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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
We gathered personal context of each other through our Instagram accounts.
After I concluded ISTP wanted to be approached, I approached the ISTP.
ISTP was very animated and talkative about himself and interests.
He was also bringing up topics that were coincidentally in my Instagram account.
There is sexual interest between the two of us, but it failed to manifest through conversation.

I've concluded that ISTP is depressed.
-I'm not sure if he's aware of it
-has friends and sees them at least once a week (not sure what kind of interactions he has with them)
-work engages his Ti-Se and social skills
-also works on personal art projects
-taking supplements
-unsure if he speaks to a mental health professional

ISTPs total interaction time with a stranger (me) is approximately 15 minutes.

QUESTIONS:

What reasons would a depressed ISTP want to engage a stranger (me) in?
-is he indirectly asking for help?
-does he simply want physical affection (sex)?

Should I back off?
-this might be interpreted as abandonment, which I definitely don't want to do

Should I take a neutral stance regarding our interpersonal situation?
-simply show my presence (hover?) without actively engaging him
-he knows I consistently show up to a public place once a week

Should I bring up the topic of depression and actively offer my assistance?
-this is intrusive, which makes me feel very uncomfortable

I want to create some kind of connection with him, but he seems to be in a very difficult time in his life.

This is paralyzing.


edit: perhaps he's simply in the Grip of his inferior Fe?
 

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Soop for the Soul
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Recent break-up with someone he was in-love with.
Over-reactive emotional responses to people.
Pet died. Mentioned Lithium. Irregular sleep schedule.
Oh, I didn't know supplements meant lithium. He might just be lonely, but either way that reaction is a little strange. You sure he wasn't on something at time? Anyway, I don't have much advice for you, but I hate when people dumb their problems on me like that, so best of luck. It does indeed sound paralyzing, and I would probably distance myself ever so slightly.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
You sure he wasn't on something at time?
I'm not sure at all. All I know is that ISTPs being overly animated and talking about their personal interests and professional hobbies is uncharacteristic of them to be open about upon meeting a complete stranger (me).
 

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Soop for the Soul
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I'm not sure at all. All I know is that ISTPs being overly animated and talking about their personal interests and professional hobbies is uncharacteristic of them to be open about upon meeting a complete stranger (me).
Yeah, that's why I asked. I am surprised that any sober person would feel so comfortable with another person that fast, ISTP or not. That is unless they found out they had a lot in common with you in the first minute or so, but even then. I'm not 100% he's depressed but he certainly seemed like he was desperate for someone to talk to.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
I am surprised that any sober person would feel so comfortable with another person that fast, ISTP or not.
That is unless they found out they had a lot in common with you in the first minute or so, but even then.
He may have discovered the commonalities through my Instagram account.
He also didn't ask any questions about me, either. He kept talking about himself.
I place no negative value judgement on that, mind you. I just found it curious.

I'm not 100% he's depressed but he certainly seemed like he was desperate for someone to talk to.
I don't think he was desperate for someone to talk to, because he has friends as well as a wide circle of acquaintances due to his profession.
 

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He may have discovered the commonalities through my Instagram account.
He also didn't ask any questions about me, either. He kept talking about himself.
I place no negative value judgement on that, mind you. I just found it curious.



I don't think he was desperate for someone to talk to, because he has friends as well as a wide circle of acquaintances due to his profession.
I have had a tendency when depressed to talk walls around myself, keeping people out. Not a good scene, tho, bro. If someone is depressed and self-absorbed, they will take your ass down with them. Be careful.
 

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QUESTIONS:

What reasons would a depressed ISTP want to engage a stranger (me) in?
-is he indirectly asking for help?
-does he simply want physical affection (sex)?

Should I back off?
-this might be interpreted as abandonment, which I definitely don't want to do

Should I take a neutral stance regarding our interpersonal situation?
-simply show my presence (hover?) without actively engaging him
-he knows I consistently show up to a public place once a week

Should I bring up the topic of depression and actively offer my assistance?
-this is intrusive, which makes me feel very uncomfortable

I want to create some kind of connection with him, but he seems to be in a very difficult time in his life.

This is paralyzing.


edit: perhaps he's simply in the Grip of his inferior Fe?
Why do you want to offer your assistance to a (possibly) depressed stranger?
What is in it for you?
What is driving your desire to connect?
What you've written indicates you feel uncomfortable connecting based on being a Helper. Why is that? (That seems wise, btw, but your opinion is what matters here.)

As an occasionally depressed ISTP human on the spaceship earth, sometimes when we are depressed we just like talking to new people. Personally, I am very... I dunno... new-person friendly. My INFJ actually says ALL new people are just assholes you haven't met yet, given a long enough timeline. But I am an ISTP and crave variety and newness, and I am always horribly optimistic, tho I definitely see his reason. New people = new opportunities. New life. NEW.

Yes, he might wanna fuck, that is a thing with ISTPs, we definitely like sex, and sex with someone who is a good listener? Hell yes.

As far as abandonment, I cannot speak for other ISTPs but my personal experience is that the only abandonment I feel is with people I've invested in, shared my private world, and have been intimate with on some emotional or physical level. It takes a LONG time to make me give a shit if other people fall off. I live in the now. For reference, I divorced someone I loved and I never cried over him or asked him back because I was too busy fucking new people and having adventures. Cold blooded? Not really. I live in the now and I love that new dick lifestyle.

:)
 

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I'm not sure at all. All I know is that ISTPs being overly animated and talking about their personal interests and professional hobbies is uncharacteristic of them to be open about upon meeting a complete stranger (me).
Not true, my dear. We can be VERY engaging and engaged at any time. It depends on mood, setting, sobriety, etc. You have to understand, Se-Fe is always there, and that informs our unpredictable behavior, just as much as Ti-Ni informs our silent and sometimes surprising thoughts and ideas. We are by no means predictable. Given a long enough timeline and a variety of settings, you will see many sides to the same ISTP.
 

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Discussion Starter #11
Why do you want to offer your assistance to a (possibly) depressed stranger?
What is in it for you?
What is driving your desire to connect?
What you've written indicates you feel uncomfortable connecting based on being a Helper. Why is that?
(That seems wise, btw, but your opinion is what matters here.)
What I get out of offering some form of assistance is being able to make a meaningful-substantive connection with someone (on top (in spite?) of the physical one). I would like to add that making meaningful-substantive connection is considered a high priority for me, as I am socially inept myself. Also consider that we're both males, and in our milieu 'connections' are more or less physical appearance and sex-based; shallow.

My discomfort is not based on connecting as a 'helper', but by offending him by being seen as a 'destroyer'. Inferior Fe is a Cambodian Jungle after all. One misstep can set off a mine and I lose a leg. And if that happens I'd be crossed off his list forever, which would be a bit disappointing for me to say the least.

Yes, he might wanna fuck, that is a thing with ISTPs, we definitely like sex, and sex with someone who is a good listener? Hell yes.
I have no qualms. :smug:
 

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What I get out of offering some form of assistance is being able to make a meaningful-substantive connection with someone (on top (in spite?) of the physical one). I would like to add that making meaningful-substantive connection is considered a high priority for me, as I am socially inept myself. Also consider that we're both males, and in our milieu 'connections' are more or less physical appearance and sex-based; shallow.

My discomfort is not based on connecting as a 'helper', but by offending him by being seen as a 'destroyer'. Inferior Fe is a Cambodian Jungle after all. One misstep can set off a mine and I lose a leg. And if that happens I'd be crossed off his list forever, which would be a bit disappointing for me to say the least.



I have no qualms. :smug:
Do you think that someone who is depressed can actually make a genuine connection with another human being?
 

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To be honest, I have no idea.
me neither hon.

in my life when I have been in the grip of depression it is almost as if the depression is my lover and my primary partner and everyone else is secondary to my own misery. it can be very seductive to people with rescuer tendencies, And my depression made me seem more ... i dunno alluring To certain people who thrive on emotions and vulnerability. I have noticed that the people I connect with when I was depressed were much less attractive to me the more healthy I became because attraction is never a coincidence, it is a magnetism between two people. The people that I attracted at the depths of my depression were all crazySelf-involved assholes, and to be fair I was self involved at the time myself and I’m always an asshole so that’s just a given. :D
 

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Discussion Starter #15
If someone is depressed and self-absorbed, they will take your ass down with them.
Perhaps his demons can play with mine. It has its own morbidly romantic allure.


it can be very seductive to people with rescuer tendencies, And my depression made me seem more ... i dunno alluring To certain people who thrive on emotions and vulnerability. The people that I attracted at the depths of my depression were all crazySelf-involved assholes, and to be fair I was self involved at the time myself and I’m always an asshole so that’s just a given.
The term 'rescuer' is very misleading, in my opinion. It hides the exploitative connotation where someone wants to connect with another during times of vulnerability. I don't think I want to connect with him while he's in this state, but at the same time I don't want him to think I'm someone who won't help him in time of need. If someone I care about falls off the ship I can either jump in and teach them to swim beside it all the way back to the shore, or throw them a life-saver, but they have to pull themselves up while I watch. I'll go ahead and take the next step of pulling them up myself only if they're two breaths from the brink of death. I don't blame anyone for thinking it sadistic.

As it stands now our connection is too flimsy if not non-existent. We're on two different boats and he's fallen off his, but he seems to be doing fine pulling himself out of the water. I'd prefer to connect with him after he gets back on his boat, that way my connection is sincere and devoid of the exploitative and insidious connotation.

As for the solution to my own predicament, I've put myself on standby. Making my presence known in his near-vicinity, but not actively reaching out. Just indirectly telling him that I'm around and haven't lost interest. Again, paralyzing.

Maybe I'm asking you ISTPs to add confirmation and tell me that he'll be ok on his own.
 

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Wow. I'm not going to lie, I saw a wall text and almost skipped this because I hate reading piles of filler for the question. But my god, @Liove I think you gave the most impersonal, clinical, almost robotic description of the issue at hand. Kind of nice, but makes me wonder if you have much of a personality beyond a robot, or if you're just incredibly adept at dealing with ISTPs. I'm going with the latter.

But as for the issue, I'm going with @cursive (surprise, I know. I NEVER do that). I connect with people on a shallow level extremely fast. If there's even a modicum of commonality I can, and will, capitalize on it. Having said that, I rarely do it from a healthy place. It's either me aiming for a quick lay or me needing conversation to escape the clingy bitch of depression.

Stay and help if you want. But know that he doesn't NEED it. And more than likely use you as a stepping stone to being in a better place mentally. That's not to say that he will drag you under or push you down in order to bring himself up, although that is still a possibility. More like he will use you as someone new to obsessively talk with for a short duration before moving on to the next (my MO, at least). Because it really is all about the newness. A new outlook. A new perspective. A possible entrance into a new hobby. Etc.

You might get a lifelong friend. You might be abused. You might just be used for a short time until he's back on his feet. Decide what YOU want and go from there. He'll go with whatever you put forth.
 

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Because it really is all about the newness. A new outlook. A new perspective. A possible entrance into a new hobby. Etc.

You might get a lifelong friend. You might be abused. You might just be used for a short time until he's back on his feet. Decide what YOU want and go from there. He'll go with whatever you put forth.
all of this was very accurate for me but the bolded part gave me a chill. it is very accurate in my experience.
 

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Discussion Starter #19
But my god, @Liove I think you gave the most impersonal, clinical, almost robotic description of the issue at hand. Kind of nice, but makes me wonder if you have much of a personality beyond a robot, or if you're just incredibly adept at dealing with ISTPs. I'm going with the latter.
Strange, I thought I was coming off as too emotional that other ISTPs were turned off by it to not respond altogether.

I connect with people on a shallow level extremely fast. If there's even a modicum of commonality I can, and will, capitalize on it. Having said that, I rarely do it from a healthy place. It's either me aiming for a quick lay or me needing conversation to escape the clingy bitch of depression.

Stay and help if you want. But know that he doesn't NEED it. And more than likely use you as a stepping stone to being in a better place mentally. That's not to say that he will drag you under or push you down in order to bring himself up, although that is still a possibility. More like he will use you as someone new to obsessively talk with for a short duration before moving on to the next (my MO, at least). Because it really is all about the newness. A new outlook. A new perspective. A possible entrance into a new hobby. Etc.

You might get a lifelong friend. You might be abused. You might just be used for a short time until he's back on his feet. Decide what YOU want and go from there.
The honesty is very much appreciated, sir. I will keep all of this in mind.

He'll go with whatever you put forth.
I agree with @cursive in that this is the biggest gold nugget I've read so far.
 

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Strange, I thought I was coming off as too emotional that other ISTPs were turned off by it to not respond altogether.

.
Definitely not too emotional since we usually get some confused enfp noob coming in here writing The great wall of text asking us a bunch of stupid crap like we’re A magic eight ball and we can predict why some random person is acting the way they are. I do not presume to speak for the others but wow that is annoying. At least you don’t come off as emotionally challenged.
 
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