Personality Cafe banner

Insults/put downs

5213 Views 53 Replies 22 Participants Last post by  Roze
How many of you can't deal with criticism/insults/put downs very well.
  • Like
Reactions: 2
1 - 13 of 54 Posts
I wanted to encourage anyone who has a problem with criticism and has considered it, to go into a performing major. There, you will even have classes where you are critiqued by peers over and over. You get immune. And you learn to be open to critiques, use the ones you agree with, and leave the rest.

Another thing to do is to higher yourself a completely honest and hardcore coach in something. I've paid for incredibly honest coaches both in singing and for running.

Let me tell you, it does wonder to work with "drill sergeants". For 4 years, I learned to continue singing while someone shouted in my face "I wouldn't hire you!" "What the hell kind of sound is that?" "That's half-assed!" And if I were to cry or break down from it, I would hear "I don't think you are a singer. You're too emotional. Find something else to do. Singing takes guts. You need BALLS!"

Matter of fact, I think my voice coach was tougher than any of my running coaches. It's easier to get critiques when you think you need help or aren't very good at something. But it's harder to receive them when you think you know everything and have been sheltering yourself in the safety net of compliments all your life.

Yeah, I actually have paid good money for this kind of abuse. It's tough, but it has made me stronger mentally. And my poor students.... I need to keep tissue by the piano all the time. Because some at first mistakingly believe that they are paying me to tell them that they are good. But I know when I'm tough on them, I am doing them a favor- I'm not giving up on them.

Just my 2 cents worth.

And insults are lame. They are merely a reflection of a person's lack of ability to communicate. They really say more about the bearer than the receiver.
See less See more
  • Like
Reactions: 5
Me. I am impossible to insult. Try me.
You have a Pness!

But you might see this as a good thing. :tongue:
  • Like
Reactions: 2
at least my Pness doesn't knock vases down :p
Hey, I never claimed to be good with my Pness. Perhaps I could learn to be more careful with it. :unsure:

See there? ^^^ I just took it like a man. *runs away to have herself a good cry*

I would never do a performing major. They usually result in you waiting tables. I seriously thought about majoring in acting. However, I might take an acting class though, just because you said this and that it might get you over sensitivity. Usually, fear and self doubt is a defeater for me, and I do bad with anyone whom constantly criticizes or yells at me. I like to play pool a lot with some ESTP's and they'll bust your balls the entire time.
Ikr? An ESTP just busted my Pness.:crazy:

It's helped me to somewhat get over criticism. I couldn't have someone yelling at me all the time though or I would seriously fight with them. This may be a symptom of my PTSD.
Maybe some sort of a boot camp? The army? Wouldn't it be impossible to fight them back?

And just to let you know, no matter how hard my teacher was on my technique, she has always respected me as an individual. My running coaches do this as well. I know they are just trying to help me run better. But I think this is key in taking criticism. Critiques on technique or form should be separated from judgement of the person.

And don't use your PTSD to excuse your bad behavior, young man. Don't you know that is what our ADHD diagnosis is for? (It gives it a lighter tone whilst maintaining an excusable edge :wink:)

P.S. You got somethin against waiting tables? I've paid many a bills doing my time as a table top executive. It's something you can also do while you're in college :wink:
See less See more
  • Like
Reactions: 2
For me, the NF helps me creatively interpret insults. i usually deflect conflict.

Someone says: "Holy shit you're skinny"
I say: "It's all about exercise! you just have to get out more. you'll get there."

Someone says: "Are you gay?"
I say: "No, sorry. I'm flattered though."
Omg. You get me. I recognize the tactics from above because they often spew from my own mouth.

Brother, thy name is Frowzle. :happy:
No, I can't join the army because I have some physical and mental conditions. Also, I would wait tables when paying my way through college but many performance majors often wind up moving to California and in hopes of being the next big star and wind up waiting tables. Acting is a really lousy major unless you've really got what it takes. Many say because of my real life entertaining personality that I should be an actor. I might take up a couple acting classes, but it's just too damn hard to break into to major in. As I said before though, I do plan on taking up a martial art though. I'm sure that will get me used to the idea of constant fighting.
Nate, aren't you already used to constant fighting?

Does PTSD keep us out of the army? :shocked:

Anyway, do want you want in college. I was a performance major and I now also teach at a university. You could also go that route while you perform.

And yeah, if you suck at acting PLEASE stay out of the profession. Some of us who have paid good money to refine our art, really hate that.
Most say I'd be good at acting? I really don't know how I'd be at it. Also, how the hell are you; an aerobics instructor, own your own business, and teach at a University all at the same time? When the fuck do you sleep woman?
I find the idea of "sleep" to be relative. It depends on what you mean by that. :unsure:

I'm also about to perform too. But I will take a bitty break from aerobics while I do that. I made my life so that if I have to take time off to perform I can do that.

I dunno. Would you like me to help design your life? I keep offering but you're so damn stubborn. :laughing:
lol why the hell do other ENFP's always want to help you design your life and complete your life goals. I was just having a conversation with an ENFP room mate of mine just last night on this same subject.
Because we live for it and it's fun. We are good at it too. :proud:

I'll design your life if you design mine? :laughing:
LOL I love how questions about NF oversensitivity always attracts T's. Presumably to show off how relatively 'tuff' they are. ;-p

My turn. No pansiness here. Why would people cry at criticism during lessons? That's the whole point of having a coach! Some do that screamo seargant thing, but that's just their style.
Will you sing for me? And if so, how soon? Modern technology allows us to arrange this very easily.

Have you ever had a voice lesson? If you haven't, why not?
Yes I have, and I've performed as well. Acting, comedy, operas. (local only, *not* Hollywood LOL) So believe me, I've had my criticism. And not always in a diplomatic way either. In one of my 1st singing lessons, I was told "That was hopelessly revolting.". And worse. LOL

I never really cared, it kind of amused me when some of them lost their tempers. But it annoyed me when they merely expressed dissatisfaction w/o being specific. So I just bug them until they actually tell what/how to improve.
Okay, I wasn't really asking for your resume, but thank you.

What I would like to know is if you will sing for me? It was a very serious question. Would you let me hear you sing?

Also, I've never had a person lose their temper at me when coaching. That's a tad bit childish and I wouldn't pay someone to do that. Unprofessional.

"Hopelessly revolting" is a subjective comment and sounds like it's coming from an amateur because they didn't focus on technique. How does "hopelessly revolting" help a student? That is not a true critique. I'm skeptical about critiquing that happens at a local level. I've seen local productions. Also, I worry people think the profession is anything like Amercian Idol. It's not.

Anyway, I digress. That's great that you have a performance background. Please answer my question: will you sing for me? I would like to hear you. I would like your response as soon as possible. We could go right now on voice chat.
Hey lady, I was just answering your question. And no, I will not sing for you. Is it relevant?
Why won't you sing for me? I won't even charge you. It can be brief. And yes it is very relevant.
you didn't answer *my* question: Is it relevant? If so, how? If not, glad to hear your interest. I'll try to get you a discount the next time I'm doing a show. Nighty night.
I answered your question and said it was very relevant and I also asked you why you won't sing for me? Can you answer my question first before you start asking me all kinds of questions again.

I am curious your reason for not wanting to sing for me? That is all. And I'd prefer an honest answer.
Hey lady, I was just answering your question. And no, I will not sing for you. Is it relevant?
Why won't you sing for me? I won't even charge you. It can be brief. And yes it is very relevant.
Did you miss this? I think you must have. I answered your question right away.

You never even said that it was relevant to the thread, much less how so. Quote the part(s) where you did, please. "Serious" =/= Relevant.

I'll humor you anyway: I don't want to sing for you because I don't want or need to. An illogical question begets an equally stupid answer. :)
"An illogical question begets an equally stupid answer."? Well you are not very clever at covering up the fact that you called my question "stupid". And calm down. There is no need to get emotional and take things to that level.

In addition, in order for you to go there with the "stupid" reference and the fact that you are avoiding answering the question about why you don't wish to sing for me, I already know what it is that I need to know: You fear criticism.

You judged others for "crying" at criticism and implied it was more of an NF trait. You even said "no pansiness here" but you really couldn't back it up. When it comes to singing, you remained in your safe bubble. You told us stories about "not caring" if someone coached you and gave you criticism, but you left them exactly as that: stories.

I see no difference between you and any other type when it comes to being sensitive. You are not immune to taking criticism personally. I haven't seen where you are above anyone else in that manner. Matter of fact, I see how instead of "going for it", you closed up and protected yourself. You got paranoid, and you started to attack. But under no circumstances did you dare to take a risk.

The human voice is very personally tied to the human's level of confidence. I can hear many ways in which a person "closes up" or hides even in their speaking voice. The vocal instrument is unlike any other other instrument for this reason. It is very much tied to one's personality and there is nothing for you to hide behind. Only you can stand in the way of opening up and releasing your full voice. My teacher used to say that when you sing correctly "It feels like you are running naked down Mainstreet". And out of fear, many people try to sing or run down Mainstreet with their 'bra and panties still on" out of protection. It's very vulnerable and many,many people hide their voice out of fear. It is the reason why you can barely hear a shy, unconfident person when they speak. Many people hide their voice. There are even people who get paid to sing, yet you can hear how they still close their throats and hide. All the while taking the public's money until they get a vocal nodule and can't perform anymore.

It's easy to tell if a person is truly confident in their voice (aka "themselves"). They open up and sing for you at the drop of a hat. They don't ask questions. They are not skeptical. And if they haven't had training, these are the most trainable singers. I can't teach people who still care what other's think about them. If they come to me like that, I have to immediately get them to quit it. They should be able do hold their ground, open up and let go regardless of who or what walks into the room or asks them.

With you, I am even twice as shocked you resisted so much, especially since you gave me your performing back ground. That's really interesting.

I've had people sing for me on the spot when I've asked. One person on this forum, never had a singing lesson in his life but he showed the sort of confidence that could take him very far, had he chose to study voice.. It was as if he wanted to sing for me. He wasn't a singer but he sang a couple of songs for me. No one had every said anything about his voice before, whether it was "good" or "bad", etc.. He had no performing history and he didn't care. He opened and just let go. Which is really what singing is about: not hiding and having the guts to share your true, natural voice unhindered by your fears or creative ways of hiding it. This particular person wasn't insecure and didn't ask questions or get paranoid. He believed in himself, didn't care what other's thought, and didn't get scared about why I asked to sing for me. He just had fun singing for me. Now that is confidence. :wink:

My point simply is this: People in glass house shouldn't throw stones. We are all human :wink:

I'm done. No need to respond. I'm going to go and get me a bagel. :happy:
See less See more
You knew damn well I'd respond to this. :p

And no worries, I didn't get offended. It must read that way though. But I did get slightly impatient though bc you wouldn't explain your request.

Now that you did at last though, it makes sense. Singing in public is nerve-wracking, for sure. If you'd come out with this earlier though, instead of the "yeah huh" "nuh UH!" ping pong, I'd have told you that:

I'm on holiday and only have an iPod touch right now, & my home computer speaker/recorders are f'ed up bc of viruses. I cant even go on youtube. More importantly though, I'm paranoid about compromising my forum anonymity. This forum is my people-venting haven, and I got busted by a RL friend on Yahoo Answers & paid hell for it, so I'm NOT taking chances. If you asked me this in-person, I'd def be nervous, but I'd sing - as long as you wouldn't charge me, teacher. :wink:

If you're bent on this though, I could send you a sample of my writing. It honestly means much more to me than singing, because prose & poetry comes from the mind. It completely exposes talent or lack thereof, bc you can't blame a bad job on eating dairy, fatigue or illness. I don't let many people see my writing, but if you're down to *honestly* critique it, I'll do it. In fact, I could use an honest opinion. Though you'll have to wait till I get home next week.
I wouldn't be looking at raw talent period. I would be listening for technique. And you can't blame poor technique on dairy, fatigue, or illness. If those things impede your singing, you don't have technique.

Anyway, cool beans about the writing. I 'll look at it, but for that I may charge a fee. :laughing:
  • Like
Reactions: 1
1 - 13 of 54 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.