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I am an INTJ and have question for ESTPs regarding compatibility with each other. For some reason me and ESTPs don't get along that well and I can't figure out why. And I am asking if there is anything in particular about an INTJ personality type that rubs an ESTP the wrong way?
 

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no actually , I get along fine with many in here and the ones I know at work. I find them sarcastic and entertaining.
 

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I'm 'involved' (if that's what you want to call it) with an ESTP, five years now, and we seem to be drawn to one another and can't get away from it no matter how many fights we have or how often we just want to call it quits and walk away. I tell you with my driving need to improve my relationships constantly and his need to be in a relationship that's never boring, I think we make a spectacular team. There always seems to be some drama going on with us. But I am soooo crazy about him, and much as he hates to admit it, he is crazy about me to!
 

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Ow, a topic I can talk from both sides. =P

As an INTJ I liked how ESTPs were so energetic, witty, cocky in an adorable way (not like ENTPs :tongue:), independent, eager to fix and improve things and just kickass. I also loved how they always had so much fun which for a J who is pretty much always kinda stressed can be really relaxing and awesome.

As an ESTP (long story) what I like about INTJs is...oddly not so much anymore. But there is still stuff. Mostly how they don't have to talk about feelings all the time, the humor and sarcasm, the independence and how they too want to improve things. However, I highly dislike how they are probably the most introverted from all introverts (next to ISTPs probably). That either means I have to do stuff on my own (which in a RS would suck sooner or later) or...well, I'd have to sit around and think all day too. And I can't. Not to mention that most (not saying "all) of us ESTPs aren't exactly blessed with patience. And while we'd rather experience stuff with our whole self (sensor), they just sit there and think. Me, I don't mix too good with that anymore. However, people are different and some other ESTP eventually can (as the person posting before me kinda shows).
I might add that - since I have been on the "other side" - I am somewhat okay (to a degree) with them wanting to plan ahead. To a degree only though. I still like the spontaneous stuff more, unless you go on a trip 16 hours away all alone in a country you have never been and you need to calculate your money really well, because you are very limited. *cough* But that is another topic. =P

There you have some EXAMPLES about why it eventually doesn't work with that specific ESTP.
However, as always: don't restrict relationships to types. ESTP =/= ESTP and INTJ =/= INTJ. So if you are attracted to them, just go and see if there is some more "mild" ones. Either that or pick that specific person you have in mind and bust your ass off to MAKE it work. Both of you together then of course. :wink:
 

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ESTP's are always out and about. They won't hang around and do nothing. They will fix things for you and do projects however. I had the idea that I was just never entertaining enough for the ESTP. He was into sex, renting videos, work, and going out with his friends. I was all for the sex, work, into some of the videos (he only wanted action flicks), and I dreaded his friends...a cacophony of his worst traits in one noisy, drunken place (save me!). (I'm the type who brings a classic novel to sporting events and parties, gets a drink and settles in for the duration.) I do look up to meet someone or when he says to watch the game because the bases are loaded. I wish ESTPs would try to understand INTJs better. INTJs have much to offer: we aren't Feelers at least, we are faithful, we are not spenders, you know where to find us (home or work or in-between...maybe the bookstore), we cook for you and will do your laundry. However we expect you to: do the dishes, all 3D projects, help (alot) with things like vacuuming and general pickup, we need to get motivated and have company for such hideous activities, let us get a maid, let us rent a different video and watch ours beside you as you watch your bloodbath flick, and spare us from your friends...we barely think you are fun, so much less your friends. But we can really like you, love you and be very attracted to you, so give it a try. You will admire our degrees, intellect and wisecracks. Okay, I'm done. Hope this helped.
 

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and spare us from your friends...
So no more parties at our place? OK, fine by us! We love you, we want to make it up to you.

We decided to go out. You were invited to join us of course - but as we all know you'd rather spend the evening watching Star Trek for eleventh time, so we did not push you.

When we were out you called us like hundred times to check on us, asking what are we doing, with whom and when we would get back home, because you run out of tea and would like us to get you some.

You and your tea, us with our red wine. From time to time we ask ourselves if you consider us inferior because we drink alcohol. We think you do. You are not feelers but you judge us. And you are not weepy, that's for sure but we don't like you when you get mad. Your wrath scares us!

Back to the story - so we got back home, forgot your tea, damn... You try to smile, but we see that you are boiling inside. We ask why - and you deny being upset. We try to make a conversation, talk about people we met, we tell funny stories we heard but it seems that it only makes things worse. You move a lot, trying to occupy your hands with something (redecorating our flat at 3 am? We don't buy that) responding only "yes" or "no". When we ask you to look at us in the eyes - you get mad and you just yell. We hear - cheating, drinking, cheating, cheating, smelling cigarettes, cheating, cheating, cheating. Oh, my Darlings! We try to explain, but seems that there is no use. So we promise that we would behave better next time, that we would call you every 10 minutes when we would be out and that we would bring you 10 packs of tea... Or if you really insist we may even say that we would not see our friends anymore because you mean a world to us. We make peace and we go to bed.

(oh, well, your intuitin wasn't totally wrong... we do have a wandering eye and we were flirting with some people, but it was just flirting. Maybe some touching...nothing serious. No harm done!)

We feel kinda guilty so the next day we make you a nice breakfast. You know s**t about cooking. Have you ever heard about spices? Geeee... You can't even boil the water. We eat whatever you cook just because we love you.

Yes, we love you. We love you for so many things... We especially adore your wicked, black sense of humor... Oh, but it's friday again and we can hear "the calling"... Adventure... The whole cycle repeates itself. You let us go. You stay home. We forget to call ...

After almost a year I just gave up. I didn't ask him to change himself or his ways for me. I loved him just the way he was. But I needed some air.
We remain good friends and I host my website on his server (he is such a geek^^)
 

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So no more parties at our place? OK, fine by us! We love you, we want to make it up to you.

We decided to go out. You were invited to join us of course - but as we all know you'd rather spend the evening watching Star Trek for eleventh time, so we did not push you.

When we were out you called us like hundred times to check on us, asking what are we doing, with whom and when we would get back home, because you run out of tea and would like us to get you some.

You and your tea, us with our red wine. From time to time we ask ourselves if you consider us inferior because we drink alcohol. We think you do. You are not feelers but you judge us. And you are not weepy, that's for sure but we don't like you when you get mad. Your wrath scares us!

(oh, well, your intuitin wasn't totally wrong... we do have a wandering eye and we were flirting with some people, but it was just flirting. Maybe some touching...nothing serious. No harm done!)
^)
THAT was CUTE! Funny that I was drinking tea as I read it! But I also drink wine! But you are correct, I don't party. And, we don't mind the flirting...just don't #$%^ around. You can smoke...we know you have little self control...that's cool. I never call a million times...does he? hmmm...that isn't so intj-ish...maybe you aren't telling him you plan to be out. Glad to hear you like us for something. Glad to see you can leave us alone and be okay with it. We really do need that time to go deep inside and nourish that dark humor.

Thanks for the energy you put into that!
 

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My ex INTJ also drinks wine. From time to time and in moderation.
But I got an impression that he is not cool with drinking alcohol in larger doses, especially stronger spirits. When he came from his graduation banquet in a state suggesting mild intoxication his mouth couldn't shut - he was like "and imagine my darling what my friends and I did! We drunk pure vodka!" He was so adorable, making such a big deal out of it that I was laughing outlout^^
I am not a heavy drinker, I lost my conscience two times because of alcohol when I was 19 (it's legal in my Country to buy alcohol when you are over 18) and didn't know yet the strenght of whisky nor gin. And I don't get drunk often - just once in a while. But I am not affraid of getting drunk as he seems to be.

And he called me so often because he was worried. He always considered me kinda loony. In his eyes my behavior while in group of people was to much open and inviting, and in his opinion it was as if I was walking blindfolded at the edge of precipice on a windy day. For my INTJ me talking to some guy I don't know much, being nice to that guy was like asking for trouble. Since I often make jokes about sex and talk freely on the subject my INFJ was reminding me that if I do not change my behaviour I would end up in a black bag buried under some tree in a forest, raped and then murdured. And then probably raped again. (his black sense of humor... I do miss it^^)

I know when a guy I am talking to really gets turned on and I know how to turn him down. It sounds cocky, but I can really take care of myself. I don't do stupid things like leaving the pub alone, I never accept drinks from strangers and even if we didn't pick one of us to be a designated driver who would drive each of us home when the party is over and I have to take a cab, I always ask taxidrivers to walk me to the front door. Besides - I can run fast (I never wear high hills when going out. I used to, but once when I was taking my shoes off in the dark I didn't notice the vacuumcleaner and I slipped and hurt myself really bad in the head that they had to shave my head and stitch me. I was crying not because it hurt, but because I saw my golden locks falling down on the groud. So I don't wear high heels because of security reasons but because of my vanity;) but hush, it's a secret^^) I know how to scream and I have some experience in different martial arts. So I would fight. But for my INTJ it was still not enough. The taxist could harm me, somebody could be hiding in the corridor of the building our flat is a part of. For me he was paranoid, for him I was not paranoid enough.

My security (stupidity?) was just one of many subjects we disagreed on. For him I was to noisy, for me he was to quiet. Even when my sisters came to visit he just said hi, made some small talk and watched for any possibility of escaping to hide in his room. OK, OK, all four of us are E, but come on!
He often felt ashamed when I showed him my affecion in public by kissing or hugging him and I even when it came to walking holding hands I almost had to make him do it. I felt like a violator of some kind. I felt this way during our relationship many, many times. Weird, I just realised that!

Omg.. this post got so long^^ Funny thing, yesterday I wrote about my ESTP-ESTP relationship and it was like four sentences. My INTJ was really something :D I am going to text him and wish him a good day :D

Aaaah, and btw -"we know you have little self control" - strange as it may seem but I took it as a compliment
 

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I am intj and I am totally cool with drinking...but not with getting drunk...especially in front of others...I have accidentally gotten drunk...either because of a lack of food or some extra strong drink...but i will tell you...i fought it...and i hated myself afterwards. I don't hold it against others who get drunk however. I just don't think it is becoming for me to do it. I don't know why...i just think that i should behave.
 

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I get along with INTJs. I am only close to three male INTJs and one INTJ female. I think they like me and I certainly like them. I appreciate their intelligence and humor as well. I'm sure they find me boisterous at times but I enjoy making them laugh and I can respect their ideas. The INTJ men I know seem to make wonderful husbands. Definitely more easygoing than ISTJ for me. I like em.
As far as romance, I've never dated an INXJ guy ever. I can't see it happening.
 

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ESTP's are always out and about. They won't hang around and do nothing. They will fix things for you and do projects however. I had the idea that I was just never entertaining enough for the ESTP. I wish ESTPs would try to understand INTJs better. INTJs have much to offer: we aren't Feelers at least, we are faithful, we are not spenders, you know where to find us (home or work or in-between...maybe the bookstore), we cook for you and will do your laundry. But we can really like you, love you and be very attracted to you, so give it a try. You will admire our degrees, intellect and wisecracks. Okay, I'm done. Hope this helped.
I think that my ESTP boyfriend loves me becasue I keep him on his toes. I make an effort all the time to accomodate him ... because lets just face it when you're with an ESTP, the world relvoves around them. And I am not saying this is a bad thing. I don't think that people realize what a crazy combination an INTJ and ESTP are. This is one of the first posts I have ever seen that addresses this.
 

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I've been attracted to some ESTPs, but right now it hasn't happened yet. If it does, though, I certainly can see problems developing. He's loud, flamboyant, artistic, affectionate, and aggressive. He talks about subjects I can't care less about (it's always some gossip, about some girl, and some party, or some sport). I know he has more depth than meets the eye because sometimes it comes out, and his charisma is very addictive, but I just don't see us working out.
 

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guys later tell me i was the best girlfriend they ever had. they often (it has happened four times) called me just prior, even the night before their wedding, to see if i will go back with them. i assure them they are with the right girl and they have forgotten why we didn't work out. others attempt to come back later as well. i think the reason they stray in the first place is that i am not really "sexy" (loved sex, and wanted it as often as he, but i wasn't...hmmm...how can you say it...good at making eyes at him...no drama) and i am such a loyal, "sure thing". they may want more intrigue. plus, they can get away with it...i am so unsuspecting. however, once caught, it is totally over. no turning back.

for what it is worth. if you have an intj...don't screw it up. you may be sorry.
 

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Thought I'd make a note about my INTP experiences with the ESTP...

One seems to generally like me, but dislikes how I'm unwilling to do anything out of my element. We also have differences in religion that, surprisingly, has caused some conflict.

Another ESTP I know... actually married the same woman as the first ESTP did... he's a total dick. Will tell you what a bitch you are and then when you respond turn around elements in the story so that you called him an asshole first... He's also willing to kick the ass of anyone smaller than him for some reason.

I'm willing to speculate that the first ESTP's sister is also an ESTP. She doesn't live a stop-go lifestyle, she lives a go-go-go-smoke-weed-go-go-go-pop-pills-go-go-go-repeat lifestyle. I must admit, I like to catch her between go's.
 

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My best friend is a INTJ and we get along very well. We may not see eye to eye on alot of issues but we keep each other going. He keeps me on task and i get him to try new experiences and meet new pp.l
 

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I am still wondering what the best opposite sex partner for the intj is. At this point, i think it is another intj.

Well, at least you would agree on how does the cleaned up room looks like :D
One thing I didn't mention in my previous post was that me and my INTJ ex had a totally different idea about what are the proper places for things in our appartament.

For me cleaned room is a room with no dust, with clean windows and with nicely washed floor. There may even be some spiderwebs in the corners, because I don't care about that so much.

But my INTJ had totally different idea about what does the order mean. He couldn't understand how can I work and stay focused when I have so many things on my desk or how can I say that I cleaned up our flat while there is a pile of clothes on the bed. He often joked that I am sort of a cave person - I need no furniture like waredrobes / closets because I store my stuff on the ground anyways, lol.
 

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I just started a relationship with a male INTJ (I got him to take the test). We have such strong chemistry its crazy! He's a really big smart ass, but its quite funny :) Im loving the huge I/E difference between us. This weekend we chilled at his house and had excessive amounts of sex/ cuddling, as opposed to my regular weekends of going out and drinking. Another great thing about this INTJ is that he isnt a feeler. My whole life ive dated mostly feelers, and having someone that relies on their logic and rationality as opposed to how thing make them feel is such a nice break. Were also able to have great discussions and go in depth into topics like religion (which we share the exact same views on- people are really dumb for believing its existence in the real world) politics and policy (with his loyalty being with the conservatives, and mine being with the NDP- although I come from a small town where socialist policy could easily be implemented with overall satisfaction, as opposed to trying to implement it in the cities where class systems and social inequalities are ingrained in the minds of its inhabitants), and were able to clearly express our views without th fear of hurting feelings. Our physical attraction to one another is stronger than anybody else ive ever been with! He is sooooo damn cute!!! Were constantly just wanting to rip each others clothes off. He also keeps the hugest smile on my face, and i seem to put one on his :p Yay for young love. I know things will change, but hopefully for the better. We truly compliment eachother :)
 
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