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What is your instinctual stacking?

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Discussion Starter #1
Please only vote on the poll if you are confident of your stacking.

I would like to see the relative frequency of the stackings, currently on PerC.

The information out there on the instincts is incredibly repetitive, and I am curious to hear individual creative takes on the central neurosis. You don't have to talk about yourself specifically, although you can if you would like to. It would certainly be really difficult for me to talk about why the SX instinct is neurotic for me.

How do these fixation(s) manifest for you - and can you tell why one of is of the utmost concern to you, while the others are not so much? Do you have instincts that are similar in strength, or is it more the staircase-like scenario, where one is dominant, the second less so, and third blindspot? Ultimately, what scares you the most when it comes to your instinct? I am beginning to see how there is a constructive and destructive element to everything in life - including your instincts. What are you like, depending on which of those two forces is operating in you? What is your neurosis, or wounding, around? And what makes this wound worse? What heals it?
 

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I am sure that I am sp/so.

Generally, none of the instinctual stacking variants fit me in a nutshell. However, self-preservation is the closest for me. I am most concerned about my own comfort and pleasure, rather than focusing on bigger groups or passionate connections. It can be quite neurotic for me because I absolutely hate being put in a position or place that does not feel agreeable, and I try to do what I can to avoid this. Yet I think I relate more to the unhealthy side of sp. For instance, I've never been able to relate to the more health-conscious descriptions of sp doms. Actions like eating are done because I enjoy how it feels and indulging it, not because I need to do it to stay healthy.

Eh, I don't relate much to Social or Sexual instincts. I can easily pass for an sp/sx, I think. However, sx blindspot makes more sense for me. I do pay attention to my social standing and how I interact with larger groups, and at a smaller level I do desire to be respected by others. But I don't really like putting effort into social sort of stuff. Most of the sexual descriptions don't really resonate with me. I find it hard to become passionate about something, and I don't like intense connections with other people.

Well, I suppose that what worries me about my instinct is that I might be missing out on getting to know interesting people, finding a life partner, etc. I'm very sp-heavy which makes it hard for me to both connect with bigger groups and individuals. It's like I drive myself to be alone forever, but that also sounds quite scary. I'm quite scared of rejection so I think that's what my neurosis is centered around, it's like my sp wants to keep me protected from that. I'm not sure what would heal this wound yet.

I hope that I've answered your questions adequately.
 

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I care about my emotional, physical and spiritual well being and it's a primary preoccupation for me. I also care to an equal degree about all my partner's needs being met.
I'd say although my SX is second it's a fairly big concern of mine that I have close relationships with people, in particular a partner but I have the same need for intimacy in family and friendships.
Even though SO is last, I'd say I've a very good understanding of group dynamics. Prior to me moving into my apartment a few of my neighbors commented that none of them had talked to others, and since I naturally tend to be sociable (even though I'm introverted I still like talking to people and can do it, but I get drained very rapidly, and I still have a strong preference for being alone/with my partner) I got people talking to each other and I'm quite happy.
But the reason it's last is because I don't need it. I understand it's importance and having my own niche is important from a SP perspective too, but it isn't as emotionally satisfying or as much of a preoccupation and area of focus as SP (overwhelmingly important) and Sx( very important).
If I'm honest I couldn't call So a blind spot, it's more like an area of lesser emotional priority. I'm not obsessed with it, but I can do So things. It is a need to some extent but I'm so preoccupied with SP/SX that it doesn't compare, or qualify as a neurosis.
 

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I am curious to hear individual creative takes on the central neurosis.
I love how you go for the heavy questions :)

How do these fixation(s) manifest for you - and can you tell why one of is of the utmost concern to you, while the others are not so much? Do you have instincts that are similar in strength, or is it more the staircase-like scenario, where one is dominant, the second less so, and third blindspot?
SX/SP/so
I can't say why they're ordered this way in me, they just are. My SO is very much a blindspot. With things like social status, for example, I'm always; 'you're kidding about this stuff, right? -- you can't be serious, lol'. SO things are not intuitive to me the way SP & SX things are. Rather than learn SO I seem to do my best to avoid social systems altogether. I do better with SP things; bills get paid, I spend less than I earn, no issues relating to nutrition/body/grooming -- I don't want a lot of possessions and don't give SP things much thought, but I have all that in good order (but am not neurotic about it, I'm very relaxed with SP stuff).

SX is this whole other thing. It's my driver but it also feels like a consuming default focus and a cross to bear (at this stage of my life). It's such an enormous part of me. I can only connect with intensity so everything needs to be beautiful or deep or BIG or at the edge, so to speak. If I'm going to care about my looks, I have to be stunning (fortunately not eating is easy which helps but the pressure is still uncomfortable). If I'm going to earn money it needs to be BIG to bother (otherwise I'd just survive on less somehow). I'm not going to consider dating someone who isn't surprising, engaging & deep (I'd prefer no one if I can't get that intensity).

I need a cutting-edge career. I need to go fast. I need to take risks. I need to 'play'. I need to feel alive. I need my 'mate' (and the intense sex life we'll have -- never far from my mind). Regular things/people bore me. Me being 'acceptable', safe or predictable bores me. I can feel like a caged animal if I can't express SX or get my intensity/connection fix. I assume life will be better in the future when I have more appropriate outlets.

Ultimately, what scares you the most when it comes to your instinct?
That social rules ignoring + risk taking often ends for people in ways other than a perfect, exciting, fulfilling life. There is also the concern that if I'm not careful I'll be consumed myself by the size of this irrational drive (staying balanced and in control requires effort). The ability to suppress SP (if I want to) and be all SX may not be healthy... not that I'd want to be, or could imagine myself being, any other way.

I am beginning to see how there is a constructive and destructive element to everything in life - including your instincts. What are you like, depending on which of those two forces is operating in you?
I think there is an intensity in destruction (generally speaking) but I'm wired for creation. I guess there is a fuck the old ways aspect to creating new things. My focus is always on the positive side though. I hate negativity in all its forms.

What is your neurosis, or wounding, around? And what makes this wound worse? What heals it?
I know they say that your dominant instinct is from a childhood wound. I don't see it personally. I think I was born wired this way, hence the baby escape artist I was & crazy early childhood stunts (my poor confused sp/sx Mom, lol). What makes it worse is not expressing it and not getting my SX needs met (which have increased massively since becoming a teenager). I expect being bonded/secure with 'my other half' so my SX can be largely satisfied is what will 'heal it' (to a large extent anyway).

I do take on the Faurves view that these are survival instincts (as counterintuitive as that is in the case of SX). So just having that 'we're physically together, we're one, I've got your back' aspect will be healing for me (I don't feel safe at all in groups and less safe alone than in a united both-highly-competent pair). Or will it be a solid foundation for even wilder SX stuff together, a launch pad of sorts? To be determined...
 

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(SP/SO). (Although this is an unsure typing for myself....)

___________


(SX) is not a "blindspot," I just find it fairly intimate - impractical; to unleash without much incentive - 'close relationships for the sake of close relationships', and find fixation on the "group" (social-aspect) of my encounter(s) makes it fairly easier to navigate my atmosphere without the overbearing fixation on "unmet" personal needs. Why get intimate with (X, Y, Z), why should I get 'deep' with a specimen for the sake of it? What have they done (?) Who are they (?) A family/friend (?) Eh, so what? Just another humanoid. And indeed, we can have just as much fun staying out of each others 'business', I assure you. (SX)-specimens can be rather phallic - inserting themselves into crevices they do not belong, scavaging for food, attempting to caress your thighs open for any proof of honey.


In regards to my (SO) instinct, discussing affairs w/ other specimen(s) would otherwise find "too personal", come for myself rather openly; I can sit with a stranger I find intriguing and discuss anything at all, without this need to get "deep within their soul," which does not particularly interest me - and I suppose this is an "intensity," of it's own, I reckon most specimen(s) find this 'too intense' when I disconnectedly discuss intense things (or things unique to the SX-instinct blunt & openly with anyone - without the 'intense connectivity' (SX's need) present with ease, which was always something I was critiqued on, "you can't just go around talking about (X/Y/Z) like that, Cat," & that it should otherwise be more "tactifully," considered - they tend to lock-up (&) hit the road when I start talking - so much for the '(SX)'-fetishism claimed; and even in this, I see no proximate issue since my (SX) isn't in it, (SX) is a tad too refining for myself; and tedious - (narrowing), I get bored with the same connection(s) & eventually fall off their radar/out of contact, since I have no drive to go deep within their 'personal' relations + form unique sacred bonds without reasons. My (SX)-last manifest(s) not as a "blindspot," but as a functional-unit when the 'proper' specimen comes along to trigger it, not just any humanoid with multiple capacities for depth & all their capacities and 'deepness' are all being displayed - cool? I suppose. Although, for me, I see all specimen(s) as numerical digits with little differences. And indeed, not much into being 'deciphered / decoded' or coaxed into intimacy that seems unnecessary (in the openness of social-contexts) (re: outside of myself (SP-instinct).


Stay out of my 'sexual' business; if you will, unless there is some unique reason why they should be investigating the boxes in my basement, which is stammered around in indecisiveness / uncertainty when questioned why (X)-specimen is even down there, in the first place. A deer frozen in headlights. Just felt like 'checking' out my basement, just fancy "shiny" objects in my boxes, eh? It instinctively, just never occurs to myself that we have to go deeper than necessary - if the interaction is sufficient, smooth, and great as is. Not really into sitting down and discussing everyone's Enneagram Chakras (&) having some humanoid palm read into my personal/private dimensions without incentive for getting "insight" into... what, exactly? (Assuming the specimen can coherently explain why without it reeking of too much of their own (self-interests); not interested in sharing my "personal-self," (SP) to a specimen 'personally' for no real reason whatsoever - but am willing to participate in the realm of humanoid(s) at my own discretion, because things are simply more efficient and easier to focus, when there is no (sexual-distractions), if you get gist.

And I suppose, I have no interest whatsoever in forming close, intimate relations with specimen(s) I do not know, even if we have "many things in common," it does not warrant a reason to get intimate per se, as I have "many things in common," with anyone, and from anyone (SO), I can gain more knowledge / utility out of distinct types of humanoids - than fixating on one humanoid. (SP/SO) is simply self-care - without forgetting about the importance of your (position) within social-sphere. Everything that you do, has affects, - on the environment, on other(s) and (SO) is an awareness of these affects. My (SO) aims to appease my (SP); if I subscribe to group dynmanics - this keeps them (satisfied) &, from fucking with me, when I do not wish to bothered. Room for myself, without being (socially-clueless / alienated) (&) reeking benefits.


Introversion + (SP) induces more than enough "self-intimacy," [which may arise a need to be cautious of ones needs for onesself, which requires an attentiveness around the specimens in which I am 'intimate' with - or an attentiveness to the (internalized-structure), and leading with (Ni) of all things supplies any 'lost intensity', regardless, which mimics (SX) well enough], by default - thus, (SX) seems to cause imbalance within myself; to fixate and fetishize things that are already taken care of - the only thing 'left' is perhap(s) getting naked - and (SX) last comes necessary with the right humanoids - and assuming the "majority" are all wrong, I can still find utility in them elsewhere in other social-facets. There is no craving to explore deep with psychological intimate realms of specimens - and milk all affairs of it's insensity for myself. Seems like a private affair; to be enjoyed in moderation & maintained than spoiled - & any (SX)-exploration should be done only if there are good reasons; and until then - (SO) is simply opportunism.

A main complaint of specimen(s) close to myself is I am so (SP) - (deterimentally secrative/frugal about privacy), but incredibly open to strangers - at the same time -- which seems [confusing] for most specimen(s), as I go cold the moment they attempt scooching closer. I tend to be relaxed around strangers, and "uncomfortable," around one-on-one milking with specimens just because, although, if you introduced (3) other humanoid(s) into the equation, all is fine - the attention is diverted, it is easier to communicate - keep things light, flowing, conflict free. I do not wish to be stuck giving therapy sessions on humanoid(s) I do not really care about. I am all open to humanoids, until the specimen asks for a key to my place and attempts to thrust themselves into my space; this is my domain - and I will not share it without reason - and what "reasons" do you have (?) Humanoids are dime a dozen - abudance mindset; humanoids are everywhere - all functioning relatively similar, with mild uninteresting distinctions. I suppose it is somewhat [frightening] in a sense, it induces a tendency to be (blind) to the utility of "intense," connectivity (and that perhaps, individuals should be considered in more depth - rather than numerical digits), specimen(s) have feels, special passions, important "unqiue 'desires' to be split open (&) raw on the operating table - and I perhaps, slow down and warranted attentiveness to this.

There is not much craving beyond (SP) for myself to form reckless, randomized intimacy just because the specimen has a capacity to do so, well, any humanoid can "talk about deep things," -- darling, does not warrant they are worth spreading eagle to. The "all eggs in one basket approach," is simply impractical. Cast a wide net and throw out the spoiled fish; and suck what you can from the exchange, all is valuable for moving forward. No one is unique, from my (SO)-POV, rather every and all specimens has unique information to share - which is why it interests me more to be (SO-cially aware), than (SX), scrutinzing.

My (SX) instinct is for the specimen(s) that interest me - not simply this strange need to just 'be deep' for the sake of deepness; there is no genuineness here. Just curiosity; nosiness. No genuine desire to "know the humanoid," just a desire to quench their own (deprived) thrist for intimate details. Just want to know the ingredients for a cake they are unsure about even (baking) with entirety. No guinea pigs in this kitchen. Remember the basic social etiquette of not drooling all over the buns, other specimen(s) have to eat, too - wipe your mouth. The bakery is closed for business.
 

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Typing at sx/so but there's a real case for so/sx (or even sp/so) so I'm not voting in the poll but I want to plaayyy (gonna answer as if I were definitely sx/so to avoid has and hms)


How do these fixation(s) manifest for you

This is super hard to answer but I guess I'd say that my sx shows up in my, yes, that oft-thrown-about-word, intensity - by which I mean a level of intensity I require from the world, perhaps not one I personally provide or focused on personally providing. I would consider this as tied to my core type of 7, which is focused not on what I can do for the world but on what the world can do for me. ;) (to be clear - I do not think I'm 'out for number one', I am genuinely interested in others and hope I can be generous and useful, but my focus is 'what are they getting out of this?' 'what am I getting out of this?' rather than something more relational). In short, I'm more experiential, and my focus is usually on making the experience stronger and fiercer, how to maximize the adventure and power of a moment, not wielding my personal power, which is how I see myself as different from many sx descriptions.

I've always seen myself as very 'sexual' and not just in uncomfortable way, though it's hard to put into words exactly what that would have meant to me before Enneagram confused me to pieces, but something similar to Enneagram ideas. For instance I saw myself as very choleric, very intense and focused on relationships more than anything else, was spirited, felt incomplete and spent all my time thinking about the people I was 'in love with' and crying about being ugly lol, and like tbh always felt like lust was my biggest problem, was obsessive and always wanted more closeness, etc

I'm also - romantic and idealistic. I'm not a rockstar, I don't display like a peacock, I don't see the point of that, a person should be attracted to me, not my feathers. I obsessed over my attractiveness for long time as a teenager, I wanted to be so beautiful and intelligent that whoever I was in love with would have the good fortune of the most beautiful person in the world being tragically in lovve with them. Honestly I didn't really have an idea of love besides courtly love for well into my teen years, just not...something I saw in the world, I saw the two options in the world as being getting married and living in bliss to the end of your days or loving from afar and living a long life for their benefit dying with their name on your lips, I just . . . I didn't watch Friends growing up, I read Victorian novels :laughing: But that's something I don't relate to with many sx things, deep down I don't think it has much to do with sx

Image I always associated with myself was being Morgan le Fay, just had a specific archetype in my mind of...a dark woman in a long green dress walking through the forest and like singing, obviously it's more than the aesthetic, means something and it's what puzzles me when people say I don't seem sx like 'but I'm Morgan le Fay???' but that's obviously impossible to...demonstrate or...possibly means nothing lol

And I also...to me sx feels more about need than anything else, I need something to...like pieces of the sun cut up through the world, need to find them and drink up the light

Social manifests in my familiarity with context, can desire to be seen a certain way for the general public or a group of people, can value status and other such things

Self-pres manifests perhaps in ways like eating a lot, desiring comfort, needing time of my own, can get testy when some sp things are tested. Also feel like my self-pres has developed, I've grown an appreciation for some things. Can come up in for instance...feeling of gardening, having dirt under nails, or running and feeling that I'm alive
Can you tell why one of is of the utmost concern to you, while the others are not so much?
It's who I am as a person, I'd say.

Don't think I can trace it to an instinct being compromised in my childhood years or anything. Feel like I've always exhibited same patterns.

Do you have instincts that are similar in strength, or is it more the staircase-like scenario, where one is dominant, the second less so, and third blindspot?
I'd say sx--->so----------------------->sp


Ultimately, what scares you the most when it comes to your instinct?


don't feel scared of any of my instincts, feel scared of not having what they offer in order sx------------------------>so------>--sp


I am beginning to see how there is a constructive and destructive element to everything in life - including your instincts. What are you like, depending on which of those two forces is operating in you?
I've used this metaphor in me, feel like there's a centre in me that emanates energy into me, if I catch the energy and expend it into the world then it's a lovely, great force, if it remains inside it turns dark and ugly and bursts out in destructive ways, often feel I lack an outlet

Destructive sx: Fits of temper, breaking things, severing bonds, burning bridges, I have an extensive saving system because I got so into the habit of deleting the stories I was working on in these moods, and...I'm not a 'cutter' and it's embarrassing to admit to but if in certain moods I'll make myself bleed, like I feel trapped or like that energy that should be doing something is trapped, basically I'll sabotage anything I was holding onto with care, it can be...good, resets the energy thing at least and makes room for creative energy, one of my former usernames was 'Phoenix Virtue' and I was thinking of how I can rebuild from the ashes in that way

Constructive sx: channeled into something, inspired, productive, wake up thinking about something and go to bed not able to wait for next day to work on it some more, it happens more rarely...but I think of when I was younger and I'd get an idea for a story and stay up all night writing it, invested in some project.

What is your neurosis, or wounding, around?
I don't know, this isn't how I think of myself this way, in instinct terms I'd say feeling unloveable and well I guess just:



Or maybe just always feeling like my investments aren't rewarded, not in sp or 2 way but like...remember taking a walk with my brother once and we usually walked one way but we were up early enough to see the sunrise if we walked the other way so I was like 'yeah let's walk and see the sunrise, one of the limited sunrises we'll get a chance to see in our lives' but my brother said if we didn't walk his way he'd go home, and he did and it felt...typical, kinda symbolic of what often happens in my life, always has

And what makes this wound worse?
Feeling ignored or like I'm screaming into the void, indulging my desire to give up and fester

What heals it?
I do think dragging my sp up to the surface, and indulging the fuck out of the creative, best impulses of my sx, is the way to healing

Thing about my blindspot is that I never focused on being well, healthy, ok, in any sense, when I did focus on something like that it was for sake of sx like I had a 'healthy' phase when I was finding Chris Traeger on Parks and Rec super attractive and I was inspired and saw it as a wawy to be more attractive myself, or an attempt at being more interesting, like being well-rounded, the idea of trying to heal occurred to me not even two years ago, I was just down, depressed about my weight and general situation and it suddenly occurred to me that what I needed was healing, I was trying to think of a way to rent a cabin in the woods for a month and focus on healing lol, like take a month off to regenerate and then just into something, whole idea felt self-indulgent and gross in a way but also felt right, ended up house-sitting at a really nice house, it had a beautiful garden outside and I imagined that it imparted health and happiness, every day I would sit in the garden with a glass of water and focus on being in the garden and drinking the water, they had a yoga book so I tried that, it was nice, feel like in general that kind of ~embracing sp~ is a good idea for me, hard to access desire to do that, but now it's on my radar and yes
 

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Sorry, couple of things I thought ofÑ

I'm not a rockstar
by which I meant two things:

a. I'm not simiilar to Robert Plant specifically or sx 7 rockstar type, had string of thought about Plant that I cut out
b. I'm not electric

Forgot to clarify

I do think dragging my sp up to the surface, and indulging the fuck out of the creative, best impulses of my sx, is the way to healing
And why, you might ask, would I need impetus to indulge my dominant instinct?

1. think it mostly has to do with my core type, being creative outside of initial burst of enthusiasm requires some line to 5 to actually apply myself and have discipline and 5 scares me, things that don't give feedback back or are not interactive make me feel dead, there's pressing desire to skip to something more immediately gratifying...don't identify with 7 running from pain thing but I run from work and that feels more painful than actual pain
2. Habit I think, these things used to feel more immersive to me and idk what happened
 

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Discussion Starter #10 (Edited)
What has tormented me my whole life is that "no one wants to be close to me," something I much later realized was the Sexual instinct instead of anything else. I would say that my issues around SX are much more damaging to me that core 4 issues such as feeling unseen/invalidated. And that's saying a lot, because really repeated exposure to the latter will and has deeply damaged and changed me in both good and awful ways, if not straight up traumatized me.


So that really goes to show how powerful and threatening the SX issues are for me. The way I talk about it, however, will intertwine with core 4 also. I have never felt good enough, I don't know. I just never did. I break down so easily and am so fragile whenever my issues get triggered. I have - and to some extent still feel - completely worthless. Of course now I am beginning to see that's not true - I mean how could it be - I have so much to offer. But this is a recent realization, and hasn't taken that much of a root in me yet.


I am so neurotic around my SX that I not only pour my essence out there, I think I (embarrassingly) can push for it (as in, share/overshare myself), not caring for the boundaries as much as I should. In fact, if they don't want it only reinforces how repulsive I must be. This isn't easy for me to admit, and to me it shows the desperation and wounding or possibly trauma around my Sexual instinct. I am completely and utterly broken and it has numerous times driven me to suicide. It is the single thing that has destroyed my life and made me wonder why the fuck I was born to begin with. Yes, I demand it - part of the SX 4 description that is incredibly embarrassingly true, as I see now.


I just want him to experience my essence - and although light fills me too, I am made from darkness, I spring from it - I cannot betray it. All I have ever wanted is to be seen human and whole and to still be loved. To be truly loved. And of course, I would too, in return. But repeatedly I have come to the conclusion that it's not possible. That there's too much ugliness and filth inside me - inside humanity - for this to be possible. If that is true, I will die an absolutely miserable person. There's not much I can do to alter my ideal about this "union." It has always been there, I have always craved it and chased it madly as if I were raw bleeding flesh completely and this is the only thing that will make me stop bleeding. That will finally make me feel content, happy, and at peace.
 
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