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if an intj girl is quite open and laughing in the beginning, both in text and irl, but at some point starts texting very coldly and eventually tells you in a very harsh manner to stop texting her, what does that mean?
 

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Well.... no probably not. An INTJ is generally very direct and honest. Maybe you should give some more info? It's kind of hard to judge the relationship without sufficient information. Generally though: if an INTJ says to stop texting her, I'd bet she isn't interested in you at all.
 

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if an intj girl is quite open and laughing in the beginning, both in text and irl, but at some point starts texting very coldly and eventually tells you in a very harsh manner to stop texting her, what does that mean?
She's high-functioning, that's what it means.
 

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if an intj girl... tells you in a very harsh manner to stop texting her, what does that mean?
It means stop texting her. She doesn't want you to text her.

If someone was friendly but is no more, that usually indicates that as she got to know you she found she didn't like you enough to continue.

Regardless of what happened in the past, she has made it clear it's over. If I were you I'd accept that and let it go.

Sometimes with people you can ask them what changed (to learn from it while still respecting their wishes), but when the person has made it this clear, there is nothing to do but move on.

Unfortunately us INTJs can't mind read her to say exactly what put her off. Since you don't seem to be able to guess yourself either, ruminating won't help.
 

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It means she wants you to stop contacting her.

I think the question you really want to ask is what happened. There's nothing wrong with that, especially if you feel like this has come out of nowhere.

Unfortunately, the best time to ask would have been between cold texts and STOP. Maybe you can get away with saying, fine I'll stop contacting you, but why the sudden change of heart? I'd go for it if I were in your position.
 

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Unfortunately, the best time to ask would have been between cold texts and STOP. Maybe you can get away with saying, fine I'll stop contacting you, but why the sudden change of heart? I'd go for it if I were in your position.
That's pretty savvy, I'd agree with that. That's the most you'd want to do and expect anything but a kick in the johnson the next time you see her, and either your curiosity is satisfied or she tells you something interesting.

I don't see how that could fail.

One day I'll have to tell this story from over the summer, I got some long voice mail message from this woman, and so I texted her back asking "Who are you, again?" We traded texts for like hours. Apparently I was wasted and gave her my phone number and told her to give me a ring sometime at some time I don't recall. Eventually we were talking about pictures and I sent her a selfie (with my solemn promise of no dick pics, she lol'ed and agreed), and the next text was "I'm sorry, I do not recall meeting a _____ _____ (insert my full name, which I gave to her)." So that was that, but also weird -- it was a pretty good picture, as I recall, just me in my office at home.

tldr, but it's sort of on topic.

Oh yeah, what's your avatar mean, ponpiri, anyway? I was just looking at it and realized I had no idea what I was looking at.
 

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That's pretty savvy, I'd agree with that. That's the most you'd want to do and expect anything but a kick in the johnson the next time you see her, and either your curiosity is satisfied or she tells you something interesting.

I don't see how that could fail.

One day I'll have to tell this story from over the summer, I got some long voice mail message from this woman, and so I texted her back asking "Who are you, again?" We traded texts for like hours. Apparently I was wasted and gave her my phone number and told her to give me a ring sometime at some time I don't recall. Eventually we were talking about pictures and I sent her a selfie (with my solemn promise of no dick pics, she lol'ed and agreed), and the next text was "I'm sorry, I do not recall meeting a _____ _____ (insert my full name, which I gave to her)." So that was that, but also weird -- it was a pretty good picture, as I recall, just me in my office at home.

tldr, but it's sort of on topic.

Oh yeah, what's your avatar mean, ponpiri, anyway? I was just looking at it and realized I had no idea what I was looking at.
Pon Piriri, the giant flower that hates losing a waltz battle:

 

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I can relate to where @cunning_strobe might be coming from here.

Dominant Fi with Si can be mysterious and rather complex in the sense that the user can be deeply attracted to something without knowing so (its an 'easing' into this acknowledgement). Most times experiencing emotions that were not set into motion by them, but through third party (intuition?). The user is left with these swirling emotions and can find or be inspired (illuminated) and thus a reality is born internally through Si. With the encouragement of introversion Ne sinks to explore this reality made from the intuitive impressions received and realizes the connections and their potential. If done with the purity of heart the internal reality and the actual reality will merge. These emotions or inspirations are difficult to express to a Se/ Ni user, since it takes time to unravel itself to be 'seen' or studied. Se (immediate surfacing) is in 7th place and Te (articulation) 4th for INFP, Ne is just foreign (in relation to Ni). All the while the other person (INTJ in this case) may see just stagnancy mixed with ambiguity and abandon the situation without staying long enough to see the stagnant ambiguity clear up, and have what has been ruminated be presented. Most times what is presented is of mutual benefit to both, and that good nature spreads.

Having said that, this doesn't take away from what she (the INTJ) means. As given the type of person she appears to be, she means what she means. This is why OP appears confused to a seemingly simple question, he is having a hard time understanding why she doesn't see what he sees, or has 'seen' (experienced) through his potential-seeking in his internal world(s). Also OP has probably not taken into consideration the worldly responsibilities that she may have and the level of time management it requires as upkeep, a thing INFP's so persistently try to dodge. Free spirits and all that.

Dear OP,

could it mean she doesn't know why i am texting her?
Yes potentially. At this point in the interaction between you both it would be more effective if you reverse the question and ask yourself why you are texting her. Also other helpful ones, What are you lacking? In what ways do you both compliment each other? Where can this connection go, or were would you like it to go? Write down what you discover and lace it into one amazing text. At least if she is still not interested you have stated your case. I hope this saves you a pine.

Save the pines!
 

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if an intj girl is quite open and laughing in the beginning, both in text and irl, but at some point starts texting very coldly and eventually tells you in a very harsh manner to stop texting her, what does that mean?
It means she didnt know how to tell you that she is not interested in talking to you, but right now she noticed that you dont seem to be getting the message, so she is telling you point blank.
 

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Discussion Starter #13
thank you guys and gals for your honest but not blunt answers.
to be more precise, she complained that i'm texting her too often and she said she was not interested in those conversations we had or that i tried to strike up ( i couldn't really get past small talk) that s why i was not sure it s a rejection
 

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to be more precise, she complained that i'm texting her too often and she said she was not interested in those conversations we had or that i tried to strike up
Oh. Well that's kind of "happy ending," in my book. She could have been more tactful, but I've had to ratchet down a few people trying to chate me on FB, just because I don't have the energy for that. I'm still good friends with her, and vice versa.

And, if she doesn't like the conversations you have, that's on her for not being good at talking about things she'd rather.
 

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if an intj girl is quite open and laughing in the beginning, both in text and irl, but at some point starts texting very coldly and eventually tells you in a very harsh manner to stop texting her, what does that mean?
If it were me, it would mean that I was initially interested in you in some way (friend, relationship, w/e), and after getting to know you better, I came to the conclusion that it wouldn't work out between the two of us. I saw what you said she wrote and I don't know if I would have been that "harsh". I probably would have explained more clearly. For example, "I've decided that it would be too weird to go forward with any sort of relationship because of X, Y, and Z" with those things being something as "small" as: I'm a cat person, you said you hated cats, and that just can't work for me or something as big as: I don't want children and you have said you do, and that won't work for me.

I would explain in that way because that's the way I'd want others to treat me. I know it doesn't always work out that way, but I respect people for being honest and explaining things. Now, I don't know how "harsh" that might come across - especially to someone who was being emotionally vulnerable and was really invested in something with me. I mean, when there is an attachment there, even if it is in the beginning stages, it's going to hurt.

I have no clue the meaning behind this girl's particular behavior, but generally for me, that's what it would mean. I can say, in case you ever are struck by another INTJ girl, that one of my biggest problems in relationships before I settled down was that I felt the relationship would compromise my introvert time or take away my independence somehow. I really value the time I have to read, reflect, and have generally quiet, "me" time. Many of my exes had a hard time understanding that this didn't mean I wasn't interested in them, or really into them. However, I'd imagine you, as a fellow introvert, would probably understand and share in that characteristic.
 

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Doesn't mean anything. Too little information...
 
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that s why i was not sure it s a rejection
fwiw, sometimes in exactly this kind of situation i just mean 'stop trying to small-talk at me.' i can't stand it. i could write you an aria here.

it does not necessarily mean that i have anything against you as a human person. it just means that i can't stand the small talk. when people keep bombarding me with stuff that i don't give a shit about, i have nothing that i can say in reply. or want to. that's bad enough in itself. but if you take that and then add on the extra element of them palpably doing it to try 'break the ice' then i feel socially blackmailed as well.

and it is palpable, 90% of the time. don't ask me how i know, but almost always i do. there honestly is a difference that i can't quantify, between someone who's at least sincerely sharing something they sincerely hope for a conversation about, and someone who's just throwing shit at a wall in the hope of prodding me into . . . a conversation. for the sake of forcing me into a conversation with them.

it makes me crazy.
 

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I can tell you from dating am INTJ and have experience with others as friends. They mean what they say, you usually get one chance and somewhere along the way she figured out that you just don't fit in their life or plans. They will usually let you down directly and casually at first , but if that doesn't work they will be blunt about it. Regardless at this point, you just have to let it go and move on...Good luck
 

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My experience is not huge. Ive not made a statistical study regarding to this matter but I have a bit of own experience. Intj women are perfectly like all the rest of the women. They are humans at the core. Then instincts. Then women. Then a personality. Then life expertise. Then really playfull and ultrasweet.

Intj women's greatest difficulty is not to be taken by their own wishes and dreams. To perceive realistically I mean. If they can do that, they are very good ppl to have around. Even a few of them simultaneously is great company, especially when they stop competing with each other and find unity, like in bed or what ever else. Thats pretty impressive stuff
 

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She said what she said. Stop texting her. At least you got a reply. I would just stop responding and block someone with the quickness unless I was already emotionally invested in them.
 
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