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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I have been talking/hanging out to an INTJ guy for about 5 months now. We usually text about every day. We have hung out 4 times. Its hard for us to hangout because we live about 2 hours from one another. Every time we have hung out he has payed for me. When we text we usually talk about our day, he sends me articles that he thinks might interest me. He has never had a girlfriend before. I am confused as to weather he likes me as a friend or more than a friend. He doesn't seem to be making any move. Do you think he likes me as a friend or more than a friend?
 

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INTJs play their cards close to the vest, so it can be very difficult to tell if the not-making-a-move is the result of disinterest or feeling you out.

The best way is to ask. If he is interested, give him time to process it and don't pressure him for a response right away. When new information is dumped on us, we need to spend time analyzing it. If he is not interested, he will tell you (and probably have a perplexed look as if to say, "What an odd thing to ask.").
 

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Same problem here. I was in a play with an INTJ who I've know for a few years now but we just started really talking at the beginning of January and on more than a few occasions it seemed as though he purposely walked with me to my car so we could talk, but every time I was convinced he liked me too he'd do something that seemed to say the opposite and every time I was convinced he didn't like me he'd do/say something that made me think otherwise. What I've heard is I just need to make the first move, but that's really hard for me. Any other advice is greatly appreciated, but I'll probably just have to get the guts up to say something.
 

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Just ask, really.

I liked a guy before, not knowing he liked me back. We only found out years after and sometimes I think of what could've been. I would've told him had I known he liked me back. I'm never going to initiate anything like that, to be honest. So I think you should tell the INTJ. If he friendzoned you, don't push it. But if you still really wanna get his attention, don't change anything about your friendship. He might appreciate your friendship and in time fall in love in a natural way.
 

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Same problem here. I was in a play with an INTJ who I've know for a few years now but we just started really talking at the beginning of January and on more than a few occasions it seemed as though he purposely walked with me to my car so we could talk, but every time I was convinced he liked me too he'd do something that seemed to say the opposite and every time I was convinced he didn't like me he'd do/say something that made me think otherwise. What I've heard is I just need to make the first move, but that's really hard for me. Any other advice is greatly appreciated, but I'll probably just have to get the guts up to say something.
Yeah. I go back and forth like that when I can't tell if someone likes me. He's probably getting the same vibe from you for whatever reason, too. Usually nothing happens until she gets tired of it and says something.
 

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One of the best things about us is that if you do misread our intentions, we're more likely than most types to consider it water under the bridge. We're cool with honest mistakes, and we're less likely to make a big deal out of it.
 

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Every time we have hung out he has payed for me.
this struck me. it sounds very date-ish to me, but then what do i know. a) i'm a woman and b) i'm only ever really comfortable when i pay my own way. i do buy my friends dinner now and again, but it's because i feel like it and i like the gesture as an occasional form of graciousness in its own right, not because i have any particular plans around it.
 

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I mean, yeah, what everyone's already said: just ask. If you need specifics on howww to ask, here's a post of mine that I wrote like two days ago and am too lazy to retype

1) Tell him. Walk up to him and take him aside- don't do it in front of a lot of people, it's embarrassing to both of you. Do it some place where he can easily get away afterward to think if he's unsure of the course of action he wants to take. For example- don't corner him before the first bell (if you're still in school), ask to talk to him after school when you know he has his own car. Easy getaway and you don't have to talk to him until the next day if anything goes wrong.

2) Your friendship was ruined the moment you started liking him. Not to be too blunt about it, but the relationship as it is is just going to hurt you. It will be very hard on you to be friends with him and not want more than that from him, and it's probably already stressing you out and causing you to want to take action (as indicated by this post). Long story short, you will be able to move on if he doesn't reciprocate, and it's better to find out now so that you can move on faster. If he does reciprocate, you have more time to spend with him as a couple, and will be hitting yourself over not moving faster.

3) They don't. :tongue:

4) I don't know exactly what you mean by traditional. I have an INTJ friend who'd I'd describe like that though, and he had a crush on me for awhile. Part of what he liked about me, I think, was that I was straightforward and took charge of things- making the first move falls under this category.
Actually, I've had two INTJ guy friends who liked me and are pretty traditional, but I was only thinking of one of them when I wrote this.

slash summarize
 
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Discussion Starter · #12 · (Edited)
I mean, yeah, what everyone's already said: just ask. If you need specifics on howww to ask, here's a post of mine that I wrote like two days ago and am too lazy to retype

1) Tell him. Walk up to him and take him aside- don't do it in front of a lot of people, it's embarrassing to both of you. Do it some place where he can easily get away afterward to think if he's unsure of the course of action he wants to take. For example- don't corner him before the first bell (if you're still in school), ask to talk to him after school when you know he has his own car. Easy getaway and you don't have to talk to him until the next day if anything goes wrong.

2) Your friendship was ruined the moment you started liking him. Not to be too blunt about it, but the relationship as it is is just going to hurt you. It will be very hard on you to be friends with him and not want more than that from him, and it's probably already stressing you out and causing you to want to take action (as indicated by this post). Long story short, you will be able to move on if he doesn't reciprocate, and it's better to find out now so that you can move on faster. If he does reciprocate, you have more time to spend with him as a couple, and will be hitting yourself over not moving faster.

3) They don't.


4) I don't know exactly what you mean by traditional. I have an INTJ friend who'd I'd describe like that though, and he had a crush on me for awhile. Part of what he liked about me, I think, was that I was straightforward and took charge of things- making the first move falls under this category.
Actually, I've had two INTJ guy friends who liked me and are pretty traditional, but I was only thinking of one of them when I wrote this.

slash summarize

How would you word the question "what are your intentions" without being to blunt?
 

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How would you suggest I word asking him what his intentions are? I don't want to be too blunt about it?
I don't know, but if you're vague and indirect and leave the question open for interpretation then he might misunderstand the question, what your intentions are, or miss it completely. When you ask him, make sure he understands where you stand.
 

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My plan: (If I can get up the guts to go through with it) The INTJ I like is in youth group with me and there is a big lazer-tag thing coming up that he already told me he will be at. So near the end of it if not after it's over I'm going to ask if I can talk to him for a minute and heres what I'm going to try and say "So -name-, I've had I huge crush on you almost the entire play, I would be surprised if you didn't at least suspect something. But I couldn't for the life of me figure out how you felt, so I didn't say anything, but I'm tired of not saying anything and regretting it later. So the ball is in your court, I'd rather be friends then nothing, so if you don't say anything I know how to take a hint and I won't bring it up again, but here's my number just in case. " *hands note with phone number* Obviously it won't go exactly how I've played it out in my head, but I think it's worth a shot. Any suggesting on things to say or not say? Is it to long? To direct? Indirect? Thank you everyone who has given advice so far! And I will keep y'all up to date with what happens.
 

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Oh, and in case anyone was wondering I'm senior in high school, so no I'm not some middle schooler obsessing about a crush, I really like this guy.
 

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Are you interested in him as more than friends? I take it you are, but I don't see where you specified.

If you are, that's an important part of this. If all you do is ask him what his intentions are without sharing anything from yourself, it might feel like he's being put on the spot. It's probably best to start from where you are and be ready to handle the rejection if it happens.

i.e. something along the lines of "I like you as more than a friend and I wanted to know if you feel the same way."

It doesn't have to be a big deal. Stuff like this is only as big a deal in wording as you make it out to be. But it does require some vulnerability and the possibility of getting hurt. There's no getting around that.
 
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I do think it could go either way, and maybe he is still deciding whether he does like you or not. However, like an above poster noted, I think that him paying for the dates is a positive indicator. I understand it is difficult to be direct... Maybe when you are talking about your next meeting casually ask if he views it as a date? Or talk about a place that you would love to go on a date to and see if he acts on that.

Goodluck!
 

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INTJs, such as myself, do not like social signs or being indirect, we prefer having a direct confrontation as oposed to simply approaching us in an unclear manner for which we do not comprehend. Even if we don't have any romantic interest in you, someone such as myself would not condemn your romantic interest but explain that it is not in our interest to be with you for a certain quantity of reasons. Nonetheless, if this male implies such significance to you in your finite existence, then confront the issue for which you're in and resolve it. Reveal your romantic interest in him directly and ask him to accept it even if he's not interested in you and explain to him that you will not force him into anything he doesn't want.
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
So he hasn't responded to my text from a few days ago. Should I wait tell he responds to ask him or just send him another text asking him?
 
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