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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
ENFP Ladies,


I have heard and seen for myself that ENFPs like to rein in their enthusiasm for a new person that they find themselves fixated on until they are given a clear signal that it is wanted. I am wondering what is the best to convey this message in a relatively short period of time (or if there is a way). Oftentimes, I find that I have to run off after only meeting one of you for a short period of time (it could be a few minutes, a 1 time encounter).

Is there any telltale signs I can give that say "single INTJ man here, all ENFP welcome"? Do I need a custom made tee shirt?

I suppose this question is a slight variation of the question on how INTJ men can find ENFP women. Again, I have heard that they will find us as long as we make ourselves public, but no luck for me recently.

I'll admit I am not much of a pick-up-artist. I also don't think I can pull off (or probably should not) try and pull off asking for a number so quick with an ENFP gal.

Lastly, I love how you guys pull off the funny, cute, endearing, gushy, bubbly, excited, genuinely nice and super hot message so well. Even online I am just :dry:, :laughing: , :laughing: ,:wink:, :blushed:. It doesn't show in person but I have to admit I love it all.....
 

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Hehehe...gigglegiggle...

Well, I will tell you, honestly, I'm probably not gonna open up to the "hey hotstuff, what's your number?" approach. So you've got a leg up on that one. :wink:

Basically, if you want an ENFP to notice you and break down her (I'm assuming a "her" :tongue:) wall of "oh, I actually like this guy so instead of being bubbly and charming I'm going to become shy and blush a lot" just be confident, intense, and sincere. You INTJs seem to do these things no problem. Looking at her intently and giving her your undivided attention should do it. Don't run off. Haha :crazy: If it were me, I'll just assume you're not interested and, even if I really do like you, I'm not gonna waste too much time pining. I don't really enjoy the lovesick feeling and I generally move on quick if I can see it's not something that's going to be reciprocated.

Know your strengths and know that a lot of us ENFPs find them desirable. Activate your Fi and your humour. Just be yourself! Show your interest in the most comfortable way you know. You have it all there...be confident in that! Don't show your interest in the ways society tell you to...do it the way you want to. Chances are, an ENFP girl is going to be smitten by that. We like genuine people, whatever that means for your special case.

Haha...I hope this helps. I feel like I didn't really address your questions really, but however...ahhhaaa...good luck good luck! :proud:
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Your feedback was helpful, but I guess I should ask a different question.

I find an ENFP lady talking to me in the elevator or a bus. I can tell they are ENFP because they try to look real innocent and a little gushy. I feel the connection ( this just does NOT happen with other types). But I don't how to go about seizing the moment and getting their number or otherwise trying to get a chance to talk to them some more.

Can I very well say "I never do this, but could I have your number, it'll be alright, I just want a chance to talk to you for a few minutes"

Or could I say "I usually don't do this, but could I buy you a cup of coffee?".

Are these sorts of advances something an ENFP would be receptive of?
 

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I would say start chatting a while to see if the ENFP is an asshole or not and like so you can both meet and like chat more then maybe after offer coffee and all.

If some random guy invited me in the elevator to get a coffee, I'd think he's some kind of playboy
 

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Your feedback was helpful, but I guess I should ask a different question.

I find an ENFP lady talking to me in the elevator or a bus. I can tell they are ENFP because they try to look real innocent and a little gushy. I feel the connection ( this just does NOT happen with other types). But I don't how to go about seizing the moment and getting their number or otherwise trying to get a chance to talk to them some more.

Can I very well say "I never do this, but could I have your number, it'll be alright, I just want a chance to talk to you for a few minutes"

Or could I say "I usually don't do this, but could I buy you a cup of coffee?".

Are these sorts of advances something an ENFP would be receptive of?
Yes. Enfp girls or women would be receptive to those lines, as long as, it's genuine.
 

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I would say start chatting a while to see if the ENFP is an asshole or not and like so you can both meet and like chat more then maybe after offer coffee and all.

If some random guy invited me in the elevator to get a coffee, I'd think he's some kind of playboy
I have enough experience and I trust my gut to determine if a guy is a playboy. No intj guy don't look like a playboy to me.
 

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Your feedback was helpful, but I guess I should ask a different question.

I find an ENFP lady talking to me in the elevator or a bus. I can tell they are ENFP because they try to look real innocent and a little gushy. I feel the connection ( this just does NOT happen with other types). But I don't how to go about seizing the moment and getting their number or otherwise trying to get a chance to talk to them some more.

Can I very well say "I never do this, but could I have your number, it'll be alright, I just want a chance to talk to you for a few minutes"

Or could I say "I usually don't do this, but could I buy you a cup of coffee?".

Are these sorts of advances something an ENFP would be receptive of?
Aha! Ok...I see what you're getting at.

Yeah, I think you could totally use those lines as long as you're sincere and genuine with them. Look us in the eyes when you ask, too! This will show you're confident, interested, but definitely not creepy and a playboy. I agree with Love Obsessed, we can tell you're not just looking for a lay or something.

If all else fails, get us to laugh with a joke that you would find funny. Chances are she'll be caught off guard 'cause your sense of humour is gonna be different from the average joe trying to pick her up. She'll find it refreshing and will definitely hear you out/give you the time of day at the very least. You might even find her asking you out for coffee. :wink:
 

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ENFP Ladies,

I have heard and seen for myself that ENFPs like to rein in their enthusiasm for a new person that they find themselves fixated on until they are given a clear signal that it is wanted. I am wondering what is the best to convey this message in a relatively short period of time (or if there is a way). Oftentimes, I find that I have to run off after only meeting one of you for a short period of time (it could be a few minutes, a 1 time encounter).

Is there any telltale signs I can give that say "single INTJ man here, all ENFP welcome"? Do I need a custom made tee shirt?

I suppose this question is a slight variation of the question on how INTJ men can find ENFP women. Again, I have heard that they will find us as long as we make ourselves public, but no luck for me recently.

I'll admit I am not much of a pick-up-artist. I also don't think I can pull off (or probably should not) try and pull off asking for a number so quick with an ENFP gal.

Lastly, I love how you guys pull off the funny, cute, endearing, gushy, bubbly, excited, genuinely nice and super hot message so well. Even online I am just :dry:, :laughing: , :laughing: ,:wink:, :blushed:. It doesn't show in person but I have to admit I love it all.....
I test ENFP/INFP depending on the "mood of the day" (how extroverted I feel), so I hope you don't mind my responding to your post.. (meh.. I also test XNTP/XNFP too depending on how touchy feely I feel... but that's a different subject..) :tongue:

Anyway.... I think what would appeal to me as a woman would be a confident (not afraid to ask me), but genuine (honest that you don't "do this often") man willing to take a risk to make a human connection with me... That's the stuff of swooning... I think if you could honestly convey this to her... you're more than 1/2 way there. :wink:

And now my question.. if you don't mind.. ( I figure I have an INTJ here.. I might as well USE you.. hehehe) Let's just say you get the ENFP girl... How are you going to do with her other traits you might not find so cute? (this is an honest question). How crazed will it drive you when she loses track of time.. almost all the time... and is LATE to something you need her to be on time to, or she has a million projects that she almost never completes or she didn't clean up her mess because she was distracted, late, or on to her next shinny object?? Get where I'm going here? Mainly I'm very curious about your response because I have a bit of a crush on an INTJ I interact with professionally.. and I think it goes both ways.. So I'm trying to calculate his possible tolerance for the darkside of my P Type.. So I guess what I'm really asking is.. do you think you'll be able to forgive her Pness when cute and bubbly just isn't enough??
 

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I test ENFP/INFP depending on the "mood of the day" (how extroverted I feel), so I hope you don't mind my responding to your post.. (meh.. I also test XNTP/XNFP too depending on how touchy feely I feel... but that's a different subject..) :tongue:

Anyway.... I think what would appeal to me as a woman would be a confident (not afraid to ask me), but genuine (honest that you don't "do this often") man willing to take a risk to make a human connection with me... That's the stuff of swooning... I think if you could honestly convey this to her... you're more than 1/2 way there. :wink:

And now my question.. if you don't mind.. ( I figure I have an INTJ here.. I might as well USE you.. hehehe) Let's just say you get the ENFP girl... How are you going to do with her other traits you might not find so cute? (this is an honest question). How crazed will it drive you when she loses track of time.. almost all the time... and is LATE to something you need her to be on time to, or she has a million projects that she almost never completes or she didn't clean up her mess because she was distracted, late, or on to her next shinny object?? Get where I'm going here? Mainly I'm very curious about your response because I have a bit of a crush on an INTJ I interact with professionally.. and I think it goes both ways.. So I'm trying to calculate his possible tolerance for the darkside of my P Type.. So I guess what I'm really asking is.. do you think you'll be able to forgive her Pness when cute and bubbly just isn't enough??
Very good questions. I know my Pness isn't so crazy. I'm hardly late. And I do clean up my mess like the day after. But I do suffer from not completing million of projects I started.
 

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Very good questions. I know my Pness isn't so crazy. I'm hardly late. And I do clean up my mess like the day after. But I do suffer from not completing million of projects I started.
Actually my Pness isn't so bad either. I'm almost never late.. in fact I hate being late.. (but I used to be late often. It's taken me time to realize that "just one more thing I want to do I really don't have "time" to do"..), I'm not so great at cleaning up.. Cuz there's just more interesting things I'd rather do (if it gets pretty bad I will.. grudgingly), I'm better at completing projects than I used to be.. Still... these is stuff I've abandoned for the next "new thing."

More or less I'm just posing a hypothetical "what if his imaginary ENFPgirl was like Waaaayyyy P Type?" :)
I guess what I'm saying is.. It's all great until the Pness hits the fan... ya know?
 

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Actually my Pness isn't so bad either. I'm almost never late.. in fact I hate being late.. (but I used to be late often. It's taken me time to realize that "just one more thing I want to do I really don't have "time" to do"..), I'm not so great at cleaning up.. Cuz there's just more interesting things I'd rather do (if it gets pretty bad I will.. grudgingly), I'm better at completing projects than I used to be.. Still... these is stuff I've abandoned for the next "new thing."

More or less I'm just posing a hypothetical "what if his imaginary ENFPgirl was like Waaaayyyy P Type?" :)
I guess what I'm saying is.. It's all great until the Pness hits the fan... ya know?
I know it's hypothetical. I guess I wanted to comment :) But it's good to ask these questions because enfps can be hard to date, especially the p things- I can't speak for infps.
 

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First of all, really don't worry. You INTJs usually make most ENFPs weak in the knees. :blushed:

Now, I know feelings seriously confuse you guys, so I'll try to explain this in a relatively rational way. :p Like the others said, we value honesty a lot. Do not lie to us. Ever. Period. Be completely sincere - you can say you feel a bit silly asking for her number (I don't know about other ENFPs, but that'd definitely make me melt) or, like you said, that you don't usually do it. I recommend asking to buy her a coffee - we value chivalry and romantic things. Moreover, we often forget things in a couple of days, so the earlier you can make an impression - the better. If, however, she says she's busy, watch her. Watch the way she says it. If she says something similar to "I'm busy right now, but I'd love to" - that's a green light. Ask her if you could have her number. However, keep in mind that we like being liked, so don't mistake a polite refusal for an invitation. We are rarely rude to people, but you can usually tell when we want something. It's just.. obvious when we're sincere. But that's just me and the fact I'm a walking lie detector, like the rest of us. :p

We can fall for both the shy, I-really-like-you-and-have-no-idea-what-to-do approach and for a more confident one. What matters is if you give us... a good vibe. Yeah, it may seem stupid, but we rely on out guts a lot, and they rarely lie.

Like Orbrial said, the idea of making a connection to another human being in this cold world really warms us up inside. Gives us a nice fuzzy feeling, you know? We feel like that a lot. ^^ We like the idea that people can still bond despite the differences and restrictions. If you can show us you want to make the world a better place, we're hooked. :)

Another approach is having an interesting conversation with us, only to have it interrupted for some reason beyond your power. Unless the ending is somehow rude, we'll definitely want to continue the discussion as soon as possible. As bubbly as we seem, we really aren't shallow, and when a conversation is interesting for us, we don't want to stop talking. The elevator/bus thing is perfect - if you strike up a nice conversation, she wouldn't want to get off at her floor/stop. :p We can become really, really absorbed in things we like.

But I didn't really answer your question, did I?

We like being talked to, being asked out, etc. We're really social and willing to give everything a go. INTJs are fascinating for us and I'm pretty sure you'll have no problems. Whatever you decide to do - remember to do it with your heart. Don't lie about interests (I'm not saying you would, just mentioning) to make her pay attention to you. As long as you're honest with us, we're not likely to turn you down, and if we do - we won't be mean about it. We're humane above all, we don't like embarrassing/hurting people in any way. So, definitely make your interest in an ENFP lady known. :) In the worst case - you won't see her again. Not that big a deal, really. ;)

Sorry for the waffling, I just can't stick to one subject at a time. >.> And when I say 'we', I mean myself, because I really can't guarantee about other female ENFPs. But we have our similarities. :)

Best of luck!
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Thanks for the feedback so far, I would like more but I'll address the hypothetical P'ness question.


The Question:

And now my question.. if you don't mind.. ( I figure I have an INTJ here.. I might as well USE you.. hehehe) Let's just say you get the ENFP girl... How are you going to do with her other traits you might not find so cute? (this is an honest question). How crazed will it drive you when she loses track of time.. almost all the time... and is LATE to something you need her to be on time to, or she has a million projects that she almost never completes or she didn't clean up her mess because she was distracted, late, or on to her next shinny object?? Get where I'm going here? Mainly I'm very curious about your response because I have a bit of a crush on an INTJ I interact with professionally.. and I think it goes both ways.. So I'm trying to calculate his possible tolerance for the darkside of my P Type.. So I guess what I'm really asking is.. do you think you'll be able to forgive her Pness when cute and bubbly just isn't enough??



My Answer


I don't see Pness being a problem unless it is at a level that would generally be considered ridiculous. For the most part P's lateness, forgetfulness, and randomness can be "managed" very easily. I have no problems sending text message reminders an hour before I need someone to arrive somewhere, verbally reminding someone to stay on topic or do something, or just talking things out in an honest manner because P's are generally very agreeable. XNFPs are also very nice and understanding when sensitive topics are brought up so I don't really ever feel like I need to hold my tongue.

I also don't really see how being messy or not finishing projects is an issue unless I am living with the person or a task MUST be accomplished. I have never been in that situation. Unless its my living space or the task is very important to me, they're not issues.

Some examples of ridiculous P behavior ( I am not even sure if these are P only behaviors), that can't be reduced by talking to them, reminding them, or ignoring them include.

1. Saying random things (5 random words strung together into a "sentence") every 2 minutes
2. Jumping to a completely new topic every 2 weeks and not be willing to do or talk about anything unrelated to the topic
3. Having a personality that can ONLY BE bubbly and gregarious. I have serious stuff I want to talk about once in a while and I can't handle a rigid (although happy) personality
4. Being extremely flirty with other guys. Lots of touching, having sexually charged conversions, or spending way more time with some other guy other than me and discussing emotional issues that "should" be brought up with me. Male friends are fine, in effect replacing me is not.
5. Cheating


So in general, an XNFP Pness won't be an issue with this INTJ.


For reference, my general process for resolving relationship conflicts is:

1. Ignore problem (it could be a 1 time thing, I give the benefit of the doubt usually)
2. Talk about it with them or remind them of something (I am all for working through relationship problems and coming to mutual solutions)
3. End the relationship if its one of the 5 things listed (although there are probably more)
 

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Thanks for the feedback so far, I would like more but I'll address the hypothetical P'ness question.


The Question:

And now my question.. if you don't mind.. ( I figure I have an INTJ here.. I might as well USE you.. hehehe) Let's just say you get the ENFP girl... How are you going to do with her other traits you might not find so cute? (this is an honest question). How crazed will it drive you when she loses track of time.. almost all the time... and is LATE to something you need her to be on time to, or she has a million projects that she almost never completes or she didn't clean up her mess because she was distracted, late, or on to her next shinny object?? Get where I'm going here? Mainly I'm very curious about your response because I have a bit of a crush on an INTJ I interact with professionally.. and I think it goes both ways.. So I'm trying to calculate his possible tolerance for the darkside of my P Type.. So I guess what I'm really asking is.. do you think you'll be able to forgive her Pness when cute and bubbly just isn't enough??



My Answer


I don't see Pness being a problem unless it is at a level that would generally be considered ridiculous. For the most part P's lateness, forgetfulness, and randomness can be "managed" very easily. I have no problems sending text message reminders an hour before I need someone to arrive somewhere, verbally reminding someone to stay on topic or do something, or just talking things out in an honest manner because P's are generally very agreeable. XNFPs are also very nice and understanding when sensitive topics are brought up so I don't really ever feel like I need to hold my tongue.

I also don't really see how being messy or not finishing projects is an issue unless I am living with the person or a task MUST be accomplished. I have never been in that situation. Unless its my living space or the task is very important to me, they're not issues.

Some examples of ridiculous P behavior ( I am not even sure if these are P only behaviors), that can't be reduced by talking to them, reminding them, or ignoring them include.

1. Saying random things (5 random words strung together into a "sentence") every 2 minutes
2. Jumping to a completely new topic every 2 weeks and not be willing to do or talk about anything unrelated to the topic
3. Having a personality that can ONLY BE bubbly and gregarious. I have serious stuff I want to talk about once in a while and I can't handle a rigid (although happy) personality
4. Being extremely flirty with other guys. Lots of touching, having sexually charged conversions, or spending way more time with some other guy other than me and discussing emotional issues that "should" be brought up with me. Male friends are fine, in effect replacing me is not.
5. Cheating


So in general, an XNFP Pness won't be an issue with this INTJ.



For reference, my general process for resolving relationship conflicts is:

1. Ignore problem (it could be a 1 time thing, I give the benefit of the doubt usually)
2. Talk about it with them or remind them of something (I am all for working through relationship problems and coming to mutual solutions)
3. End the relationship if its one of the 5 things listed (although there are probably more)

From reading your list you might need a mature and healthy enfp. Because an immature and unhealthy enfp might do one or more of these things on your list.
 

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Ask her out and be self concious and awkard. The more uncomfortable and unnatural it seems, the more attractive it is (to me anyway). I think "wow he must really like me to make that kind of effort" It's cute.
 

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Thanks for the feedback so far, I would like more but I'll address the hypothetical P'ness question.

My Answer

I don't see Pness being a problem unless it is at a level that would generally be considered ridiculous. For the most part P's lateness, forgetfulness, and randomness can be "managed" very easily. I have no problems sending text message reminders an hour before I need someone to arrive somewhere, verbally reminding someone to stay on topic or do something, or just talking things out in an honest manner because P's are generally very agreeable. XNFPs are also very nice and understanding when sensitive topics are brought up so I don't really ever feel like I need to hold my tongue.
First... Very nicely said... Now I don't know you... so please don't be offended.. I'm just thinking ahead here.. but I think at some point in time (perhaps years.. who knows), it's going to slowly drive you to madness (the kind where hiding another body down in the basement just won't fix), that she can't seem to remember "X" when you need her too... I could be wrong.. but at some point in time don't you think you would internalize that to mean it's you that's not important to her because "if" you were.. she would remember "X" thing? I don't know.. I'm just asking.. (shrugs)

Second... it's true XNFPs can be plenty nice when it comes to sensitive topics.. but beware INTJ.. they(me) included can also be hypersensitive and can get their feelings crushed pretty easily by unsuspecting Ts who fail to see where all the sudden everything went terribly wrong during what they "thought" was a "rational" conversation about a sensitive subject...


I also don't really see how being messy or not finishing projects is an issue unless I am living with the person or a task MUST be accomplished. I have never been in that situation. Unless its my living space or the task is very important to me, they're not issues.
(surprised look!!) :shocked: Are you telling me you're going to speak the words to make the ENFP girl swoon and then have the unmitigated gall to not live with her???? Tisk.. tisk... you.. you.. cad.. (teasing tone)


Some examples of ridiculous P behavior ( I am not even sure if these are P only behaviors), that can't be reduced by talking to them, reminding them, or ignoring them include.

1. Saying random things (5 random words strung together into a "sentence") every 2 minutes
2. Jumping to a completely new topic every 2 weeks and not be willing to do or talk about anything unrelated to the topic
3. Having a personality that can ONLY BE bubbly and gregarious. I have serious stuff I want to talk about once in a while and I can't handle a rigid (although happy) personality
4. Being extremely flirty with other guys. Lots of touching, having sexually charged conversions, or spending way more time with some other guy other than me and discussing emotional issues that "should" be brought up with me. Male friends are fine, in effect replacing me is not.
5. Cheating
Example 1 is I believe a cardinal sign of schizophrenia.. called disorganized speech.. If your hypothetical ENFP girl is doing that.. you have a whole different problem then her being a P Type.. :tongue:

Example 2 is maybe unlikely as I don't know too many Ps who can focus that long on just one thing.. but who knows..

Example 3 shouldn't be too much an issue I don't think.. She is bound to sleep at some point in time.. I would try discussing your serious issues at that point... :laughing: It might be your only real chance to get a word in edgewise.. (just kidding extroverts!)

Example 4 This is hard to say... if she is unbelievably insecure.. and needs that emotional approval.. I don't know.. Just be aware that what you might see as "flirty" she might see as just being "friendly." Which brings us to...

Example 5.. If you come home and someone else is in your bed.. hmm.. I believe that would be a step beyond "friendly" in anyone's book... :shocked:


So in general, an XNFP Pness won't be an issue with this INTJ.

For reference, my general process for resolving relationship conflicts is:

1. Ignore problem (it could be a 1 time thing, I give the benefit of the doubt usually)
2. Talk about it with them or remind them of something (I am all for working through relationship problems and coming to mutual solutions)
3. End the relationship if its one of the 5 things listed (although there are probably more)
(toes the ground under her... looks deep into your eyes.. and then speaks just a little above a whisper)..
"ummm.. I don't do this sort of things very often.. but.. (blushing).. then sighs.. umm.. would you like to go for coffee some time??" :wink:
 

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Your feedback was helpful, but I guess I should ask a different question.

I find an ENFP lady talking to me in the elevator or a bus. I can tell they are ENFP because they try to look real innocent and a little gushy. I feel the connection ( this just does NOT happen with other types). But I don't how to go about seizing the moment and getting their number or otherwise trying to get a chance to talk to them some more.

Can I very well say "I never do this, but could I have your number, it'll be alright, I just want a chance to talk to you for a few minutes"

Or could I say "I usually don't do this, but could I buy you a cup of coffee?".

Are these sorts of advances something an ENFP would be receptive of?
Personally, I would be receptive to subtle flirting (though maybe not TOO subtle because I tend to be somewhat ignorant of attraction towards myself) so that I, who am quite convinced of my perceptive prowess :) , can feel a little more in control of the situation. Then as the conversation rolls, drop in your coffee line as a natural way to continue the experience. Something like, "Hey, do you have somewhere to rush off to, or would you like to continue our conversation? I'll buy you a cup of coffee."
Basically make her feel like she's in a storybook. Us ENFP's are suckers for that kind of stuff:happy:
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
Quoted from Orbital

[Now I don't know you... so please don't be offended.. I'm just thinking ahead here.. but I think at some point in time (perhaps years.. who knows), it's going to slowly drive you to madness (the kind where hiding another body down in the basement just won't fix), that she can't seem to remember "X" when you need her too... I could be wrong.. but at some point in time don't you think you would internalize that to mean it's you that's not important to her because "if" you were.. she would remember "X" thing? I don't know.. I'm just asking.. (shrugs)]


It may. I seriously doubt the issue would finally negatively manifest itself in an explosion about how you need to remember to clean the room and pay a bill. It might if you promise to pick me up at the airport and forget even though I sent you a text message reminder a half hour before I land. In that case its pretty obvious I'm not important to you.

Generally though, the forgetfulness stuff will be little issues that build up and get released (implicitly or explicitly) during an argument about something entirely unrelated that is a bigger deal. Also, that stuff would definitely put me in a more sour mood and so would effect my happiness in the relationship. So, its not a biggie, but its a little thing that certainly doesn't help. I would also be very willing to bargain in these cases (IE. ill help clean your room every week if you do X for me regularly). I am not sure this answers your question or not.


Quoted from Love Obsessed

[
From reading your list you might need a mature and healthy enfp. Because an immature and unhealthy enfp might do one or more of these things on your list.]

Would a maturing ENFP really have trouble with list? Which ones in particular? Not cheating I'm guessing.


Also, a completely unrelated ENFP question.

Many years ago I inadvertently rejected an ENFP lady in a callous and pretty public manner. I really liked her but thought she didn't like me, and the situation became an emotional mess where I completely closed myself off. She was very hurt.

She then dated someone else although I am almost positive she still liked me, I am also almost certain she knew I liked her at some point after she started dating the other guy ( I did). She would always ask me why I didn't have a girlfriend...... and I usually responded angerly by saying I hadn't met anyone I felt comfortable with to date ( hurting her feelings and not being terribly mature on my part, although she wasn't particularly considerate either).

This has bugged me all these years and I am wondering if I should bring it up with her (she broke up with the guy mentioned earlier). We have not talked in a long while and I have no idea what her relationship status is. I am afraid I still have lingering feelings.... I wonder if she does too? I doubt a relationship is feasible after all this, but would she be receptive to me opening up about this? It is the only topic I haven't been able to bring up with anyone and it really gnaws at me. Can I get closure here? (and maybe her too?)


P.S. Orbital, why haven't you pounced on that INTJ yet? Your personality obviously rocks (funny/smart) and your over-concern about your Pness makes me think you would be a really caring and great girlfriend.
 

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Quoted from Orbital

[Now I don't know you... so please don't be offended.. I'm just thinking ahead here.. but I think at some point in time (perhaps years.. who knows), it's going to slowly drive you to madness (the kind where hiding another body down in the basement just won't fix), that she can't seem to remember "X" when you need her too... I could be wrong.. but at some point in time don't you think you would internalize that to mean it's you that's not important to her because "if" you were.. she would remember "X" thing? I don't know.. I'm just asking.. (shrugs)]


It may. I seriously doubt the issue would finally negatively manifest itself in an explosion about how you need to remember to clean the room and pay a bill. It might if you promise to pick me up at the airport and forget even though I sent you a text message reminder a half hour before I land. In that case its pretty obvious I'm not important to you.

Generally though, the forgetfulness stuff will be little issues that build up and get released (implicitly or explicitly) during an argument about something entirely unrelated that is a bigger deal. Also, that stuff would definitely put me in a more sour mood and so would effect my happiness in the relationship. So, its not a biggie, but its a little thing that certainly doesn't help. I would also be very willing to bargain in these cases (IE. ill help clean your room every week if you do X for me regularly). I am not sure this answers your question or not.


Quoted from Love Obsessed

[
From reading your list you might need a mature and healthy enfp. Because an immature and unhealthy enfp might do one or more of these things on your list.]

Would a maturing ENFP really have trouble with list? Which ones in particular? Not cheating I'm guessing.


Also, a completely unrelated ENFP question.

Many years ago I inadvertently rejected an ENFP lady in a callous and pretty public manner. I really liked her but thought she didn't like me, and the situation became an emotional mess where I completely closed myself off. She was very hurt.

She then dated someone else although I am almost positive she still liked me, I am also almost certain she knew I liked her at some point after she started dating the other guy ( I did). She would always ask me why I didn't have a girlfriend...... and I usually responded angerly by saying I hadn't met anyone I felt comfortable with to date ( hurting her feelings and not being terribly mature on my part, although she wasn't particularly considerate either).

This has bugged me all these years and I am wondering if I should bring it up with her (she broke up with the guy mentioned earlier). We have not talked in a long while and I have no idea what her relationship status is. I am afraid I still have lingering feelings.... I wonder if she does too? I doubt a relationship is feasible after all this, but would she be receptive to me opening up about this? It is the only topic I haven't been able to bring up with anyone and it really gnaws at me. Can I get closure here? (and maybe her too?)


P.S. Orbital, why haven't you pounced on that INTJ yet? Your personality obviously rocks (funny/smart) and your over-concern about your Pness makes me think you would be a really caring and great girlfriend.
Yes, most definitely an mature enfp won't cheat on you. But the other stuff, I guess they wouldn't do. I mean if this stuff bother you ( things on the list), tell the enfp. A mature enfp would consciously try not to do those things- maybe not an immature enfp. They might take it as a personal attack on their character. I know for me I never did those thing (item 1-4 on the list )even when I'm was immature or unhealthy. I mean I'm untypical enfp. But if I had a preference when it come to conversation, I will love to talk about both light-hearted and serious thing.

On your other question....You can bring up your feelings to the girl. She might still have feelings for you- ask her, then at least, you get the closure you were looking for.
 
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