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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
This is something actualy very serious I want to cover regarding myself and I'm quite shamed for it, and with this I would love advice and help from others on how to solve this issue of mine.

When I was younger, about the age of 16 or 17, I wanted to Crossdress as a character that I had crush on, which was Ariel the Little mermaid. Keep in mind that I was born Male obviously, and when I hit puberty I had an intense sexual attraction to Girls, fictional characters included, you know as a guy normaly would. But for some reason, I felt insecure about my gender identity nevertheless.

So basicaly, I live in Israel. You have heard of an Jewish celebration called Purim:

In a particular year (As I said before) I wanted to Crossdress for Purim. And this is where thing started to get bad; As my Father knew that I wanted to Crossdress, he intentionaly shamed me for it, claimed such activity as Gay and Non-Masculine.

This made me feel even more insecure about myself and my identity. I started to feel constantly insecure that I am failing to meet the expecations of society, the role of my gender, which is being masculine; Leading, providing, Assertiveness. I constantly feel like I'm bad at doing those things and I feel like society constantly shames me for it.

Ofcourse, this makes me envious of those people who are more gifted with such traits, and sometimes I question God why he didnt made me like them, later on made me just outrightly hate God and consider him as a tyranical figure rather than the embodiment of all "Good" as how most people see.

I honestly dont know If I expressed masculinity properly by others, or how it is generaly viewed, but many consider playing with dolls and doing cute art as feminine, while I have constantly in my life enjoyed more playing video games which had shooting, blood and violence in them and came to enjoy those stuff, which many would consider very masculine actualy. Besides the fact that I consider myself with strong determination which greatly helped me through very tough times, and I always enjoyed competition, which is also masculine qualities.

Still doesnt change the fact that I'm insecure about my gender identity for some reason, I have the strong urge to feminise myself, to look like this:

(For those wondering about the Anime, It's Rimuru Tenshin from the anime 'That time I got reincarnated as Slime')

Now you might want the Reasons for my insecurity, well It's simple. I dont want to have anything in common with those LGBTQ+ freaks, and I dont want to cross the territory of Transgender, and I feel like the whole Transgender thing is just for attention, I dont wish to be looked down on because of that and I dont have the desire to associate myself with those group of people either.

The last thing that makes me insecure about it also, would a woman desire to have a sexual releationship with me then? I mean most women want a strong, tall, providing masculine man to be in releatinship with her, while I feel like I fail to meet those expecations.
 

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In an ideal world, you should be able to cross-dress and grow your hair and explore your identity. That's because the only way to figure yourself out, especially as an ISxP, is to follow your whims and try new things. But because you haven't been able to you're only left with a growing pile of questions about yourself which you have no way of answering.

Since you aren't even able to answer basic questions like, "Do I really like to cross-dress? Or would I stop wanting to cross-dress after trying it?" you can't answer deeper questions like, "Do I have gender dysphoria?"

As for attracting women, I can see why you'd be worried but I don't think you need to be. The important question isn't whether women in general would be attracted to you, it's whether you can find a woman who'll be attracted to you and love you for who you are. And the answer is yes. There are women who are attracted to men who like to look pretty. You might have to look a bit harder for them but they definitely do exist.

It's better to be rejected by 999 women and find 1 woman who loves you for who you are, than to be chased by 999 women who only like your fake "normal guy" public persona.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
In an ideal world, you should be able to cross-dress and grow your hair and explore your identity. That's because the only way to figure yourself out, especially as an ISxP, is to follow your whims and try new things. But because you haven't been able to you're only left with a growing pile of questions about yourself which you have no way of answering.

Since you aren't even able to answer basic questions like, "Do I really like to cross-dress? Or would I stop wanting to cross-dress after trying it?" you can't answer deeper questions like, "Do I have gender dysphoria?"

As for attracting women, I can see why you'd be worried but I don't think you need to be. The important question isn't whether women in general would be attracted to you, it's whether you can find a woman who'll be attracted to you and love you for who you are. And the answer is yes. There are women who are attracted to men who like to look pretty. You might have to look a bit harder for them but they definitely do exist.

It's better to be rejected by 999 women and find 1 woman who loves you for who you are, than to be chased by 999 women who only like your fake "normal guy" public persona.
I wasnt able to crossdress, never crossdressed for the main reason that my Father has clamped down on me for that, he didnt allow me to do it also, It's not my own will not to do so.
 

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This is something actualy very serious I want to cover regarding myself and I'm quite shamed for it, and with this I would love advice and help from others on how to solve this issue of mine.

When I was younger, about the age of 16 or 17, I wanted to Crossdress as a character that I had crush on, which was Ariel the Little mermaid. Keep in mind that I was born Male obviously, and when I hit puberty I had an intense sexual attraction to Girls, fictional characters included, you know as a guy normaly would. But for some reason, I felt insecure about my gender identity nevertheless.

So basicaly, I live in Israel. You have heard of an Jewish celebration called Purim:

In a particular year (As I said before) I wanted to Crossdress for Purim. And this is where thing started to get bad; As my Father knew that I wanted to Crossdress, he intentionaly shamed me for it, claimed such activity as Gay and Non-Masculine.

This made me feel even more insecure about myself and my identity. I started to feel constantly insecure that I am failing to meet the expecations of society, the role of my gender, which is being masculine; Leading, providing, Assertiveness. I constantly feel like I'm bad at doing those things and I feel like society constantly shames me for it.

Ofcourse, this makes me envious of those people who are more gifted with such traits, and sometimes I question God why he didnt made me like them, later on made me just outrightly hate God and consider him as a tyranical figure rather than the embodiment of all "Good" as how most people see.

I honestly dont know If I expressed masculinity properly by others, or how it is generaly viewed, but many consider playing with dolls and doing cute art as feminine, while I have constantly in my life enjoyed more playing video games which had shooting, blood and violence in them and came to enjoy those stuff, which many would consider very masculine actualy. Besides the fact that I consider myself with strong determination which greatly helped me through very tough times, and I always enjoyed competition, which is also masculine qualities.

Still doesnt change the fact that I'm insecure about my gender identity for some reason, I have the strong urge to feminise myself, to look like this:

(For those wondering about the Anime, It's Rimuru Tenshin from the anime 'That time I got reincarnated as Slime')

Now you might want the Reasons for my insecurity, well It's simple. I dont want to have anything in common with those LGBTQ+ freaks, and I dont want to cross the territory of Transgender, and I feel like the whole Transgender thing is just for attention, I dont wish to be looked down on because of that and I dont have the desire to associate myself with those group of people either.

The last thing that makes me insecure about it also, would a woman desire to have a sexual releationship with me then? I mean most women want a strong, tall, providing masculine man to be in releatinship with her, while I feel like I fail to meet those expecations.
So, all of this is very understandable. I know your differences make you worry.

I think I examined part of this issue in another thread for you, recently. It was the one you asked on toxic masculinity and social media.

---

So the thing is there is a continuum for the expression of gender in physical form and that then impacts mental form and even spiritual, desire form. If you understand that there are three paths and three paths only of expression, it can help you.

So amid categorization, fear, order, there are two focal genders, male and female. This makes life EASY. Fear and categorization, order, makes things simple. It is a shortcut to understanding, like words and symbols.

Everyone uses these shortcuts by orderly convention. So rather immediately on sight, even from far away, each person is slammed into a category of one focal identity or the other. This is NORMAL behavior and it is very efficient. Fear is the source of efficiency.

---

So broad categories that appeal only to the focal points are to be properly expected. Denial or rejection of these foci WILL be met with resistance, ridicule, shame, etc. Although that is not ideal (desire, wishful thinking), that is how it is. You have to remember, that is also efficient and useful. It keeps things going, the order in place.

---

So, then, is it advisable to challenge the existing system and the order?

It can be. As time marches on desire (wishful thinking) will change everything via will to power. So, slowly the effectively easily separate parts of virtues, masculinity and femininity, are sort of merging. That is first in the imaginary realm, your cartoons, your imagination, your will; and later in the real physical world, as will epigentically changes the bodies and minds of everyone.

But be advised. There are traps of truth everywhere. Nature did not accidentally yield the separation in genders. It was intentional. This assisted in evolution, the only goal of the universe, increasing possible GOOD, by increasing moral agency.

In the most open and free sexual societies, men and women gravitate MORE, not less, to the foci. The freedom of chaos allows nature to balance things more easily. The restrictions of order is what causes focused anomalies anywhere on the continuum to arise. And yes I called your expression an anomaly, because statistically it is. This IS NOT a reflection on your worthiness as a human being, so, please, avoid that conflation and the offenses surrounding it.

So, oddly, it is that very ordered Israeli society, non tribal, non free, that yields a gender diverse result in offspirng.

The same thing is seen in the domesticated Russian fox experiments. Breed out tribal aggression and all manner of odd atypical phenotypes emerge. Welcome to reality! If those Israelis want gender normative children they must become warring tribes again. It is a law of nature. Sorry, I do not make the rules. I just PROPERLY interpret them.

So, throw that back in your parents faces at your leisure (not serious)(but do explain) that tightly ordered societies protect the diverse offspring. They allow the offspring the protected freedom to develop in any way. Chaos and war FORCE the offspring to quickly conform to a gender norm in order to mate and breed before they die. Gender expression in war torn areas is SUPER early and SUPER normal, focal, around maleness and femaleness. Similarly lower class poverty and street households show the normative focal pattern MORE than middle and upper class households. These are laws of nature.

---

So, another law of nature is balance. Everything seeks balance, around the dual expressions of fear (order) and desire (chaos). Anger is in the middle with balance.

So, amid protected situations, balanced, orderly, ALL manner of expressions pop out. The enitre continuum is explored. Gender expression is whole standard deviations from the foci, the norm. Continue this and the whole of humanity would be a super wide range, everything on the continuum, and when balance is there, all points on that continuum would be rather equally represented with only a much slighter focus set around fear (male) and desire (female).

I hope that helps. Let me know.
 

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Shalom Charus. Jacob was the less masculine of the two sons. He was a tent dweller and stayed close to his mother Rebekah. He was less hairy and tended to home manners rather than going out to hunt as his brother Esau did. Jacob's own father Isaac preferred his older brother over him and we can only imagine the amount of grief Jacob must have suffered over this throughout his years. Yet, G-d decided that it would be Jacob, not Esau that would be the father of Israel and such he was later named. Yet, Jacob struggled with G-d and only then was he named Israel (for he wrested with G-d and was triumphant). Also, certainly there was no shortage of women who wanted Jacob, despite his less masculine tendencies.

Such as with Jacob, so with you. For you feel less masculine and feel in some ways closer to the feminine, yet in other ways feel closer to the masculine and you struggle with G-d and your father rebukes you in some ways it seems. So struggle and emerge victorious! Conquer your doubts and rise to your rightful place as a man of confidence and of love. There is no wrong in seeing the beauty of the feminine for it is good and it is beautiful and every man's eyes will gaze and see that it is good. Yet, G-d made man and woman separate by intention.

There is no reason to feel insecure. No man is self-made.
 

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This is something actualy very serious I want to cover regarding myself and I'm quite shamed for it, and with this I would love advice and help from others on how to solve this issue of mine.

When I was younger, about the age of 16 or 17, I wanted to Crossdress as a character that I had crush on, which was Ariel the Little mermaid. Keep in mind that I was born Male obviously, and when I hit puberty I had an intense sexual attraction to Girls, fictional characters included, you know as a guy normaly would. But for some reason, I felt insecure about my gender identity nevertheless.

So basicaly, I live in Israel. You have heard of an Jewish celebration called Purim:

In a particular year (As I said before) I wanted to Crossdress for Purim. And this is where thing started to get bad; As my Father knew that I wanted to Crossdress, he intentionaly shamed me for it, claimed such activity as Gay and Non-Masculine.

This made me feel even more insecure about myself and my identity. I started to feel constantly insecure that I am failing to meet the expecations of society, the role of my gender, which is being masculine; Leading, providing, Assertiveness. I constantly feel like I'm bad at doing those things and I feel like society constantly shames me for it.

Ofcourse, this makes me envious of those people who are more gifted with such traits, and sometimes I question God why he didnt made me like them, later on made me just outrightly hate God and consider him as a tyranical figure rather than the embodiment of all "Good" as how most people see.

I honestly dont know If I expressed masculinity properly by others, or how it is generaly viewed, but many consider playing with dolls and doing cute art as feminine, while I have constantly in my life enjoyed more playing video games which had shooting, blood and violence in them and came to enjoy those stuff, which many would consider very masculine actualy. Besides the fact that I consider myself with strong determination which greatly helped me through very tough times, and I always enjoyed competition, which is also masculine qualities.

Still doesnt change the fact that I'm insecure about my gender identity for some reason, I have the strong urge to feminise myself, to look like this:

(For those wondering about the Anime, It's Rimuru Tenshin from the anime 'That time I got reincarnated as Slime')

Now you might want the Reasons for my insecurity, well It's simple. I dont want to have anything in common with those LGBTQ+ freaks, and I dont want to cross the territory of Transgender, and I feel like the whole Transgender thing is just for attention, I dont wish to be looked down on because of that and I dont have the desire to associate myself with those group of people either.

The last thing that makes me insecure about it also, would a woman desire to have a sexual releationship with me then? I mean most women want a strong, tall, providing masculine man to be in releatinship with her, while I feel like I fail to meet those expecations.
I'm no expert here. I'm male and straight, but not super "macho" about it. I wasn't into sports and I never felt a need to beat my chest or anything. Females fascinate me, and I've often thought to myself that, if there is such a thing as reincarnation, I'd love to come back and try things again as a woman the next time around. I realize that, if that were true, I wouldn't remember being "me," so it wouldn't really be an issue of being able to compare and contrast, but seriously, the idea appeals to me none-the-less (maybe because I wanted children and never got to be a father).

Anyway, I think maybe you are overthinking this. You appear more male than female, but just like to dress up like a female because it allows you to play a role that appeals to you. I don't think it is necessarily a gender identity issue, you just like taking on different roles and don't see gender as a barrier. Have you considered acting?
 

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When I was younger, about the age of 16 or 17, I wanted to Crossdress as a character that I had crush on, which was Ariel the Little mermaid. Keep in mind that I was born Male obviously, and when I hit puberty I had an intense sexual attraction to Girls, fictional characters included, you know as a guy normaly would. But for some reason, I felt insecure about my gender identity nevertheless.
I believe you have 2 misconceptions:
1) Masculine =/= leader, providing, assertive.
2) Nobody can shame you without your approval, defend your dignity.

1. You don't have to be a leader, providing or assertive to be a male. Most ravens are black, but there are also white ravens, they are rare but exist. Does that make them non-ravens because they are supposed to be black? non-sense. As long as you were born with XY chromosomes you are masculine, regardless of anything else.

2. Defend your dignity when challenged, no matter what you stand for, nobody has the right to shame you. Others can only make you feel low if you accept yourself that you ought to be feeling low. You can reply or ignore, but others can't make you feel low without your permission. When someone treats you bad and you know they are wrong to do so, defend yourself. You need to hold some dignity to show that you're a person with personal wishes and goals, not someone who can be changed as the wind blows.

Because, even if you have good intentions at heart, someone who can't defend his dignity and always does as others say kind of proves he cannot be trusted. It's that element of individuality, of "I won't do this" even when spoken nicely that gives you the feeling that person has a backbone and principles they will uphold when necessary. No holding of dignity, no uphold of principles, no trust. You must not have a bad opinion about yourself, hold up your dignity, the way that you define yourself influences the way you act, don't let external factors define you.

Be respectful, be appropiate and have dignity. But if someone is a jerk to you then you have all the right to be a jerk to them in return, they deserve it, they started it, you just finished it. There is a difference between being the aggressor and merely defending yourself. People who would point fingers at the defender but not the aggressor are merely hypocrites no better than the aggressor.

A lot of people love chocolate, men and women, I find it okay but overall kind of meh, I prefer vanilla instead. A lot of people would disagree but I don't care. I don't like footbal, zero interest in it, but I don't find myself less masculine because of it. I don't like beer, the greatest point of masculinity, instead I like beer with lemon, I don't care, doesn't make me less masculine, it's just beer, I'll drink what I enjoy.
 
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