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I don't mean to make a whiny thread but then again, yes I do. I just need to tell someone and don't feel like talking to my counsellor. It seems these conflicts always peak somewhere around finals, when I'm most bored. I also always find the most distracting activities when they are least wanted, but that's another topic. I want to talk about wanting intimacy as an INFP. I don't think enneagram type (mine's 5w4) applies here but Instinctual variants do so that's why I'm bringing it up. I'm a Sp/Sx whose Sp has always been fulfilled by having enough and feeling safe, therefore, my Sx and need for intimacy (not sex) is what makes my day hell. However, I agree with what LeaT says
To me, it seems to be related to reaching sp 5 goals in order to create a stable and overall less stressful environment for me to live in. I want to find a partner and I want to find a stable job. In my flawed mind I somehow think all my life's problems will disappear and I will truly be able to relax and find some kind of actual happiness.

There's also the part of wanting to be accepted for who I am by another person, a person I can trust and open up to entirely in a 5-sense. I think 4s are more likely to pour their everything into somebody else but as an sp 5, it takes a lot of time for me to truly and fully trust someone to open up entirely.
I am a freshman at a medium size liberal arts school with VERY pretty girls and a good amount of them loner-depressive types, which is what really makes me go crazy. I have ADD inattentive, Anxiety and Aspergers traits (though I don't think I'm aspie), which makes it VERY hard to approach girls and even harder to keep a conversation going once I've initiated. The problem is that these girls that I long for intimacy with are probably having the same problems I am and are probably very hard to talk to (I haven't had the courage to talk to them, and barely am able to initiate with friendly extraverts). I have an ideal of what the girls are like and imagine one that wants to go away to live away from society. I also don't seem to care that much about having normal relationships and that's really the only way to meet decent girls. (I hate seeing people with their girlfriend when they seem to be similar to me).

I've had brief experiences with dating sites, where guys outnumber girls 100 to 1 and it seems like a gang rape, which thus makes me feel disgusting. Perhaps a girl with Aspergers would be ideal, but they're rare (4/1 male/female). I just feel so hopeless about the future right now. I don't doubt my abilities academically or in other areas but without resolving this conflict, I doubt that my life will feel meaningful and that I will have the motivation to go on, much less fulfill my potential. I think about suicide daily but have never attempted, probably due to circumstance. I have a counsellor, but she tries to turn around the mood of my speech when I talk even a little negatively, and I'm like, "Those aren't even close to the worst". I've tried talking to my parents about all this, but when they ask if I'm depressed, I deny it. I just wanted to see if any guys could relate to what I'm saying. Not really looking for advice.
 

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I'm not a guy, but I just wanted to say that I also struggle to find or connect with similar minded people. Regardless of their sex, it can be a very difficult thing for an INFP. It sounds like you have sensed being near some or have been drawn to a few, but you are probably right in thinking that their experiences are the same as yours. It makes it difficult to break through shells or gain access to one another, since we tend to have so many layers that we keep hidden.

I have mostly been surrounded by people who are very different or opposite from me my entire life. It wasn't until recently that I began to understand why I always felt estranged or removed from the majority of people that I encounter. I think just the fact that you are aware of this and know why you feel this way, is a crucial realization about yourself that will help you throughout your life. It is even more difficult to feel as you do and then to have that compounded with doubt and confusion about yourself, wondering where those feelings originate and why. It is freeing in a sense to know there are other people out that that feel as you do and to be able to recognize them, even if for now it is from afar.

When you say, "I doubt that my life will feel meaningful and that I will have the motivation to go on, much less fulfill my potential", this makes me very sad. I have had that thought many times throughout my life. It is so hard to stay positive and keep seeking for something or someone worth feeling alive for when you always seem to come up empty handed. I hope you can find the persistence and patience to wait for the intimacy you desire to come into your life. Connecting with someone on an intimate level may not happen for you very many times in your life. There may honestly not be many people out there that you would be drawn to or who would understand you in the way you deserve to be. However, when it does happen and you do find someone, it feels amazing and is definitely worth the wait.
 
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