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So a few weeks ago I got my mother to take the Myers-Briggs Personality Test and, as expected, she is an ESFJ. We don't get along at all because we polar opposites. I know one shouldn't say this about their mother, but even the sound of her voice makes me cringe and I'm relieved when she leaves the house. She is very controlling and talks to me like I'm her property, (which I absolutely hate) and forces me to give her a kiss goodnight every night and tell her that I love her. If I don't, she gets angry at me and goes on a rant about how she is the mother and that I'm supposed to appreciate and love her... blah blah blah. She annoys me when she talks about her problems and she's always telling me to smile when there's nothing worth smiling about. I just want to know how I can get her to stop being so controlling and how to avoid arguments with her.
 

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You can't change your mother, but you can change how you perceive her. Try understanding her, why does she act like this with you ? Once you get the reasons behind her behavior, you can try telling her how you feel. ESFJs are usually at ease with emotions so don't fear how she might react to what you'll tell her, a conversation about it can only bring good to the both of you. Also, try enumerating what you like about her just like you did with what annoys you.
 

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The way to deal with this is to become more like her. This does two things. First, you start to integrate your shadow functions and they become less irritating to you, thereby making your life much more peaceful, without her even having to change (if you want to change the world or other people you first have to start with yourself, which brings me to my next point). Second, if you become more like her she'll see her own behaviour reflected back to her and likely she will despise it, making your imitation and integration a catalyst for her own change. So, it's a win-win situation. You both get to learn and grow from this. She doesn't even have to put any conscious effort in. Lead her in, hook, line, and sinker.
 
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