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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
So, the next step of our online relationship was adding her on Instagram. I don’t use it much though I have an account, and I don’t want to force myself to be using it or social media. Posting stories, one’s photos, and that are more ways of engagement, so I feel that I’m in a bit of a graveyard?

I also don’t feel the need to peruse her profile (and personal life), and get more information about her to carry on conversation. I feel like there’s an expectation of me, but all I can think of is continuing talking with her, asking questions. (Although I don’t know what else to talk about that feels right). This is the part where you would ask them out irl, but I don’t think she sees it the same way. How does this part of online dating work? What’s something I should do, regarding this? Thanks 😊
 

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Social media is simply a tool for communication and an extention of yourself. You use it because you find a need to do so, because it fulfills a need...

Employ as needed.
 

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So, the next step of our online relationship was adding her on Instagram. I don’t use it much though I have an account, and I don’t want to force myself to be using it or social media. Posting stories, one’s photos, and that are more ways of engagement, so I feel that I’m in a bit of a graveyard?

I also don’t feel the need to peruse her profile (and personal life), and get more information about her to carry on conversation. I feel like there’s an expectation of me, but all I can think of is continuing talking with her, asking questions. (Although I don’t know what else to talk about that feels right). This is the part where you would ask them out irl, but I don’t think she sees it the same way. How does this part of online dating work? What’s something I should do, regarding this? Thanks
You can chat with her or FaceTime her through Instagram - I use both Facebook/Instagram as a form of communication with family /friends from
Out of state/over sea , it’s much more convenient than a phone card . Most of my friends on social media website are my close friends/family members/relatives- perhaps she wants to let you know that you can reach to her there faster - if you can’t reach to her through calling /texting her more so than asking you understand her better by looking through her Instagram- but even if that’s the case what’s the harm with looking through photos of her to grab more ideas of what her hobbies /outside life look like . How many times have you hang out irl


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Instagram is the biggest dating site nowadays. As a man, this is a way for you to vet her. Her Instagram is something you should ask early, so you can see early if she needs validation from the internet, or if she uses it for her job. In general I'd vet out girls who have an Instagram altogether, with very few specific exceptions.

There are a couple of expectations on you, she expects you to initiate or else she'll (falsely) assume you're not interested (it's possible she already did so depending on how long you've been talking online), and she expects you to keep the conversation going or else she'll assume you don't have what it takes to date her. Take her out (because she won't) and the conversation should flow more naturally (because there will be much more engagement from her, because less things that get her attention away from talking with you, and she'll be able to actually focus and contribute instead on putting that whole expectation on you).
 
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Some women also use social media to try to check out safety-wise, who the person is. Like, it's kind of weird to me because I'm an older Gen Y, but I've heard there can be a stigma against men who don't have social media, because I suppose some women really use it to find out their background, family, friends, behavior?

I don't think it matters much--if you're not much of a social media user then you don't need to date someone who expects you to be. But it's just something to keep in mind that is another motivation I have heard of, regarding dating.

One woman I worked with paid for a background check service--to just check out everyone's stuff. On top of that she would also snoop on social media and I wouldn't put it past her to put secret cameras around or something. I suspect she was an ESFJ. And she was married--she wasn't even dating. She just liked to utilize the info and gossip.

My own IG, I haven't got any photos of me or personal stuff--so I'd fail at that. I just started one to use for art but I stopped using it because concerns about online privacy started making me uncomfortable.

I think you should just ask her out if you're interested in her? Idk--you could indicate you're attracted to her and see how she reacts? I don't think that online dating is that different than offline--it's just the same person but they are dealing with online stuff.

I tend to be a little more cautious about cat-fishing online (probably also where social media can come in), and a little more cautious about things like physical assault offline, but I don't really do a lot of dating so I can't give very good advice.

I had no idea anyone dated on instagram? Or that it had anything to do with dating? I use it to try to find artwork I like.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 · (Edited)
@Lonewaer,

So how do I become her friend over social media without it seeming like I'm chasing her tail? Or even seeming stalker-ish? I want to be friends with her first, they do to, but it's uncomfortable for me to be so forward based literally on looks and first impressions; that seems to be the only way onwards. Is this like Messenger, where I can just pop in and say 'hey, how r u goin'; though this feels different... Because of online dating, asking them out on a friendly or romantic date seems like I'm jumping forward... but I just don't know how to talk to them over Insta, where it feels genuine, like we're making a connection. 😅
 

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So, the next step of our online relationship was adding her on Instagram. I don’t use it much though I have an account, and I don’t want to force myself to be using it or social media.
How did you meet her and why did you add her on IG if you don't really use it? What do you use to communicate with her?

If you've been already chatting for a while I'd just ask if you could meet and talk in person cause it would be nice and the conversation would flow better compared to chat. And just see what she answers.
 
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So how do I become her friend over social media without it seeming like I'm chasing her tail? Or even seeming stalker-ish? I want to be friends with her first, they do to, but it's uncomfortable for me to be so forward based literally on looks and first impressions; that seems to be the only way onwards. Is this like Messenger, where I can just pop in and say 'hey, how r u goin'; though this feels different... Because of online dating, asking them out on a friendly or romantic date seems like I'm jumping forward... but I just don't know how to talk to them over Insta, where it feels genuine, like we're making a connection. 😅
I'm confused, do you want to just be friends with her, or to eventually date her ?

If you want to befriend her, simply consider that she is a dude, that's no different. It would probably be easier off of IG, but it's not so important.

From the OP, it seems to me like you would rather eventually date her at some point. So if you want to date her, do not waste time, go straight to the point : "I am attracted to you, I would like to get to know you better, let's go out on a date", then suggest a day (as early as possible), a time, a place, and a low budget/free activity (drinks are fine, dinner is too expensive) that allow both of you to talk and to get to know each other. You want to get off IG as soon as possible. Then you will worry about actually seeing if you get along, are attracted to each other's personalities, that's what the date is for. Keep what you have to talk about with her to when you will meet in person. Online communication is… not ideal. You don't know how much her attention is being solicited online, it's hard to imagine for us. You need her undivided attention, the best way to have that is to meet her in person. If she says no, simply move on. You don't have to end all communication necessarily, but you also don't have to keep providing your attention, you probably have better things to do than chase someone who's not interested.
Suggest it, make the offer, and run with the answer, whatever the answer is. If positive, enjoy it, if negative, move on.
 
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At the risk of over simplifying this. I just perceive it as extending ones hand out in reception. Like saying ‘Hey we got a long here, so let’s progress by sharing a bit more of a personal side’

At least that’s how I view it if I give someone my FB. I don’t really do Instagram. I never personally used it myself. I just had it to have visibility of my eldest daughter when she was in middle school. 🤷🏻‍♀️. Facebook alone is enough plug on social media, for me. Unless you count here.

But I view the Instagram invite as similar to if I choose to share my FB w/someone.

I think if you’re not big on social media or Instagram activity, maybe you should just even tell her that. You can tell her you’re interested in talking further with her through text/phone, FaceTime, messenger, etc. To get to know her. And explain you’re interested in getting to know more, while still prefacing you’re not that active on social media. 🤷🏻‍♀️
 

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I personally don't talk with girls online for more than a week. If they don't agree to meet me irl, then it's almost 100% they're not interested in you. And you definitely can't find a good girl who's obsessed with her IG account. They're just too narcissistic.

This is the reason I don't like this platform much unless using it for my own good. For example, I have an IG account for my shop that needs new followers daily. Girls won't follow me if I ask them, but I found at https://megafamous.com the services I need. I buy new followers and my shop is pretty successful in my field.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 · (Edited)
So, what was your next step?

I personally don't talk with girls online for more than a week. If they don't agree to meet me irl, then it's almost 100% they're not interested in you.
There was none, she didn't reply back.

I can't talk to girls over messenger for a day before finding it fruitless, and feel like the natural step is to ask them out. I dunno, that's just me; I'm a difficult person to get to know through messenger because I can easily go 'full on' any subject, like a college professor, or at times like Zuckerberg talking about his Meta. When I ask them out to a date, they either ghost me or tell me to add their Insta, lol--the graveyard.

I've given up on online dating, and now have resorted to pretending suitable women are married and unavailable so I can be less nervous talking with them.
 

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There was none, she didn't reply back.

I can't talk to girls over messenger for a day before finding it fruitless, and feel like the natural step is to ask them out. I dunno, that's just me; I'm a difficult person to get to know through messenger because I can easily go 'full on' any subject, like a college professor, or at times like Zuckerberg talking about his Meta. When I ask them out to a date, they either ghost me or tell me to add their Insta, lol--the graveyard.

I've given up on online dating, and now have resorted to pretending suitable women are married and unavailable so I can be less nervous talking with them.
Not saying this was the case (cuz who the fuck knows)

But please just be careful. After I was rereading this for context.

There’s many Only Fans Girls who peddle and hustle to average citizens on normal dating sites, or through social media.

I see it more because of doing a creator platform myself and camming. Because I’m ‘friends’ with various creators and many will send out mass messages self promoting but specifically out of curiosity I followed their rabbit hole to see their methods. Many of these girls have average everyday online dating sites (not like sugar daddy or something) connected to their link trees. With their insta. I’ve seen many are really big on telling people to find them on messengers.

I don’t respect this strategy. It’s one thing to market to Reddit in AfterDark or NSFW categories and boards where that audience is seeking. But to actual real people looking for a love connection? I just believe you don’t go sell something to someone they weren’t even in a store for.

Anyways alotta those girls are looking for ordinary people to follow them down several rabbit holes. I find it really trashy to disturb and bother single people not looking in NSFW sections. But just be careful if you’re talking to normal everyday singles and they are guiding ya to follow them and messenger.

Many of those girls from what I’ve saw appear to try to hoodwink average single men and then lure them to their den. I think that’s disgusting to peddle to some random single person pretending to like them to sucker them into paying ya.

Aside from that being IMO incredibly low class and trashy I’m way too emotionally lazy to go around and hoodwink a guy and talk to him like I was interested for $ 🤣. That’s not really my dealio. I’ll sell to someone who is actively looking and seeking a photo or a vid. But fuck if I’m going to stroke their ego. Let alone go bother unsuspecting people not even in the store for it. Naw fuck that. 🤣. I can sell photos and vids easy. But pretending to like someone 🤣. Gawd no. For one what a horrible thing to do. But also how much fucken energy does that seriously have to take, a lot.

Anyways I’d always known this was a thing people come across in real dating online etc. But I just didn’t realize how many of these maniacs take that approach.

I noticed alotta them are obsessed with Insta, & Snap as their middle party Segway
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 · (Edited)
Not saying this was the case (cuz who the fuck knows)

But please just be careful. After I was rereading this for context.

There’s many Only Fans Girls who peddle and hustle to average citizens on normal dating sites, or through social media.

I see it more because of doing a creator platform myself and camming. Because I’m ‘friends’ with various creators and many will send out mass messages self promoting but specifically out of curiosity I followed their rabbit hole to see their methods. Many of these girls have average everyday online dating sites (not like sugar daddy or something) connected to their link trees. With their insta. I’ve seen many are really big on telling people to find them on messengers.

I don’t respect this strategy. It’s one thing to market to Reddit in AfterDark or NSFW categories and boards where that audience is seeking. But to actual real people looking for a love connection? I just believe you don’t go sell something to someone they weren’t even in a store for.

Anyways alotta those girls are looking for ordinary people to follow them down several rabbit holes. I find it really trashy to disturb and bother single people not looking in NSFW sections. But just be careful if you’re talking to normal everyday singles and they are guiding ya to follow them and messenger.

Many of those girls from what I’ve saw appear to try to hoodwink average single men and then lure them to their den. I think that’s disgusting to peddle to some random single person pretending to like them to sucker them into paying ya.

Aside from that being IMO incredibly low class and trashy I’m way too emotionally lazy to go around and hoodwink a guy and talk to him like I was interested for $ 🤣. That’s not really my dealio. I’ll sell to someone who is actively looking and seeking a photo or a vid. But fuck if I’m going to stroke their ego. Let alone go bother unsuspecting people not even in the store for it. Naw fuck that. 🤣. I can sell photos and vids easy. But pretending to like someone 🤣. Gawd no. For one what a horrible thing to do. But also how much fucken energy does that seriously have to take, a lot.

Anyways I’d always known this was a thing people come across in real dating online etc. But I just didn’t realize how many of these maniacs take that approach.

I noticed alotta them are obsessed with Insta, & Snap as their middle party Segway
A lot of girls shamelessly use dating apps just to put forward their Instagram account, lol. Usually the good looking ones that make the other girls, who are actually looking for love, and have your everyday photographs, look to some par. :/ It's the bane of online dating sites, the commercialising aspect brought forward by these women that make other women feel insecure, perhaps. So yeah, shame on them.
 
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