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Hey everyone,

So I am an INTJ female and I am (as the title describes it) dating an ENTJ male. I have read so many articles on how our two personalities are basically the ideal combination because you have the scientist and the CEO working together, but I don't feel like we are that great of a combination. It could be do to MBTI types or maybe age difference. He is 31 years old, Fiber Optic Engineer (proclaimed by job title because he never really finished college, CIS major) and I am 20 years old, Aerospace Engineering Major (still in school). Let me tell you, I have never felt so critiqued by anyone else in my entire life. This man picks at all my flaws; from the way I dress, to the way I speak, to the way I look (or in most cases) don't look at people. It's so exhausting.

When we first started our relationship we were both so excited. I didn't think much of him at the beginning, except that he was quite bright. However, something seemed kind of off because for such a bright mind, he didn't have much accomplished. I mean I think he could easily be a successful Silicon Valley entrepreneur or something. He is very smart and knows a lot about technology as he has worked for Apple and Google. We used to hike a lot, which was my preferred activity. I mean just being in nature while talking things out with him-life, relationships, family, science-really made me feel great. Then he started inviting me to a lot of social events (mostly weddings since he is 31 and most of his friends are getting married if they are not already). Most of these events I enjoyed for the first 30 minutes or so and then I would just start feeling mentally exhausted as I hate small talk. He never understood that I guess because he is an Extrovert. As an INTJ, after heavy socialization I need time to retreat and be by myself. We used to and still do watch a lot of documentaries together. I like that we both have an avid hunger for knowledge and understanding. We also share a terrible flaw: we are both extremely unorganized and we lose everything.

Fast forward to now and the doubts that I am having, we basically moved in together; not necessarily because I wanted to, but because I got kicked out of my parents house. Not only am I living with him, but also with his family. His mom drives me crazy. I'm pretty sure she is another extroverted type. Anyways, I am just here because our relationship has changed a lot. I thought I was completely in love with man as I have had a numerous amount of relationships in the past and had never felt the way I do about him towards anyone else. I am very attractive and intelligent therefore I attract all kinds of men. He never understood this and in the beginning was extremely controlling and jealous; sometimes manipulative with my time. He wanted me to be with him 24/7 and I just couldn't do that. He still sometimes tries to control how much time I get to be with my close friends. It's amazing how many things we have in common, but sometimes our small amount of differences seems to overwrite all those wonderful similarities. We are both very stubborn as well.

Basically, the problem is that he has many wonderful things about him like he cooks breakfast for me almost every morning, helps me pay for certain things, helped me out with tuition, is getting me a laptop for my programming class, etc. However, I don't know how to stop thinking of the negative things like he is a jerk sometimes, he is controlling, thinks he is always right, avoids talking about things he knows he isn't right about, tries to control my freedom (which is the worst thing anyone can do to an INTJ), isn't mindful that I need time to study (so he interrupts my study sessions which has reflected on my grades) and is not very innovative in my opinion. I don't know if it's because the relationship is 7 months old now, or because of MBTI types, or age difference, or a combination of all of these things. I'm sorry, I am an overthinking INTJ and I don't know how else to express these things. I tried talking them out with him, even tried to break-up with him more than 10 times because in my opinion, I'd rather be alone than in an unhappy relationship. However, he doesn't want to let me go; he assures me that our relationship is fine; that he wants to marry me when I graduate; I just overthink too much; and I have a big ego. Can I get some feedback please? I'm DESPERATE because there is nothing that I hate more than feeling like my time is being wasted. If you are an ENTJ male, please help. I just don't understand the ENTJ mental and emotional process sometimes.
 

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@Chanel_14
I don't know if it's because the relationship is 7 months old now, or because of MBTI types, or age difference, or a combination of all of these things.
While you can't rule these things out, that's not the actual problem. The problem is him. You said he's controlling. He's controlling and that isn't going to change. These are the warning signs that get posted up in the city and in public transport - to get help when you are in a relationship with a controlling person and how to notice the signs.

However, he doesn't want to let me go; he assures me that our relationship is fine; that he wants to marry me when I graduate; I just overthink too much; and I have a big ego.
GET OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP AND STAY OUT PLEASE.

Hello! Welcome. If you posted your question in the INTJ/ENTJ/Advice Center subform you'll get a better response.
 

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These are signs of a potential abuser. Personality type irrelevant. From what you've written, it sounds like a relationship you need to get out of before it gets bad.

Doing nice favors does not equal nice person. Also, you're barely an adult at 20, and someone 11 years older than you deciding what you'll be doing with your life five years from now is unacceptable.
 
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