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Hello all. Emotional rampage here.
I dated/hung out with an INTJ for close to 8 months, every couple of weeks.
Since the beginning, I knew and he was very clear about it that he was not happy with his job and would leave the area anytime soon. Every couple of months, I'd hear this from him. I was guarded, but could not help it, I felt feelings. We never spoke about being in a relationship, I truly dint care to label it. For the first time, I was with someone who did not want validation from me about my feelings, ask me for more of my time or complain about lack of intimacy. It was great, so peaceful, especially considering both our lives are very hectic and stressful. Being with him was like going to an island away from my life. I admired a lot of his traits, and learnt new things that I now obsess over.

Two times, I in early 4th month or so, where I panicked a bit and I said that I wanted to leave, asked if he still wanted me in his life, that him leaving anytime soon got to me. He said no, don't leave, and so I was satisfied. My attachment/commitment issues, I suppose. Other than complimenting our beautiful bodies, we did not exchange affections verbally. But, I felt lot of pity for him since I do exactly what I want to at work, and he was v unsatisfied about his tasks. I tried to be supportive, dunno if I was truly.

A month plus few weeks passed without us meeting, in the meanwhile I concluded I did not matter to him much, he was getting distant, which is probably untrue but I convinced myself so. He made a few mistakes that hurt me, I did not complain so he din't know. I was happy to be friends with benefits, and would deal with the fallout in my head later. Live in the moment I thought, he makes me feel calm.

When we finally met, and were hanging out, I asked if it was okay I stayed over, he had initiated it, but I needed an answer. In my head, I need to hear this out loud, to confirm I am not taking too much time or space, because I always wonder if I overstay my welcome. He said he dint care (he was simply sleepy), but in that moment I ran away from his place, and then went back, I guess the running put some sense into me.
The next day, I recited an incident at work, in a conversation regarding my status, I told my colleagues I don't have a bf. I had felt deep guilt about this, mixed thoughts and emotions, and brought it up with great difficulty. He said it was obviously a relationship, that we were dating. (I truly have no fucking clue what dating or being in a relationship means in the western world. And I had left my previous relationships thinking I had no idea what I was doing with that person) That we'd reevaluate when needed, he failed to mention to me before I asked him, that he had planned (again) to move away within two months. I was pleasantly surprised, but noticed he was uneasy. I felt great unease too about the moving away news but also very glad deep inside, that this cutie is my partner, I thought.

Within a week, I had a huge win at work, after years of stress and toil. I wanted to share it with the one person. But he hadn't responded or was just his usual self, if I may say so.
In my great joy, I got very drunk. Had a conversation with my best friend, who does not fail to joke at my failed relationships and joked about this lover in ways that struck me hard. I admit I complained I had no fucking idea if he has any feelings for me. His uneasy reaction came back to my thoughts, and I spiraled, I do not handle alcohol well, I'm just a drunkard, still deeply grieving the loss of my father. I texted I wanted out, and that I'd like to exchange stuff. This was a lie, I think my psyche just wanted to be validated again. He said ok, and that was it. It was over for him. I did not know he considered this a breakup until that evening when I did go to see him, not to exchange stuff, but to give him a certain something I had made for him. Everything in my head went haywire. I tried to tell him, that I wanted him and it was my simply my instinct to run away and that I dint want to. Too late.

I tried to explain the next couple days, that I had weaknesses and I had slipped up, that I communicate the opposite of what I truly feel. His response was a flat no, but we could be platonic. I went back and forth on this, I was reeling hard trying to understand, apologised etc. Did not budge. I thought I had hurt his feelings, so I apologised more. Until he mentioned me being fun until I emotionally ramapage. This is strange, coz we never argued or fought. I have only emotionally rampaged about other people who I have disagreements with at work, but yes I did and showed him this side of me, which I do not to even friends. But I consider my emotions my biggest weakness and so, I accepted this as a valid reason, and stopped trying to explain myself.

He continued to respond to my texts next few weeks which were our generic conversation material, until he stopped last week.

My mind is still reeling, and this lump in my throat is bigger than ever. I know I initiated it, but I feel dumped and in a ditch.
How did he let go in a matter of hours, I have over analyzed this shit in the last four weeks. Why did he not tell me my rampages (there were three) about my colleagues were annoying.
Why do I need to understand this? Why do I think that I should run away if I have any sort of good feelings for someone?
Why doesn't my brain accept this end and move on already? Why cant I handle this karma, I think I deserve this pain, considering my prev breakups. Why does my mind still have hope, after being rejected thus? Why do I keep ruminating, talking to him in my head, wanting to keep sharing my random shit with him? Why cannot I accept he is basically being as big an asshole as I was when I claimed I wanted to fuck off? Why do I feel no anger at him? Why won't he see that it was simply a misunderstanding, and ask me to hang out again? I miss his (virtual) presence and companionship quite a bit.
I'm writing this here, for a change, I want to accept and understand my emotions, stop bottling them until some dam bursts or other triggers. Gimme good critique folk, if you had the patience to read this dumb stuff. I am an unhealthy INTP. I refuse to show my emotions to my people, so talking to friends will not help. I pretend I am fucking fine. But I am not, and self-pity is a humungous waste of time. i would like to singularly focus on my shit again. Help me see the light. Or nvm, this shit just sucks and will pass. Sigh.
 

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It sounds to me like it was more or less headed towards that direction anyways, with him moving away. If he had planned to keep the relationship despite the added distance, it would have been discussed—some compromise or meet-up plans should have been at least mentioned. That he took the break-up so readily and refused to remedy that “mistake” on your part after your drunken episode tells me he wanted the break-up anyway. It was a flat out no.

Also, you say there weren’t concrete confirmations of how you both felt about each other romantically. I’m not sure about that—I like making things clear. In fact, I’d need it to be clear. Romance is hard enough as it is without extra guesswork. Not that INTJs cannot play around or get into undefined or physical-only relationships at all, but it points to how seriously the relationship is taken at least.
 

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I can only concur with Miharu.
If the interest in a relationship was serious -- there'd have been talks to meet, compromises made or otherwise.
Same thing goes for expressing your romantic feelings towards each other, I'd assume.
Much like above, I hate uncertainty in those kind of things.
 

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I am really sorry to hear you've gone through so much stress. It sounds like it was doomed from the start when you partner made it clear they did not intend to stay around. I hope your next relationship is with someone who is eager to be with you and shows you the kindness/respect you deserve.
 
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