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INTJ-ISTJ relationships-do you see this happening?

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Hello!!

I am a lover of ISTJs wondering how I can snag one!!!!! I am an INTJ and I had a huge crush on an ISTJ in high school. I LOVE
-their quiet reservation
-dedication
-intelligence
-earthiness

and many other things... I know that type isnt everything but this is a type forum so....ISTJs-would you go for an INTJ ?:proud:
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While I can't (and won't) speak for anyone else in the ISTJ camp, I find your post to be amusing because while I don't know many INTJ's, the confirmed ones I HAVE met have always intrigued me :laughing: :crazy:
Hello!!

I am a lover of ISTJs wondering how I can snag one!!!!! I am an INTJ and I had a huge crush on an ISTJ in high school. I LOVE
-their quiet reservation
-dedication
-intelligence
-earthiness

and many other things... I know that type isnt everything but this is a type forum so....ISTJs-would you go for an INTJ ?:proud:
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I can definitely see it happening. Like any relationship, this one has the potential to work as well. Depends really on the people and other factors such as communication, understanding each other, etc.

The two are very similar and alike thus giving rise to the understanding each other to a significant degree and yet are different in many ways which might serve well as having some differences is a good thing. I know many INTJ and ISTJ's are friends so going one step further shouldn't be that shocking.
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Yes, it CAN happen and it CAN work. It generally is not great idea as we are so similar. You can expect a generally calm, quiet, and understanding relationship with plenty of time alone for individual pursuits. You can also expect a tendency to grow apart if the relationship is not tended on a very regular basis--both of you need to make time to create similar interests and things that you can do together. You will have a bit of conflict through your different thinking styles and you can also expect that you will find yourself at an impasse from time to time, as both individuals tend to be rigid and not too willing to compromise.
Interesting combo. I only know one INTJ and we get along great since we are so similar, but we can butt head sometimes because we are both stubborn in our thinking styles. But, I suppose any relationship can work if both individuals are interested in what the other has to offer. My SO is an ISTP and even though the NFP types are supposedly more compatible for ISTJs I get along better with him than I do most NFPs. So, I am learning that compatibility is all about personal preference and if the ISTJ is interested in INTJ qualities, then why couldn't it work out?
It can work, but they are likely to grow apart and end up room mates that happen to be married to each other.
Interesting combo. I only know one INTJ and we get along great since we are so similar, but we can butt head sometimes because we are both stubborn in our thinking styles. But, I suppose any relationship can work if both individuals are interested in what the other has to offer. My SO is an ISTP and even though the NFP types are supposedly more compatible for ISTJs I get along better with him than I do most NFPs. So, I am learning that compatibility is all about personal preference and if the ISTJ is interested in INTJ qualities, then why couldn't it work out?
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How do you know? Is it because they are so similar? Which type, then, would an ISTJ not grow apart with and end up like roommate? and why is this?
It can work, but they are likely to grow apart and end up room mates that happen to be married to each other.
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'Cuz I'm old and have been able to know and watch a lot of couples as their relationships progress. How we gather and organize data is our primary difference. If we are at similar levels in our other preferences (IXTJ), then there is not a lot, outside of our shared values and biological differences to hold our interest in the relationship. IMO, the direction of our energy (E vs. I) is a big factor in determining our long term satisfaction with the relationship. Similarly, I believe our outlook on handling of day to day events (P vs. J) is a big indicator of the amount of conflict we can expect to experience in a relationship.
How do you know? Is it because they are so similar? Which type, then, would an ISTJ not grow apart with and end up like roommate? and why is this?
Thank you for sharing your personal wisdom. Can you elaborate on how you mean the direction of our energy determines the satisfaction as well as the P vs. J observation? i.e. Do you mean that if we have to same energies with our cognitive functions? or Extroverts go best with extroverts?, etc.
'Cuz I'm old and have been able to know and watch a lot of couples as their relationships progress. How we gather and organize data is our primary difference. If we are at similar levels in our other preferences (IXTJ), then there is not a lot, outside of our shared values and biological differences to hold our interest in the relationship. IMO, the direction of our energy (E vs. I) is a big factor in determining our long term satisfaction with the relationship. Similarly, I believe our outlook on handling of day to day events (P vs. J) is a big indicator of the amount of conflict we can expect to experience in a relationship.
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I personally wouldn't go for an INTJ because I usually end up getting hurt by them. But maybe it's because my T preference isn't that high or my F preference is pretty high (or whatever). Maybe it's my own personal values. I think a relationship of any type can work as long as you are both willing to put effort into it. You can try it and see how well it works out for you.
The direction of energy is derived from our primary function and deals with extroversion vs. introversion. It is best for romantic relationships if this preference is about equal distance from the center on the extroversion-introversion continuum, but in opposite directions.

The judging-perceiving preference is where many conflicts between marriage partners occur. The perceiver is looking for additional input, keeping their options open, while the judger is looking for more control of various facets of their life by seeking closure.

HTH
Thank you for sharing your personal wisdom. Can you elaborate on how you mean the direction of our energy determines the satisfaction as well as the P vs. J observation? i.e. Do you mean that if we have to same energies with our cognitive functions? or Extroverts go best with extroverts?, etc.
yes, this helps thanks. I was looking more for an example of which types you mean by this, if possible. I am curious to know.
The direction of energy is derived from our primary function and deals with extroversion vs. introversion. It is best for romantic relationships if this preference is about equal distance from the center on the extroversion-introversion continuum, but in opposite directions.

The judging-perceiving preference is where many conflicts between marriage partners occur. The perceiver is looking for additional input, keeping their options open, while the judger is looking for more control of various facets of their life by seeking closure.

HTH
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Well, this is a little more difficult to explain as it depends on where your personal preferences tend to fall on the continuum for each type preference. Let's take just one preference as an example and you can compare the others from there. We will use E vs. I for our discussion and myself as an example.

Notice my signature. You see the E vs. I preference on the graph indicates that I personally prefer introversion at a rate of about 95%. Now this varies, depending on several factors, such as my honesty when answering the questions, the quality of the test questions, and my understanding of the questions, to name the primary factors. However, over the years, I have consistently tested in the 80-100% range for this preference. Also, in my signature, you can see the center line which shows the break point of 0% in the E vs. I preference.

What I have been saying is that it is best if I were to be married to someone that is extroverted about the same amount that I am introverted...so that ideally my spouse would be extroverted about as much as I am introverted. In my case, this is true as SWMBO also typically scores around 80-100% extroversion on MBTI questionnaires. This is important because it helps us strike a balance between the extremes of our personality.

However, in our example, let's assume that SWMBO only scored 20-40% in her MBTI scores on extroversion preference. She would then likely be less attracted to someone with my extreme introversion preference. Should she marry someone with my extreme introversion preference, she would likely find a vague drain in our life together over time, as my extreme introversion need would likely inhibit her from seeking more extroverted stimuli. Once married you tend to do things together and stronger preferences from a spouse usually aren't seen as wrong for you, but over time can show up as a vague uneasiness as needs are not being met. Sometimes we can adjust to this with each side giving in as necessary to make the relationship work, but many times we don't adjust enough and this causes a bit tug of war or that vague uneasiness which I referenced earlier.

I hope that explains what I meant by our need for balance from our spouse in our preferences. This can be generally applied to the first three preferences (E/I, N/S, F/T), without much problem. There will be conflicts due to these differences in preference, but usually these differences are recognized by the couples for what they are: balance to our weaknesses. Ultimately, we are seeking balance to our personality in our spouse, with the ideal balance being struck at 0% for any of the preferences.

In dealing with J vs. P preference, we are still seeking balance, but it is easier to see our way as right and the other person's preference as wrong. This preference deals with how we deal with everyday life events and circumstances and our basic methods of operation. So we can easily marry someone that has the same preference in this category and make it work. In fact, having the same direction of this preference can eliminate a lot of conflicts early on. It is a natural part of the aging process that this becomes less pronounced in our actual approach to life, although our preference will remain the same. Meaning: I may still prefer judging at 100%, but I have enough maturity to actually operate out of a more perceiving position, as the circumstances dictate.

How aging impacts this preference can be compared to rocks in a river. When a rock is first thrown into a river, it will have many sharp edges. As time progresses, the flow of the river slowly wears away all of the rough edges until the rock is smooth on all sides. Similarly, this river of life smooths our J vs. P preference so that as we mature, it is still our preference, but we more easily adapt to someone with a different preference. That is why you see so many older couples are able to remarry after the death of a spouse, seemingly making it work without much effort. Their personalities are very different, but their maturity in dealing with this J vs. P preference allows them to work through the differences in their personality without as much conflict as they would have had as a younger person.

So to wrap up a long post, it is best to marry opposites in the first three preferences. Not only opposite in preference, but in degree of preference. It is best to marry someone that has a similar preference as you do in the J vs. P preference. However, you CAN marry any type and make it work, but the farther you are from what I've outlined here will be reflected in the amount of work it takes to make the marriage enjoyable for both parties.

*Disclaimer: The opinions expressed are not necessarily those of the management of this station. This is not intended as a replacement for professional counseling or professional legal advice. Your mileage may vary. Prices shown are for comparison only and do not include taxes, fees, or destination charges. Batteries not included. Some assembly required. See dealer for details.
yes, this helps thanks. I was looking more for an example of which types you mean by this, if possible. I am curious to know.
Nice disclaimer. That was a good read BTW.

Also, Niss, you are relentless with keeping up with this forum.
lol at the disclaimer. Thanks again for offering your insight. I appreciate the thought you put into that. That explanation was very clear. So, theoretically then, (according to your personal experience) our best type would be someone like an ENFJ given than we were a hardcore ISTJ?
Yes, I would believe that they make a great match for ISTJs. Of course, they are rare and that means that someone would be left without a seat when the music stopped if we based our entire decision to marry on this alone. So, thankfully, all types can marry and make a go of it with a little more work.:cool:
lol at the disclaimer. Thanks again for offering your insight. I appreciate the thought you put into that. That explanation was very clear. So, theoretically then, (according to your personal experience) our best type would be someone like an ENFJ given than we were a hardcore ISTJ?
Hmmmm. ESFJ you say? Excellent. A new type to go read about.:laughing:

I wish people walked around with their 4 letters above their head. I would like to meet an INTJ. I poked around in the INTJ forums for a while and it seemed like an interesting place. I couldn't see a real difference in the way they posted when compared to ISTJs. Seemed very similar.

Sidenote: Whatever happened to that nice INTJ that used to lurk here?:mellow:
Interesting, thanks for your feedback!
Yes, I would believe that they make a great match for ISTJs. Of course, they are rare and that means that someone would be left without a seat when the music stopped if we based our entire decision to marry on this alone. So, thankfully, all types can marry and make a go of it with a little more work.:cool:
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It was ENFJ, but ESFJ could work, too.

That would be interesting. Especially since some folks have such difficulty typing themselves!

Oh, you mean MLBH. She is still in my friends list, but she doesn't get onto PerC much any more.
Hmmmm. ESFJ you say? Excellent. A new type to go read about.:laughing:

I wish people walked around with their 4 letters above their head. I would like to meet an INTJ. I poked around in the INTJ forums for a while and it seemed like an interesting place. I couldn't see a real difference in the way they posted when compared to ISTJs. Seemed very similar.

Sidenote: Whatever happened to that nice INTJ that used to lurk here?:mellow:
Yeah, but it is drawing to a close.
Also, Niss, you are relentless with keeping up with this forum.
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