[Fern]

I've already said the goal of flirting. You're just not listening 'cus things are getting filtered through your need to have things your way.

This thread is basically just, let me tell you how flirting is a waste of time, and wasting time is very bad'.

Mr. OP has an agenda and, in actuality, may not even be an INTJ at all.
Ohhhh, I went there.

 

[Fern]

If I really like a girl, I will flirt with her no problem. If I have a crush on her, I might as well be invisible.

What is the distinction?
Is "really like" more in an attraction sense and "crush" implies that you have developed feelings for this person over a long period of time?
Regardless, I think I know what you mean

 

[Heyoka]

What is the distinction?
Is "really like" more in an attraction sense and "crush" implies that you have developed feelings for this person over a long period of time?
Regardless, I think I know what you mean

You got the definitions backwards, mate. A crush is an infatuation over someone that usually doesn't require much information about the person and usually ends in crushing heartache (hence the name crush) while "really liking someone" is someone I at least am acquainted with and really like them as a person.

 

[Fern]

You got the definitions backwards, mate. A crush is an infatuation over someone that usually doesn't require much information about the person and usually ends in crushing heartache (hence the name crush) while "really liking someone" is someone I at least am acquainted with and really like them as a person.

Ah, got'cha ;D

 

[Impavida]

In my opinion, it's a bit of a lost art and most people aren't very good at it. Most of the best flirting I've experienced comes from well-mannered, charming, old grandfatherly types (although it's possible that they're the only men who find me appealing).

Agreed, it's a lost art that's growing rarer every year. People take themselves way too seriously these days and flirting requires a level of lightheartedness that a lot of people seem to have lost.

So I understand that you have reasons for not being in a relationship with a certain person; there is some kind of a turn-off to that person and I understand that. But why do you flirt with them? And what do you mean by "safe"? Are you trying to be friends with them, if so, do you have trouble establishing a new-found friendship with people?

Man, I'm having more questions and confusion on this topic than when this thread started. It is hell inside my head right now while I try to justify this ill-conceived and illogical topic. I still don't know what the purpose of this flirting is. What is the initiative or goal of this "game," as everybody seems to put it? Games are supposed to have rules and objectives; so what are the rules of this "game" and what are the objectives of this "game" of flirting? I think that is my best question and I hope somebody can answer it for me.

I explained "safe" in my original post - it's someone who there's no chance of having a relationship with. When there's no chance that someone will misinterpret my intentions, I can go to town and enjoy the sparring without worrying about what message I'm sending.

I flirt with them because it's fun. I am already friends, or at least on friendly terms, with these people. I will also flirt with new people as a way of sizing them up. It's a fast and easy way to figure out if they have both a brain and a sense of humour.

As to the rest of your questions - they've been answered, repeatedly. If you're still unclear, a 2-second Google search will fill in the blanks for you.

 

[Redacted]

I love flirting. I love the word play, banter, verbal teasing, and innuendo. It's a fun game.

When I'm romantically interested in someone I tend to be a lot more direct, although I do occasionally flirt to get a read on their interest levels before going with the direct approach.

Generally though, flirting is something I tend to do with people who are "safe" - where for whatever reason there is no real chance of a relationship or dating scenario. It's usually a co-worker, another woman, a male friend with whom there is no romantic interest, or someone who is substantially older/younger to the point where a relationship is impractical.

Absolutely - Its some socially sanctioned fun, probably even required in some circumstances. Though, I am of the sort where I wouldn't know if someone was flirting with me if there was a huge bag of it burning on my front porch, and I often don't realize it until later. Much later. On the order of years. And that's only if it comes up in conversation:

Me: "That was a good party..."
Wife: "Yeah it was! Remember when K____ was putting the moves on you? I was laughing so hard...(snicker, snicker)"
Me (confused): "...wut?"
Wife (kinda confused, mostly amused): "Remember? K____ was following you around all night...kept grabbing you by the back pocket on your pants... R____ kept butting in so she could try and get in on the action... There was even a pool going to see who was going to get some lip action first - that's how I got that fifty bucks..."
Me (more confused): "...wut?"
Wife (more amused): "You really didn't see that? Any of it? At all?"
Me (increasingly confused): "...wut?"
Wife (increasingly amused): "So, riddle me this - did you ever know that I was flirting with you when we met?"
Me (ridiculously confused): "...wut?"
Wife (walking out of the room, ridiculously amused): "I love you..."
Me (just confused): "...wut?"

You take your time and probe each other. There's no hurry.

I have about a hundred responses to this - and yet, just cannot find the words...

 

[Zero One]

If I really put my brain into it I can do it, but afterwards I'll feel pretty exhausted and tired. It's just not something I can do easily.

 

[MarioAndLuigi]

When I say flirting is a very vague action, I mean one person might intend to converse with another and the other person thinks, he's flirting with me, when he's not; it's just a conversation. Flirting is a mixed message. I hope I have achieved some understanding on this flirting concept.

 

[Delilah]

I can tell with flirting from non INTJs because there is a "sexual vibe" to it. With INTJs, there is no evidence. It's extremely difficult to tell, damnit.

@Fern - what is this?? Fern-ENTJ

Not INFJ afterall? :sad:

 

[MarioAndLuigi]

Absolutely - Its some socially sanctioned fun, probably even required in some circumstances. Though, I am of the sort where I wouldn't know if someone was flirting with me if there was a huge bag of it burning on my front porch, and I often don't realize it until later. Much later. On the order of years. And that's only if it comes up in conversation:

Me: "That was a good party..."
Wife: "Yeah it was! Remember when K____ was putting the moves on you? I was laughing so hard...(snicker, snicker)"
Me (confused): "...wut?"
Wife (kinda confused, mostly amused): "Remember? K____ was following you around all night...kept grabbing you by the back pocket on your pants... R____ kept butting in so she could try and get in on the action... There was even a pool going to see who was going to get some lip action first - that's how I got that fifty bucks..."
Me (more confused): "...wut?"
Wife (more amused): "You really didn't see that? Any of it? At all?"
Me (increasingly confused): "...wut?"
Wife (increasingly amused): "So, riddle me this - did you ever know that I was flirting with you when we met?"
Me (ridiculously confused): "...wut?"
Wife (walking out of the room, ridiculously amused): "I love you..."
Me (just confused): "...wut?"




I have about a hundred responses to this - and yet, just cannot find the words...

Yes, exactly! That's what I mean by flirting is an extremely vague action! It has no rhyme nor reason.

 

[Delilah]

Yes, exactly! That's what I mean by flirting is an extremely vague action! It has no rhyme nor reason.

It is quite obvious if you know what to look for.

 

[Fern]

I can tell with flirting from non INTJs because there is a "sexual vibe" to it. With INTJs, there is no evidence. It's extremely difficult to tell, damnit.

@Fern - what is this?? Fern-ENTJ

Not INFJ afterall? :sad:

I don't know what I am... I'm a freak-don't look at me!!

 

[Delilah]

I don't know what I am... I'm a freak-don't look at me!!

LOL. I wanted to claim you as an INFJ. Sigh.

I've wondered if i'm ENTJ, INFP, ENFP, blahblah too. I seem to fit a whole lot of them, but the cognitive functions help, eh

 

[Fern]

LOL. I wanted to claim you as an INFJ. Sigh.

I've wondered if i'm ENTJ, INFP, ENFP, blahblah too. I seem to fit a whole lot of them, but the cognitive functions help, eh

I will not be chained!!

The cognitive functions help in that I know I use Ni and I recognize the weak Se accounts (being noticeably overwhelmed in art museums, overstimulated by visuals, etc.) , and I used iNi a whole lot in childhood... but I was so unempathetic, I don't think I could be an INFJ :/ Type is about recognizing strengths and weaknesses after all! And "Please tell me all about your day" is hardly in my vocabulary...

 

[Delilah]

The cognitive functions help in that I know I use Ni and I recognize the weak Se accounts (being noticeably overwhelmed in art museums, overstimulated by visuals, etc.) , and I used iNi a whole lot in childhood... but I was so unempathetic, I don't think I could be an INFJ :/ Type is about recognizing strengths and weaknesses after all! And "Please tell me all about your day" is hardly in my vocabulary...

Yah, growing up I had the empathy of a... well, INTJ (sorry guys). :laughing: INFJs are often mischaracterised as unicorn loving feely-lala types, but I haven't found this to be true when learning about INFJ more thoroughly. We also hate small talk FYI.

When i ask people about their day, i'm not *really* asking them about their day. :ninja:

Also, you're enneagram 8. "The challenger" - more controlling/assertive/less feely than other types.

So, there, have some more confusion.

 

[lilysocks]

I don't know what I am... I'm a freak-don't look at me!!

oh god. do you realise i clicked on that link, and now i won't be able to sleep for three nights?

this is what i get for hanging around in a 'flirting' convo.

 

[Fern]

oh god. do you realise i clicked on that link, and now i won't be able to sleep for three nights?

this is what i get for hanging around in a 'flirting' convo.

I'm sorry :sad:...
Bit of trivia if you are interested in more sleepless nights: It is from the 2003 horror film Mama, featuring the lovely & talented Jessica Chastain.

Here are pictures of rabbits! Nothing bad can happen with rabbits around!

 

[lilysocks]

I'm sorry :sad:...
Bit of trivia if you are interested in more sleepless nights: It is from the 2003 horror film Mama, featuring the lovely & talented Jessica Chastain.

Here are pictures of rabbits! Nothing bad can happen with rabbits around!

sure. go tell that to buffy.

can i trust these links?

okay, yes. those were insanely cute. now i'm going to bed.

 

[ilythia]

Flirting? What is it? How does it work? What is the purpose? Do other INTJs do it? Do other types experience this with INTJs or do it with INTJs? I would like to know more about this subject of flirting. (The "INTJ and Dating" thread lead me to this idea, so I decided to start a new thread right here, right now.)

I have zero understanding of this concept of flirting.

It seems there is a crazy-flirting scale, as a certain type may have more craziness, they also have more flirting tendencies; that's all I have.

Strangely enough, now that I do think about it, I do flirt -- methodically and with purpose.

Like if I've gone for a long time without complimenting or flirting with my partner (ISFJ), a subconscious alarm would go off in my head like "RING RING FLIRT FLIRT" in order to maintain the relationship. Then I would go to my partner and say how handsome he is and how I appreciate his being so wonderful, then add a wink or so. Then he'd feel nice and I'd have some 23443 seconds again before I should flirt with him once more. LOL

Or, if I need to achieve a primary goal and have to flirt with someone in order to achieve it, I flirt. It's one of those things you can learn given enough time and effort. I also read books on seduction, body language, all that stuff.

 

[Redacted]

It is quite obvious if you know what to look for.

...says the woman...

Female Redditors: Due to the popularity of the "Male Redditors: What hints flew over your head..." Thread. What are hints that you think are obvious that Men sometimes don't respond to? : AskReddit

Male Redditors: What hints have girls given you that flew over your head and you now deeply regret? What's your worst "Oh, she wasn't actually inviting me over for coffee at 2am" moment? : AskReddit