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Due to liquor, a huge load of nicotine and a previous drastic encounter with weed my insight has weakened to the state that it almost doesnt exist

its become very hard to pin down my previous visual prowess aswell

back in my prime I could still multi-task with precision and accuracy with my right foot always forward pushing through obstacles like they were nothing

now I'm an emotional wreck
although my creativity has picked up because I use it constantly now

my Ni doesnt feel like it working and I dont feel connected to the world anymore, all I'm connected to is the orchestra of voices in my head screaming,begging me,whispering to me to realize that I should leave the world behind and embrace my insanity ,thus far I have neglected it and have chose to a part of humanity but the part of me that wants to be alone doesnt want to leave me alone, ironic

any advice would be helpful thanks :)
 

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ENTP 5w6 So/Sx 584 ILE Honorary INTJ VLFE
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Stop using intoxicants and addictive substances. Reconnect with the world. I am certain if you stop trying to dull your cognitive functions and hide from the world, you'll figure things out.
 

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Sounds to me like you're struggling to find meaning and purpose in your life, to do something that you will find personally fulfilling and rewarding, to contribute to society in a way that you only can...what you've perhaps labeled as the insanity of your Ni that you try to repress since it doest seem to fit in w/ the rest of the world, you perhaps realize is the only way through you can find satisfaction. A painter paints not to become a famous rich artist, but out of necessity because that's who they are. For them to go without that artistic creative expression is like going without air. We have to be true to ourselves and do those things that allow us to be who we are and contribute to society in those ways. You've perhaps repressed that Ni thinking so much that now you find yourself being overwhelmed and obsessed with it because you crave it so much. What you need is healthy outlets for using it and sharing it w/ others.

I think everyone struggles w/ similar difficulties. Most people are able to make a living and find happiness w/ the life they're given so accept it, but others aren't or it slowly builds inside us until we get to the point where we've finally had enough and have to live the life we want to lead, that we were meant to lead....the thing is no one, but you can tell you what in particular what it is that is going to be the thing(s) that give your life satisfaction. It can be difficult to figure that out and whatever it is people are likely going to give you a lot of discouragement and bad advice. As corny as it may sound, you've got to dig down and figure out what's truly in your heart and follow that.

Alcohol and other substances we use to make ourselves feel temporary happiness when we're unhappy in life, a lot of people point to those things as the problem, but those things are not the problem in itself, they're just the symptoms. The problem is an unsatisfying life. Alcohol and such are just unhealthy ways of coping w/ that problem. You got to figure out what you truly want in life... unless u get lucky and fall in love w/ someone or land it rich or something that makes life good and not so stressful w/o figuring out what's eating gilbert grape.
 
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