a special pair of eyes to see through theirs.
Yeah, you do kind of need to "get it". Maybe a good thing to help you 'get it' would be to be able to sit around and watch NFs converse together, they all get on the same wavelength and speak the same language. I've been told by other types it's like watching a strange cult take place, but we're all around you xD
 

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I think intps and infps love discussing similar things and intps often feel thrilled to hear alternative perspectives that others may not have given them. However, infps will have to accept that intps cannot always understand how to help with emotional things and be willing to solve their own emotional problems or take them elsewhere at least to some degree, or allow the intp to help in their own way. The intp will have to realize that the infp does not want solutions or does not need a better understanding of the situation, so even if the intp is not willing to be a sounding board anymore, they can't expect an infp to magically get over it once they've given their golden advice. Both types are individualistic and work in similar ways, and so can find refuge in shared abstractness, similar interests, ideas, ect., but they need to except that Fi and Ti are very different and so they cannot try to force the other type to be more like themself, it won't work.

My dad and I are intp and infp and we have a lot of conflict. my mom is always going, "You guys are so similar!" and my dad and I are always going, 'We are so different!" haha
 

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I'm in a relationship with an INTP for 4 years now and I feel more and more in love. He has a strong Fe so maybe that makes things better. We even lived together for the first 3 years. Sometimes it feels like there is a big communication gap but we realize it and talk about it. I suppose that's the most important thing in a relationship, to talk. He also has a very strong opinion about lying/truth and unfairness, he hates lying and hates seeing unfairness and tries to fix it. He also knows about MBTI, so he too understands the differences in our way of thinking and understanding the world. I think we are both fascinated with one another, but I think that if it's going to end one day, it will be by his side first. But anyway I don't need to think about that now :p

perhaps it also works cause I'm scien-cy too so we have looots to talk and speculate about
 

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I agree--our motives for being picky aren't insecurity. I think our word choice and detail pickiness stems from this:
Poor word choice-->incorrectly perceived context
incorrectly perceived context-->used as a fact in a decision
incorrect fact in decision-->wrong decision
wrong decision-->incorrect perception of motives, possible emotional complication of others, untruth

Or, for us teaching types (some of whom are employed as teachers, others like me not)
Poor word choice-->incorrectly perceived context/connotation
incorrectly perceived context/connotation-->misunderstanding
misunderstanding-->spread of misunderstanding, untruth, incorrect data going through the system.

It's either this train of thought, being consciously thought through, or the iNtuition sending off an alarm from negative association. Either way, the INTPs view minute incorrectness as bad, and if corrected when small, can't cause major harm later. To an INTP, incorrect data circulating around the populace which they could have prevented is a nightmare and to be avoided at all costs. If this means slightly annoying one person, the logical response is "So be it. One person annoyed with me is fine if a hundred are saved from ignorance."

Of course, this is a major overestimation of how much most people pass on the things they know, usually based off of the INTP's willingness to teach TWLs--Those Who Listen. Does this explain it? I hope so! :proud:
soooo trueee it's like you painted a picture of my boyfriend
and I kind adore him for being like that :p
even though it causes problems in our debates :p
 

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My boyfriend is an INTP and I'm an INFP, and we plan to get married :) So it does work out at least some of the time. But my boyfriend and I are the same Enneagram type and he also has pretty well-developed Fe, so that helps.

We actually don't argue very much at all. But when we do, it's usually for some kind of moral reason. Like a lot of times I feel like he over-rationalizes things, or is selfish, or short-sighted, or lacks a moral code, or just plain lacks common sense, and it angers me. When he gets angry at me it's usually because he thinks I'm being irrational and making unjustified personal attacks on him.

Another thing that upsets me is that he is incorrigibly messy (like, "forgetting" to shower and do laundry, car filled with empty food wrappers and with stains all over the seats, kind of messy) and he has a completely inability to get his sh*t together in that regard even though he knows how much it upsets me. Whereas I have OCD (literally, I've been diagnosed with it) and I NEED a neat and clean environment to live and work in or else I have a panic attack. But I think that's more a function of his ADHD and his time-consuming job than his being an INTP.

Overall he is a very chill and accepting person. It takes a lot to piss him off and although he doesn't understand all of my craziness he is accepting of most of it (and I'm accepting of his craziness too). He is also really loving and committed -- I think this is often the case for INTPs based on what I've read/seen, once they find the right person. He'll do stuff like drive 5 hours to my college to surprise me on my birthday with a cake and flowers. He has a very protective thing going on, which probably comes from him being an Enneagram 6 more than it comes from him being an INTP (also guys seem to like protecting me for some reason, I think I just give off a wounded-animal vibe).

Also the best part of dating an INTP is that you can be both goofy and intellectual with them. He and I have the most ridiculous conversations because of all the Ne bouncing around.
 

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I am an infp/j. My daughter is an intp and I love her and enjoy her company most of the time. She can be fun and we can have fascinating philosophical discussions etc...I like the way her brain works. She picks things up so quickly and notices every detail but she is emotionally hard work. She tends to be mentally fragile, has insomnia and cannot deal with emotions or stress well. She 'crashes' and it takes a while for her to recover. She is unable to apologise even when she admits she's wrong and she is always pulling away from people she loves for fear of becoming too dependent on them and running the risk of being hurt if they leave/die. She admits that she doesn't like other people. They're just too 'messy'. Too much emotional drama for her to deal with. She's the kind of person who could be a light house keeper but sadly, those jobs are gone.
 

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I am an INFP who has been struggling with the beautifully tragic idea of working it out with an INTP man for 10 years and 2 kids. This has so far turned out to be a very futile effort with lots of pain and agonizing heartbreak for me, the feeler. Everything that you said in your post rings eerily true. The fact of the matter, though, is that to him, I come off as too emotionally needy and neurotic and to me he can come off as much too cold and uncaring. He lies much too well for my taste. The problem is that I love him absolutely unconditionally and I tend to forget the hurt and focus on only the good. Which means I let my guard down only to be hurt all over again. He gets off on manipulating people in such a way that they don't realize that they are under his spell. It's all a game to him. And he will throw anyone under the bus to save face. Now, I promise you that I've done more than enough bad Shit to him in the past. This is just him from my point of view. The things that I love most about him is that he is so very intelligent and as much as I hate the fact that he can't feel for me as deeply as I do him, I also envy that about him. I wish I was a much more logical person than I am. Now, I'm sure that we are an extreme case, since he is an extreme thinker and I an extreme feeler, but just be careful, especially because you are the thinker and have the ability to turn the feeler into your very own puppet an hurt her extremely. Even if it is unintentional.
 
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