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Discussion Starter #1
Like, if I'm unsure about my connections with people would that be a sign of sx first or last? Or if I'm insecure about my social standing, connectivity etc. That a sign for so last or first?
 

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My understanding is that it depends on the degree of focus you give to that instinct. Are you unsure about your social standing because you're paying a lot of attention to it and therefore can't ignore any weaknesses? Or because you don't pay enough attention to it, and you're aware of this and should maybe do something about it... later, when you have time? Likewise with personal connections.

Personally I feel uneasy about my skills in all of the instincts, so it was never helpful to try and figure out my instinctual variants just by asking myself what I don't feel confident about. However, it's worrying about matters of future financial security, disease and injury that's most likely to keep me awake at night. If I feel like I might have made a particular social gaffe or blunder, that could keep me awake as well. As for romance, I mostly think that's more trouble than it's worth and I would be an idiot to put too much effort into it when I don't know if I even really want it, and as for more platonic intimacy, I fade out of contact with dear friends a bit too easily and I should probably do something about that, later, when I have time.
 

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Are you unsure about your social standing because you're paying a lot of attention to it and therefore can't ignore any weaknesses? Or because you don't pay enough attention to it, and you're aware of this and should maybe do something about it... later, when you have time? Likewise with personal connections.
That makes sense. Personally this confirms to me for example that I am SP-last. I only notice SP-stuff at last moment or when its too late/I just decide to not care.
 

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Instincts are based on patterns of focus, not individual concerns, so your being unsure about social connections by itself says nothing about your instincts.
 

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How good you are at each instinct and how much you care for it is how I'd judge its placement. I care most about and am best at Sx things. Sp is moderate. So is a real weakness for me.
 

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From Enneagram Beyond The Basics:

Usually one of the above three instinct areas is dominant or obsessive for you (causes obsessive thinking and strong pursuit of that instinct or reaction or strong avoidance of the instinct because of the pain around it—in other words you have a major charge on it!) and causes great concern if it feels incomplete or unsatisfied.


One of the instincts is easier and more natural for you, and you are more naturally good at or comfortable with (considered the middle or second instinct).

One you neglect or are not interested in as much—doesn't draw you or satisfy you as much (last one or third).
 
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