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[INTJ] INTJ and Flirting

6992 Views 58 Replies 25 Participants Last post by  MirrorSmile
Flirting? What is it? How does it work? What is the purpose? Do other INTJs do it? Do other types experience this with INTJs or do it with INTJs? I would like to know more about this subject of flirting. (The "INTJ and Dating" thread lead me to this idea, so I decided to start a new thread right here, right now.)

I have zero understanding of this concept of flirting.

It seems there is a crazy-flirting scale, as a certain type may have more craziness, they also have more flirting tendencies; that's all I have.
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I rarely flirt, but it can be fun. It's like a little game to go back and forth with. After a while I'm done with it, though, and would like some straight talk. The purpose is really just to go back and forth and see if you can get the other person to take the initiative.
That just makes me have lots more questions to this topic. For starters, why not just take the initiative instead of playing this game to hint at getting somebody else to take the initiative?

This is a very strange game. The only winning move seems to be not to play.
Because sometimes it's fun to see if I can get the other person to take the initiative and see what they'll do. Sometimes I'm not in any hurry so I'll have fun messing with someone and being messed with.

And no, that quote doesn't apply here. You don't lose merely by playing.
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Why is it "fun" to do this? It is plenty flattering just to be straightforward; now that would be fun with some blushing by just saying "I like you and I would like to get to know you more," just say it straight up. What's wrong with that? Socializing and small talk is difficult enough as it is; why not lighten the load is all I'm saying? I'm trying my best to understand this social concept.
Because it's a game. Games are fun. Seeing how much you can get someone to react through flirting with them.

I didn't say anything is wrong with it. If you want to be blunt, go for it. Socializing isn't hard, maybe for you it's hard. Small talk ain't hard either. Also, what's flattering to you isn't necessarily what's flattering for everyone else.

It's like when you go into a big battle. You don't commit your biggest pieces immediately, because you have no idea what the other commander has or will do, so if you do that immediately you can put yourself ina very dangerous situation and potentially one where you lose everything.

Same thing with flirting. You don't go all out immediately. You take your time and probe each other. There's no hurry.
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I like how you alluded into a commander of war. I like Command and Conquer and understand that part very well. You have to know what the other side behind the shroud has to offer as a retaliation. War is life and death with survival tactics. This is not life and death (you survive regardless of what happens), it is talking, so being straightforward with honest intentions should not have a downfall and should be encouraged and thus eliminating the "flirting" that would go on between people.

P.S. Command and Conquer is a true game, if it really does not work out or it seems doubtful you can save the game and try one tactic, if it fails, just load the game file and try a different tactic. Real life is not a game because you can't save it and redo it differently and socializing is not war with other people, one should be friendly and honest while socializing, if you treat socializing like war, that would make you very hostile.

P.P.S. If I say, "I like you and I would like to get to know you more," and the other person retaliates by saying "thank you, but I don't feel the same way," I will be more than happy to move onto somebody else and be very happy not to have wasted my precious time with that person; hence this would make the flirting paradigm insignificant and a complete waste of one's time. If the other person treats that statement likewise, then we can actually get to know each other more by talking about our own life and finding commonalities and that is a "date". From here on out, I've actually been much into the INTJ and dating thread very much.
Ok, first off, you don't know what the other side offers as retaliation. That's the whole point of flirting. You expose yourselves a little bit at a time and get comfortable and win each other over. The fact that you keep pushing being blunt and straightforward and talking as if flirting is a negative thing that everyone should eliminate just means this isn't really a discussion with open minds. You're stuck on your viewpoint and that's that. If you want to act like that, go for it, but don't act like flirting is some alien thing that you can never understand, and because you don't like it it must be a waste of time.

A 'true' game is one where you cannot load a save file. It's not a game if you can cheat. Who says flirting isn't friendly and honest?

You treat things as if time is so preciously limited that you should do everything to avoid wasting it. Sometimes, being relaxed brings you more opportunities than being focused on avoiding wasting time. You're focused on the end goal and wish to get there as quick as possible, so of course you wouldn't flirt.
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I've already said the goal of flirting. You're just not listening 'cus things are getting filtered through your need to have things your way.

This thread is basically just 'let me tell you how flirting is a waste of time, and wasting time is very bad'.
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