[Callie]

Wow ! For the 2d time recently, someone (an older woman who meant it well) told me I could be very intimidating to males.
From the outside I give the impression that my life is perfect, I am independant, always on the go for something, go out, have friends, party, have fun, with great job, some success in my profesisonnal life, and that my life is really great even without males. She told me that males need to feel needed. And i don't give the impression I need them. That's the 2d time an older woman tells me this.

So i start thinking about this. Maybe this is one reason why I am single? Maybe I am too intimidating? How can I change this? I really don't see ... But yeah, how to make males feel needed without losing my ENTPness?

 

[ENTrePenuer]

lose the pness!

*slaps knees*

Lie.

 

[Callie]

I think ENTJ females look even worse anyway....

 

[ENTrePenuer]

I think ENTJ females look even worse anyway....

Of course they do, they're alpha males with breasts.

 

[Monte]

I can't believe your first thought is to change yourself.

What?

Fuck guys who don't like you for you... as annoyingly cheesy as that sounds. Just wait for the guy that doesn't need to be needed, appreciates your independence, and has a nice penis.

You'll be thankful~

 

[SlowPoke68]

There's an interesting story I have regarding something like that. Exactly like that, in fact. If only I could go back in time and grab younger self by the lapels . . .

In my experience, you have to give guys a few years before they can really accept that independence in a woman. It's very difficult for us to do when younger.

 

[Null]

I think intimidation is fun as long as you show interest. If you don't show any interest then how do they know you're interested

 

[Tad Cooper]

I got told by my last bf that he didn't like me acting domineering and I didn't even realise I was acting that way. I guess we just have strong personalities and refuse to ignore our ideas.
I found spending a bit of time being vulbnerable and taking down my outer shell made me seem more feminine but that was a really freaky experience and I didn't get anything out of it, so just be yourself and the right guy will accept you.

 

[lylyness]

Girl, I hear this all the time too. I kind of tend to go for submissive guys who let me be in charge, so they usually find my domineering attractive... but these guys also prove wimpy and boring really fast. :dry:

So I don't really have advice for you, haha. But I'm in the same boat and need the same advice as you. At least our independence doesn't let our single-ness get us down, right?

 

[jack london]

She told me that males need to feel needed. And i don't give the impression I need them. That's the 2d time an older woman tells me this.

So i start thinking about this. Maybe this is one reason why I am single? Maybe I am too intimidating? How can I change this? I really don't see ... But yeah, how to make males feel needed without losing my ENTPness?

Perhaps the men around you haven't had a chance to grow up yet. SlowPoke68 made a good point about younger men not being comfortable with strong women.

You can look for men a little older than you or maybe men who are a little more alpha than you who won't be intimidated by you.

 

[yesiknowbut]

Well, it's true, and I got that a lot when I was in my 20's, to the extent that I would lie about what I did for a living and try to be quieter at gatherings, and so forth. Not good. The fact is that many men are looking for someone they can comfortably look down on, or at least that was the way it seemed: most men would very much like to spend a lot of time or plan a future with a woman that they can see running their home, being there for them and their children and not presenting them with problems, demands or challenges.

Now, it's possible that I was spending a lot of time wanting to be with alpha males , and there was conflict because they were alpha types who didn't want any competition, rather than it being a condition that *most* men would want, but that was my experience anyway.

You can't change yourself, nor should you want to. Any relationship where you have to pretend to be something you are not will founder eventually.

You will end up with one of two types of man: either someone fairly quiet and with a lot of internal reserves who doesn't feel threatened by your outgoing energy/success/etc because that isn't where their focus is...ie someone powerfully introverted...or someone whose personality/extraversion is so huge they don't see you as competition. That's what I ended up with, but in someone generous enough to value me for being me. Yay for ENFJ men...... Downside to that of course is that it becomes you who lives slightly in the shadow, and you have to learn to live with that.

 

[Callie]

Perhaps the men around you haven't had a chance to grow up yet. SlowPoke68 made a good point about younger men not being comfortable with strong women.

You can look for men a little older than you or maybe men who are a little more alpha than you who won't be intimidated by you.

There's an interesting story I have regarding something like that. Exactly like that, in fact. If only I could go back in time and grab younger self by the lapels . . .

In my experience, you have to give guys a few years before they can really accept that independence in a woman. It's very difficult for us to do when younger.

Guys I am looking are around 35 .... Do I really have to look for 50 years old?

 

[yesiknowbut]

I'm sure I read somewhere that men who advertise in "soulmates" columns and the like, are usually looking for a woman 10 years younger than they are.

Just an observation. I'd also observe that 45 year old blokes can be quite sexy, and still have enough energy for a run around the block, it's not all bald patches and beer guts........

...but don't go looking for anybody in particular. Just have a fun life, and sooner or later you'll find that there are people who want to share some of that with you.

 

[Callie]

Problem is I want kids.... Usually 45 years old don't anymore. They already have some...

 

[yesiknowbut]

Well, it is a problem, and many men can see this coming a mile off in 30-something women and then run for the hills, and so it may have little do with your ENTPness.

Sympathies. It's a difficult time, but you can't live your life trying to make it happen. That's almost certain to make sure it doesn't. (Alfreda's law of paradox that is, formulated in my wilderness years)......I made a little pact with myself that I'd wait until 35 and then decide whether I felt like just shagging around a bit to conceive, or whether I just wouldn't have kids. But it was a decision I never had to make, in the end.

I have no idea what I would have ended up deciding. Probably I'd have chickened out of inviting so much complexity in to my life.....

 

[vel]

Also males after 40 have greater chance of fathering children with various genetic defects :S .... men have a biological clock too :tongue:

W...told me I could be very intimidating to males. ... She told me that males need to feel needed. And i don't give the impression I need them. That's the 2d time an older woman tells me this.

The problem you're describing isn't restricted to ENTP women but to all Ts - male and female. In this sense you have more in common with the many guys who get dumped by their girlfriends because they haven't made their gfs feel valued and loved. I think I was on INTJ or INTP forums where a girl was describing how wonderful her boyfriend is, that after a series of failed relationships he now puts extra time and effort into expressing his affection, tells her about his feeling, acts in affirming manner, does nice things for her, puts off quality time to spend with her, etc. In pairing up with other people many Ts, especially younger ones, don't cultivate their feeling side. As a result their SO doesn't feel like there is really a bond there and relationship doesn't flourish.

 

[Callie]

Well, I don't talk about a relationship but about the previous state. When you're not even in a relationship and you already scare of guys because you are intimidating.
Being in a relationship and showing affection is just the next step...

 

[xrevolutionx]

Hey Callie, I'm not afraid of a strong independent woman. Bring me everything you've got. I love to tango.

And I'm still waiting for your U.S. visit. Don't break my heart and leave me hanging now :wink:

 

[Callie]

Hey Callie, I'm not afraid of a strong independent woman. Bring me everything you've got. I love to tango.

And I'm still waiting for your U.S. visit. Don't break my heart and leave me hanging now :wink:

Ooo my gosh ! You live in LA? That's just where I go in one month !! Did you change the city or what? I don't remember you were living there...
It started like a joke but maybe we'll end up to really meet up ! hahaha

I think I am too old for you anyway if you're still in your early 20 something.....

 

[vel]

Well, I don't talk about a relationship but about the previous state. When you're not even in a relationship and you already scare of guys because you are intimidating.
Being in a relationship and showing affection is just the next step...

same applies at start of relationship - being sweet and nice generally has power to attract people to you
you can be an intimidating NT female in general going through life, but place emphasis on advertising the sweet and nice side of you when you are with guys you want to attract