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Alright, so I've pondered about this problem all day and I've come to the conclusion that I am somewhat ill-equipped to solve this puzzle on my own and that I really need some clear outside perspective on the subject. To be very honest, the only thing that would ever lead me to ask for the advice of random people, or perhaps any people, is undoubtably a mix of sheer desperation and sheer desperation. I'm probably not as far-gone as I would like to think, in regards to my comprehension of this girl's behaviors, but my mind tends to lean towards the pessimistic/mishappenings side of the scale more often than not.

Blah, blah, blah! Okay, so to the point now! I am dating this wonderfully amazing INFP girl that I care about very, very much. She has great qualities and values that I admire and find beautiful within a person. She amazes me, and I could talk positively about her for an extremely long time (I won't, don't worry) BUT, she has caused me some inner turmoil with some behaviors that I can't process...

She has been rejecting my affections for a while now (please keep in mind that we're a relatively new couple). To expound, she doesn't like it when I say positive things about her or if I express my feelings for her. She says she finds the act "disgusting" and she gets somewhat peeved. Now, this would probably be fine with me if she hadn't of gotten very mad at me this morning for "not taking our relationship seriously". To me, this translated into: 'You're not showing me that you really care about me, etc.' and I told her that I do, in fact, care about the relationship and that I have tried to show this in a multitude of ways that she has rejected. She then stated that she didn't believe I was being honest about my affections. This makes no sense! Why would I lie?! She then stated that she was irritated that I didn't trust HER... I just got confused.

Next up, she said that she was tired of being in a relationship with me, but then she became even more emotional when I, in my confusion and irritation, didn't really act very disturbed by this new piece of information, at all. I damn near acted like I didn't care... Right after I did this, I realized that I made a mistake but I'm still lost as to why she would say "If you don't care about our relationship then why should I?" after saying that she "didn't care too much about our relationship." Also, it should be mentioned now that I tried talking to her as best as I could and I asked her if she still wanted to be a pair to which she replied "yes"... CONFUSING!

After our little duel we made up... somewhat... She said that she was no longer mad at me, but she seems even more distant now. I honestly think that something is bugging her - things she hasn't told me about - but I don't know what to do to help her remove those nuisances... I care about her emotional state and so, therefore, I don't care much for the state it's in, currently.

I need help understanding her. What am I doing wrong?
 

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I am an XNFP, but here's my thoughts:

Sounds like she might have some sort of issues... My only thought is that maybe she was mistreated by someone (obviously not you, you sound like a wonderful person to be so willing to work on the relationship instead of giving up on her; but I mean family or formerly close friend or something) and your best option would be to talk to her about it. You could bring up that all this concerns you, or even though this is sort of an awkward question, ask her: "What expressions do YOU find affectionate?" If she is getting confused or misconstruing your signs of affection, and it's something that you're willing to compromise with her for, then it's worth asking.

Although it sounds like it wouldn't hurt if she was a bit more patient with you. My only conclusion of someone saying something so bluntly like that (the "disgusting" comment) is that she has some past issues to be ironed out. I wouldn't dream of EVER saying something like that to someone who was trying to be kind to me...

Sorry, been a little burnt out from classes and wish I could give better advice, but that's all I got so far. You're more than welcome to PM me or leave a message for me if you need more help. INTJxENFP/INFP relationships get a bad rep sometimes, and it'd be nice to turn that around. We need more patient people, lol
 

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She has been rejecting my affections for a while now (please keep in mind that we're a relatively new couple). To expound, she doesn't like it when I say positive things about her or if I express my feelings for her. She says she finds the act "disgusting" and she gets somewhat peeved. Now, this would probably be fine with me if she hadn't of gotten very mad at me this morning for "not taking our relationship seriously". To me, this translated into: 'You're not showing me that you really care about me, etc.' and I told her that I do, in fact, care about the relationship and that I have tried to show this in a multitude of ways that she has rejected. She then stated that she didn't believe I was being honest about my affections. This makes no sense! Why would I lie?! She then stated that she was irritated that I didn't trust HER... I just got confused.

Next up, she said that she was tired of being in a relationship with me, but then she became even more emotional when I, in my confusion and irritation, didn't really act very disturbed by this new piece of information, at all. I damn near acted like I didn't care... Right after I did this, I realized that I made a mistake but I'm still lost as to why she would say "If you don't care about our relationship then why should I?" after saying that she "didn't care too much about our relationship." Also, it should be mentioned now that I tried talking to her as best as I could and I asked her if she still wanted to be a pair to which she replied "yes"... CONFUSING!

After our little duel we made up... somewhat... She said that she was no longer mad at me, but she seems even more distant now. I honestly think that something is bugging her - things she hasn't told me about - but I don't know what to do to help her remove those nuisances... I care about her emotional state and so, therefore, I don't care much for the state it's in, currently.

I need help understanding her. What am I doing wrong?
INFP's can get emotionally distant when they aren't feeling loved in return. She's said as much.

But the other thing I noticed is the confrontation you encountered.. That type tends to be very non-confrontational because it's painful to them. And when they are fighting, they say things they don't really mean. But they don't get to the fighting point-- they tend to hold things inside until they can't anymore, and then blow up!

So I'm guessing there is something you are doing frequently that is upsetting to her. It's something that will probably not be obvious to you as a thinker, but is hurtful to her (they are very sensitive and can feel attacked when one isn't meant). It could be things you say to her.. she'll act like they don't bother her until suddenly they do. PM me if you want more specific examples.
 
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