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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Many of you ENTPs seem to display an astounding level of confidence that seems to come from inside, rather than the fake confidence most types try to show. It's a sort of inner fire that seems to be the trademark of this type, the combination of real confidence and passionate creativity that can be a priceless asset.

Several members have admitted to me that they felt a change, usually around high school, when their confidence level rose and they were able to really shine as an ENTP. This is something I feel like I'm struggling with right now; for the past few years I've been heavily depressed, and I mostly act like an INTP or at best a socially awkward ENFP. I can remember a time in my childhood when I had every classic ENTP trait. I had a lot more leadership qualities as a child and was often seen directing the other kids in some group task and scheming up elaborate plans for building bridges across the creek and massive stick forts together. I always loved being with people and discussing new ideas and possibilities. Where did it all go? Suddenly I have a total lack of confidence in myself in most things, and I can't seem to even talk to people, not because I don't want to but because I'm afraid of making a mistake.

So I wanted to ask the other ENTPs: Where does your fire come from? At what point did you notice yourself becoming who you are today, and what happened to start that change? What sort of mindset do you use in your daily activities that allows you to be successful and confident while facing adversity?
 

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People say I am very confident, convincing, even pretty intimidating. I am always surprised to hear this. I don't feel like I am anything like this.
Not sure it helps.
 

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Maybe, just learn to be yourself. Don't care what people think of you. Assume who you are. Know yourself and act upon it. Learn to say no, when it's no. Don't always care if you hurt people's feeling when it's unnecessary. Care about it when it's necessary. Be yourself, yes just be yourself as you are.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Honestly, I think you might be something else than an ENTP or any NTP. Maybe you could be an INFJ.
Please, save this for another thread. I've already explained time and again why my functions seem off. This is not the place for it.
 

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I feel like we can get knocked back if something happens in our interpersonal lives, and makes us doubt the way we have been functioning and dealing with people. It happened to me. It's just starting to come back. I'm sure it's still there, it just hasn't come out of hiding yet. It's hard to say why a person has confidence though, or any trait. You just "do".
 

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I would be willing to wager huge amounts of money that this is because of high school entirely. Immaturity is not something ENTPs handle well, and during that stage of life, you're pretty much constantly surrounded by it. If you get battered around enough, it affects anyone. I'm quite certain you still have that fire inside of you... and the only advice I can give is probably some of the hardest advice to take. Quit caring about what others think of you. Yes, I realize you want your friends to think well of you, and your family to be proud of you, but other than that, you have to absolutely give up the notion of caring what anyone else might say. The reason we're so confident and full of that fire is because we truly don't care if we make fools of ourselves. We are not at all afraid of failure (mainly because we're clever, so it rarely happens)... Fear is a funny thing. Not one single thing in the universe can make you afraid. You are the only thing that can make you afraid. Give in, and you'll be miserable. Fight, dear girl. Fight everything. If they don't like you, screw em. The ones that do like you will be in for a terrific ride. You're clever, and you're intelligent, and you're witty. Those three things are more than enough to allow you to prove yourself better than the masses. We were born with it. Use it. Fight, and never stop fighting. Ever.
 

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I think maybe we can look confident and capable, and often in fact we don't feel that way. It is a common thing to look around you and think, everyone is so sorted, why am I struggling? without realising that we are all of us struggling.

*thinks a bit more*

A lot of the supposed confidence displayed by ENTPs is maybe because we are all talking about our plans for the future. Nobody plans to have a bad future, do they? and we none of us live in the present. We may not ever realise our exciting dreams, but we all need to have them, and as extroverts, like to discuss them.
 

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Well, I know my inner confidence comes from the fact that I believe I can succeed in everything I set my mind to. If I want something, I work hard to get it and even if I don't get it, I always know there is something else to move on to. I appreciate myself for being truthful to who I am as a person, and I also will never bow down to someone and crush myself. Honestly, I love myself. Why? Because I see all the things I could possibly do for the world, and just thinking about all the knowledge I could discover is exciting. I love waking up and interacting with others, because the fact that I'm expanding my world and seeing a glimpse of other's realities really gets me going. I believe my inner confidence comes from the fact that no matter what, I'll always be able to see what is good in my own little chunk of the world.

I'm very enthusiastic about living, so I go out into the world with this sort of positive attitude. There is just too much possibilities in this world for me to not want to dive into them. So, in short, my enthusiasm comes from my will to live, my will to create, and knowing that even if I fail, I can still move on and love myself for who I am.

Ah, shucks. I forget to answer the question of, "When did I notice it?" Well, I believe I was an INFP as a young child, then when through an odd ENFP phase when I was ten, then went to and INTP for eleven-twelve, and then settled at ENTP near my thirteenth birthday. I've been ENTP-ish ever since. So, middle school, I suppose?
 
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You know @Fulgur taps into something interesting with that post. There actually is something inside of me that has always known that I'd never settle for second best, and I've always felt I was destined for great things. No matter what is happening in my life, I always feel like bad times are just a "phase" and that I will move onto something better. I don't know if that is confidence or just a good attitude (or narcissism)
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
I would be willing to wager huge amounts of money that this is because of high school entirely. Immaturity is not something ENTPs handle well, and during that stage of life, you're pretty much constantly surrounded by it. If you get battered around enough, it affects anyone. I'm quite certain you still have that fire inside of you... and the only advice I can give is probably some of the hardest advice to take. Quit caring about what others think of you. Yes, I realize you want your friends to think well of you, and your family to be proud of you, but other than that, you have to absolutely give up the notion of caring what anyone else might say. The reason we're so confident and full of that fire is because we truly don't care if we make fools of ourselves. We are not at all afraid of failure (mainly because we're clever, so it rarely happens)... Fear is a funny thing. Not one single thing in the universe can make you afraid. You are the only thing that can make you afraid. Give in, and you'll be miserable. Fight, dear girl. Fight everything. If they don't like you, screw em. The ones that do like you will be in for a terrific ride. You're clever, and you're intelligent, and you're witty. Those three things are more than enough to allow you to prove yourself better than the masses. We were born with it. Use it. Fight, and never stop fighting. Ever.
Haha, you would lose that bet then. I left high school and went to community college in junior year specifically because of that. But the real source of the problem is that I was brought up as the scapegoated child of a narcissistic mother, who viewed me as her enemy. She purposefully inhibited my success in all things and taught me that I would never be good enough regardless of effort (which was something I always valued in myself). A scapegoat is forced to submit to being lower than the mother, because we are punished for doing well and rewarded for doing badly. It's all a role to fit into the mother's delusional world in which the daughter is the enemy, competition and cause of all her problems.

Anyway, I'm done with that. It might take a while, but I won't be satisfied until I can find my self confidence again.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
You know @Fulgur taps into something interesting with that post. There actually is something inside of me that has always known that I'd never settle for second best, and I've always felt I was destined for great things. No matter what is happening in my life, I always feel like bad times are just a "phase" and that I will move onto something better. I don't know if that is confidence or just a good attitude (or narcissism)
I can actually relate to that a lot (specifically the way you phrased it). I've never been okay with being second at anything, and I always feel like I know that I could do great things, even if my subconscious is trying to prevent these kinds of thoughts. Every time I get into a bad situation I try to explain how it will get better soon, and I always try to find the life lesson in a situation. I feel like every bad spell is a chance to learn something. The issue at work is a combination of what I mentioned above, and how truly awful this past year has been. I mean I was in a mental institution, diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, had to drop out of college, lost all my friends, moved to California only to find no jobs and realize my boyfriend was a totally depressing self-centered jerk, then moved back into the house with my mother, as mentioned above. But I keep telling myself, I'M NOT DONE YET DAMMIT. I am not willing to give into this depression for another year.
 

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Ah I'll PM you. I think I know how you feel :/ But I don't want to air all my dirty laundry out here.
 
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for the past few years I've been heavily depressed, and I mostly act like an INTP or at best a socially awkward ENFP. ... Suddenly I have a total lack of confidence in myself in most things, and I can't seem to even talk to people, not because I don't want to but because I'm afraid of making a mistake.

So I wanted to ask the other ENTPs: Where does your fire come from? At what point did you notice yourself becoming who you are today, and what happened to start that change? What sort of mindset do you use in your daily activities that allows you to be successful and confident while facing adversity?
Why do you think you're depressed? Depression is related to thoughts and actions. Negative thoughts and negative actions lead to negative emotions aka depression. You should really observe how you think about yourself. If you're constantly thinking negatively about yourself or your environment then it will cause you to feel negative. Be honest with yourself.

I don't just say this for no reason. I used to think negatively about myself, until I realized how limiting and untrue those thoughts were.

Keep in mind, you're 18. The teenage years are awkward. For me I noticed a shift in my confidence at around age 20.

Realization #1: Things don't make me happy. Things are nice to have and may give a rush, but then you get used to things and they have no effect on you.

Realization #2: Failure doesn't make me unhappy unless I focus on the negativity of failing. Failure now gets treated as a learning experience and gets kept in mind for when I try again so I have a better chance at succeeding the next time.

Realization #3: Setting goals for myself and then trying to reach them makes me happy. Achieving the goal is good, but it is the chase that I really enjoy. That's why I set extremely high goals for myself, so that I have that constant fire.
 

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Just FYI, no one has all their shit together. Anyone who tells you otherwise is probably lying to you.

That being said, I used to be in your same position. I had pretty much zero confidence in high school--I hated the idea that everyone except a few people rejected the image I presented to other people (which wasn't true, just my personal fable). Just recently, I've just come to realize in order to get what I want out of life, I need to take control of what I want and be the guiding force, and not let others' judgments get in my way of enjoying life. You savvy? :D
 

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I echo @Fulgur and @Katya00 in that I always knew I would do something big and had great confidence in that (my inner fire). That said, I was socially awkward/depressed in high school and well beyond. I was able to separate my achievement self-confidence from the social. In fact, this is somewhat enlightening in that I now realize I have cycled in life: when faced with social difficulty/failure, I go into hyper achievement mode to sort of self-medicate. This always helped and made me forget the social stuff.

Maybe you can separate different aspects of your self-confidence?
 

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Haha, you would lose that bet then. I left high school and went to community college in junior year specifically because of that. But the real source of the problem is that I was brought up as the scapegoated child of a narcissistic mother, who viewed me as her enemy. She purposefully inhibited my success in all things and taught me that I would never be good enough regardless of effort (which was something I always valued in myself). A scapegoat is forced to submit to being lower than the mother, because we are punished for doing well and rewarded for doing badly. It's all a role to fit into the mother's delusional world in which the daughter is the enemy, competition and cause of all her problems.

Anyway, I'm done with that. It might take a while, but I won't be satisfied until I can find my self confidence again.
Ok, I am sorry. I didn't know, you went through that ! It'll take time to get over this but you will. Little by little while you start knowing yourself. You're in the right direction already !
 

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I feel like we can get knocked back if something happens in our interpersonal lives, and makes us doubt the way we have been functioning and dealing with people. It happened to me. It's just starting to come back. I'm sure it's still there, it just hasn't come out of hiding yet. It's hard to say why a person has confidence though, or any trait. You just "do".
I can relate to that. Especially when being knocked back by things that really challenge your own inner justice and you struggle to explain for yourself how something like that could ever happen. I know this is something every person would say but I believe it could be a real setback for the usually extroverted and easy going ENTP.
 
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I think maybe we can look confident and capable, and often in fact we don't feel that way. It is a common thing to look around you and think, everyone is so sorted, why am I struggling? without realising that we are all of us struggling.

*thinks a bit more*

A lot of the supposed confidence displayed by ENTPs is maybe because we are all talking about our plans for the future. Nobody plans to have a bad future, do they? and we none of us live in the present. We may not ever realise our exciting dreams, but we all need to have them, and as extroverts, like to discuss them.
Just to elaborate on what (i believe) you already said. I am not sure an ENTP would settle just knowing that everybody else also struggle. It could be a reminder when you feel really lost but the ENTP would probably never be content until back on top again. My point is that I think we are driven by optimism about that (almost) nothing cant be done and therefore a more pessimistic approach could become a resignation.
 
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