INTJ - friends or lovers?
[INFP]
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i like them as friends. romantically they're way to intense and their sexiness scares me(not kidding). also i'm very emotional and affectionate in romantic situations.
Afaik yes INFPs do get attracted to INTJs. According to socionics INTJ-INFP relations are classed as those of benefit where INTJ is the benefactor and INFP is the beneficiary. Relations of benefit are asymmetrical in that the beneficiary typically receives more of what they need psychologically from benefactor than vice versa. Usually beneficiary thus has more interest in benefactor than benefactor in beneficiary and thus benefactor is the one who is more likely to initiate the break-ups. Supposedly these types of relations quite often work out into long-term romantic relations and even marriages, and not just between INFPs and INTJs, as overall both parties experience a lasting attraction for each other and desire to cooperate. More info: Benefit - Wikisocion
But in essence any type that has tertiary or inferior function of what you have as your dominant or auxiliary (so any type with tertiary or inferior Ni or Te) is likely to experience an attraction towards you. In INFP's case it will be your Te that will attract them, whereas you will be attracted by their Fi. However INFP's Si and your Se will crave for different things and this can cause some friction.
But in essence any type that has tertiary or inferior function of what you have as your dominant or auxiliary (so any type with tertiary or inferior Ni or Te) is likely to experience an attraction towards you. In INFP's case it will be your Te that will attract them, whereas you will be attracted by their Fi. However INFP's Si and your Se will crave for different things and this can cause some friction.
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I don't find INTJs attractive for either. I've dated a few (very casually) and have a few INTJ family members.
The ones I dated, I did so out of curiosity, but they seemed less curious about me than attracted to me. That caused the problem of them not showing any personal interest in getting to know me. In fact, my curiosity died & I got bored with them, having to listen to their soliloquies on what they find interesting without any interest shown in my thoughts. I'm honestly not sure why they were attracted to me, but I assume it was physical. So it seemed that we wouldn't have even made good friends.
My family members who are INTJs (two cousins) come off as self-absorbed and/or caustic. I'm actually pretty indifferent to them & couldn't see any friendship occurring.
I've perused an INTJ forum lately, as well as checking the one here out, and it just solidifies my previous impression, which is to be underwhelmed. Some INFPs just love INTJs though - go figure.
EDIT: In regards to the above post, it's important to note that INFps in socionics are NiFe and INTjs are TiNe - it does not correlate to MBTI. Also, I've seen far too many threads posted by INTJs wondering why an INFP they were dating suddenly called it off & bailed on them (I've done the same with the INTJs I dated). The INFP seems to be the one to initiate the breakup. Check my blog for elaboration on that....
The ones I dated, I did so out of curiosity, but they seemed less curious about me than attracted to me. That caused the problem of them not showing any personal interest in getting to know me. In fact, my curiosity died & I got bored with them, having to listen to their soliloquies on what they find interesting without any interest shown in my thoughts. I'm honestly not sure why they were attracted to me, but I assume it was physical. So it seemed that we wouldn't have even made good friends.
My family members who are INTJs (two cousins) come off as self-absorbed and/or caustic. I'm actually pretty indifferent to them & couldn't see any friendship occurring.
I've perused an INTJ forum lately, as well as checking the one here out, and it just solidifies my previous impression, which is to be underwhelmed. Some INFPs just love INTJs though - go figure.
EDIT: In regards to the above post, it's important to note that INFps in socionics are NiFe and INTjs are TiNe - it does not correlate to MBTI. Also, I've seen far too many threads posted by INTJs wondering why an INFP they were dating suddenly called it off & bailed on them (I've done the same with the INTJs I dated). The INFP seems to be the one to initiate the breakup. Check my blog for elaboration on that....
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i should add i do have two very good long-time INTJ friends. one is a type 8 and we connect intelectually more than anything, he is cool but acts emotion-less and he is bit of an asshole at time(though i deflect his criticism very well). the other in a type 6 and he's overall a nice guy and a great listener.
Nice thread. I strongly agree with vel.
I can totally see this whole benefit relation thing, where the INTJ is the benefactor. But then of course it may not work as that for every person.
Actually, I'm already in a relationship like that. It's still not romantic, but I have this INTJ friend who attracts me a lot, and she is helping me to do something with my life. She is making me less lazy and more responsible, for example.
I can totally see this whole benefit relation thing, where the INTJ is the benefactor. But then of course it may not work as that for every person.
Actually, I'm already in a relationship like that. It's still not romantic, but I have this INTJ friend who attracts me a lot, and she is helping me to do something with my life. She is making me less lazy and more responsible, for example.
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I like INTJ's. They say the most fascinating things at times, and I always feel like I'm learning new things whenever I'm around one (assuming they actually talk, of course).
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I'd totally love to date an INTJ.
...I think it's because they're always so calm, intelligent, and cold on the outside, but cover their warmness/emotions on the inside. They're also quite structured. asdf THEY'RE HOT OKAY ;_______;
I don't know about marriage, but I'd at least date one in a heartbeat.
...I think it's because they're always so calm, intelligent, and cold on the outside, but cover their warmness/emotions on the inside. They're also quite structured. asdf THEY'RE HOT OKAY ;_______;
I don't know about marriage, but I'd at least date one in a heartbeat.
def agree with this one. but yea..... I have been attracted to a few INTJ's in the past. One odd problem I have found lately though is that.... since I use too much Te for my own good personally... I find that I don't want a partner with high Te either. It kinda stresses me. I like Fe personally.
But in a simple answer....
Yes INTJ's seem to be great with INFP's. In fact They almost seem like they happen more often than ENFJ's.... at least on this site.... which is incredibly not a good sampling but hey. At least we know on personalitycafe we have a good chance right? xD
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I love INTJs ^^
I agree that every INFP has a tiny INTJ inside them and INTJs have a tiny INFP inside them. If I wasn't with my ENTP boyfriend I'd probably prefer an INTJ. I just spent my last weekend with an INTJ and it was great. He helps me when I'm having trouble organizing things or thinking logically and I comfort him when everyone thinks he's an asshole which happens quite often because he likes to argue. I usually like extroverted guys but I actually adore INTJs' introverted nature. A lot of EXTXs start an argument only because they like hearing their own voice so much but INTJs only do it when they are sure they're right.
The only reason I probably wouldn't go out with an INTJ is because they're so dark (however it's also kinda sexy). I like my ENTP because he's always in a good mood and very optimistic. I know I can be too dark sometimes so I think it's good to have someone more easygoing to balance me.
I agree that every INFP has a tiny INTJ inside them and INTJs have a tiny INFP inside them. If I wasn't with my ENTP boyfriend I'd probably prefer an INTJ. I just spent my last weekend with an INTJ and it was great. He helps me when I'm having trouble organizing things or thinking logically and I comfort him when everyone thinks he's an asshole which happens quite often because he likes to argue. I usually like extroverted guys but I actually adore INTJs' introverted nature. A lot of EXTXs start an argument only because they like hearing their own voice so much but INTJs only do it when they are sure they're right.
The only reason I probably wouldn't go out with an INTJ is because they're so dark (however it's also kinda sexy). I like my ENTP because he's always in a good mood and very optimistic. I know I can be too dark sometimes so I think it's good to have someone more easygoing to balance me.
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Your forum is fast-paced... do you guys talk a lot in real life?
What do you think are the characteristics that make him attractive to an INFP?
I also understand this benefactor thing: When I look at "my" INFP, I feel as if I have to bring order into his life. He's so lost and flaky, flip-flopping etc. But is the attraction only because of the material benefits or is it something about her personality?
In your case, what "fascinating things" can you remember that were said by the INTJs you know? I don't think people see me that way.
yeah whenever my INFP acquaintance starts criticizing other people he definitely starts sounding like the INTJs I've known, it is just that to INTJs these kind of criticisms come more naturally, just part of their everyday life - the INFP dude has to get a bit drunk before his Te starts showing ... sometimes I also see splashes of Te on this forum ... and I get what you're saying about having too much of logical function. I feel like I already have enough introverted logic to last me 2-3 lifetimes, so then I start wondering if another F-type would really work out better.
No, it is not material benefits - it is the psychological benefit. If you look at INFP functional order it runs Fi-Ne-Si-Te and INTJ functional order runs Ni-Te-Fi-Se. So for INFP their weakest point is their Te, which is your auxiliary function, so your auxiliary strengthens their inferior. However for INTJ the weakest point is Se, however INFP has no function in their personality to help you strengthen this point. Only thing that they can help you with is Fi, your emotions, which is a semi-weak but not your weakest point. Hence why these relations are called that of benefit - you help INFP strengthen their weakest point but they only help you back with your semi-weak point so psychologically they are receiving more reinforcement from you than you are receiving back from them. Hence why these relations are classed as unequal and INTJ is said to be the benefactor who is benefiting the INFP more than the INFP benefits INTJ back. These same type of relations exist between INFJ and INTPs where INFJ is the benefactor and INTP is the beneficiary.
Interestingly enough INFPs are the type most likely to marry their opposites - ESTJs. ESTJs have Te dominant and Si auxiliary perfectly reinforcing the weaker points of INFPs. I think INFP and INTJ in a relationship can find dissatisfaction with each other based on the fact that INTJ seeks to exercise and express Se and INFP seeks expressions of Si. This is not to say that these relationships cannot work. In fact ESTJs and INFPs can find much trouble with each other even though by theory they are predicted as best types for each other, but theory doesn't count in many other factors. If you understand you differences and respect them and seek expression of these functions elsewhere than in your mate, instead of reprimanding your mate about these qualities that he or she is lacking, then relationship can work out just fine.
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So criticizing is Te. I have always been soooo critical of people and maybe it is INTJs who are the only ones who don't think I'm a 'bad person' because of it. I've had stalkers who were INTJs, married an INTJ, favorite neighbor is an INTJ and one of my best friends (and I don't have that many) is an INTJ. Most are engineers or gifted in mathematics. I find these patterns so strange... I mean I don't intentionally seek out INTJs, it's all so unconscious and yet I'm like an INTJ magnet. Crazy. I've also been guessed by a psychologist as being INTJ myself and have even tested as such at times...but I know I'm really INFP. Except for one INTJ female I didn't really like, most seem very soft and sensitive which is pretty much the exact opposite of their reputation...so either I see something in them that others don't or my personality is drawing some sentimentality out in them.
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he dosen't voice his complaits about people our insult them for being themselves. we actually hae no cue why we're friends we very diffrent. we do share a somewhat negative view of society at large, and i'd guess INTJs in general aren't very accepted so we reatae in those ways
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No, not any more than any other introvert. Personally, I am very quiet & reserved in person, so much so that it elicits comments from others regularly.
This forum moves fast because the most populous type on this board is INFP. There are a TON of INFPs to participate in threads like this, basically.
INFPs are also know to find writing a MUCH easier way to express their thoughts than speech, which may be why forums like this draw so many (in addition to the theory/psychology aspect).
Criticizing is typically an expression of your extraverted functions, particularly your judging extraverted function. So when I criticize someone openly it is usually driven by my Fe. For INTJs and INFPs it ends up manifestation of their Te. This is one easy way I narrow down people's type - I listen to what type of criticisms they are prone to expressing then determine whether they are Fe or Te based. Though this make take some time with feelers because we typically value relationships, friendships, and other people in general more than thinkers, so it may take me longer time observing a feeler to detect him or her expressing criticism of others. Like I said my INFP acquaintance basically has to be drunk to do this. I'm sure he gets Te-like urges when he is sober, but the strong harmonizing pull of Fi probably overrides them in his sober state.
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The problem I see with INTJ-INFP relationships is the difficulty of basic communication. However, sexually, the right kind of INFP and INTJ could be fire together. At the same time, I think it's best if they keep a certain distance (because if they spend TOO MUCH time together, they may well want to strangle each other).
Conclusion: Friends (with benefits?)
Conclusion: Friends (with benefits?)
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