yes, this helps thanks. I was looking more for an example of which types you mean by this, if possible. I am curious to know.
Well, this is a little more difficult to explain as it depends on where your personal preferences tend to fall on the continuum for each type preference. Let's take just one preference as an example and you can compare the others from there. We will use E vs. I for our discussion and myself as an example.
Notice my signature. You see the E vs. I preference on the graph indicates that I personally prefer introversion at a rate of about 95%. Now this varies, depending on several factors, such as my honesty when answering the questions, the quality of the test questions, and my understanding of the questions, to name the primary factors. However, over the years, I have consistently tested in the 80-100% range for this preference. Also, in my signature, you can see the center line which shows the break point of 0% in the E vs. I preference.
What I have been saying is that it is best if I were to be married to someone that is extroverted about the same amount that I am introverted...so that ideally my spouse would be extroverted about as much as I am introverted. In my case, this is true as SWMBO also typically scores around 80-100% extroversion on MBTI questionnaires. This is important because it helps us strike a balance between the extremes of our personality.
However, in our example, let's assume that SWMBO only scored 20-40% in her MBTI scores on extroversion preference. She would then likely be less attracted to someone with my extreme introversion preference. Should she marry someone with my extreme introversion preference, she would likely find a vague drain in our life together over time, as my extreme introversion need would likely inhibit her from seeking more extroverted stimuli. Once married you tend to do things together and stronger preferences from a spouse usually aren't seen as wrong for you, but over time can show up as a vague uneasiness as needs are not being met. Sometimes we can adjust to this with each side giving in as necessary to make the relationship work, but many times we don't adjust enough and this causes a bit tug of war or that vague uneasiness which I referenced earlier.
I hope that explains what I meant by our need for balance from our spouse in our preferences. This can be generally applied to the first three preferences (E/I, N/S, F/T), without much problem. There will be conflicts due to these differences in preference, but usually these differences are recognized by the couples for what they are: balance to our weaknesses. Ultimately, we are seeking balance to our personality in our spouse, with the ideal balance being struck at 0% for any of the preferences.
In dealing with J vs. P preference, we are still seeking balance, but it is easier to see our way as right and the other person's preference as wrong. This preference deals with how we deal with everyday life events and circumstances and our basic methods of operation. So we can easily marry someone that has the same preference in this category and make it work. In fact, having the same direction of this preference can eliminate a lot of conflicts early on. It is a natural part of the aging process that this becomes less pronounced in our actual approach to life, although our preference will remain the same. Meaning: I may still
prefer judging at 100%, but I have enough maturity to actually operate out of a more perceiving position, as the circumstances dictate.
How aging impacts this preference can be compared to rocks in a river. When a rock is first thrown into a river, it will have many sharp edges. As time progresses, the flow of the river slowly wears away all of the rough edges until the rock is smooth on all sides. Similarly, this river of life smooths our J vs. P preference so that as we mature, it is still our preference, but we more easily adapt to someone with a different preference. That is why you see so many older couples are able to remarry after the death of a spouse, seemingly making it work without much effort. Their personalities are very different, but their maturity in dealing with this J vs. P preference allows them to work through the differences in their personality without as much conflict as they would have had as a younger person.
So to wrap up a long post, it is best to marry opposites in the first three preferences. Not only opposite in preference, but in degree of preference. It is best to marry someone that has a similar preference as you do in the J vs. P preference. However, you CAN marry any type and make it work, but the farther you are from what I've outlined here will be reflected in the amount of work it takes to make the marriage enjoyable for both parties.
*Disclaimer: The opinions expressed are not necessarily those of the management of this station. This is not intended as a replacement for professional counseling or professional legal advice. Your mileage may vary. Prices shown are for comparison only and do not include taxes, fees, or destination charges. Batteries not included. Some assembly required. See dealer for details.
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