yes:

http://personalitycafe.com/istj-forum-duty-fulfillers/22399-people-afraid-you.html

Playing devils advocate here, do you feel it is an asset to have in your life. Have you used it to keep people away or to enforce your point in a conversation, etc??

yeah actually it can be quite good to have- I would rather be intimidating than easily taken advantage of

Ah do i see i hint of red behind those eyes!

I have used it to stop small talk when it is gone on farther than i would like and needs to end. Also asking certain people questions it can help to get straight to the point than going in a circle.

yeah actually it can be quite good to have- I would rather be intimidating than easily taken advantage of

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I use it so that people respect me and take me seriously at first impression... not as a way to control people.

Well, I am not intimidating at all. Sometimes I can be taken as standoffish but I don't have the authority to be intimidating. I think I would be more likely to be taken advantage of than I would to intimidate.

Yes. I've been told I give an intimidating first impression, which I suspect is due to the lack of outward facial expression and my silence. I'm shy around people I'm seeing for the first time, so it's doubly difficult for me to smile or make small talk. Sometimes I can see that a person is visibly intimidated by me, and I hate it. I feel bad about scaring people off when I don't mean to.

Things get better the second time around though - when I recognize someone on the street I give an abrupt grin and a wave, and they always look pleasantly surprised. When I smile it supposedly transforms my face.

When I talk I get people's attention, which is definitely an asset IMO. Something about my attitude, the voice and the way I speak I guess. I can feel people being drawn into my talk when I'm doing a class presentation, or voicing my opinion during a meeting.

I've only used 'the voice' to members of my family and close friends who come to me for counselling and often, reassurance. They go back a lot more relieved and convinced that things are okay. I think I could convince just about anybody to my point of view by speaking to them, but I'd never abuse that skill.

nightowl said:

It seems that alot of people are either scared or intimidated by me. It becomes even more interesting when it involves people that usually aren't that easy to intimidated. I find it quite funny cause i dont need to use unusual clothes or eccentric behavior to accomplish this. Have others here experienced similar things?

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During my high school years for one class each of us had to give two speeches for a grade. After everyone was done we would have a vote on who were the best two or three. I was voted as one of those people which shocked me. People have always said it is the way i present the information and looking back i can see they definitely were paying attention to me and my speech.

So i can relate with the whole attention situation you brought up!

When I talk I get people's attention, which is definitely an asset IMO. Something about my attitude, the voice and the way I speak I guess. I can feel people being drawn into my talk when I'm doing a class presentation, or voicing my opinion during a meeting.

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i've found this as well. in grade 9 there was this asshole who used to regularly harass me, cakk en a ****** and berate me and i didnt know why. later on in the semester we were seated next to eachother in science class and he would ask me why i hated him, which i thought was weird. after a while he told me he was afraid of me and asked if he could be my friend, which i allowed. i work in service and sometimes the people treat me like i'm harassing them, they say i appear angry and stuff like that. once after serving a lady she said "sorry to disturb you" and ran off. sometimes the shit eating pigs i work with will attack me over it. its a gift and a curse i suppose.

nightowl said:

It seems that alot of people are either scared or intimidated by me. It becomes even more interesting when it involves people that usually aren't that easy to intimidated. I find it quite funny cause i dont need to use unusual clothes or eccentric behavior to accomplish this. Have others here experienced similar things?

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Funny you brought this up when I was thinking of the same thing today.
As a half INTJ, we are supposed to have this "death- glare" and "don't mess with me aura". I don't think I have it because everytime I look in a mirror- I never see it...:bored:

But I have noticed how if people are talking and I am working near them and even if I am interested in their conversation and look at them, they go quiet and shuffle off to somewhere else to talk. So, yeah it is both a curse (especially when you want to appear friendly) and a gift (good in getting rid of people when they are disturbing you).

To myself, I have always appeared friendly and nice. I even try to be extra nice to other people. And yet some of my friends tell me that the first time they saw me (and when they didn't know me personally) they thought I looked intimidating as if I wanted to be left alone because I was apparently appeared too good for them...*shrugs*

yeah...i got this "problem" too. :mellow:

one of my good friends (and this i a tough girl!) told me once that when she first met me she was intimidated, but found that, once we got talking and she got to know me better, I was one of the coolest people she ever met! It was my standoffish-ness and quiet attitude that did it.

I don't really mean to come off as cold or intimidating. Im just shy around new people so I don't really talk all that much..

OWL

It's not intentional, but it is a sub-conscious effort to hold people at bay until I can determine their intent.

At my best, in social settings that are uncomfortable, people think I am quiet and reserved. At my worst I've been told that I am "scary" and that I am "as warm and fuzzy as a cactus dressed in barbed wire." My first conversation with one of my very best friends was over the phone. He told me I was so cool toward him that "there was frost coming out of the phone." :shocked:

I've found that people IRL tend to think that I am "normal" (whatever that is) when I feel like I am WAY over the top in my outgoing/friendly/extroverted behaviors. So I kindof use that as a gauge--if I feel comfortable, then others are sure to be viewing me a quiet, reserved, or "scary." If I feel uncomfortable with my extroversion, then they probably think I am acting "normal."

This only deals with social settings where I feel uncomfortable. In more comfortable surroundings, I can be quite outgoing and don't feel much of a drain on my emotional batteries.

That is one of the best descriptions i have read about our behavior

It's not intentional, but it is a sub-conscious effort to hold people at bay until I can determine their intent.

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I've always been under the impression that I'm timid, and bored when quiet and serious when busy. Perhaps its the way that we hold ourselves that people who are extra sensitive to social cues pick up on and misread because they're trying to pick up on everyones aura.

Generally I'm disinterested in the little things people talk about and feel. I also don't try to look cool but instead myself in a natural sense, and people generally don't understand me. As long as I'm good with talking to people I try to get close to it makes no difference to me what some may think

CallSignOWL said:

yeah...i got this "problem" too. :mellow:

one of my good friends (and this i a tough girl!) told me once that when she first met me she was intimidated, but found that, once we got talking and she got to know me better, I was one of the coolest people she ever met! It was my standoffish-ness and quiet attitude that did it.

I don't really mean to come off as cold or intimidating. Im just shy around new people so I don't really talk all that much..

OWL

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But isn't that a type of control? Behaving in a certain manner to get a specific response?

Frannyy said:

I use it so that people respect me and take me seriously at first impression... not as a way to control people.

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yeah I guess that didn't come out right...

that's just a benefit from coming off as intimidating. I don't really 'use' it. I can't really control it because it's just my natural stance. I don't try to be intimidating. Most of the time I will try to come off as friendly anyways

People do say I'm a bit intimidating even when I first meet them. Some never speak to me again and some think its really funny for some reason. The people who find me funny usually become my friends and back me up when others call me intimidating. It all works out in the end :happy:.

im 6"2 im larger then most people (think of it as a fridge XD) and i dont really put much importance to what i wear most of the time i wear black pants with polo or t-shirt so yeah intimidating fit me incredibly well

In contrast, I'm 5'11 and have a "cyclist" build, so no, I'm not very intimidating. I've even been referred to as "nice." :blushed:

Darkfiremat said:

im 6"2 im larger then most people (think of it as a fridge XD)

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