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I say "thank you," rather often. It is impulsive; when warranted. What is there to think about, in this regard (?)

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I suppose, if you are looking for more (deeper) expressions of "appreciation," it is rather rare. What warrants you of deep 'appreciation' (?) Most of the time, most specimens simply doing what they are supposed to do. Why is anything, but a simple thank you, required on repetitive / frequent basis? Appreciation for doing your "role". Heh. There are also 3,454 other specimens doing similar roles - and 15,000 waiting in line for a shot at it.

How strange; and rather off-putting.

My graditude is shallow (a product of surface-social etiquette); a thank you will suffice. If you are seeking anything else besides politeness, I cannot assist, I am afraid darling.
 

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Appreciation isn't one of INTJ strong point probably.

This is my thoughts but I believe that INTJs don't like to repeat phrases like "Thank you" or "Bless you", mostly because it's repetitive or unnecessary. If an INTJ does happen to show expression of appreiciation or gratitude, it's more authentic for them and the person who receives it. Or so goes my thought process....

then again every INTJ is different and some may find it necessary to do so or are taught from childhood to do so.
 

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Over the years I've learned to overcome that bit of hatred for redundancy. Often, expression of appreciation is logically redundant, when understood at the driest way possible. But appreciation is never a dry subject to begin with.

I've done too many things that I believe warranted more appreciation than was given. That's why whenever I'm in charge of anything, I want people to know that I appreciate their service, and I will often specify their exact contribution to show them that I'm acknowledging exactly what they did. Old bosses I've had, had no clue what I was doing for them, and my loyalty to them dwindled day after day.

For me to want to serve someone, they need to show appreciation. Then I'll work 10x as hard for them. I don't want constant appreciation, mind you. That would be annoying. But occasional firm, confident, and specific appreciation would be more than enough.

I've learned to live with certain redundancies. After all, adhering to some fantasy level of efficiency tends to lose practicality at some point in the imagination.
 

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I'd say... no.
I don't think it's natural to us. It can be taught (when an INTJ is mature etc).
From my experience, you'll have to look for very subtle ways they express it once they're close/open enough. Judging their actions more.
I don't know if it's enough/noticeable for a Fe user though. That's why a proper communication is important.

In general, I think bold prizes like this are very rare.
I'll do it, but only to one specific person and I'm odd.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
I'd say... no.
I don't think it's natural to us. It can be taught (when an INTJ is mature etc).
From my experience, you'll have to look for very subtle ways they express it once they're close/open enough. Judging their actions more.
I don't know if it's enough/noticeable for a Fe user though. That's why a proper communication is important.

In general, I think bold prizes like this are very rare.
I'll do it, but only to one specific person and I'm odd.
Hahaha! I literally just PM'd you about this situation. Any subtle signs of appreciation you can think of?
 

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I like to express appreciation. I like to be polite. And I like to be mindful/acknowledge the things that are frequently 'unseen'/forgotten/taken for granted. Saying things repeatedly can be redundant, especially since actions speak louder than words, but I think that sincere expressions of gratitude go unsaid too frequently rather than risk being overdone.

If I think about it more, I guess it's the non-entitlement (implied from being grateful) that perhaps I love to hear & show. Few things sicken me more than an entitled attitude -- that's so ugly to me, especially when it's blind + entitled. I think I also like how it eases the tension built up from spending your time doing things you may not want to be doing that benefits others. Getting noticed/thanked for these things every once in a while feels good and releases any resentment that may be building.

It is funny though bc I generally take the attitude that you must have self control/accept responsibility for what you do. You shouldn't do X in exchange for a thanks that you may/may-not receive. You should just do it (with no expectations), if you decide to do it -- take full ownership/responsibility/risk for your behavior at the time you do it. Perhaps the nice part with (sincere) gratitude is you both 'give' into the relationship in different ways while respecting agency. I really hate the expectations & nagging & involve the other games people play. Doing X freely & being acknowledged for it is far more respectful/civilized.

Perhaps I like to express gratitude in part at least bc I enjoy the feeling of being grateful, especially in a broader/larger context.

On a side note: my ISFP friend who fumbles around me socially happened to work out that if she says 'I appreciate you!' just generally, with no context, it makes me smile so she now says it regularly (once a week or so). Little does she realize I'm smiling bc of how ridicuously cute she is with her attempts to understand an INTJ when she is so clueless yet so pleased with herself bc she thinks she did it (as I am with her: 'how are your feelings today?')
 

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I do it as a social requirement, because it was drilled into me that I should do it as a kid. So when ever I am at the till, I say thank you. And also over the phone when someone is checking something for me.

the contrast is me leaving the office and going home, I would normally just say bye and out the door. I sometimes forget to slow down and do <insert social fluff here>.

I try to sometimes, but when I have my mind set on something I'm aiming straight for that goal and there is nothing or nobody going to stop me and the social fluff becomes background noise. Only to realise when I'm finished that I missed out on a lot of social opportunities.
 

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I say thank you quite often because my granny raised me to be polite and I can't stand folks with bad manners.

However, the example "I appreciate your confidence" seems more like a compliment. The only way someone will get that from me is if they asked what I appreciate about them. That would probably leave a bitter aftertaste in my mouth because I would wonder if you're the type to fish for compliments often. I find it annoying when people make a habit out of giving compliments for every little thing in general.

That sentiment is a rarity. If you do something extraordinary, I'll compliment it. If it's a run of the mill personality trait or everyday occurrence, then I likely won't say anything.

An ENFJ friend calls my rare compliments genuine while most others think I'm stingy with it.
 

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Discussion Starter #11
I say thank you quite often because my granny raised me to be polite and I can't stand folks with bad manners.

However, the example "I appreciate your confidence" seems more like a compliment. The only way someone will get that from me is if they asked what I appreciate about them. That would probably leave a bitter aftertaste in my mouth because I would wonder if you're the type to fish for compliments often. I find it annoying when people make a habit out of giving compliments for every little thing in general.

That sentiment is a rarity. If you do something extraordinary, I'll compliment it. If it's a run of the mill personality trait or everyday occurrence, then I likely won't say anything.

An ENFJ friend calls my rare compliments genuine while most others think I'm stingy with it.
I sorta took as a compliment as well. although roughly her exact words were "if you have had thought I could find one (a solution) all along I'd say that's foolish :laughing: but I appreciate your confidence". At first I thought she was trying to soften a potential blow to my ego. But that doesn't seem like her.
 

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I sorta took as a compliment as well. although roughly her exact words were "if you have had thought I could find one (a solution) all along I'd say that's foolish :laughing: but I appreciate your confidence". At first I thought she was trying to soften a potential blow to my ego. But that doesn't seem like her.
Oh. I read that differently. Why would that comment be a blow to your ego? Seems like she said 'thanks for believing in me, anyway' in an offhand way.
 

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Oh. I read that differently. Why would that comment be a blow to your ego? Seems like she said 'thanks for believing in me, anyway' in an offhand way.
I guess I read foolish as me being foolish. But re-reading it I think she means simply foolish thinking. Because she initially gave up on finding a solution. Ultimately though, I'm tickled pink she complimented me.
 

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if i appreciate something, i'll say it. that includes things where i don't have any immediate personal investment, such as admiring a person's courage or their manners or whatever-else just after i've witnessed it. i don't do gush though. like, i'll tell you if you did something that i respect because i guess i feel respect-worthy things shoudl be honoured. but i don't want a relationship with whatever quality of yours i have just pointed out.

i suspect i give rather dry, global-sounding compliments that carry a sort of '/thread' undertone.
 

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They'll do things for you. They won't say it, they'll do it. If an INTJ appreciates you, you'll never know it unless you know what to look for. Don't think about it too much. Over thinking with an INTJ is a way to put yourself in a mental institution...as the INTJ just sits at home not even aware of anything you're thinking.
 

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I express appreciation quite a bit and say thank you rather frequently, one might even say I overkill it. There are times when I may forget to do so because I don't want to go the extreme overkill if I've already said something once. If I realize that I haven't been showing someone enough appreciation, there is regret but it's difficult for me to backpetal and fix it because it can be a rough area with people I'm not as familiar with or people I've had a rocky start with. I don't want people to take it that I'm just saying it for the sake of it, thus not being genuine.

If I am comfortable with a person and genuinely like them or want to get to know them, I give complements and do my best to show they are appreciated. If I don't know the person well, it may not be clear that I appreciate what they do, because I'm very awkward. But I don't want to go the extreme of being jerkish or anything. When I'm stressed out and have a lot on my mind, I get worse and forget more.
 

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I tend to thank people by performing tasks for them, or getting things done for them more efficiently. I usually find words (for the most part) pointless, particularly when expressing thanks.
For example, I usually forget to thank my Mother for dinner like the rest of my younger siblings whenever I come to visit. Some of my siblings will go out of their way to express thanks multiple times, in order to really get the message across.

But then I will help clear off the table and ask my mother is she needs any more help after dinner is done, while my siblings usually go somewhere else or just sit on the couch when the meal is finished.
I'm sometimes the only one to help her.
I also listen to her rants about her problems concerning daycare and other mothers (which make me roll my eyes into the back of my head), but it is the least I can do for her. She is my mother after all.
Not one method is better than the other, but I like to do things my own way.
 
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