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Why can't I let myself socially integrate?

I usually end up just feeling like this, as if my intensity were a whole separate dimension added onto me, acting as a force field to keep people away.

I really need people, and I love being around them... it's just that I believe I have deep mistrust for everyone around me that I must put forth a bunch of tests for people to pass in order to prove their integrity.

I wouldn't say I'm opposed to the individual expressions of others.. and I relate to the picture I've included with this post in the way that it reads "Why I'm "Antisocial" ... not from my perspective, but from an outside perspective.

I feel like, because of my intensity sometimes, that people are drawn away from me and they get the feeling that I don't enjoy their company or that I'm just a negative, cynical person in general.

I really don't want to be that way! But I can't starve myself of authenticity. If it means to sacrifice my sense of self for purposeful social integration, I don't really think I'd be able to do that.

I want to be valued for the insight I have to offer, not be shunned for it. I don't like hiding parts of myself...
 
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