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ok
the more i experience this world
the innocent, honest part of me seems to develop more and more defensive layers
but all the hearbreaks aside (well last time i really gave my 100% out there without any sort of calculation, and i got betrayed, cheated, disrespected big time... so my view on this is somehow changing... i'm quite happy to be self sufficient but when i see someone that has any type of elements that i visioned to be of my partner i can't help but tempted)
i want to be innocent just like before i felt hurt for the next new person that i believe to be other half (although i'm realising how difficult it can be) because i think that's fair

it's funny how our hearts can lie to us
that feeling of being smitten, that safe, peaceful contentment convince us to give, invest 100% percent of our heart to someone... the fact that when we feel such way about the person we naturally give 100% without any doubt that the other person can't possibly hurt / harm us in any way... and very often and soon we get hurt due to infidelity issues and headgames and so on and so on. although unconditional love can give more...

is it a silly idea to dream about meeting the person that one can settle for where intense, even, mutual attraction and commitment is secured? because once that is established, i think i could survive other little incompatibilities... difficulties... but when it comes to fidelity i find it very challenging not to cut that person out of my life given that i'm in love lol

but anyways, i don't think it's going to be easy for me (i think it's some sort of karma i have to work out with the military conscription stuff to boot!) and i'm pretty happy with my work and other parts of my life anyways :)
 

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You are not alone at all! I've often wished I could turn back the clock and return to my innocent youth. Innocent in the respect that I didn't know any better that a man could inflict such heartbreak on me that I'd forever be changed! It takes effort now to get involved and open up to someone new. Trust - I try to trust to the best of my ability and yet I still keep my guard up. I have no idea when or if this will ever change because I have yet to find that one special person I trust and love enough to let it all go. So the question remains. When do we know that it's "the one". How do we know when we can let our bricks fall? From what I hear, you just "know". So I wait for that moment and hope it comes along before I grow old and gray. For now, live life to it's fullest...compromise for nothing less than what you believe in. I've always felt that it's best to live your life somewhat happy alone than live one completely miserable with someone who's not right for you.
 
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