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Discussion Starter #1
I've been friends with this guy (let's call him A) in my theatre department for almost three years. We got pretty close starting last year, and our friendship has grown since. I eventually developed very strong feelings for him. I was in denial about it for a long time, so I didn't want to say anything and risk ruining our friendship, especially since we have to work together for another year. Recently, I've been strongly encouraged to tell him how I feel by several people. V, his best friend, who also is a very good friend of mine, has been particularly persistent on the subject. V thinks there is a good chance that my feelings are reciprocated, as least as far as he can tell. A plays his cards pretty close to the chest, so it's very hard to get a read on him.

I'm afraid that my feelings have grown too strong for things to continue as they are. I don't want to ruin our friendship, which is highly important to me, but I feel like honesty is the best course of action. And I think we would be great together. We already have a fantastic working relationship and a strong friendship. He's an INTJ, and I'm an INFP. We balance each other out really well, and I think that it's worth the risk to tell him.

Here are my questions:
- Should I tell him? If so, what's the best way to tell him?
- What are the chances of this ruining our friendship?
- How do INTJs show attraction to someone?
- He's a traditional guy. For any traditional INTJ males, how would it come across for a female to make the first move?

Thanks for the help!
 

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Hi. I'll give my view as an INTJ, hoping that other INTJs are somewhat similar.

First and foremost, I don't like people playing games or hiding things or trying to send me secret messages. I'd much rather have someone tell me straight up, honestly, what it is that they want or how they feel. If you have feelings for this guy, you should definitely tell him. I actually would find it really adorable if the other person was nervous or didn't feel particularly comfortable saying it. Just tell him naturally - otherwise he'll think you're making it up or aren't being genuine or will suspect that there are other motives behind it. Just be genuine, honest and say it in a clear and non-convoluted way. Don't over-think the wording - we aren't particularly swayed by framing. It's the message and intent that matter.

It is unlikely that this would "ruin" your friendship. If I was in that situation, even if I were to decline, I would not think less of that person or want to be with them less - unless they kept pestering me or were desperate to have a relationship which I did not want. Of course I would feel bad for turning them down, but as long as they could get over that and stay friends, if anything it would probably strengthen the friendship!

Hard to tell. I generally keep to myself - after all, we're INTJs! We're a bit awkward, sometimes shy and we know that trying to start a conversation or swoon someone over is not our forte. I tend to wait until I can bare no longer. I'm guessing I would probably try to talk to the person more or if they approach me, I would be overly enthusiastic in what they're saying - showing interest which I otherwise wouldn't to anyone else. Even if they were talking complete utter rubbish I would seem intrigued and switched on, listening. I would tend to be more agreeable than usual, too.

I would feel honoured if a girl told me they had feelings for me. Sounds sad, but I've never had that happen. So I might be being biased xD

I hope this helps! :) Good luck
 

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Discussion Starter #3
Thank you! This does help a lot, especially your comment about the wording. I've been worried about that, but it's a relief to hear that it's more about "the message and intent."
 
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