Insults/put downs

I wanted to encourage anyone who has a problem with criticism and has considered it, to go into a performing major. There, you will even have classes where you are critiqued by peers over and over. You get immune. And you learn to be open to critiques, use the ones you agree with, and leave the rest.

Another thing to do is to higher yourself a completely honest and hardcore coach in something. I've paid for incredibly honest coaches both in singing and for running.

Let me tell you, it does wonder to work with "drill sergeants". For 4 years, I learned to continue singing while someone shouted in my face "I wouldn't hire you!" "What the hell kind of sound is that?" "That's half-assed!" And if I were to cry or break down from it, I would hear "I don't think you are a singer. You're too emotional. Find something else to do. Singing takes guts. You need BALLS!"

Matter of fact, I think my voice coach was tougher than any of my running coaches. It's easier to get critiques when you think you need help or aren't very good at something. But it's harder to receive them when you think you know everything and have been sheltering yourself in the safety net of compliments all your life.

Yeah, I actually have paid good money for this kind of abuse. It's tough, but it has made me stronger mentally. And my poor students.... I need to keep tissue by the piano all the time. Because some at first mistakingly believe that they are paying me to tell them that they are good. But I know when I'm tough on them, I am doing them a favor- I'm not giving up on them.

Just my 2 cents worth.

And insults are lame. They are merely a reflection of a person's lack of ability to communicate. They really say more about the bearer than the receiver.

Voici Claire said:

at least my Pness doesn't knock vases down

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Hey, I never claimed to be good with my Pness. Perhaps I could learn to be more careful with it.

See there? ^^^ I just took it like a man. *runs away to have herself a good cry*

NatetheGreat said:

I would never do a performing major. They usually result in you waiting tables. I seriously thought about majoring in acting. However, I might take an acting class though, just because you said this and that it might get you over sensitivity. Usually, fear and self doubt is a defeater for me, and I do bad with anyone whom constantly criticizes or yells at me. I like to play pool a lot with some ESTP's and they'll bust your balls the entire time.

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Ikr? An ESTP just busted my Pness.:crazy:

It's helped me to somewhat get over criticism. I couldn't have someone yelling at me all the time though or I would seriously fight with them. This may be a symptom of my PTSD.

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Maybe some sort of a boot camp? The army? Wouldn't it be impossible to fight them back?

And just to let you know, no matter how hard my teacher was on my technique, she has always respected me as an individual. My running coaches do this as well. I know they are just trying to help me run better. But I think this is key in taking criticism. Critiques on technique or form should be separated from judgement of the person.

And don't use your PTSD to excuse your bad behavior, young man. Don't you know that is what our ADHD diagnosis is for? (It gives it a lighter tone whilst maintaining an excusable edge :wink

P.S. You got somethin against waiting tables? I've paid many a bills doing my time as a table top executive. It's something you can also do while you're in college :wink:

God said:

Hey lady, I was just answering your question. And no, I will not sing for you. Is it relevant?

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pinkrasputin said:

Why won't you sing for me? I won't even charge you. It can be brief. And yes it is very relevant.

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Did you miss this? I think you must have. I answered your question right away.

God said:

You never even said that it was relevant to the thread, much less how so. Quote the part(s) where you did, please. "Serious" =/= Relevant.

I'll humor you anyway: I don't want to sing for you because I don't want or need to. An illogical question begets an equally stupid answer.

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"An illogical question begets an equally stupid answer."? Well you are not very clever at covering up the fact that you called my question "stupid". And calm down. There is no need to get emotional and take things to that level.

In addition, in order for you to go there with the "stupid" reference and the fact that you are avoiding answering the question about why you don't wish to sing for me, I already know what it is that I need to know: You fear criticism.

You judged others for "crying" at criticism and implied it was more of an NF trait. You even said "no pansiness here" but you really couldn't back it up. When it comes to singing, you remained in your safe bubble. You told us stories about "not caring" if someone coached you and gave you criticism, but you left them exactly as that: stories.

I see no difference between you and any other type when it comes to being sensitive. You are not immune to taking criticism personally. I haven't seen where you are above anyone else in that manner. Matter of fact, I see how instead of "going for it", you closed up and protected yourself. You got paranoid, and you started to attack. But under no circumstances did you dare to take a risk.

The human voice is very personally tied to the human's level of confidence. I can hear many ways in which a person "closes up" or hides even in their speaking voice. The vocal instrument is unlike any other other instrument for this reason. It is very much tied to one's personality and there is nothing for you to hide behind. Only you can stand in the way of opening up and releasing your full voice. My teacher used to say that when you sing correctly "It feels like you are running naked down Mainstreet". And out of fear, many people try to sing or run down Mainstreet with their 'bra and panties still on" out of protection. It's very vulnerable and many,many people hide their voice out of fear. It is the reason why you can barely hear a shy, unconfident person when they speak. Many people hide their voice. There are even people who get paid to sing, yet you can hear how they still close their throats and hide. All the while taking the public's money until they get a vocal nodule and can't perform anymore.

It's easy to tell if a person is truly confident in their voice (aka "themselves"). They open up and sing for you at the drop of a hat. They don't ask questions. They are not skeptical. And if they haven't had training, these are the most trainable singers. I can't teach people who still care what other's think about them. If they come to me like that, I have to immediately get them to quit it. They should be able do hold their ground, open up and let go regardless of who or what walks into the room or asks them.

With you, I am even twice as shocked you resisted so much, especially since you gave me your performing back ground. That's really interesting.

I've had people sing for me on the spot when I've asked. One person on this forum, never had a singing lesson in his life but he showed the sort of confidence that could take him very far, had he chose to study voice.. It was as if he wanted to sing for me. He wasn't a singer but he sang a couple of songs for me. No one had every said anything about his voice before, whether it was "good" or "bad", etc.. He had no performing history and he didn't care. He opened and just let go. Which is really what singing is about: not hiding and having the guts to share your true, natural voice unhindered by your fears or creative ways of hiding it. This particular person wasn't insecure and didn't ask questions or get paranoid. He believed in himself, didn't care what other's thought, and didn't get scared about why I asked to sing for me. He just had fun singing for me. Now that is confidence. :wink:

My point simply is this: People in glass house shouldn't throw stones. We are all human :wink:

I'm done. No need to respond. I'm going to go and get me a bagel. :happy: