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Hi) my type is ISFJ and I dated INTJ for 7 months. 5 months together and 1-2 long distance.
We broke up couple days ago. Everything was fine before distance, but after we had a lot of conflicts because of time (from my side). I thought he didn't like me and he was too busy. I made some stupid things, like I asked him to break up about 6 times, and every time he convinced me not to.
However , the last time he was ok with that. When I tried to say sorry and take him back we had a huge conflict and he agreed to come back. But then I told him that I cut myself (we have a rule "secterts are unacceptable") and after that he asked me to give him time to think if he still want to keep it. I didn't give it to him and he broke up with me. Even though I asked him not to do that. Next day I called him and try to convinced that I realized the problem (how stupid I was), but he was cold and said that he doesn't want unstable relationship and any kind of relationship right now at all. He wants to be single. He still likes me, but he doesn't want it anymore. However, he told me that he can help me with my study as he used to do. I tried to talk to him something not study, but he was cold. After a while, I tried to talk to him (like one week) and it was much better. He talked to me, asked me how am I doing and told about his problems and worries that are happened(his life is kind of bad right now, as he told me). He mentioned the photos I've posted and told that I look really good and told that he still remember that we bought this stuff that I was wearing together. I told him that I kind of miss him and if he needs someone I'm here, after I just told that I must go. He was curious about stuff where I'm going etc and he said that I also welcome to text if I need anything. Considering the fact that I know who he usually texted to his ex (he tried to end conversation fast, and didn't ask anything) I can consider that I still have chance to take him back. Should I try or better just forget? I also feel bad that I screwed it up, and all efforts that we've put are wasted.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
I wouldn't want myself back as well after that
I can see that I was stupid and immature. Maybe I still am. But the thing is Im trying to change it and grow up.
We are all human being
 

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Spam-I-am
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yea
it's over
if you tried to break up with him 6 times and he said no
the last time he agreed to break up is because he could not bare the unstableness any more
when you contacted him asking for forgiveness he sees that as a sign of being needy/clingy
after we break up with a person we seldom go back
our motto is ''if it didn't work the first time it is useless to try again''
 

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MOTM Sept 2014
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You said you wanted to break up six times? Ouch. To be perfectly frank, I wouldn't take someone back who toyed with me like that. And then telling me they cut themselves? Yeah, no. I know it was a mistake and you regret it, but... I have a low tolerance for those sort of games.

I would step back, if I were you. Maybe things will rekindle down the line but as of right now it doesn't sound like it's something you should pursue. There are plenty of fish in the sea, it may turn out after some reflection that he isn't what you want either.

Do not beat yourself up over it. We've all done things that we regret, and love makes people crazy. I've done plenty of stupid shit over the years in the name of hormones and oxytocin. Take from it what you can and move on. Good luck.
 

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I can see that I was stupid and immature. Maybe I still am.
Precisely.

Take some time to work on yourself. It's apparent he still cares. If I were him, the only way I would even consider the very remote chance of reconciliation is if you proved that you were genuinely improving yourself for you, not just to be in a relationship with me.
 

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It's definitely over, and if he was cold you have your answer. I also highly doubt he was a INTJ.
However you should make yourself a better person.

"said that he doesn't want unstable relationship" and would you?

It sounds like you drained him emotionally, a threat to any sane person's health.
Then tried to throw him and pick him back up like a breaking yoyo.

Somehow you actually were surprised when the string broke?

So for both of your sakes quit poking the snake, don't chase after something you know is over and work out why your abusive, not just to others but yourself.

I was stupid and immature.
It's stupid and immature to continue this game of lies and decipt. I don't buy your story of pain and self created sorrows and those with a forked tongue with have a hard time in a relationship. You are CLEARLY not ready for any man who doesn't appear on a horror movie.

"Considering the fact that I know who he usually texted to his ex (he tried to end conversation fast, and didn't ask anything) I can consider that I still have chance to take him back. "

You did not come here for advice on dating, you came for secrets on how to pick his brain. And you will find none from me nor anyone who sees past your illusions.

This is pure manipulation on your part and your looking at a horrible lifetime if something doesn't change, and fast. I'm not talking about your relationship with this guy, I'm talking about you.

I believe you should go to 7cups.com and talk with someone. This advice is sent in your best interest & I'm not going to respond if you reply.
Just focus on your life.
 

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I wouldn't want myself back as well after that
I can see that I was stupid and immature. Maybe I still am. But the thing is Im trying to change it and grow up.
We are all human being
I feel like that kind of exposure would be draining on a lot of personality types. Personally, I wouldn't be able to tolerate that toxicity; "INTJs are a frank, straightforward bunch; as a result, they find guileful behavior particularly
unattractive."

I think the whole situation of cutting yourself gives off the impression that you need more nurturing than the intj has energy to administer. Through no fault of your own--we often do regrettable things when we succumb to emotions. Take some time to contemplate and heal your soul before involving someone else. Best of luck.
 

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Here's a poem that helped me when I was younger and needed clarity:

One Art

BY ELIZABETH BISHOP
The art of losing isn’t hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn’t hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother’s watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn’t hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn’t a disaster.

—Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan’t have lied. It’s evident
the art of losing’s not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.


I posted this yesterday, but thought you might benefit from it. The next time you decide to do something irrational, ask yourself, "Will I regret this tomorrow?" It helps to think that before doing anything.
 

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Heretic
ESI 5w4 9w8 2w1
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no
 

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While I am inclined to agree with the rest of the comments here, personally if you can prove to me that you've changed (everyone does eventually), I can always give another chance.

But you first have to change and sort out your insecurities. That goes for every relationship out there.
 
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I wouldn't want myself back as well after that
I can see that I was stupid and immature. Maybe I still am. But the thing is Im trying to change it and grow up.
We are all human being
It's okay to do stupid stuff and be immature. It's okay to make mistakes in relationships. We've all been young and dumb, and if we live long enough, we grow up.

If I may offer a piece of advice: don't change for him. Let go of the idea of him, and change for the love of yourself. Grow into who *you* want to be. That may very well be someone who doesn't suit an INTJ, and that's just fine.
 

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Discussion Starter #16
Hello, everyone who read this topic. And I just want to text what happened after that time, maybe it will be helpful for someone who is in my situations. Therefore, here it is.
After I posted this topic, we still kept talking to him. There was week when I was texting him, then I stopped to txt Him and after a week he texted me asking wether I feel lonely after our break up or not. Then again we were talking almost everyday but a little. Abt random stuff. And then the last time I was kind of confused (maybe one this ago) and I just wanted to stop it. Because he didn't deny that he still has feelings and it gave me the hope, I couldn't move on. So i asked him again this question and he said that feelings are gone and he doesn't feel anything anymore. We talked abt it, I said that I don't really believe him and told him that he shouldn't run away from problems not even trying to solve it. After that, he says that he lied and he still have feelings for me. I think at this point even I became tired and frustrated from this situation, so I just didn't respond. However, he texted me on the next day and asked wether I'm leaving now or not. I told him that I can't do anything else, so yeah. After that we had talk again and decided to wait. Reminder, we are on the long distance, and be able to see each other in the end of August only. As well as there is no guarantee we are going to be in the same city(that leads to no possibilities for our relationship). So we decided to wait until he knows for sure where he is going to move and then discuss it( abt 4 days ago). Now we are not really talking and I don't want to text him any seconds. I don't even really want to txt him at all (surprisingly).
I've kinda changed since that time we broke up (at least he said so lol). And now I have time to think wether I need it or not, because now I feel like maybe it's just not my person and we have different expectations from each other. So I'm not waiting for him etc. I don't stuck with idea "he is the only one" anymore. Tho, this experience was useful. However, i just want to conclude there is always the chance for someone to come back I guess.
 
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